Slashdot Mirror
Why Developers Get Fired
jammag writes "Other coders get canned — but never you, right? From a developer who's now a manager (and who admits to being fired himself) comes the inside story on how the Big Ax might sneak up on you. To prevent it, he recommends some strategic bragging, keeping a CYA (Cover Your ...) folder to document your efforts, and making sure that your talent isn't frittered away so much that even your most mediocre colleagues look good. "
Alex Trebek: "Hmmm, Bob is making over $X. I see he's the most productive, but we could higher two new grads and an intern for the same amount. They'd be at least that productive right?"
Contestant: "What is the final nail on a project's coffin, Alex?"
Alex Trebek: "Right you are!"
Contestant: "I'll stay in the same category and take 'Stupid Managers' for $800."
Alex Trebek: "The answer is: Half your team has been fired and your manager has moved software modules to be developed in this country."
Contestant: "What is India?"
Alex Trebek: "Correct again!"
My work here is dung.
I couldn't get past the 'higher' grads.
Yeah, except it doesn't actually work that way. Here's what happens:
1. Board level manager's meeting.
2. [New person] is eager to prove themselves and suggests [bad idea] from [trade magazine].
3. Nobody else in the meeting has had enough time to read something other than [trade magazine], and so believe [bad idea] is a good idea.
4. Vote passes unanimously.
5. Middle management, who has read something other than [trade magazine] tries to politely tell [new person] that [bad idea] won't work.
6. [new person] ignores cries of pain and suffering, stiffens their resolve to ram [bad idea] down organization's throat, backed by the full power of the board.
7. Middle management stalls as long as possible, warning everyone of the impending apocalypse.
7a. Except you and anyone on the lower rungs.
7b. Those who do find out, bail from the company like rats from a sinking ship.
8. Costs suddenly rise, due to a sudden vaccum of experienced workers and a drop in efficiency. The effort can no longer be stalled.
9. A week later, you're asked to fill out some forms and update the knowledge base.
10. You're so focused on your job, you think nothing of it.
10a. Alternate: Your manager is kind and says something to you.
11. Regardless, you're still let go before you can swim to another piece of floatsam.
12. Upper management cries victory -- everything costs less now!
13. Middle management develops a drinking habit, but says nothing.
14. The new people hired in [Country X] think everyone over here is a bunch of idiots and drunks.
Ta-Da! The end.
#fuckbeta #iamslashdot #dicemustdie
Evaluations. What a wonderful tool. I'm a Software Engineer at a large defense contractor. A few years ago on my evaluation, for "Future Position" I put "International Space Station" as a joke. It was there for three years before anyone noticed.
It must have been something you assimilated. . . .
Same reason you don't give managers coffee breaks that last more than 15 minutes ...
Because it takes too long to retrain them.