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Sorry For the Detainment, Here's a Laptop

Posted by samzenpus on from the fair-is-fair dept.

A select group of 17 Uighur Muslims held in Guantánamo, and waiting for a nation to grant them asylum are getting laptops and web training from the US military. Their web training will take place in a virtual computer lab the military has set up. The lessons will be limited to DVD language training as well as a basic users skill — set to help in any future employment options. Nury Turkel, an Uighur rights activist, said the training would help the men "be reintroduced into a modern society," adding that it "also would give hope to the men that their freedom is nearing." This special group already gets to order fast food and use a phone booth for weekly calls. I think the government is on to something here. Nothing keeps a man pacified like an occasional phone call, a cheeseburger, and surfing for a little porn.

14 of 218 comments (clear)

  1. Missing option... by bughunter · · Score: 2, Funny

    an occasional phone call, a cheeseburger, and surfing for a little porn

    I dunno. I can only eat, chat, and fap so much. But I could play CivIII day and night.

    --
    I can see the fnords!
  2. Surfing a little porn by notarockstar1979 · · Score: 4, Funny

    Nothing keeps a man pacified like an occasional phone call, a cheeseburger, and surfing for a little porn.

    Tell my boss that. He won't let me surf porn or make personal calls at work. Cheeseburgers are alright though.

    1. Re:Surfing a little porn by eln · · Score: 3, Funny

      And they wonder why people are so lonely, sexually frustrated, and obese these days...

  3. Sorry? by gmuslera · · Score: 5, Funny

    As waterboarding wasnt giving enough answers, they changed tactics and now are giving them laptops with Windows ME and Microsoft Bob. I'm sure there are international laws against that inhuman methods of torture.

    1. Re:Sorry? by Krneki · · Score: 2, Funny

      And they are forced to install Vista if they don't behave.

      --
      Love many, trust a few, do harm to none.
  4. Maybe they could work in IT by Atrox666 · · Score: 4, Funny

    If they don't mind being treated a little worse than a terror suspect they could get corporate IT jobs.

  5. Gold Farmers? by daveywest · · Score: 2, Funny

    Or it could be a plot by the US government to create an army of disgruntled, economy destabilizing gold farmers in WoW.

  6. OLPT by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    One laptop per terrorist!

    Mod me down you wonderful bastards, it's called comedy!

  7. Re:Porn by xenolion · · Score: 3, Funny

    So they are in the Star Wars forums then... (Im just joking please don't hurt me)

  8. Re:Porn by BigJClark · · Score: 2, Funny


    The girls I see when I surf porn don't look like virgins, at all ;)

    --

    Hi, I Boris. Hear fix bear, yes?
  9. Re:Uighurs by linzeal · · Score: 3, Funny

    If they woke up in the morning and had a bullet in their heads wouldn't that make them some sort of Chinese highlanders?

    --
    An Education is the Font of All Liberty
  10. Re:These ARE FUCKING TERRORISTS what don't you get by Locke2005 · · Score: 2, Funny

    They've been detained for years with only the companionship of other males... for the most part, I'd wager that these are non-fucking terrorists.

    --
    I've abandoned my search for truth; now I'm just looking for some useful delusions.
  11. Nitpicking Article Summary by Wowlapalooza · · Score: 2, Funny

    "DVD language training"? Shouldn't that be "DVD-based language training"?

    "DVD language training" sounds like there is a special language called "DVD", presumably composed of very long strings of 1's and 0's...

  12. His goats on the other hand... by Narcocide · · Score: 5, Funny

    ... hard core killers.