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Who Will Fix the Internet? No One, Apparently

Posted by Soulskill on from the internet's-over-folks-pack-your-things dept.

blackbearnh writes "It seems like everyone focuses on the latest and greatest killer Internet applications, but the underlying infrastructure that all of them run on is showing its age. That's the claim made by a recent article in the Christian Science Monitor. IPv4 is relatively ancient, and even stalled improvements like IPv6 aren't significant enough to matter, according to some researchers. With no one 'in charge' of the Internet, it's almost impossible to get any sweeping technical improvements made, especially since there's no financial incentive on the part of the ISPs and telecoms to invest in basic infrastructure. CalTech Professor John Doyle puts it this way: 'To the extent I've been working in this field for the last 10 years, I've been mostly working on band-aids. I'm really trying to get out of that business and try to help the people, the few people, who are really trying to think more fundamentally about what needs to be done.'"

13 of 370 comments (clear)

  1. Let the porn industry take the lead... by hal2814 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Let the porn industry fix the internet. They're responsible for most of the traffic.

    1. Re:Let the porn industry take the lead... by Dyinobal · · Score: 5, Funny

      Not sure the Christian science monitor will like that answer.

    2. Re:Let the porn industry take the lead... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      I can just see the scene- The door bell going, the bored housewife answering the door, and some badly dubbed sys admin appears, announces he's here to fix her internet as a dodgy 70's funk soundtrack starts up...

    3. Re:Let the porn industry take the lead... by orsty3001 · · Score: 4, Funny

      If the problems with our current infrastructure was hurting cats, 4chan would fix it.

    4. Re:Let the porn industry take the lead... by lymond01 · · Score: 5, Funny

      sales

      You...pay...for pornography?

    5. Re:Let the porn industry take the lead... by ObsessiveMathsFreak · · Score: 5, Funny

      I can just see the scene- The door bell going, the bored housewife answering the door, and some badly dubbed sys admin appears, announces he's here to fix her internet as a dodgy 70's funk soundtrack starts up...


      Admin: Excuse me miss, I'm here to fix your PPP WAN connection.
      Housewife: Oh! My.. (blushes). Well, please come in
      (The Admin lurches in, slightly sweaty and breathing through his mouth)
      Housewife: Can I get you anything? Cake or cookies?
      Admin: No, thanks, I'm lactose intolerant. Cookies give me gas. Where's your ethernet router?
      Housewife: (deeper blushes) Oh, my. How about a drink then? Scotch?
      Admin: I'd take a mountain dew. Diet though. I'm watching my weight.
      (He pats an ample belly. The housewife's eyes grow wide.)
      Housewife: I'll.... I'll get you something right away. (She hurries off to the kitchen)
      Admin: (Calling after) Where's the computer?
      Housewife: The computer?! It's, ahhh, in the living room.
      (The Admin waddles to the computer, which is neatly set on a small, immaculately dusted table with pullout keyboard shelf. He rips the table out from the wall, kneels down and begins rummaging amidst the jungle of wires at the back. After some time he pauses, and turns around to see the Housewife standing over him with a glass of soda and a plate of potato chips. She has been there for some time.)
      Admin: Oh thank's! (He's wolfs down the meager glass and munches on a few chips).
      Housewife: You're welcome. Have you found the problem yet?
      Admin: Oh yeah. (He's wipes his greasy fingers on his front of his shirt). I need to adjust your broadband for IPv6.
      Housewife: I...see. And, what might that involve? Will I have to call my husband? He's at work right now.
      Admin: Naww. It shouldn't take a minute. I've got your upgrade right here!
      (He reaches into the fanny pack on the front of his tool belt and rummages around. The Housewife begins to feel faint)
      Admin: Here it is! (He draws a small sleek black router from the pouch)
      Housewife: And what's that for?
      Admin: It's for your line. I just have to rejig everything.
      (He back about and resumes his rummaging. The Housewife slumps back on the sofa and stares silently.)
      Admin: All done. Can you check to see if it's working?
      Housewife: What?
      Admin: On the computer. Check to see if your internet is working. Open your browser and go to ipv6.google.com
      Housewife: Oh! (See hikes up her dress and sits and the computer desk. As she clicks, she hikes the dress up intermittantly.)
      Admin: Is it working?
      Housewife: Oh! (Her voice is noticeably more sultry) Something went wrong. I seem to have come across some kind of... pornographic website. Could you take a look?
      Admin: It's probably a virus. You should use Ubuntu. I could partition your drives for you if you like.
      (He lumbers up from the floor and leans over towards the desk. As he presses against her and brusquely takes the mouse from her grasp, the Housewife finally succumbs and passes out.)

      (When she awakes, she is lying on the floor with the Admin sitting at the desk.)
      Housewife: What.. what happened?
      Admin: (The admin glances at here, then turns back to the computer screen.) I fixed the problem on the Windows partition and installed Ubuntu Jaunty on a second partition. It should be working fine now. I've set up the dual boot to load up Ubuntu by default, but you can change it by editing the Lilo files.
      Housewife: What about my computer files?
      Admin: Everything's accessible from Nautilus. I've mounted your old drives as WINDOZE_OLD in /media. It should work seamlessly. Anyway, I have to get back to the office.
      (He gathers his tools and makes for the door)
      Housewife: Wait! What about my husband's files from work? What about his emails.

      --
      May the Maths Be with you!
    6. Re:Let the porn industry take the lead... by Gilmoure · · Score: 4, Funny

      And then, if they get a wife, they're back to porn. Is circle of life. Or something.

      --
      I drank what? -- Socrates
  2. Re:Hmm by imamac · · Score: 3, Funny

    We're running out of IPv4 addresses?

  3. This looks like a job for... by abshack · · Score: 2, Funny

    Internet-Fixer Man!!! With his large hoard of anonymous, probably overweight, definitely awkward, mostly perverted, could be educated, willing to take risks, bunch of trolls from 4CHAN, he's going to fix the internet in no time flat!

  4. Re:I Thought We'd Been Through This? by olsmeister · · Score: 5, Funny

    There's nothing wrong with the internet. It works just fi

  5. Re:I Thought We'd Been Through This? by commodore64_love · · Score: 4, Funny

    ATDT 5601750

    (beep beep boop beep bleep blep boop)
    (squuuuuuooooosh)
    (aaaaeeeh)

    .
    .
    .

    CONNECT 1200

    I agree. There's nothing wrong with the internet, so why bother fixing it? As you can see I can access it just fine and I never needed to upgrade one single bit of my equipment.

    +++

    ATH

    @&%*@... &*(&%(*... CARRIER LOST

    --
    "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." - historian Evelyn Beatrice Hall
  6. Re:Christian... science ? by Afief · · Score: 5, Funny

    Dear mr.Christian Science,

    Your attempt to make us panic and throw a metric shitload of money into your inadequate research to end net-neutrality has failed. The average slashdot reader knows more about the intricacies of the Internet than you expect and can therefore tell you that doom's day is far off. We know that because the Terminators need IPv6 to keep track of their innumerable minions.

    No IPv6 no doom's day.

    Thank you for your time,
    Average Slashdot Joe

  7. Re:I Thought We'd Been Through This? by TheRaven64 · · Score: 5, Funny

    This is /. 2.0 (beta). Now every character you type in the text field is base-64 encoded and wrapped in a small (only 3KB or so) XML request, and sent to the server as an HTTP request. The JavaScript also sends an 'I'm still alive' HTTP request to the server every 30 seconds. If the server stops receiving these requests for a few minutes, it posts the work-in-progress post.

    --
    I am TheRaven on Soylent News