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DHS Ponders "Improving" Terrorism Alert System
An anonymous reader writes "The DHS's color-coded terrorism risk warning system has often been criticized on a number of grounds. However, it seems that at last DHS has taken note of these criticisms and is finally planning to fix one of its problems. Which one? Well, since the two lowest levels have never been used in the history of the program, the solution is obvious: just get rid of them! In the new system, the lowest level would be yellow, 'guarded,' representing 'A constant state of vigilance to protect against a terrorist attack.' While it's nice that they're at least no longer maintaining a pretense of it being for anything other than fear-mongering, I don't think this was the kind of change most people were hoping for."
Green - Dangerous minorities in the area. Lock the doors.
Yellow - asians are messing with our computers again. Use Linux.
Orange - Mexican drug gang wars are spilling over in to the United States. Wear Kevlar.
Red - Socialist President. Abandon the country.
These terror alert levels write themselves.
Green = "Go ahead, let your guard down, see what happens" Yellow = "There is a new budget up for vote, and if you don't give DHS more money the terrorists win" Red = "Imminent threat, only direct intervention by Steven Segal can prevent global disaster" Black = "We told you this would happen if you didn't give DHS more money"
Brock: Magenta? Your battle mode is magenta?
The Monarch: Eat a dick.
The enemies of Democracy are
Here
Color Code Fuchsia Security Status ("Relatively High").
Color Code Magenta Security Status ("A Tad Higher Than Relatively High, but Not Totally High.")
Color Code Security Status Mauve ("Calm, but Tense").
Color Code Security Status Key Lime ("Partly Cloudy").
Color Code Security Status Maroon ("Dark Brownish Red").
Color Code Security Status Peach ("Viewer Discretion Advised").
Color Code Security Status Burnt Umber ("Medium Rare").
Color Code Security Status Tangerine ("Uh-Oh").
Color Code Security Status Jalapeno ("Everyone Down!").
Color Code Security Status Traffic Cone Orange ("Yipes!").
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That's not exactly true. DHS Sets Security Alert Level To Green For 8 Seconds
Obligatory Red Dwarf:
Rimmer: Kryten, take us to Blue Alert. Kryten: Are you sure, sir? It does mean changing the bulb.
Aide-toi, le Ciel t'aidera - Jeanne D'Arc.
Ludicrous Fear! GO!