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Fastest Graphics Ever, Asus ARES Rips Benchmarks
MojoKid writes "Over-the-top, killer graphics cards are always fun to play with, though they may not be all that practical. With a pair of ATI Radeon HD 5870 GPUs on a single PCB and 4GB of GDDR5 graphics memory on board, the recently released Asus ARES is one such card that can currently claim the title of being the fastest single gaming graphics card on the planet. This dual-GPU-infused beast rips through benchmarks, besting even the likes of a Radeon HD 5970 or NVIDIA GeForce GTX 480. You can even run a pair of them in CrossFire mode, if you're hell-bent on the fastest frame rates money can buy currently."
Dude, Nethack fucking SCREAMS. As long as you install the proprietary binary drivers.
This was over the top, totally bonkers, hilariously exaggerated just 10 years ago. With not two but 5 of the hottest graphics processors of the time on one board, it would smoke the competition in any benchmark (particularly Bungholiomark). Now tell me, what good would five times the performance of a ten year old card do in one of today's games? The ASUS ARES is just as ridiculous, but it's real and they expect you to pay real money for it. If you do that, the joke is on you.
Dude, Nethack fucking SCREAMS. As long as you install the proprietary binary drivers.
I think you find in the case of NetHack that should be 'proprietary ASCII drivers'
Just so if you go on vacation, and decide to take your gaming graphics card, instead of your girlfriend . . . it should be great for getting flagged, when going through airport security.
TSA agent: "Sir, what exactly is this . . . ?"
Gamer: "It's the fastest graphics card in the world, as we know it! And it costs $1200 . . . and came with this great briefcase!"
TSA to colleague: "I don't see any Apple logo on it. Cuff him, and put him on the next flight to Guantanamo. Send the briefcase to the lab in Langley, and see if they can figure out how this weapon of mass destruction works . . ."
Schroedinger's Brexit: The UK is both in and out of the EU at the same time!
Lord, thank you for the $500 network cable Google search. My life changed after reading Amazon comments:
http://www.amazon.com/Denon-AKDL1-Dedicated-Link-Cable/product-reviews/B000I1X6PM
I knew my day was going to improve when the truck pulled up at my home with this cable deep within. No ordinary truck, this one was Holy White, and the gold Delivery logo sparkled like a thousand suns reflected through shards of the purest ice formed with unadulterated water collected at the beginning of the universe. The driver, clad in a robe colored the softest of white, floated towards me on the cool fog of a hundred fire extinguishers. He smiled benevolently, like a father looking down upon his only child, and handed me a package wrapped in gold beaten thin to the point where you could see through it. I didn't have to sign, because the driver could see within my heart, and knew that I was pure. Upon opening the package, an angelic choir started to sing, and reached a crescendo as I laid this cable on my stereo system. Instantly, my antiquated equipment transformed into components made from the clearest diamond-semiconductor. The cable knew where to go, and hooked itself into the correct ports without help from me - all the while, the choir sang praises to the almighty digital god. With trepidation, I pushed "play," and was instantly enveloped in a sound that echoed the creation of all matter, a sound that vibrated every cell in my body to perfection. I was instantly taken to the next plane, where I saw the all-father. I knew with my entire soul, that all was good in the world.
But then I realized the cable was blue, so I only gave it one star. I hate blue.
Almost all comments - joking or not - are very funny.
English is not my first language. Corrections and suggestions are welcome.
Yeah, I just thought of that while I was in the shower (where all good thoughts come from).