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Sedate Your Kids While They Play
If your child won't sit still at the dentist, the doctor, or the kitchen table, you need the PediSedate Helmet. The device consisting of a colorful headset that connects to a game component or a portable CD player. After a snorkel attachment goes into the child's mouth, the helmet will monitor respiratory function and distribute nitrous oxide or anesthetic gas. The company website states, "The child comfortably becomes sedated while playing with a Nintendo Game Boy system or listening to music. This dramatically improves the hospital or dental experience for the child, parents and healthcare providers."
Do they make an adult model? Where's my checkbook....
Is CE marked, UL listed, and Pedobear approved!
It's a joke.
I think.
I hope.
God, don't let this be true.
Knowledge is power. Knowledge shared is power lost.
Bender: And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?
Finally, a way to add some challenge to older games!
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I would take more of a compromise tack. Instead of opening a can of whoop-ass on your little delinquent, or using some wishy washy sedation on them, I suggest heroin*. It's both soothing and hardcore.
Also, a benefit of being their drug dealer is that you can cut them off when they have been naughty. It's a great disciplinary tactic, at least until they are big enough to commit drug-related crime to get more.
You can also ensure that your kids have only the purest and safest (relatively) dosages and that they use clean needles too!
This message brought to you by the Afghan Agricultural Council.
* Heroin may be habit-forming. Be sure to consult the Internet before usage.
Dr. Foster: Would you please tell your son to stop?
Ned's Dad: We can't do it, man! That's discipline! That's like tellin' Gene Krupa not to go [starts banging on the desk] "boom boom bam bam bam, boom boom bam bam bam, boom boom boom bam ba ba ba ba, da boo boo tss!" We don't believe in rules, like, we gave them up when we started livin' like freaky beatniks!
Dr. Foster: You don't believe in rules, yet you want to control Ned's anger.
Ned's Mom: Yeah. You gotta help us, Doc. We've tried nothin' and we're all out of ideas.
Simpsons, "Hurricane Neddy"
If you're not comfortable with heroin, I'd like to recommend meth! It's got the added advantage of encouraging your children to clean your house and themselves! Citation. Plus, when they're not actually on it they can hum the song that's almost as addicting as the substance itself!
You are using English. Please learn the difference between loose and lose; they're, there, and their; your and you're.
holy crap! You hands are huge too! and why the hell is my tea kettle falling asleep? I'm not sitting on it.
Belief? Hope? Preference?The Existential Vortex