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Darth Vader Robs Long Island Bank

Posted by samzenpus on from the I-find-our-lack-of-funds-disturbing dept.

Apparently the destruction of the second Death Star has stretched the Galactic Empire's coffers so thin that Lord Vader himself is robbing banks. From the article: "Impotent Rebel Alliance security forces tell Newsday (paywall) that Vader marched into a Chase bank in Setauket around 11:30 a.m. today. Brandishing a completely unnecessary handgun — as he had the power to choke the oxygen out every teller's throat — the fallen Jedi demanded cash."

20 of 190 comments (clear)

  1. handguns by Shakrai · · Score: 5, Funny

    Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid......

    --
    I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
    We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
  2. These are not the money bags you're looking for. by snookerhog · · Score: 5, Funny

    move along

  3. Not a bad plan by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    But I think playing the Imperial March on a portable speaker while he walked in drew a bit too much attention.

  4. There were actually 3 robbers. by DWMorse · · Score: 5, Funny

    One that actually walked into the bank, one that did the voice demanding the money, and one that will go to jail for showing his face for a few seconds.

    --
    There's a spot in User Info for World of Warcraft account names? Really?
    1. Re:There were actually 3 robbers. by elrous0 · · Score: 5, Funny

      And most hated of all...the one whiny little girl-man robber who will later be edited into the security camera footage.

      --
      SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
  5. Darth Vader Robs Bank by mjwx · · Score: 4, Funny

    Death Star plans not found in main computer.

    --
    Calling someone a "hater" only means you can not rationally rebut their argument.
  6. He'll be pretty easy to spot by Mabbo · · Score: 5, Funny

    Just go to the next convention, and look for the guy who is no longer living in his mother's basement.

    1. Re:He'll be pretty easy to spot by 93,000 · · Score: 4, Funny

      No, it'll be the guy whose mom drops him off in an pimped out Escalade.

      --
      Sweet informative mod.
    2. Re:He'll be pretty easy to spot by Alsee · · Score: 4, Funny

      The police did pull over a suspicious pimped out Escalade, but according to the paperwork the driver wasn't the bank robber they were looking for.

      -

      --
      - - You can't take something off the Internet! That's like trying to take pee out of a swimming pool.
  7. Unusual by DoofusOfDeath · · Score: 4, Funny

    Couldn't Cheney have just gone on a lecture tour like everyone else?

    "I find the lack of cash in this paper bag... disturbing."

    1. Re:Unusual by jd2112 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Cheney is hard up for cash because of his recent heart surgery. It was a lot more expensive than anticipated because the surgeons have never worked on anything that small...

      --
      Any insufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology.
  8. Re:Obviously by DoofusOfDeath · · Score: 5, Funny

    At the bank they did not know the power of the Dark Side...

    I'm sure their executives do.

  9. ATM by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Who's gonna give me a loan, jack-hole? You!? You got an ATM on that torso lite-brite!?" - Emperor Palpatine

  10. Free Lightsaber with every new account by magusxxx · · Score: 5, Funny

    "I find your lack of interest in your savings accounts disturbing." --- "The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant to a well diversified IRA."--- "Asteroids do not concern me, Teller. I want that ship, not excuses. Now get me a low percentage loan."--- "When I left you I was but an accountant. Now I am the bank manager."

    --
    Care killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.
  11. He's heading for that small Bank by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    That's no Bank;

    It's a credit union.

  12. Re:Cool by DoofusOfDeath · · Score: 4, Funny

    Darth Vader robbing a bank? Far more cool than the entirety of the prequels.

    Quiet, or you'll give Lucas an idea for another prequel: "Episode 3.5: How Vader Acquired Funding for the Death Star".

    (Oh crap - I think he heard me.)

  13. How I imagine the call to the tips line... by debozero · · Score: 4, Funny

    Operator: Hello Tip line

    Caller: Yes I'm calling about the Darth Vader bank robbery

    Operator: OK go ahead..

    Caller: Yes the guy who did it lives in a galaxy far far away.

    Operator: OK how does this help

    Caller: Well it doesn't but I know he is on a large moon.. Wait that's no moon it's.. it's... massive......

    Operator: Who is this?

    Caller: It's Han {static}

    Operator: I think we have a bad connection say again

    Caller: It's Han {static} and I am near the deathstar located {static}

    Operator: OK we have your location we are sending the authorities

    Caller: OK can you hear me now?

    Operator: Yes.

    Caller: OK you will need to fly down the thermal exhaust port and fire a Photon Torpedo

    Operator: um why?

    Caller: Do you want to catch the guy or not {noise in the background} hold on. SHUT UP CHEWY

    {Call cuts off}

  14. Re:WTF? by Chrisq · · Score: 4, Funny

    How is robbing a bank amusing or entertainment? Just because the guy was in a costume that nerds might think is cool? Uhmm... I don't think so.

    Is that you Ned Flanders?

  15. When he was... by clo1_2000 · · Score: 4, Funny

    walking up to the teller, I wonder if the teller thought, "I have a bad feeling about this"

    --
    "In true dialogue, both sides are willing to change" --Thich Nhat Hanh
  16. Re:They can steal it back... by cstacy · · Score: 4, Funny

    ... his pin number is 1 2 3 4 5.

    OMG that's the same combination as my luggage!