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Anti Terror Honor System

Fortunately for us, the FAA has imposed the honor system as our next best defense against terrorism. Hopefully this will allow them to increase the volume of non-bladder liquid I'm allowed to take on planes.

74 comments

  1. Uhm.... by bsDaemon · · Score: 5, Informative

    This is a link to College Humor... did Taco even mouse over? Why is this on the front page? Quit wasting my time while I'm wasting my employer's time!

    1. Re:Uhm.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Since it's under the Technology heading, I have to assume College Humor is using some new Flash prototype. ;)

    2. Re:Uhm.... by c0mpliant · · Score: 1

      I was just thinking the same thing... Surely this is something for idle?

      --
      There is no -1 disagree
    3. Re:Uhm.... by courteaudotbiz · · Score: 1

      Quit wasting my time while I'm wasting my employer's time!

      I guess this is why it is tagged "Idle"...

    4. Re:Uhm.... by bsDaemon · · Score: 2, Interesting

      yeah, i just noticed that, but typically idle crap is under the idle heading and i don't have to look at tags i usually ignore anyway. i guess that's what i get for trying to read the article.

    5. Re:Uhm.... by courteaudotbiz · · Score: 1

      Well, some Idle stories make it to the main page. But I agree that usually, they're worth it, not like this one which is total garbage...

    6. Re:Uhm.... by Arthur+Grumbine · · Score: 2, Informative

      I'm pretty sure this is actually an accurate representation of South Carolina's advice for the TSA.

      --
      Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure everything I just said is completely wrong.
    7. Re:Uhm.... by Geoffrey.landis · · Score: 1

      I read news, and I also do read humor, but I agree, I like it when they're correctly labelled as to which is which.

      --
      http://www.geoffreylandis.com
    8. Re:Uhm.... by newdsfornerds · · Score: 1

      I agree. The collegehumor.com video wasn't all the funny either. Colbert could pull stuff better than that out of his hat before he's had his coffee.

      --
      Damping absorbs vibrations. Dampening is caused by moisture.
    9. Re:Uhm.... by Brian+Gordon · · Score: 1

      They don't make it to my main page - it's disabled. Unless someone marks it Technology of course...

    10. Re:Uhm.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      It is, and stop calling me Shirley

    11. Re:Uhm.... by dugeen · · Score: 1

      We aren't wasting our employers' time. We're keeping abreast of developments in the industry. In fact, I'm using my break time to do so, so really I'm entitled to credit rather than reproach.

  2. Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terror" by Gopal.V · · Score: 4, Insightful

    I find that a hilarious option on my US entry form. Because you see if I was actually there to do something illegal, I'd be declaring it when I enter. Yeah, right.

    But it makes sense as a sort of "But ... but ... but ... he said so!" legal CYA move. (Wait, CYA ... that sounds like something else).

    I think from what I've heard, Israel does the most ardous security check ever and they do it without being dicks about it. They have intelligent agents, who ask the right questions and do not invade your personal space to intimidate you. And it seems to work for them, especially since they back it up with the kind of stuff Mossad did at Entebe (despite the international legalities of doing so),

    The video is actually fairly funny, heh the "never do it again".

  3. Part 3, please read by BadAnalogyGuy · · Score: 2, Informative

    The following URL is a petition for permanent residence in the United States of America.

    http://www.uscis.gov/files/form/i-485.pdf

    Part 3 is the part that catches terrorists.

    1. Re:Part 3, please read by BSAtHome · · Score: 2

      3.fa Are you too stupid to commit a crime? [] yes [] no
      3.fb Are you planning to have fun? [] yes [] no
      3.fc Have you ever been party to a party where the party went on a party? [] yes [] no
      3.fd Do you plan to insult our national pride? [] yes [] no
      3.fe Do you feel welcome in this country? [] yes [] no
      ...
      3.xi How many pennies are there in a pound? [] yes [] no
      ...
      3.zz Did you wish you'd never seen this form? [] yes [] no

    2. Re:Part 3, please read by JWSmythe · · Score: 1

          So does an "Yes" Part 3 Item 3a get hot chicks into the country? It seems like a good filter. "She's hot. She's worked as a prostitute. We can ask for a few "favors" to make her paperwork move easier."

            I'd do Part 3 Item 14, except having one at a time is bad enough.

      --
      Serious? Seriousness is well above my pay grade.
    3. Re:Part 3, please read by fastest+fascist · · Score: 2, Interesting

      I suspect it's more that revoking citizenship is not a simple matter, but if it turns out you lied on the application form, and were therefore granted citizenship on false grounds, it can be revoked much more easily.

    4. Re:Part 3, please read by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Wow. They still ask if you're a member of the Communist Party. Did Joe McCarthy design the form?

    5. Re:Part 3, please read by Philip_the_physicist · · Score: 1

      I love the part where they ask for all the organisations you've been a member of since your 16th birthday, then give you only a few lines to fill it out. I would be tempted to fill that out honestly, starting with the most stupidly irrelevant clubs, then ask for more paper so I could actually finish answering.

    6. Re:Part 3, please read by NoseyNick · · Score: 1

      I had to do something similar for Canadian permanent residency, and I included several boy scouts units, several amateur radio clubs, cross country running teams, swim club, the EFF, Slashdot, and a bungy-jumping club. I did, indeed, have to continue on another sheet... And for some reason they still let me into the country :-D

      --
      Nick Waterman, Sr Tech Director, #include <stddisclaimer>
    7. Re:Part 3, please read by Iman+Azol · · Score: 1

      I listed the organization I belonged to. "United States Air Force." The immigration officer was quite amused.

  4. Anecdotally Effective by thethirdwheel · · Score: 1

    Based on their experience with the finger-crosser, I'd say this is a stunningly effective anti-terror mechanism

  5. Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro by The+MAZZTer · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Similar checkboxes were on my security clearance application. The way I see it, it's so they can charge you with lying on a gov't form later if it turns out you are a terr'ist.

  6. Really? by Velorium · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Put this in Idle, not in Tech where I expect actual news.

    1. Re:Really? by DynaSoar · · Score: 1

      Put this in Idle, not in Tech where I expect actual news.

      That's very brave of you, admitting in front of God and everybody that if you happen to read a summary and tags that indicate that the post is intended to be funny, if it happens to be posted with a heading that normally means the subject matter is news, that you have such poor control over your own behavior that you have to read the whole thing in case it has some real news embedded in it somewhere. Most people who exhibit such compulsions are too ashamed to admit it much less insist others adapt their behavior so as to minimize the resulting pressured behavior.

      --
      "I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid." -- Bishop 341-B
  7. oh well by F�an�ro · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Well, that is a minute of my life I won't get back.

  8. THE FAA DOES NOT DO THIS! by Suzuran · · Score: 4, Informative

    DHS is responsible for the Security Circus, not the FAA. Please put the blame where it belongs!

    1. Re:THE FAA DOES NOT DO THIS! by spottedkangaroo · · Score: 1

      See, I thought it was TSA.

      --
      Imagine if you weren't allowed to use roads because a bus company complained about your driving 3 times. --skunkpussy
    2. Re:THE FAA DOES NOT DO THIS! by mayko · · Score: 1

      DHS is the umbrella of many agencies that take part in the security theater games, as well as violate our privacy without warrant.

      Picture DHS as the conductor, and TSA the train... which is about to drive straight up your ass, or just take away your shampoo and nail clippers.

    3. Re:THE FAA DOES NOT DO THIS! by oodaloop · · Score: 1

      TSA is under DHS, so you're both right.

      --
      Tic-Tac-Toe, Global Thermonuclear War, and relationships all have the same winning move.
    4. Re:THE FAA DOES NOT DO THIS! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      TSA is under DHS, so you're both right.

      You mean TSA doesn't stand for "Terrorists' Surrogate Army"? I thought Al-Queda had stationed occupying forces in the airports!

    5. Re:THE FAA DOES NOT DO THIS! by maxwell+demon · · Score: 1

      TSA is under DHS, so you're both right.

      You mean TSA doesn't stand for "Terrorists' Surrogate Army"? I thought Al-Queda had stationed occupying forces in the airports!

      Well, it's just that DHS stands for DshiHad Service :-)

      --
      The Tao of math: The numbers you can count are not the real numbers.
    6. Re:THE FAA DOES NOT DO THIS! by spottedkangaroo · · Score: 1
      DHS has varying levels of uselessness. The acting and silly security theater is almost all concentrated int he 4billion USD waste that's called TSA.

      Anyway, the OP was talking about the FAA. FAA is to DOT as TSA is to DHS.

      --
      Imagine if you weren't allowed to use roads because a bus company complained about your driving 3 times. --skunkpussy
  9. Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro by Pikkebaas · · Score: 1

    I think from what I've heard, Israel does the most ardous security check ever and they do it without being dicks about it. They have intelligent agents, who ask the right questions and do not invade your personal space to intimidate you. And it seems to work for them, especially since they back it up with the kind of stuff Mossad did at Entebe (despite the international legalities of doing so),

    Have you read "The Pillars of Hercules" by Paul Theroux? There are some passages in there about entering Israel and the procedures involved.

  10. Quality by xbeefsupreme · · Score: 1, Informative

    The video wasn't even that funny.

  11. Y'know... by TheSpoom · · Score: 4, Informative

    I'm OK with the idle section, so long as articles that belong there are categorized as such.

    --
    It's better to vote for what you want and not get it than to vote for what you don't want and get it.
    - E. Debs
  12. What's next? by dotfile · · Score: 3, Funny

    Is it such a slow tech news day that we're going to see links to 4chan and xkcd all day?

    Jeebus.

    1. Re:What's next? by HeckRuler · · Score: 1

      Yes, yes it is.
      So get the fuck out there and make something!
      brb, tubing carbons to the moon...

    2. Re:What's next? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Here you go :-).

  13. Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro by vlm · · Score: 1

    The way I see it, it's so they can charge you with lying on a gov't form later if it turns out you are a terr'ist.

    Nahh, charging someone with lying on a form doesn't get the DA promoted.

    Its a reading comprehension test. Some cultures always respond affirmatively to someone superior to them. Thus the hilarity of some outsourced customer service interactions. Those forms will figure out if you can read English well enough to intelligently provide the "correct" answer.

    --
    "Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger
  14. Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro by Attila+Dimedici · · Score: 1

    Similar checkboxes were on my security clearance application. The way I see it, it's so they can charge you with lying on a gov't form later if it turns out you are a terr'ist.

    Actually, it is probably perjury. And that probably is the reason. They might not be able to prove the terrorism charge, but they'll convict you on the perjury charge.

    --
    The truth is that all men having power ought to be mistrusted. James Madison
  15. Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro by itsdapead · · Score: 1

    Actually, it is probably perjury. And that probably is the reason. They might not be able to prove the terrorism charge, but they'll convict you on the perjury charge.

    IANAL but I think that to convict you of perjury for saying you weren't a terrorist they'd still have to prove that you were a terrorist.

    On the other hand, deporting your arse out of the US (or firing you from your security-cleared job) for lying on a form probably only requires "reasonable suspicion" (the main thing you're doing on those nice green forms is waiving your right to appeal deportation or refusal of entry).

    --
    In a survey of 100 programmers, 111111 thought that duck-typing was a good idea.
  16. New TSA logos by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    In almost related news, ok ok not really, check out http://www.schneier.com/blog/archives/2010/01/tsa_logo_contes.html

    It's funny. Promise.

    1. Re:New TSA logos by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      mod parent up

      you little bitches!

  17. Ironically... by epp_b · · Score: 4, Insightful

    As humorous as that was, this is exactly the sort of security that actually works: looking people in the eyes, asking questions, being trained to skillfully detect what constitutes an honest response.

    The general stupid masses of the western world see the fancy x-ray machines, silvery conveyor tables and shiny rent-a-cop badges and think this somehow translates to better security. But this is not security, this is an illusion of security. This is just put on for show so that your representatives in government (hahahaha... I know) can appear to be doing something about those dern terrrrists.

    Security is not a product or a technology. Security, in the case of an airport, is an active process of identifying risks through layers of highly-trained intelligence personel; not high school drop-outs hired to press buttons.

    Wait, why does that sound familiar?

    1. Re:Ironically... by gujo-odori · · Score: 1

      Reminds me of a business trip to Canada I took a few years ago. Not a lot of high tech geegaws to deal with, the the Customs & Immigration officer at Winnipeg had eyes that could look right through a person, and I'm really, really sure that if somebody were BSing him about why they were coming to Canada, he'd be all over it and have them right off to secondary inspection. We need more of that ourselves, and a lot less of what we've got.

    2. Re:Ironically... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Queue the slashdot faggots sucking Bruce Schneier's cock.

    3. Re:Ironically... by DeVilla · · Score: 1

      As humorous as that was, this is exactly the sort of security that actually works: looking people in the eyes, asking questions, being trained to skillfully detect what constitutes an honest response.

      Once you do that you are using judgment. You are on the verge of profiling, or even worse racism.

  18. Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I find that a hilarious option on my US entry form. Because you see if I was actually there to do something illegal, I'd be declaring it when I enter. Yeah, right.

    There is an offense called "lying to US Customs". If you're a foreigner caught lying to US Customs, the customs officer has the authority to ban you from the USA for up to 5 years. No judge, lawyer, jury, or appeal.

  19. Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro by jfenwick · · Score: 1

    I think from what I've heard, Israel does the most ardous security check ever and they do it without being dicks about it.

    http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/1135243.html

    Yes, Israeli security never invades anyone's personal space.

  20. Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro by stephanruby · · Score: 1

    I find that a hilarious option on my US entry form. Because you see if I was actually there to do something illegal, I'd be declaring it when I enter. Yeah, right.

    Out of these US Customs forms, can you point to the one that said that.

    I looked at a few of them, and couldn't find the entry you mentioned.

    I think from what I've heard, Israel does the most ardous security check ever and they do it without being dicks about it.

    Not according to one plaintiff on Judge Judy (not a big sample I know, but I've never heard anyone else other than him describe their experience with Israeli Airport guards). The guy sued EL AL (Air Israel), the guards basically had diplomatic immunity -- so he couldn't sue them directly, but the guards were real dickheads to him (because supposedly, he had brown skin -- although he was Israeli and Jewish himself).

    So if you go by that measure, how did they treat me, or how do they treat white people in general, then the cops in the US -- especially the local Sheriffs in the backwaters of the South -- are probably some of the nicest and most courteous cops in the World -- assuming you really do go by that measure.

    They have intelligent agents, who ask the right questions and do not invade your personal space to intimidate you.

    Yeah, if I were an Israeli airport guard, I'd probably stand a couple of feet away from the possible suicide bomber too.

  21. hey, that could work! by arielCo · · Score: 1

    Judging by the stories I've read here and there, a straight look in the eye, asking more than twice and their gut feelings could actually work better than the current system. :)

    --
    This post contains no rudeness or derision of any kind. All arguments are friendly. Terms and exclusions may apply.
  22. Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro by commodoresloat · · Score: 1

    I think from what I've heard, Israel does the most ardous security check ever and they do it without being dicks about it. They have intelligent agents, who ask the right questions and do not invade your personal space to intimidate you.

    I'm guessing you've never gone through this security check as a young Arab male.

  23. Reminds me of old times by Locke2005 · · Score: 1

    You ever try to pick up some woman in a bar and have her ask you, "You're not a rapist or an axe murderer, are you?" This makes exactly as much sense as that question... I always want to respond "No I'm not... which is exactly the same answer a rapist or axe murderer would give you!" Or perhaps "No... but I am a pathological liar!" However, since those snarky answers would reduce the chances of my actually getting laid, I always just smiled and answered "No, of course not!" Which is exactly the same answer the terrorists will give.

    --
    I've abandoned my search for truth; now I'm just looking for some useful delusions.
    1. Re:Reminds me of old times by thickdiick · · Score: 1

      By responding "No, of course not!" you are supplicating to the woman, making yourself seem like a less-attractive man. You need to take control of the frame and not let her dictate the conversation. Untrained people will most likely direct the conversation to boring subjects. You must stop that from happening if she is to like you.

  24. Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro by icannotthinkofaname · · Score: 1

    The video is actually fairly funny, heh the "never do it again".

    "Also, you'll still have to take off your shoes."

    That's ridiculous! What am I going to do with my shoes, attack the President of the United States? Don't be absurd!

    --
    Let q be a radix > 1. I am in ur base-q, killing 10 d00ds.
  25. Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro by hedwards · · Score: 1

    What the Israeli security services do is far above and beyond anything we've seen in the US. With the possible exception of torture, I'm not really familiar enough on Israeli policy there, I certainly haven't ever heard their head of state saying that it was OK to torture.

    In the US we've got a few armed air marshal's on a number of flights, and if I understand correctly, the Israelis have a pair of obviously armed security officers there with automatic weapons to take down anybody that tries to get into the cockpit without appropriate cause.

  26. Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro by hedwards · · Score: 1

    I take it you don't recall the name Richard Reid, AKA the shoe bomber. Had he managed to light his shoes that entire flight would've probably crashed, or at least suffered a serious decompression incident. Which was mind boggling since at that time you could legitimately take lighters with you one US flights.

  27. Mike Birbiglia by LtGordon · · Score: 4, Funny

    "A few years ago, I was moving a new bed into my apartment, and this woman who lived in the building opened the front door for me with her key. She said, 'I'm not worried because a rapist wouldn't have a bed like that.' That's how she started the conversation. Now, what I should have said was nothing. What I did say was 'You'd be surprised.' '

  28. Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro by icannotthinkofaname · · Score: 1

    Nope, I don't remember that. Might have something to do with the fact that I had pretty much just turned 12 and I was still in 7th grade at the time.

    --
    Let q be a radix > 1. I am in ur base-q, killing 10 d00ds.
  29. Re:Plz check the "Not here to commit acts of terro by Attila+Dimedici · · Score: 1

    They convicted Martha Stewart of lying about insider trading, but they never proved that she did any insider trading. They never even charged her with insider trading.

    --
    The truth is that all men having power ought to be mistrusted. James Madison
  30. We need a vote system for crappy submissions by Nyder · · Score: 1

    Sure, we can moderate individuals posts, but how about stupid ass submissions like this?

    While I like you Captain Chimichanga, I come here for news. that was not news. I expect better of you.

    --
    Be seeing you...
    1. Re:We need a vote system for crappy submissions by TheSpoom · · Score: 1

      They have that, it's called the firehose.

      Whether articles are actually posted based on their votes is still at the discretion of the editors though.

      --
      It's better to vote for what you want and not get it than to vote for what you don't want and get it.
      - E. Debs
  31. GAY people are terrorists by NSN+A392-99-964-5927 · · Score: 0, Troll

    This is a link to College Humor... did Taco even mouse over? Why is this on the front page? Quit wasting my time while I'm wasting my employer's time!

    haha ahaha muhAHAHA

    --
    All cows eat grass!
  32. What if I change my mind ? by Builder · · Score: 2, Funny

    My big problem with that form is that you can't change your mind later. I mean, what if I am visiting the US on holiday, and I have only good intentions when I arrive, so I don't tick the box. But when I get there, I realise that the arrogant running imperial dogs must all die and decide to martyr myself for the cause.

    Who do I see to get my form back to change the option? There are no contact details on the form and it seems to me that your government make it as hard as possible to update my details. So you see, it's not my fault that I have to break the law when I change my mind - you've forced me to this by not providing a simple way to update my details!

  33. At work and loud by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Thanks for the loud guitar riff ad mother fuckers. Give a warning or something when these sites have loud ads.