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United Nations Names Ambassador To Aliens

Shag writes "Although searches for extraterrestrial intelligence have thus far come up empty-handed, the United Nations appears to be preparing for eventual 'first contact.' Many media outlets are carrying the story that Mazlan Othman, a Malaysian astrophysicist who heads the UN's Office for Outer Space Affairs in Vienna — already charged with things like keeping track of satellites to prevent Kessler Syndrome and coordinating the international response to any earth-impacting asteroids — will be the first person to meet with aliens if they do show up." Update: 09/27 16:42 GMT by S : Looks like this one's too good to be true — in an email to The Guardian, Othman said, "It sounds really cool but I have to deny it."

54 of 306 comments (clear)

  1. The wrong man by Sonny+Yatsen · · Score: 4, Funny

    Why doesn't the UN nominate one of those guys living in the backwoods to be the Ambassador to aliens? It seems to me that those guys are the people who seem to be getting abducted by aliens the most, not well-known astrophysicists.

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    1. Re:The wrong man by odies · · Score: 4, Informative

      The wrong man? Mazlan is a woman.

    2. Re:The wrong man by SpeedyDX · · Score: 3, Funny

      I personally think a man like him is the perfect one for the job. Maybe he'll be able to amuse the aliens with our meager understanding of rudimentary physics, prompting them to keep us alive as their cute pets or even just live historical specimens instead of just eating us all or something.

    3. Re:The wrong man by TheRaven64 · · Score: 5, Informative
      Quoth Wikipedia (linked from TFS):

      Mazlan Binti Othman is a Malaysian astrophysicist who has served in several roles within her country

      Quoth SpeedyDX:

      I personally think a man like him is the perfect one for the job.

      Tip for aliens visiting Earth: Humans have two genders, and it can be embarrassing if you confuse them.

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    4. Re:The wrong man by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Interesting

      She should read(*) Solaris by Stanislaw Lem.

      (*) Yes, read the book - the movies (except the one by Boris Nirnburg from 1968) have little to do with what the book is about.

    5. Re:The wrong man by causality · · Score: 4, Funny

      That's exactly what I'm talking about. That kind of stupidity will get you eaten alive.

      That reminds me of a bumper sticker I once saw. It read: "When the aliens come, I hope they eat the FAT people first!"

      I'm sure somebody got their panties in a wad over that one.

      --
      It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. - Einstein
    6. Re:The wrong man by initialE · · Score: 2, Funny

      No wonder. Women are an alien species to us too!

      --
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  2. Do they know by Dyinobal · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Do they know more than we do? Should we be expecting, "first" contact soon?

    1. Re:Do they know by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      My bets for official first contact are sometime in December of 2012.

    2. Re:Do they know by Sir_Sri · · Score: 4, Insightful

      more likely it is the bureaucracy of the UN planning for every contingency, and establishing a hierarchy of who's in charge if something happens.

      If aliens were to show up, and land in China or the US I cannot seriously envision a situation where they would defer to the UN ambassador to make first contact. However if they show up in somewhere with less bravado, and less scientists, they might have to go along with the UN or at the very least the UN would be fairly heavily involved in making sure they get as many representatives as they can there.

    3. Re:Do they know by Monkeedude1212 · · Score: 4, Funny

      They should have appointed a Poet.

    4. Re:Do they know by halivar · · Score: 4, Insightful

      So you are in agreement that a larger, more powerful outside force should use their power to force sovereigns to meet their demands and social mores or die.

      So what's your beef with US foreign policy, other than sheer hypocrisy?

    5. Re:Do they know by Teancum · · Score: 2, Interesting

      So I suppose Cheyenne Mountain really has a stargate and some other one is in the middle of Siberia where the IOA has finally decided to "go public" and at least appoint a red shirt extra that is going to head off in an official capacity to negotiate the peace treaty terms with the Goa'uld System Lords. If the war in Afghanistan is merely to mask the huge expenses for fighting an interstellar war conducted by NATO members, perhaps this world is finally beginning to make sense.

      Seriously, of all of the hairbrained and stupid things that the UN has ever done in all of the years I've been alive, this has got to be one of the most insane bureaucracies to do nothing that I have ever seen. If or when mankind starts to wander around in the greater part of this galaxy, and presuming that some other sentient life form with advanced weapon technology happens to also be "out there" that could be a genuine threat to the Earth is found, and presuming that those "aliens" happen to be at roughly similar levels of develop as we will be when that encounter happens, perhaps an office like this will be needed.

      If the aliens we discover happen to be "human-like" but are at a stone age level of technology, it will be trivial to deal with them and certainly they will be no threat. If on the other hand they are hugely more advanced and somehow have hyper drive technology but we are puttzing around the Galaxy in Bussard ram-jets.... we'll simply get wiped out except for the benevolence of this supposed alien race. Either way, an ambassador is not going to be needed. BTW, encountering an alien race with either kind of situation I mention here would still be considered "close" in terms of evolutionary development from a larger universal time perspective. We would be lucky to encounter multi-cellular life forms of any kind or a non-corporeal life form where the technological differences would be absolutely moot. I bet most "habitable worlds" with life are mostly a variation of bacterial sludge and algae.

      That doesn't make for exciting science fiction, but having an astronaut spend a 50 year trip between stars to investigate a planet with water oceans only to discover a bunch of slime covering rocks and getting sick from some critter on that world is about the most drama I expect mankind to ever find with aliens in the next couple of millennia... if only we would be so lucky to even find such life forms in the first place.

      Time is going to be on our side regardless and we will likely have months or even years to appoint such a representative if an ambassador of this nature is ever encountered. It sounds like some idiot has been watching too many Science Fiction movies and can't distinguish reality from fiction. This is an absolutely stupid thing for any planner and it is by far and away more important to send an ambassador to Sealand or one of the other micronations on the behalf of the UN rather than preparing for something like this.

    6. Re:Do they know by Surt · · Score: 2, Funny

      Time is going to be on our side regardless and we will likely have months or even years to appoint such a representative if an ambassador of this nature is ever encountered.

      Well, the clock started ticking when the scout crashed in roswell, and now the mothership is arriving, so really this is a case of the UN being slow on the uptake as usual.

      --
      "Who is the Journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?" --Stephen Hawking
    7. Re:Do they know by TheoMurpse · · Score: 2, Insightful

      So you are in agreement that a larger, more powerful outside force should use their power to force sovereigns to meet their demands and social mores or die.

      Do you think a nation has the right, as a sovereign, to commit internal genocide?

      If not, then there has to be a larger, more powerful outside force to stop them. There's just a disagreement as to how minimal the, say, "crime against humanity" has to be before the larger force may intervene.

      If you do believe the nation has the right to commit genocide, I think you're a monster or someone more obsessed with philosophical symmetry than with pragmatic results (which likely does not bother you).

      I just wanted to expose you one way or the other. :)

  3. Need someone official.. by EDinWestLA · · Score: 3, Insightful

    .. to welcome our new alien overlords.

  4. "charged with keeping track of satellites" by John+Hasler · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Except that it is the US Air Force that actually does the job.

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  5. No he won't by Yvan256 · · Score: 2, Insightful

    They may have appointed him as the official contact person, but in the event it does happen, nobody really knows how and where first contact will happen. It might very well be with a farmer in the middle of nowhere, or with a penguin in the arctic.

    1. Re:No he won't by js3 · · Score: 2, Interesting

      When the Alien utters the phrase "TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER" we know where to send it to.

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      did you forget to take your meds?
    2. Re:No he won't by OzPeter · · Score: 5, Insightful

      or with a penguin in the arctic.

      If its a penguin in the Arctic then I'd be really surprised

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    3. Re:No he won't by electron+sponge · · Score: 2, Funny

      They should appointed someone with some multi-language skills. What language we should assume the aliens will speak?

      English, obviously. Just like in the movies. Aliens watch movies too I'd assume.

    4. Re:No he won't by oldmac31310 · · Score: 2, Funny

      He meant to say a penguin in the attic. Makes much more sense, wouldn't you agree? A simple spelling error.

      --
      http://www.acetonestudio.com
  6. they will give a book called To Serve Man by Joe+The+Dragon · · Score: 4, Funny

    they will give a book called To Serve Man

    1. Re:they will give a book called To Serve Man by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      To Serve FOR Man

    2. Re:they will give a book called To Serve Man by pi865 · · Score: 4, Funny

      To Serve Forty Man

    3. Re:they will give a book called To Serve Man by ks9208661 · · Score: 2, Funny

      To Serve For Forty Man

  7. So it's OUR decision? by Artifakt · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Isn't it more likely any aliens will pick whomever THEY want?

    --
    Who is John Cabal?
    1. Re:So it's OUR decision? by Monkeedude1212 · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Currently it exercises no real power over the planet but it's the place where most of the world can be represented at once in a single room.

      I mean, until we have unification across the globe there isn't any real way for us to have a "leader" for them to go to. Rather than just speak to the President of the United States, who might withhold information for political reasons, its more probably they wish to speak to EVERY leader of the human race.

  8. Someone with experience instead? by MalHavoc · · Score: 4, Funny

    I guess it depends on how you want the first meeting to go, but maybe Jodi Foster or Sigourney Weaver would have been better choices. Or Ahhhnold. But he has to get to the chopper.

    1. Re:Someone with experience instead? by js3 · · Score: 2, Funny

      Are you saying Aliens might be more susceptible to T&A?

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      did you forget to take your meds?
    2. Re:Someone with experience instead? by sorak · · Score: 4, Funny

      Are you saying Aliens might be more susceptible to T&A?

      Isn't everybody?

  9. I'm not sure we get to decide by Max+Romantschuk · · Score: 3, Insightful

    If extraterrestrial life forms (biological or mechanical) would decide to come here I'm pretty sure they'd have the means to scan the planet and meet up with whoever they damn well please.

    We already have UAVs that are pretty impressive. I'm sure a swarm of intelligence gathering bots the size of insects are not an issue for someone with the capacity for intrastellar travel. I'm guessing they'd pick somewhere remote without huge crowds people bothering them as they attempt to make first contact.

    Or then they'd just kill us all and turn us into fertilizer, who knows?

    --
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    1. Re:I'm not sure we get to decide by js3 · · Score: 2, Interesting

      Everyone assumes aliens will be far more technologically superior to us. If we happened on an Alien planet with prehistorical man, our UAVs still wouldn't be able to tell who their leader is.

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    2. Re:I'm not sure we get to decide by causality · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Everyone assumes aliens will be far more technologically superior to us. If we happened on an Alien planet with prehistorical man, our UAVs still wouldn't be able to tell who their leader is.

      And coincidentally enough, we are not capable of interstellar travel.

      If your intention was to refute the idea that a civilization capable of interstellar travel would have technology that makes our UAVs look like primitive toys, you have not succeeded.

      --
      It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. - Einstein
    3. Re:I'm not sure we get to decide by tehcyder · · Score: 2, Funny

      If we happened on an Alien planet with prehistorical man, our UAVs still wouldn't be able to tell who their leader is.

      He'd be the one with all the hot cavechicks around him.

      --
      To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it
    4. Re:I'm not sure we get to decide by MozeeToby · · Score: 2, Interesting

      Only two choices. Either they have the technology and cultural stability to make a multi-thousand year journey in an arkship or they have the AI to create a self repairing, self directing, maybe even self reproducing probe (and all of those take quite a bit of problem analysis and creativity). Either way, they should have the patience and ability to wait around a few centuries or even millenia to learn all about our culture, politics, and languages. The former would actually be more mind blowing in my opinion; could you imagine putting humans on a hollowed out asteroid for 50k years and expecting them to be alive at the end of it? The idea of an intelligent machine is much less interesting to me than a race that can live in a tiny enclosed space with limited resources for thousands of years without killing each other in the process.

      Besides, I dispute that our UAVs wouldn't be able to determine who is the leader, because the systems that comprise our UAVs includes several humans in the loop. Everyone from the pilot to the intelligence analyst to the commanding officer would review the images for clues. It stands to reason that any completely autonomous UAV (which ours are not) would need to have a similar level of intelligence and problem solving abilities.

  10. Put him on the US/Mexico border by js3 · · Score: 2, Funny

    I hear a lot of illegal aliens come from Mexico

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    did you forget to take your meds?
  11. first contact team by Nidi62 · · Score: 4, Funny

    The best first contact team is clearly an egotistical mathematician, an even more egotistical physicist, a biologist with clinical depression and low self-esteem, and lastly a psychologist that doesn't take his job seriously. We just have to hope the aliens aren't spherical or that the contact is made under water.

    --
    The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for it to be pitted against a slightly greater evil
  12. Who wants.... by WED+Fan · · Score: 2

    The question was...Who wants to be first in line to melted/eaten/death rayed/vaporized/exposed to space herpes?

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    1. Re:Who wants.... by BergZ · · Score: 3, Informative

      I'll have you know that managing space herpes is as much fun as it was contracting them.
      They're the gift that just keeps on giving.

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    2. Re:Who wants.... by thehostiles · · Score: 2, Funny

      to be honest, it's probably not nearly as bad as it sounds. consider this chart.

      http://nerdnirvana.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Lets-say-youre-the-first-human-ever-to-make-alien-contact.gif

  13. Re:Baby Steps by Steauengeglase · · Score: 4, Funny

    That's very interesting Caller, but tonight we are talking about how and why Kenny Rogers was behind the Kennedy Assassination. Next we have a Clyde from east of the Rockies. You're on Caller.

  14. cars by slshwtw · · Score: 5, Funny

    How do they know the alien will want to make first contact with a human instead of some other life form? Presumably its first instinct will be to reach out to a moving car as the obvious dominant life form.

  15. I think I'd hate that job by Moraelin · · Score: 3, Funny

    Now that you mention it, don't most of those contacts also involve anal probing with dildo-shaped implements, mutilating cattle and apparently making crop circles for the heck of it?

    I mean, I can imagine a thousand Martian redneck hillbilies going,

    "Hey, Billy Joe Bob, it says here them Earthlings have a new ambers.. am... contact person."
    "What's one of those do, Bubba?"
    "Way I figures it, Billy Joe Bob, it means we gots to meet her when we goes down there."
    "But we was gonna do some crop circling and mutilate some of those strange animals they keep around. Do ya figure she's gonna help us with that?"
    "Nope, probably not."
    "Right, I'll fire up the ol' anal probe then."
    "Careful back there, Billy Joe Bob, I just bought us the Jackhammer probe upgrade. Don't wreck nuthing with it."

    I mean, why not just get the goatse guy as the ambassador?

    --
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  16. Mistake by Joebert · · Score: 4, Funny

    I'm no rocket scientist, but I for one would feel safer if we put a stripper in charge of greeting the aliens.

    --
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  17. Who has most experience & knowledge? by PatPending · · Score: 4, Informative

    Clearly the person with the most experience and knowledge of aliens is: Sigourney Weaver

    --
    What one fool can do, another can. (Ancient Simian Proverb)
  18. I don't see it. by L4t3r4lu5 · · Score: 4, Insightful

    If they set off from the closest sun-like star (18 Scorpi, 46 light years) right now, at the maximum speed we have achieved in space flight (62000km/h - Voyager 1) they would be here in approximately 80,000 years. That long ago, we were using pointy sticks to hunt and living in caves.

    Even if they increased their speed by three orders of magnitude, they would no longer be a representation of their own species. First contact with an alien civilisation a century out of time with itself. That's akin to someone coming out of a cave right now, having waked in when Queen Victoria was on the throne.

    I don't see it.

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    1. Re:I don't see it. by iONiUM · · Score: 2, Insightful

      You kind of think inside the human box. I realize our current understanding of the universe and physics puts maximum travel speed at what you specified, or even somewhat close to the speed of light. But I'm kind of assuming that in 200-500 years from now, our understanding will be fundamentally different, and we will find ways that seem extremely impossible right now to travel great distances at faster speeds. I guess that sounds like a sci-fi argument, but I just don't really think our understanding of spacetime and physics is very good at the moment.

  19. Ok question: by kenp2002 · · Score: 5, Interesting

    Why would aliens intrinsiclly meet with humans?

    We are one of the smallest lifeforms by population. If the majority lifeform "rules" the planet it would strike me as odd that aliens would consider us the owners of the planet mearly by virtual of intelligence. If anything there is the possibility they would see us as an unfair blight of a minority species taking a vastly significant share of real estate from the bulk of lifeforms. They might go so far as to cull the herd to ensure the bulk of the lifeforms have a porportional access to Earth. Since we are less then 1% of the lifeforms on Earth, why assume we would get much of a say.

    As much as I disliked the Day the Earth Stood Still remake they make a great point. Bate's character says "It's our planet, we own it" in which Neo... err I mean Klatus bluntly states, "uhhh no."

    If I were an intelligent alien, I would abduct humans and try and find a way to make them less destructive to an environment they are a marginal, by % of life, participant in. Or at the very least greatly restrict their ability to breed.

    It would stike me as more intelligent to survey the bulk of lifeforms and find out what the majority needs to continue to survive. While not intelligent I would expect an ambassador for "those that cannot speak for themselves" to have been appointed who subsequently surveys the ecosystem as a whole.

    It is hard to claim Earth has human-kind's personal planet when A: We don't manage it very well and B: are a tiny fraction of the population.

    Intelligence doesn't confer ownership, it mandates responsibility in which by and large we have done a poor job so far.

    --
    -=[ Who Is John Galt? ]=-
    1. Re:Ok question: by vlm · · Score: 2, Funny

      Why would aliens intrinsiclly meet with humans?

      Because of our great spelling skills, and furthermore we're the best at rishathra, or so I read. If that woman ever reads the ringworld books, its gonna be awkward.

      --
      "Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger
    2. Re:Ok question: by electron+sponge · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Why would aliens intrinsiclly meet with humans?

      Because their interactions with ant colonies would be disappointingly one-sided.

    3. Re:Ok question: by c6gunner · · Score: 2, Funny

      Why would aliens intrinsiclly meet with humans?

      Why are you commenting on slashdot instead of having tea and crumpets with the roaches under your sink?

  20. Re:Baby Steps by Teancum · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Kennedy assassinated? That was just a cover-up so that he could be an ambassador to the aliens, who was in turn succeeded by Elvis Presley and proceeded by Amelia Earhart. This new guy being appointed by the UN is just the latest in a whole series of ambassadors to the aliens going back for more than a century...... .... or so I've heard from Art Bell's Coast to Coast. Now that is a reliable source of information as good as I've ever found.

  21. You're special! by Quiet_Desperation · · Score: 2, Funny

    Why would aliens intrinsiclly meet with humans?

    Trees are lousy conversationalists.

    And maybe superintelligent aliens have evolved beyond dreary, weepy, emo-goth kid, warmed over nihilism that uses Keanu Reeve movies to make their (for lack of a better term) point.

    You have made Sad Keanu even sadder. :-(