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Zombie Pigs First, Hibernating Soldiers Next

Posted by samzenpus on from the fattening-up-on-brains dept.

ColdWetDog writes "Wired is running a story on DARPA's effort to stave off battlefield casualties by turning injured soldiers into zombies by injecting them with a cocktail of one chemical or another (details to be announced). From the article, 'Dr. Fossum predicts that each soldier will carry a syringe into combat zones or remote areas, and medic teams will be equipped with several. A single injection will minimize metabolic needs, de-animating injured troops by shutting down brain and heart function. Once treatment can be carried out, they'll be "re-animated" and — hopefully — as good as new.' If it doesn't pan out we can at least get zombie bacon and spam."

17 of 193 comments (clear)

  1. Don't do it by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Don't they watch movies? Haven't we learned anything?

    1. Re:Don't do it by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      What if, for 20% of the 65% of the 90% you speak of it works, but we fail to "revive them", and for 110% of the 36.2% of the 10% instead we "impale them ass-first onto a pine tree".

      And then, this tree is cut down by 2% of 63% of the pop'n of South Dakota and used as a Christmas Tree? WHAT THEN!?!?

      OH GOD, WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE ASS-IMPALED ZOMBIES FALLING ON SOUTH DAKOTA'S NATIVITY SCENES?!?!?

    2. Re:Don't do it by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      Meat popsicles. The crews responsible of transferring the inanimate troops will refer their cargo as "meat popsicles".

  2. OMG by thelonious · · Score: 3, Funny

    They are going to end up with bacon that doesn't die! And that would be a sin against humanity!

    1. Re:OMG by illumastorm · · Score: 2, Funny

      I, for one, welcome our delicious, self-propelling into mouths, bacon overlords.

  3. I disagree by carp3_noct3m · · Score: 2, Funny

    My buddies and I have always postured what we would do if and when a zombie apocalypse broke out. All being military or former military, with the ability to bear arms and the survival skills (not to mention the remote getaway) already at our disposal, we all voted the human race as generally despicable and that it was about time there was some event to clean the slate. It's time to kick zombie ass and chew bubblegum, and I'm all outa gum.

    --
    "It's ok, I'm completely secure as long as my iron is off"
    1. Re:I disagree by B1oodAnge1 · · Score: 4, Funny

      You fool!!! The last thing we need during the Zombie Apocalypse is armed bears!

      --
      RUGBYRUGBYRUGBY
    2. Re:I disagree by fractoid · · Score: 2, Funny

      I'm a BEARLOCK now!

      --
      Rampant carbon sequestration destroyed the Dinosaurs' tropical paradise. I'm here to help repair the damage.
    3. Re:I disagree by Bl4d3 · · Score: 2, Funny

      Yes and with armed bears and zombie pigs ManBearPig can't be far away.

      Fear ManBearPig, this is cereal business!

      --
      40% Funny, 40% Insightful, 40% Informative, 40% Dolomite
  4. Re:Brain damage? by Reason58 · · Score: 5, Funny

    One of the biggies in this war is Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) - surviving explosions, surviving shots to the helmet - I wonder if we'll be swapping out a lot of dead soldiers for ones suffering extreme brain injury.

    A friend of mine just came back from Germany. He lost both of his legs and has TBI caused mood swings like you wouldn't believe, and pretty much looks like it will wreck his family. Staving off death is one thing (and good); making life after injury worth living is another.

    You are absolutely right. Many of the soldiers who take this shot will have suffered TBI and will require brains. Braaaaiiiiiins.

  5. Re:Opposite of a Zombie by carp3_noct3m · · Score: 4, Funny

    Stop bursting my bubble of zombie Apocalypse hope!

    --
    "It's ok, I'm completely secure as long as my iron is off"
  6. End up with bacon that doesn't die! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    That sounds like heaven on earth if you ask me.

    In fact, I think this could be the basis for a new religion with a communion that doesn't let you down in the flavor department.

  7. Re:Brain damage... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Wow, that war over in Germany is still going on? I thought it was over like 50 years ago...

  8. Re:Opposite of a Zombie by Labcoat+Samurai · · Score: 3, Funny

    Use body heat from meatbags as a power source in case we accidentally block out the sun with pollution?

    Wait, no, that's stupid. My mistake

  9. Re:Damage Mechanism by Zerimar · · Score: 5, Funny

    Ever see those people that drown in icy water, only to be revived after hours without oxygen, somewhat intact?

    No sir, I have never watched a person drown in icy water and then revived hours later. Is this a common thing to see?

  10. Re:Long Duration Space Flight by ignavus · · Score: 2, Funny

    Couldn't this be tweaked and used as a method of hibernation to stave off boredom...

    ...at work?

    --
    I am anarch of all I survey.
  11. Re:Oxidative damage. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    those poor shepherds... even through they are shepherds its no reason to call them dogs... ;)