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Inside the Windows 7 Launch Party Pack

Barence writes to tell us that it seems Microsoft has been grinding away in the corporate world for so long, they have forgotten what "fun" means. PC Pro managed to get their hands on one of the "party packs," and it seems woefully inadequate. Nowhere did we see a pin-the-chair on the Ballmer game, giveaways that you might actually use, or even a few balloons or streamers. Instead, the only reason to get a party pack seems to be the free copy of Windows Ultimate Signature edition, which doesn't do much for your party guests (unless you burn them all copies I guess, but we would never condone that). All-in-all, it seems that Microsoft should have gone to the nearest dorm room and asked for some pointers on how to have a good party.

62 of 267 comments (clear)

  1. Yep by sopssa · · Score: 3, Funny

    This pretty much sums up the image of "nerds party pack" or nerds throwing a fun party.

    Sad, but insightful.

    1. Re:Yep by GigaHurtsMyRobot · · Score: 4, Funny

      The signature edition of Windows 7 Ultimate is worth it. Mine should arrive today actually. It is a great excuse to have a party, get some friends to come over, and have a few drinks. I basically won over $300 of software... the fact that they threw in Napkins and Tote Bags are silly but I certainly won't complain about it!!

    2. Re:Yep by schon · · Score: 5, Funny

      It is a great excuse to have a party

      No, it really isn't.

      "Hey, it's Friday!" is a great excuse to have a party.

      "Hey, MS sent me marketing crap, let's have a party!" is a great excuse to dress your dogs up in sweaters, because they're the only friends you'll ever have.

    3. Re:Yep by tverbeek · · Score: 2, Insightful

      The only way a Windows Launch Party Pack would be fun is if it included a large quantity of alcohol.

      --
      http://alternatives.rzero.com/
    4. Re:Yep by Tripledub · · Score: 2, Funny

      I am having mine on our usual drinking night. Got 20 gallons of homebrew and pizzas. Sit back and stream something from netflix and call it close enough.

      --
      The Poetry of Google Voice is very strange.
      gv-poetry.com
    5. Re:Yep by node+3 · · Score: 4, Funny

      It could have been worse. They could have included copies of Windows for the guests, too.

    6. Re:Yep by Locutus · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Download any Linux distribution and get thousands of dollars worth of software for free, throw a party and hand out copies so your friends get thousands of dollars worth of software too. $300 only if someone willing to pay that.

      LoB

      --
      "Anyone who stands out in the middle of a road looks like roadkill to me." --Linus
    7. Re:Yep by Idiomatick · · Score: 3, Funny

      You are forgetting the first rule of being a college student. Nothing free is EVER bad. If someone offers you free pizza and its 3days old.. well that's pretty nasty but its FREE you can't turn that down. I thought all the linux geeks on here would get this rule too.

    8. Re:Yep by Locutus · · Score: 3, Insightful

      almost everyone I know has a game console and having never heard of something doesn't mean a thing but maybe how naive one is.

      FYI, marketing does not make something good, only familiar.

      LoB

      --
      "Anyone who stands out in the middle of a road looks like roadkill to me." --Linus
    9. Re:Yep by apoc.famine · · Score: 2, Interesting

      I'm a huge dork. Yet for the last few years, I've thrown big parties for my birthday. 30-40 people at them. A mix of 30% relatives, and 70% dorks. And they've been an awesome 6-7 hours of fun. The requirements? Booze, food, games, and places to sit. When my Aunt is getting tipsy while playing The Last Night on Earth with my dorky friends, all is well.
       
      You don't need much of an excuse to throw a party - you need to provide enough of a good time that the people you invite want to come.
       
      I manage this by running a grill for a few hours, providing games and tables, and asking people to bring copious amounts of booze. I don't understand how MS manages to do this. I offer food, fun, and a bunch of people to hang around with. Thus, my parties are well attended and a ton of fun. How does MS do the same, without even offering a copy of the OS?

      --
      Velociraptor = Distiraptor / Timeraptor
    10. Re:Yep by macshit · · Score: 2, Funny

      "Hey, MS sent me marketing crap, let's have a party!" is a great excuse to dress your dogs up in sweaters, because they're the only friends you'll ever have.

      Hoooooooooooooold on.

      Cats? Fish? Star wars figurines?!

      Friends are practically oozing out of the knotty-pine paneling!

      --
      We live, as we dream -- alone....
    11. Re:Yep by TheRaven64 · · Score: 2, Funny

      Well, obviously. If Apple were doing this then everyone would be drinking lattes and reciting poetry, while looking smug. It would be an entirely different affair.

      --
      I am TheRaven on Soylent News
  2. Chair not included? by Zortrium · · Score: 4, Funny

    What will I be able to throw at the Mac/Linux users who show up?

    1. Re:Chair not included? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      Chair throwing isn't for Mac/Linux users. It's for people who use Google maps to find directions to your party.

    2. Re:Chair not included? by node+3 · · Score: 5, Funny

      What will I be able to throw at the Mac/Linux users who show up?

      I don't think you'll find many Mac/Linux users at a Windows 7 party. Unless there's promise of alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. Judgement impairing alcohol...

      You'll want to prepare for your party by burning multiple copies of the Windows 7 DVD. You'll need extras because at first, the Linux and Mac users will damage them by playing Windows 7 Ultimate Frisbee, and popping them in the microwave, etc. Once the discs start remaining relatively unmolested, you'll know your trap is set.

      Be prepared to receive the cold shoulder for a while, or perhaps even lose a few friends, for you see, what will transpire the next morning/afternoon is your former friends will awaken in a haze, feeling something is not quite right, but not sure what it is. They'll replay the previous evening's events in their minds to make sure they didn't do anything overly regretful, and then it will hit them.

      In a panic, they'll rush to their computer, boot it up, knowing what they'll find while hoping and praying it didn't really happen, only to find themselves staring, in horror, at that damned Windows 7 fish.

      Once they come out of their shock, the damage control begins. Mac users will have the advantage of being able to undo everything, as they've used protection (Boot Camp).

      The Linux users will find no such comfort. Linux is the OS of an Open Source Master. It's not as clumsy or random as Windows, destroying all partitions in its path. It's an elegant system for a more civilized age. Because Windows is not, it will have written over their Linux partition, rendering the previous night's indiscretion much more serious and the data loss irreversible.

      On the other hand, their wireless will start working...

    3. Re:Chair not included? by PopeRatzo · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Just remember, there are more Mac users who have Windows installed on their machines than Windows users who have OSX installed on theirs.

      --
      You are welcome on my lawn.
    4. Re:Chair not included? by node+3 · · Score: 3, Funny

      And there are more people driving beetles, than beetles driving people...

  3. OMG! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Releasing easily-hackable, infectable code is shameful. Not knowing how to party is unforgivable!

    1. Re:OMG! by imamac · · Score: 2, Insightful

      That video reminded me of women planning a Tuperware party. Truly unforgivable...

    2. Re:OMG! by TheRaven64 · · Score: 2, Funny

      Wow, that was painful. It comes with an instruction sheet for the host to keep with them at the party! If you don't know how to host a party, I have a tip for you: Having a set of printed instructions with you at the party will not help you.

      --
      I am TheRaven on Soylent News
  4. Windows 7 Ultimate party pack by sakdoctor · · Score: 4, Funny

    Rubber tubing, gas, saw, gloves, cuffs, razor wire, hatchet, gladys and my mitts.

    1. Re:Windows 7 Ultimate party pack by Red+Flayer · · Score: 4, Funny

      Rubber tubing, gas, saw, gloves, cuffs, razor wire, hatchet, gladys and my mitts.

      To do what with?

      Text MacGuyver:

      ? (A)pply rubber tubing to mitts
      Tubemitts added to inventory
      ? (A)pply gas to Tubemitts
      Gas-filled tubemitts added to inventory
      Operation failed. Find a way to secure the gas-filled tubemitts first.
      ? (A)pply handcuffs to gas-filled tubemitts
      Gas-filled cuffed tubemitts added to inventory
      ? (A)pply saw to gas-filled cuffed tubemitts
      Gas-filled cuffed tubemitts explode in your face. CHA -10. Gas-filled cuffed tubemitts removed from inventory.

      Crap, this Macguyver stuff is harder than I thought. Maybe those are tools to build a bong?

      --
      "Trolls they were, but filled with the evil will of their master: a fell race..." -- J.R.R. Tolkien on Olog-hai
    2. Re:Windows 7 Ultimate party pack by FudRucker · · Score: 2, Funny

      you never seen Frank Miller's movie SinCity??? my god man get out of the basement before its too late!

      --
      Politics is Treachery, Religion is Brainwashing
    3. Re:Windows 7 Ultimate party pack by Chris+Burke · · Score: 2, Funny

      Crap, this Macguyver stuff is harder than I thought. Maybe those are tools to build a bong?

      As seen in "MacGuyver: The College Years".

      --

      The enemies of Democracy are
  5. There is no walk of shame quite like by antifoidulus · · Score: 4, Funny

    waking up hung over, going over to your computer, pushing the mouse to wake the monitor and realizing you got so drunk at the party you attended last night that you installed Windows on your own computer.

    1. Re:There is no walk of shame quite like by sopssa · · Score: 3, Funny

      It's better than the occasional "Hey, I should try installing FreeBSD!" I get when drinking beer on the computer.

  6. I agree by Icarus1919 · · Score: 4, Interesting

    They should have at least thrown in a couple grams of blow.

    1. Re:I agree by smellsofbikes · · Score: 3, Funny

      They should have at least thrown in a couple grams of blow.

      Yeah, that was my second thought, after trying to figure out how to fit hookers in a shrink-wrapped package with an indefinite shelf life. Though I guess they could be inflatable hookers, "bring your own blow".

      --
      Nostalgia's not what it used to be.
    2. Re:I agree by matt4077 · · Score: 5, Funny

      The threw in a box of suck. That should be enough.

    3. Re:I agree by Krneki · · Score: 2, Funny

      and some hookers.

      --
      Love many, trust a few, do harm to none.
    4. Re:I agree by bertoelcon · · Score: 2, Funny

      I thought the party pack itself was a box of suck.

      --
      Anything can be found funny, from a certain point of view.
    5. Re:I agree by ajlisows · · Score: 2, Funny

      The Windows 7 CD certainly weighs a couple of grams and is guaranteed to blow. I don't see what your gripe is...

  7. Oh, I get it now! by Aphoxema · · Score: 3, Funny

    The Windows 7 Launch Party, it's like the birthday party for the loved one you adore who has a terminal illness and is unlikely to see another year.

    --
    "Most people, I think, don't even know what a rootkit is, so why should they care about it?"
    1. Re:Oh, I get it now! by kipd · · Score: 2, Funny

      Actually, it is more like inviting a friend to a surprise party, and then "installing" cancer in his stomach, before celebrating it with napkins and small bags.

  8. That about sums it up by PhrostyMcByte · · Score: 5, Insightful

    You have balloons, streamers, a deck of cards, and a puzzle. It's like they want you to throw a lame children's birthday party. I really have to wonder how this got through without anyone noticing how terrible it is. And the goodies you're supposed to give to guests? Two of them are cards for antivirus software. I guess that's being responsible, but pointing out ways to fix your software's faults is still a funny way to market a new product.

    1. Re:That about sums it up by Fnord666 · · Score: 4, Funny

      I really have to wonder how this got through without anyone noticing how terrible it is.

      Please see Windows ME and Vista for reference.

      --
      'The tyrant will always find pretext for his tyranny.' - Aesop's Fables
  9. I wasn't sure this is real by NoYob · · Score: 3, Funny
    So, I did a bit of searching and I found this on Tom's Hardware

    The video of Balmer getting out of breath was worth it.

    Balmer, you really need to get some exercise!

    It looks for real and you can get a free version of Windows 7 Ultimate if you host a party!

    --
    It's NOT me! It's the meds! I'm on 1000mg of Fukitol.
    1. Re:I wasn't sure this is real by Fnord666 · · Score: 4, Funny

      It looks for real and you can get a free version of Windows 7 Ultimate if you host a party!

      If you promise to hold a party but don't you receive two copies as punishment.

      --
      'The tyrant will always find pretext for his tyranny.' - Aesop's Fables
    2. Re:I wasn't sure this is real by genik76 · · Score: 2, Funny

      And he should tune down that Hitler salute, it makes the video illegal in Germany.

  10. What to do with your copy by davidwr · · Score: 5, Funny

    Be a sport and raffle it off as a door prize or auction it off, and give proceeds, less your real costs for providing food and drinks, to a charity. Does the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation accept donations?

    --
    Knowledge is how to play a game, intelligence is how to win, wisdom is knowing what game to play.
  11. I wonder by Capt.DrumkenBum · · Score: 2, Interesting

    I wonder how many of the Windows 7 "parties" will really be Linux install fests.

    --
    If I were God, wouldn't I protect my churches from acts of me?
    1. Re:I wonder by Aphoxema · · Score: 2, Funny

      You're frightening me.

      --
      "Most people, I think, don't even know what a rootkit is, so why should they care about it?"
    2. Re:I wonder by Aphoxema · · Score: 3, Insightful
      --
      "Most people, I think, don't even know what a rootkit is, so why should they care about it?"
    3. Re:I wonder by TheRaven64 · · Score: 2, Informative

      Probably be more fun. The local LUG runs these periodically. I've never been to one, but they sound a lot more fun than the parties described in the video, and at the end the guests all get to take home their computer with a new OS installed, they aren't told that they have to spend $300 to get the features they've just seen. Mind you, all of the features they actually talked about have been available for much less - free in many cases - on *NIX, OS X, and WinXP for a good five years or so...

      --
      I am TheRaven on Soylent News
  12. A Reply From A Non-Nerd by gers0667 · · Score: 2, Interesting

    When I opened my Party Pack last night, my wife's reaction to almost everything in it was "WTF!".

    We are still going all out for the party, just for the sake of irony.

  13. Windows is a seven year old girl by Jeremy+Erwin · · Score: 3, Funny

    Microsoft is trying to deflate the "John Hodgeman as PC" meme. So, since everyone knows that it's not appropriate to pick on little girls, "Windows 7" is personified by the (almost) seven your old girl in the ads. Apple looks like a big ,meanie. Why not give her a little birthday party, with cake, and games, and clowns, and.... OMG PONIES!!!

    1. Re:Windows is a seven year old girl by MightyMartian · · Score: 4, Funny

      Windows 7 isn't a seven year old girl. It's the village retard given a new shirt and some fresh napkins to clean up the snot and drool.

      --
      The world's burning. Moped Jesus spotted on I50. Details at 11.
    2. Re:Windows is a seven year old girl by Jeremy+Erwin · · Score: 3, Funny

      Why you insensitive clod! Now you've made her cry.

    3. Re:Windows is a seven year old girl by Romancer · · Score: 2, Funny

      The next Mac vs PC add is going to be John Hodgeman having an awesome party with the cards and posters and little tote bags.

      All by himself.

      Then the Mac (Justin Long) comes in and asks "What are you doing PC?"

      PC replies "STFU! These are MY toys for MY party and they ROCK and you aren't invited!
      He then cries quietly in the corner.

      --


      ) Human Kind Vs Human Creation
      ) It'd be interesting to see how many humans would survive to serve us.
  14. They could at least have a LAN party by Animats · · Score: 5, Insightful

    If they'd given out, say, 10 copies of Windows 7, 10 copies of a game that uses Windows 7 in some useful way, and a 10-port LAN hub, at least you could have a LAN party.

  15. Man, this is really really dumb by tacokill · · Score: 4, Funny

    Honestly, following this marketing effort from MSFT is a bit like watching Nascar. I couldn't care less about the drivers or the cars but damn....there are some fine wipeouts to see.

    It boggles the mind how something like this got out of the door. Seriously. Many of us here on /. work in corp environments and as much as we detest marketing-droids, at the end of the day, we realize their usefulness on some level.

    I don't see that anywhere in this effort. It is so laughably bad, that I almost can't believe it's real. Puzzles? Cards? A party for an operating system? WTF is going on here? Is this serious? Or am I being punk'd? Where's Ashton?

    1. Re:Man, this is really really dumb by daeley · · Score: 2, Funny

      Many of us here on /. work in corp environments and as much as we detest marketing-droids, at the end of the day, we realize their usefulness on some level.

      Sure, they keep the horde of undead occupied while you escape via the parking garage or roof.

      --
      I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate.
  16. The Debauched Launch Party Edition by PolygamousRanchKid+ · · Score: 2, Funny

    Yeah, since Windows 7 has so many different editions, the should also have a Windows 7 Debauched Launch Party Edition. All you need is lots of booze. And I mean 64 bit proof booze. Gallons of it. When your guests get tanked enough they won't give a shit about food or . . .

    You have balloons,

    Blow up some condoms.

    streamers,

    Put a bunch of razor blades in your printer, and print out a bunch of shit.

    a deck of cards,

    A stack of CD-ROMS and a marker. Make your own.

    and a puzzle.

    The desire and ability to do a puzzle can be quashed with more booze. Followed by some flaming shots, more booze.

    It's like they want you to throw a lame children's birthday party.

    If children are present at the Debauched Launch Party, you are going to be doing time.

    I really have to wonder how this got through without anyone noticing how terrible it is.

    At the Debauched Launch Party, most people won't even remember being there.

    And the goodies you're supposed to give to guests? Two of them are cards for antivirus software. I guess that's being responsible, but pointing out ways to fix your software's faults is still a funny way to market a new product.

    At the Debauched Launch Party, you give your guests STDs

    --
    Schroedinger's Brexit: The UK is both in and out of the EU at the same time!
  17. I'm not sure what they got... by whitefox · · Score: 5, Funny

    I received my package yesterday and it had everything mentioned in the article plus balloons, streamers, and a few more goodies. Sounds like their package wasn't complete.

    The way we're going to do it is I'll install a temp copy of 7 on my laptop, show a few things I know, and then let my guests play with it. We're also hosting a BBQ, playing some GH, RB, Wii Sports, and just plain chilling out.

    I'm still undecided on whether to raffle off the single goodies (e.g. playing cards) or do some kind of trivia game: what kind of car was BG driving when he got hauled for the infamous mugshot?

    After everyone's gone home I'll simply put my production hard drive back in the laptop and start using with my copy of Windows 7 Ultimate. :)

    All in all, it should be a good time just getting together and hanging out.

    1. Re:I'm not sure what they got... by Aphoxema · · Score: 2, Insightful

      5 digits... This is such a sad day for me.

      --
      "Most people, I think, don't even know what a rootkit is, so why should they care about it?"
  18. What was expected? by CannonballHead · · Score: 2, Insightful

    It seems like everyone had expectations that the party pack would be free copies of Windows 7, free food, free decorations, free ...

    Are you seeing a pattern? I guess people thought that the Launch Party was a time where Microsoft could give away lots of free stuff. I'm not sure that's the point.

    I still think it failed and was pretty bad marketing, but I don't think the point of the party pack was to give away free copies of their software that they want people to buy. And I wasn't expecting them to give you brownies.

    Oh well. The summary writer had a pretty obvious slant/bias. Pin-the-chair-on-Ballmer game? Right...

  19. I got one of these and... by rjshirts · · Score: 2, Funny

    The best thing in the pack (other than the free Windows) I received was a package of 10 reusable grocery bags. My wife was honestly more excited about getting those than she was about the Win7 Ultimate.

  20. What? by Eminor · · Score: 3, Funny

    Wait? No Condoms?

  21. Party Service Pack by similar_name · · Score: 4, Funny

    Perhaps balloons and streamers will come in the first Party Service Pack.

  22. Re:it takes you SIX MONTHS to fix? by Locutus · · Score: 4, Insightful

    touche. This does bring up a problem Linux has and Windows doesn't have. Most likely, when you run into a problem on Linux, you've not run across it before and so it's new and may take some time to find a solution. Once it's fixed, you're not likely to run into it again. Now, on Windows, you are very likely to run across the same problems over and over again so after a short time you feel like you're really getting to know Windows. This also makes people look like super stars and guru's when the neophytes go looking for help to fix the same stuff.

    LoB

    --
    "Anyone who stands out in the middle of a road looks like roadkill to me." --Linus
  23. Re:Nerds! by DarkOx · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Well maybe there are at least some interesting debugging symbols? You know they don't strip stuff, how else could an OS that comes with hardly any software applications save for a media player and word process that does not even spell check need to ship on a dvd.

    --
    Repeal the 17th Amendment TODAY! Also Please Read http://www.gnu.org/philosophy/right-to-read.html
  24. Party Pack! by Jaysu · · Score: 2, Informative

    So I'm wondering what is actually inside the party pack. Since I'm wanting to abide by the rules around here, can someone please read TFA and tell me?

    --
    It has been said that 63% of all statistics are made up