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AMD Offers Women Geek Dating Advice
Blacklaw writes "It appears AMD has decided to branch out from integrated circuits and enter the romance market with a handy guide for girls to land themselves a geeky guy. From the article: 'In a blog post written by Leslie Sobon, the company's vice president of marketing, Sobon describes her life in the largely male-dominated world of technology as being "mostly surrounded by guys all day," but says: "I can tell you that — in general — technical guys are pretty cool," and offers advice on how girls can land a geek guy. Although clearly meant in a lighthearted way, Sobon's missive serves to patronize both her company's customers — who, we learn, are socially inept and bad dressers — and women, who apparently can't understand technology and need to find a nice man who can "fix the TV, your PC, and the sprinkler system" along with other magical item s far too complex for the poor female brain to comprehend.'"
Dear everyone,
Please stop taking every so damned seriously.
Thank you,
Byron
Seriously, if a nice girl's just willing to strike up a conversation with us, she's already miles ahead in my book without having to learn how to parrot stupid lines about x86 vs. ARM.
My postings are informational and does not constitute legal advice. Act on it at your risk.
If a male wrote this drivel, he'd at the minimum. be fired, and there's a good chance he'd be sued for sexual harrasment as well. But if a woman writes it? No penalties at all.
As long as they are not butt ugly (or fat) (or both) a teen o 20-something woman can pretty mcuh get any kind of man they desire.
Lucky beeotches.
Us men on the other hand have to work at it, and hear the word "no" or simply derisive laughter about 9 times out of 10 attempts.
"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." - historian Evelyn Beatrice Hall
Pfft. she'd have to at least talk about a worthy RISC architecture, Power PC or SPARC, too bad those ones don't have a chance
Although clearly meant in a lighthearted way, Sobon's missive serves to patronize both her company's customers...
No, no it doesn't....It's only offensive if you're a soulless, insecure, sensitive little bitch. Get over it.
Motorcycles, Robots, Space Gossip and More!
Nothing to see here. Please move along.
To ensure perfect aim, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target
When did this happen? Was it at the same time that Pluto was demoted, but Pluto hogged all the press time, or what?
Apparently that quip about patronization was written by a fella named Gareth Halfacree, the author of the linked article. Gareth, since you're writing for a tech oriented website (at least I think that's what it is) here's some news for you. Geeks tend to have pretty crude, politically incorrect senses of humor, that include discriminatory jokes and a lot of self-deprecation. You might want to learn this soon. Otherwise I fear that writing articles about this world will bring you a DDOS attack, or tears for your fellow men.
Motorcycles, Robots, Space Gossip and More!
Finally, Sobon suggests that you ignore his clothes - apparently "most geeks don't wear pants," and women should "get over it and wait for the ring to diversify his wardrobe."
- that's right, depending on how I feel I have no pants on, and/or no underwear. Is it a blessing in disguise or is it your worst nightmare? Nobody knows.
You can't handle the truth.
I know. I accidentally the whole thing, and yet I can still it lightheartedly.
We are both into the same nerdy things (comics, video games, movies, etc) but we are into different TYPES of comics, video games, movies, etc. This allowed us to expand each other's exposure to our favorites, while still the same things. It gave us a lot to bond over during the early part of our relationship, and that helped us reach the point where we got married.
The overlap in the details of our common interests got the ball rolling, and the differences in the details of our common interests kept it rolling.
Living With a Nerd
Well, if you read the actual blog post instead of that jackass written article, you will find the blog is actually pretty light and makes little, if any offensive comments or insinuations. Really, it's pretty cut and dry and somewhat silly. So, after three posts, I've decided Gareth Halfacree is a total douchebag, and the author of the blog itself, Leslie Sobon comes off as pretty date-able. Also, I posted three separate times because everything is better in triplicates, and work is extremely slow today.
Motorcycles, Robots, Space Gossip and More!
I was confused about the pants thing as well. If you read the actual blog post she says that geeks don't wear pants, they wear jeans and shorts.
Don't they realize that if all their smart geeky employees start getting laid regularly they'll quickly lose motivation to work ridiculous hours for less pay than their superiors who don't do anything?
If geeks start getting laid, the American economy will collapse, since geeks is all we really have left. I, for one, think that the sexual activities of geeks should be heavily monitored and controlled by the government to ensure their continued general dissatisfaction with human relations. It must be done; for the sake of our children, for the sake of American prosperity.
p.s. I'm moving to Germany (Gottingen) next week.
-- Let us endeavor so to live that when we pass even the undertaker shall be sorry. -- M. Twain
Because if she ain't an engineer, she's just coming to work to try to meet one. Kinds sad, if you ask me.
And how do you tell the difference? Between an actual female engineer and gals like this who can't even play one on TV?
Well, there's those degrees and certs to start with, not to mention the actual knowledge and actual accomplishments.
Unfortunately, there are so few of us that organizations have given up on discerning the difference.
I am very wary of women "in tech" who simply don't know anything except how to pander to *male* geeks.
Having had decent sucess in the multi core race, AMD decides to innovate the field first with dating advice and the subsequent release of their hardcore line of processors, running at a comfortable 37c, G-hardened and fluid proofed. The first being the classic dual-hardcore version, but more adventuros users may be interested in the hexa-hardcore model of the magny-coques lineup.
I read TFA and the Blog Post. I am a male geek and I am 45 years old, and have had only one sexual partner in all that time.
Even I am offended by this blog post. Not for what she says about geeks, but for how she treats other women, as brainless fashionistas.
If this is how women speak to other women, no wonder women seek out even the jerkiest of jocks -- even they will treat them better than other women!
Admittedly, I am cynical. I say things often that could be considered offensive or sarcastic, such as my view that "love is only for pretty people". But I assume that anyone reading or listening to me isn't braindead. Even blondes (I kid, I kid!).
Secondly, she assumes the reliationship is one-way. She never assumes that the "geek" might be interested in what music styles, hobbies, interests and worldview the lady brings to the relationship. Believe it or not geeks can have conversations about more than just tech.
I agree with another poster about this: If a man had written and posted this blog on AMD's site, he's have been fired in 2 seconds flat for sexism.
Way to go double standard.
If telephones are outlawed, then only outlaws will have telephones.
From personal experience, well personal experience of friends, don't marry a nerdy girl if you want kids. More often or not they are too guyish to have any such desire.
Not to mention, if you're wearing "pants" rather than jeans when you go out on the weekend (excluding to fancy-pants restaurants) you're probably kind of a douche.
-- Let us endeavor so to live that when we pass even the undertaker shall be sorry. -- M. Twain
This is a photo of Leslie Sobon
Alright, that's pretty good, but then these are also photos of Leslie:
one
two
three
four
That's quite a range there, never know what you're going to get.
my karma will be here long after I'm gone
wind up with people who believe in dating strategies: shallow reptilian posers who look at other people like predators do.
But people who act like themselves, meet people who are actually interested in them. When you act like yourself, and follow no strategy at all, you form genuine lasting bonds based on your actual real personality and character.
Strategy, when it comes to meeting someone of the opposite sex you are interested in forming a lasting meaningful bond with, is failure. Because strategy is about conquest when relationships are about humanity. So the best strategy when it comes to forming a human bond with other human beings is absence of strategy. The less you try, the better you do, because without the sword and armor people see you for what you really are. Not everyone will like the real you, but its better to lead without the sword and armor, because if you build a relationship based on the sword and armor, you eventually have to take those things off, they cost too much to maintain, and the person you wooed with the sword and armor won't like what they see, and feel betrayed, since they were sold on the sword and armor.
Unless you are just looking to get laid. In which case, you should be concerned with nothing more than tactical warfare.
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
I used to be a geek. I didn't wear "pants," as she defined them. Then years later I met a non-geek girl that showed me the world outside of computers. The blog made me laugh about my past.
The problem is that you guys are still stuck inside the bubble. Try seeing yourselves from a different perspective.
My wife runs the automatic sprinkler system. I don't go near that damn thing. It's worse than setting up Lexmark printers.
No sig for you. YOU GET NO SIG!
It all comes down to the perception of a "hostile work environment". Notice I used the term perception, because it isn't about what someone actually does, it's about how it makes someone else feel.
So if some women's studies minor takes offense at a memo a guy wrote about how to date a geek-grrl, that guy had better be prepared with a swift, logical, and pointed defense. Otherwise, he's guilty until proven innocent.
Have tits and a pulse. We geeky guys aren't exactly known for being particularly choosy when a live girl actually shows some interest.
I'm not sure my wife could name any of the programming languages that I have used in my career. And that doesn't bother me.
I don't need my partner to be interested in the specifics of my work. When I am upset or frustrated about work, or want to talk about what I did that day, generalities are fine, because honestly, unless you were on the same project I was on, it wouldn't make much sense no matter what level of vocabulary you had.
I've had the experience of dating a girl very seriously who was beautiful, highly intelligent, and an excellent system administrator. And our shared language and work/hobby interests did nothing to smooth over the rocky spots in our relationship, and while initially it made me much more attracted to her, in retrospect it was perhaps novelty more than anything else. IOW, her qualities as a person were considerably more important than her "job" as a sysadmin or her interests as "a geek", and our ideology and personality clashes eventually overshadowed our mutual geekyness.
_My_ advice to women who are interested in geeky guys is
1) be accessible. Women _baffle_ men, and geeks are used to being able to come up with valid mental models to predict the behavior of complex things. But this is regularly less successful than we would like when applied to girls. (See xkcd: http://xkcd.com/55/)
This means, when we work up the nerve to ask questions or chat, use accomodating body language. Listen, and ask clarifying questions to help draw us out more. Don't act like we have the plague -- we probably don't.
2) Expect to be challenged. Challenge back. Most geeks will want to have an authentic relationship. We will, like all asshole men, project our values, expectations, and ideas about women on to you, but we're better off if you challenge us when we do that. Not like "STFU you patriarch bastard", but actually engage us in a discussion about why we are wrong. You don't have to care about what we do, but you do need to demonstrate critical thinking skills. We, by and large, do not have serious relationships with people who are very beautiful but very dim and self centered. They are eye and arm candy, but not for serious relationships.
3) We are usually not eye and arm candy.
(To be fair, we're not asking you to be either -- very often :))
If we need to shave more or dress better or whatever to meet your expectations regarding house-broken mammals, we will probably not understand, and we will probably resist any attempts by you to guilt us or shame us into complying. Explain why it is important to you _personally_, and work things from that angle. There will be some amount of ideological opposition, but usually you'll luck out by appealing to the pragmatist within us.
4) Don't be ashamed of who you are or what your interests are. The AMD lady's advice is pretty bad I think -- if you're not interested in CPU types, don't pretend to be. Some of us love explaining that stuff to anyone who will listen, and others would rather not tell you if you cannot be bothered to find out for yourself. But don't patronize us and imply that you are interested when you really aren't.
5) Many of the same problems between men and women apply to geek men and women. We have pride, we desperately want your respect, it is important (to varying degrees) to us to be approved of by you. Often, we are better at expressing our anger and frustration in words, but not always. Some of us are alcoholics, quick to anger, and some of us will hurt you, because after all, we're still men, even when we're not tan and not rippling with muscle mass.
(PS: many of us are still confused about how we fit into a world that has a traditional yet evolving idea of what a "man" is. Yes, our grandpas fought wars, our dads worked in factories and enjoyed a stiff drink. Yet some of us don't like going outside. Somewhere inside all of us is the need to be a bit macho at times, but we're not always sure how.
My opinions are my own, and do not necessarily represent those of my employer.
Ex pats living in Silicon Valley (where there's a low concentration of females) and unaccustomed to US dating rituals may find this useful: http://loveengineer.com/21/the-ex-pat-guys-guide-to-american-dating-rituals/
Drill baby drill - on Mars
How to land a geeky guy? Easy.
Step 1. Be female.
Done.
Just think: if WOPR from "Wargames" had met Skynet from "The Terminator", these computers wouldn't be trying to throw us poor humans into dystopian alternative reality nightmares, they would just be playing nice computer games in private.
So yes, meeting the right mate matters in avoiding genocidal thermonuclear war, or uh, something.
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
Also, let's face it ... it's easy to get a geek.
Or if you're esthetically challenged -
I’d be happy with either one alone, although just bringing beer might be too subtle.
Alexander Peter Kristopeit bought his basement from his mommy for one dollar.
In her blog post, she recommends three things at the end of the article:
Buy your geek a Radeon graphics card.
Buy your geek a triple-monitor setup so he can run Eyefinity.
Buy your geek an unlocked Phenom II Black.
Quite the savvy saleswoman, this one.
.
Man is the animal that laughs.
And occasionally whores for Karma.
This post is not intended to be insightful or anything. It's just a rant about myself.
I'm starting to question my geekiness. I've always considered myself a geek (well, more of a nerd according to my definition of those two words), but I don't fit into any of the stereotypes listed in that blog post. I'm not a gamer. I'm not an overclocker (I do like good hardware, but I don't obsess over it). I'm not obsessed with any geek movies/series (star wars, etc. I enjoy some of them, but am in no way obsessed). It advises to ask geeky questions... but to me that would be an immediate dealbreaker. I don't want a girl who knows anything about CPU architecture or programming languages. I wouldn't mind someone with knowledge of some sort of science or technology, but *not* computer science or computer/electrical engineering. Not sure why that's a turnoff for me. Maybe it's just experience with the type of girls in those fields.
In regards to some of the posts in this /. thread, I am *very* picky about girls that I would be interested in having a relationship with. A lot of girls like geeks. I think I can do better than a girl with a pulse. I hope...
It seems like she would rather be a VP of Marketing at a tabloid than a technology company.
A Girl's Guide to Geek Guys
http://www.neystadt.org/john/humor/Girls-Guide-To-Geek-Guys.htm
The submitter linked to an site that links to the actual posting. The real posting it at: http://blogs.amd.com/home/2010/09/22/getageek/
The tone that the author of the article asserts simply doesn't exist in the original blog post. She's offering lighthearted advice and never once even implied that women cannot learn these things. Indeed, she offers as a balance point that these women would likewise not need to learn sports - like they might with a more traditional male. They, in her mind, are clearly able to learn these things, but if they're not interested in it, they don't have to...
That's not anything close to article linked.
The article was cute, but she left off the most important way to attract a geek. Just tell him, "Windows is now a 64 bit tweak of a 32 bit extension to a 16 bit user interface for an 8 bit operating system based on a 4 bit architecture from a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition."
He'll be yours forever.
While reading all I could think of was that it seems men are the ones who need advices and help more than women.
So, what kinds of things would female geeks find positive? Hmm, that's a tough question and I can really only answer about myself:
* Find out what kinds of games she likes and then try them out yourself, preferably with her. Like f.ex. I like all kinds of RPGs a lot. If they can be played co-operatively they're a great way to spend time together and show some interest in her activities. ;) So let your imagination flow but let her take the lead if she shows even the slightest interest in taking it!
* If she likes some certain game or console much more than the others try and find some way to give a related present to her. I just recently found pictures of someone who had bedroom sheets and pillows and all made to look like NES and I found it really amazing, and would have been delighted to find such a surprise one day in my bedroom.
* Don't underestimate her or try to help her, unless she explicitly asks for help. She might very well know more than you and would be offended if you assumed she needs help.
* Geeky toys, gadgets etc work for us just as well as they do for guys. Just don't try to buy all kinds of pink or "girly" gadgets. That's a horrible mistake and will most likely land you outside the door.
* Female geeks are often quite strong and fiery, able to fend for themselves, and willing to try out new things. Especially in bedroom: I atleast personally love to try all kinds of things there!
What else? I don't know, the usual stuff like just showing caring and interest in both her and her own interests, and sharing time with her works as they work in all relationships. Just use some brains and follow your instincts.
This isn't actually directed toward commodore64. I don't know the first thing about his love life. For all I know, he has a harem of eager sex slaves who worship the ground he walks on. It's really directed toward anyone who read his post and thought "Yeah! He's dead right!"
You have it backwards. It's much easier for an unattractive man to make himself attractive than an unattractive woman. That's because most women are attracted by the way we make them feel, not just how we look (looks don't hurt, but you might be surprised by how many "pretty boys" can get enough women with just their looks that that they never bother to develop a personality...which is much, much more important). How often have you seen a drop-dead gorgeous woman with some pathetic loser and you wondered why, knowing you'd be so much better for her? How often do you see a drop-dead gorgeous man with a hideous woman?
We're the lucky ones. Many women will tell you that men get more attractive with age. Not all, of course. But a surprisingly high percentage.
We do have to work at it. But talking to women is actually a lot more fun than it is work. If you're getting an instant "no" as soon as you walk up, or simple derisive laughter when you try to step things up a notch, you're doing something terribly, terribly wrong. Women are much more sensitive to social nuances than men, and they're much more polite and concerned about hurting other people's feelings. Sure, you'll run into the occasional bitch, but they're really few and far between.
If what you're doing isn't working, change what you're doing.
I can't believe I'm getting ready to post this on /.
If I were to give advice to women interested in a geek it would be this:
Most geeks are shy, and at least a bit socially awkward. You can't count on them to pick up subtle cues and you really can't count on them to make the first move. If you want to get to know them, go up to them, smile, and start up a conversation. They'll almost certainly chat with you.
Yes, it does mean that you have to risk rejection. Really, you can deal with it, guys deal with it all the time :D.
That is really all there is. If the relationship will work or all that other jazz, well you find that out as things progress, as with any relationship. The only real difference is that due to the generally shy, introverted nature of most geeks, you'll need to make the first move.
I suppose the other thing would be to understand that geeks do like computers and do want to chatter about them. That's fine, much as you might have an interest your boyfriend does not, it can be the same the other way around. You can still chatter about it. Just be prepared that he may want to talk technical. You can politely remind him that you don't understand it all, or simply ask, many geeks are happy to explain their hobbies in great detail if you wish.
You don't have to be fake, you don't have to pretend like you are a geek. You just have to be friendly and receptive.
Be nice and make the first move, I'd say you have a better than average chance of having a relationship if you want one.
to pick up girls then? Or do you wait for them to ask you out?
I ask this sincerely. I'm not trying to be sarcastic or funny.
As a female geek, I find this more cute than anything. Especially the links to amd's products. It's rather creative advertising, I think.
You know, San Fran isn't the center of the world. And thanks for calling me a douche because I have to wear "pants" to meet with clients.
I didn't realize hot girls had a problem getting geeky guys. I think "hello" is all you need, since most unkempt geeks usually just get ignored.
I think Morticia Addams is a good example of this... sharp looker, can't be fazed and has her own weird vibe going. just a thought.
I'd have a personalized plate on my car, but "toxic bachelor" won't fit into 7 letters.
LOL!
Reminds me of an old joke:
How does a woman seduce a man?
She shows up.
Do you have ESP?
I said when you go out on the weekends. You know, to a movie, to the park, whatever. When you're in a business situation of course different rules apply.
-- Let us endeavor so to live that when we pass even the undertaker shall be sorry. -- M. Twain
What does she mean by "fix ... the sprinkler system"?
Is there a website for that? That wold be golden.
Being able to dress like a successful adult male doesn't make you a douche. There is more to dressing than jeans, cargo shorts, and ironic t-shirts, and if you don't want to be one of the average-looking Old-Navy-wearing clones at the bar, maybe you should try varying your wardrobe a little. Sometimes jeans and a t-shirt are appropriate... sometimes it's fun (and productive, in terms of attracting women) to wear something a little nicer.
And, anecdotally, you'll attract more attention if you dress up a little - speaking as an average-looking guy who's 20-35 pounds overweight (depending on the day, and depending on what I ate...), sloppy untucked t-shirts & shorts just tend to look bad. Dress up, tuck your shirt in, and spend 5 minutes throwing some polish on your shoes, and suddenly you'll find that girls think you're a lot better looking.
Sigh, I know, the douche comment was a bit heavy-handed.
-- Let us endeavor so to live that when we pass even the undertaker shall be sorry. -- M. Twain
Being able to dress like a successful adult male
Stop right there.
What conceivable relation, if any, exists between whether or not someone is successful and your approval of his wardrobe?
Alexander Peter Kristopeit bought his basement from his mommy for one dollar.
Like anyone else just treat them like human and don't try to change them. If you don't like how they live then they'll never be right for you. That can be applied to men or women.
You may have noticed the keyword in my sentence: "LIKE".
Dress LIKE a successful adult male.
It's the same principle as "dressing for your next promotion." It's a way of differentiating yourself from the mass of jeans-clad ironic t-shirt wearing clones at the bar, and your pedantry aside, I think most people will agree that most people don't think "untucked t-shirt and rumpled jeans" generally projects an image that says "I am successful." That type of clothing tends to project an image that says "I am a young guy who probably still lives at home, or with 2-3 other young guys in a frat-house environment."
So, dress *like* a successful adult, who cares about not looking like an unpressed slob, and who values the impression they are making, and is willing to take a few minutes to make themselves look good.
You can argue all you want about how "dressing well" is some fatuous societal construct designed to ruin our individuality - in that case, good luck dressing exactly the same as every other 16-30 year old male in an effort to express your individuality and disregard for social conventions. Jeans are not formal wear unless you make a couple million per film, or run a company like Apple. Until then, you're an average guy, and as an average guy, cleaning up a bit and taking the time to dress nicely now and then will do a lot for your success with women.
To "get" someone. Fuck you. Seriously, you suck and deserve the suffering a choice in life like that is going to bring on you. The only downside is that you're dragging another person into your own personal hell by tricking them like that. It's like the guy who lies to get a girl in the sack for a one night fling. Except it's not one night, it's months or years or even a lifetime.
Everything will be taken away from you.
Yes, I noticed very well what you said. I also noticed what you MEANT: Like what YOU think a successful adult male dresses like.
I will allow for a causative effect: that dressing well will tend to give you more opportunities for success. What I won’t allow is the if-and-only-if relationship that you implied where successful people dress a particular way and people who dress that way are successful. Someone can be successful and when they’re out of the office they can choose to dress however they want without it having anything to do with the successfulness of their career inside the office. (“Successfulness” isn’t in Firefox’s dictionary – WTF?)
So, dress *like* a successful adult, who cares about not looking like an unpressed slob, and who values the impression they are making, and is willing to take a few minutes to make themselves look good.
When I value the impression I am making, I dress to suit the occasion. However, if I’m not trying to impress anyone, I won’t be dressing to impress anyone. In that sort of casual atmosphere, anyone who thinks the less of me because I’m in a t-shirt and shorts is welcome to be a snob. I won’t miss their good graces any.
Alexander Peter Kristopeit bought his basement from his mommy for one dollar.
This is a ridiculous semantic argument. The entire context of this was in response to someone saying that somebody not wearing jeans to go out on the weekends was "probably a douche." The discussion is about attracting & meeting women. Given that, it's likely that you SHOULD "value the impression you are making":
So we can agree then. Valuing the impression you're making, and wanting to make an impression that you're not just another Old-Navy-clad clone at the bar, putting on a nice pair of pants, a good shirt, and some newly-shined shoes will do that. You may not like that I've chosen to call that "looking like a successful adult," but most adults aren't wearing sloppy t-shirts, jeans, and flip-flops when they care about making a good impression - this is the clothing a college student wears to play beer pong.
You could also dress up "LIKE a clown" or "LIKE David Hasselhoff on Baywatch," but that's probably not going to make a *good* impression in the majority of social settings.
I absolutely wouldn’t wear the clothes that you described to the bar. I’d be wearing something that it won’t be a disaster if it gets splattered with ketchup or a beer spills on me. But then, I’m not going there to be the best-dressed guy in the joint either.
Alexander Peter Kristopeit bought his basement from his mommy for one dollar.
Parent post has been up half a day, now, and there's not one pedantic "but that's Star Trek" reply (other than mine, of course).
I feel a new hope for slashdot.
SB
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
Go to better bars then. Or hang out with people who don't get so drunk that they can't hold their beer without spilling it all over you.
Does anyone really listen to anything that AMD or its people have to say?
Keep making us cheap, mass-produced, low-quality processors, and shut up.
In return, we won't reveal to all these geeks that Intel makes higher-quality stuff with better performance and longevity.
If the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can't be taken on its own merits
Real Geeks wear pants with lots of pockets. Can't ever have enough tools with you when you're away from your workbench, you know ;-)
SB
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
You dress for the occasion and the setting. Sticking out like a sore thumb in your pleated khakis at the club is going to make you look like a tool, its not going to impress anyone. Ripped jeans and a t-shirt at a nice restaurant or lounge would give the impression of a slob or again, a tool. Its more about not appearing clueless than conforming to some rigid "this is what I wear because its who I am" self imposed dress code.
Being able to dress like a successful adult male doesn't make you a douche.
Oh yes, yes it does.
i hope i will be able to articulate this in a coherent fashion.
(typing quickly)
never post to slashdot when your supper is cooking.
but this thread touches something that "hits very close to home".
this is not a comment on the amd blog about dating, but more a comment on the dating thing (and maybe some venting of some frustration about it).
i haven't read all the posts, but all those i read did not mention the "age thing". dating is way simpler when you are 20-something, compared to dating in your 40s.
in your 20s, it's easy for a man to meet a woman that does not have a child, does not own a house and does not have a long personal history (etc.). both of you are still flexible, can still change & adapt fairly easily.
in your 40s, it's no longer the same. rare are the women that haven't been in a commited relationship (married, common-law, etc.), don't come with kids attached, don't have their own house, condo, whatever. (the "instant grandfather" thing just freaks me out.) people are not as light traveling as they once were. let's not forget the accumulated baggage (bad relationships, bad events like spouse or spousal-equivalents that died, career upsets, etc.), the acquired habits and the career obligations. both partners in the dating game are no longer blank slates and that can complicate matters.
but the worst is for the men and apparently even more for north-american middle-aged men. the expectation is for us to have our career firmly on track, to have achieved great success professionaly, to have our mortgages paid off, to still be in perfect health and so on and so forth. these expectation are even worse when it comes to newly-immigrant women, especially oriental ones, in my experience. it's as if many women in their 40s want a 40something virgin that never did anything but sit in an empty appartment, stashing away their paycheques, waiting to meet them.
whilst it seems that men are more flexible about a woman's background, a majority of women can't deal with the fact that the men they meet had a life before them. or that circumstances made it so that this middle-aged guy is still dealing with a mortgage. or that he has hobbies and interests of his own -- many women don't like dating geeks, it appears.
so the point is that dating as you get older does not get easier, and that too often, it seems (from my and colleague's experiences) that the fault lies with women that are just being unreasonable, some being f*cking insane. it is frustrating to know that you can share your life with a woman, that you can be in a commited relationship because you were before she died... only to not be able to find that new "someone special" because they are not giving you a chance.
oh, well.
No, seriously... What a douche.
we will die alone.