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IBM "Invents" 40-Minute Meetings

Posted by CmdrTaco on from the that's-a-great-idea dept.

theodp writes "On Thursday, the USPTO disclosed that self-described patent reform leader IBM wants a patent covering its System and Method for Enhancing Productivity. So what exactly have the four IBM inventors — including two Distinguished Engineers — come up with? In a nutshell, the invention consists of not permitting business meetings to be scheduled for a full hour during certain parts of the day. From the application: 'The observation is that if an hour were shorter, by a small amount, we would be more focused, and accomplish the same amount of work, but in less real time, thereby increasing productivity.'" I just knew someone would one up my 43-minute-meeting patent. That's why I've already begun intense R&D on my latest invention: the 37-minute meeting! Register early for an early-bird discount. Register even earlier for more of one.

14 of 161 comments (clear)

  1. Mine Mine by nausea_malvarma · · Score: 2, Funny

    I call 41 minute meetings. Nobody can have a meeting for 41 minutes because I already invented that.

    1. Re:Mine Mine by Burkin · · Score: 2, Funny

      I patented the 41 minute and 1 second meeting. You better make sure not to infringe my patent!

    2. Re:Mine Mine by LaskoVortex · · Score: 5, Funny

      I patented the non-meeting. All group communication is now done by text messaging or twitter. Productivity jumped 140%.

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      Just callin' it like I see it.
    3. Re:Mine Mine by houghi · · Score: 2, Funny

      I had almost the same idea. I just used facebook instead of text messaging and twitter. Productivity dropped by 140%.

      --
      Don't fight for your country, if your country does not fight for you.
  2. Re:And The Loser Is... by nausea_malvarma · · Score: 5, Funny

    You're too late. I already patented lemon-patent awards.

  3. Seems resonable by nixdroid · · Score: 5, Funny

    I'm pretty sure that IBM invented meetings, so why not?

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    -- Consensus - 50% probability that the majority are wrong.
  4. Could IBM Engineers be trolling for Slashdotters? by djl4570 · · Score: 2, Funny

    I am incredulous at this patent. When you get to [49] you realize you've been reading bloviated shaggy dog joke. Could IBM have a few smartass Slashdotters working in Engineering? My last thought is some engineers in between projects needed to work on something and this was it.

  5. WTF?...Let's do the Time Warp again!!! by rts008 · · Score: 2, Funny

    'The observation is that if an hour were shorter, by a small amount, we would be more focused, and accomplish the same amount of work, but in less real time, thereby increasing productivity.'"

    [my emphasis]

    This could have only come from some PHB/MBA marketdroid.

    My bad! Maybe they are asking to be thrown into the event horizon of a black hole???

    We have sacrificed many things to achieve IP(Imaginary Property) as a viable 'business model', but trying to redefine physics to artificially 'manipulate' time is just too much for anyone with more than a shoe-size IQ!

    Or has Physical Sciences/Quantum Physics been redefined and subverted to become part of the MBA curriculum for PHB's?
    Solutions?
    In the time honored /. tradition, I propose:

    We need to exhume all of our deceased scientists, wrap them in wire, and re-bury them inside of a magnetic coil==end of 'free energy' problem.
    Damn, wrong format...correction:
    revised
    1. exhume and 'wire-wrap' all scientists, and re-bury inside of magnetic coil.
    2. connect 'wired scientists' to MBA curriclum
    3. ????
    4. Profit!!! with unlimited 'free energy!!!'

    This has to be the saddest thing I have seen in quite some time...for it to be entertainable enough to actually make it to the 'front page' of anywhere, including /., to link to it!

     

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  6. What about 6 minute abs? by gnix.geo · · Score: 2, Funny

    No...not six, I said seven. No one's coming up with six. Who works out is six minutes? You won't even get your heart going, not even a mouse on a wheel. Sevens the key number here. Think about it. Seven doors. Seven-Eleven. Seven. Seven little chipmunks twirling on a branch, eatin' lots of sunflowers on my uncle's ranch. You know that old children's tale from the sea. It's like you're dreamin' of gorgonzola when it's clearly bree time baby. Step into my office...cuz you're fuckin' fired!

  7. Re:And The Loser Is... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    You're too late. I already patented lemon-patent awards.

    Congratulations! You win the first one!

  8. THE BEST way to fight this by linhares · · Score: 3, Funny

    is to expose by updating their wikipedia page, seriously, calmly, with proper references. That's what I'll be spending the next minutes on. See ya

  9. Re:I'm gonna patent the.. by notseamus · · Score: 3, Funny

    How apt, considering your username

    --
    I dreamed of Freud: What does this mean?
  10. Re:And The Loser Is... by syzler · · Score: 5, Funny

    I thought the USPO already had a system like this in place and the award is called a patent.

  11. Can apply this thinking elsewhere by bakes · · Score: 2, Funny

    The same thinking can be applied elsewhere - the first thing that comes to mind is television shows. A full 1 hour show sees me either dozing off or losing interest. If they could shorten the show to... I dunno... maybe 43-46 minutes, I would find it much easier to pay attention all the way through.

    Sure, they would have to cut out some of the current content, but I'm sure these clever television people could find a way to make that work.

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