Slashdot Mirror

← Back to Stories (view on slashdot.org)

How the TSA Plans On Inspecting Your Monkey

Posted by samzenpus on from the I'm-gonna-need-to-check-your-monkey dept.

The uncertainty of what might happen to your service monkey at an airport security checkpoint won't keep you awake at night anymore, thanks to the TSA. They have issued an easy to follow list of how they will ensure your helper monkey won't go all Planet of the Apes on your flight. Some of the security techniques used to make sure your primate is not a terrorist include: "Security Officers will conduct a visual inspection on the service monkey and will coach the handler on how to hold the monkey during the visual inspection. The inspection process may require that the handler to take off the monkey's diaper as part of the visual inspection."

9 of 114 comments (clear)

  1. Now's the time on Sprockets when we dahnce by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Touch it! Touch the monkey!

    1. Re:Now's the time on Sprockets when we dahnce by Megahard · · Score: 3, Funny

      From TFA: Security Officers have been trained to not touch the service monkey during the screening process. Sorry.

      --
      I eat only the real part of complex carbohydrates.
    2. Re:Now's the time on Sprockets when we dahnce by spun · · Score: 3, Funny

      Are you telling me that TSA security officers are forbidden to spank the monkey?

      --
      - None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license. -- John Milton
  2. Take off the monkey's diaper as part of inspection by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    There is actually 1.75 trillion dollar roll out of monkey-sized body scanners. When the project is finished, you will no longer be required to remove your animal's diaper, but technicians may laugh at your monkey's banana.

  3. But.. by Locke2005 · · Score: 3, Funny

    Will they spank my monkey if he misbehaves? Or will I need to do that myself?

    --
    I've abandoned my search for truth; now I'm just looking for some useful delusions.
  4. Yes, but... by vikingpower · · Score: 3, Funny

    ...will the monkey blend ?

    --
    Religous speak to God. Insane are spoken to by God. When all shut up, one can finally hear Shostakovich in peace
  5. wow. they *exist* by earlymon · · Score: 4, Informative

    http://www.monkeyhelpers.org/

    Wow. Seriously - wow.

    --
    Pathological kinda promises Path + Logical - but instead, you get stuck with pathetic.
  6. Monkeys inspecing Monkeys by scorp1us · · Score: 3, Funny

    Does that mean TSA agents will eat ticks if they find any, and does your monkey have to return the inspection favor?

    --
    Slashdot's rate-of-post filter: Preventing you from posting too many great ideas at once.
  7. Redundant Hilarity by cosm · · Score: 3, Funny

    The full body scanners already accomplish this. They can even scan beavers and sweater-puppies, so I hear.

    --
    'We are trying to prove ourselves wrong as quickly as possible, because only in that way can we find progress.' RPF