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Hi-Tech Nativity Security
To combat vandalism and theft of their holiday displays, many churches and cities are turning to a technological answer. After one of their cows was stolen, St. Marks Episcopal Church in Glen Ellyn, Ill. installed GPS devices in the figurines of its nativity scene. This year the village of Wellington, Fla. added security cameras to protect their display. From the article: "BrickHouse Security in New York City offered churches and synagogues free GPS and cameras to protect their displays this season. Seventy have signed up so far. About 24 of them are also installing security cameras. In Merrick, N.Y., the Chabad Center for Jewish Life is putting GPS in its 8-foot menorah on display in a park."
So, what's to keep the offenders from disabling the GPS and using it for their own non-denominational service? Why not deploy flying drones to combat the would-be evil doers? What about the effect of CMEs on the GPS unit in Baby Jesus' head?
This is the NSA, we're gonna geet U h@x0r5! Also, what is a h@x0r5?
I dont know why but i feel this is a better example. http://pics.nase-bohren.de/schweinekrippe.jpg
Do you have this sig all the time, or did you just change it to this today? Either way, awesome sig.
I thought baby Jesus or whoever was already supposed to be watching from the sky... How redundant to have both of these systems in place, all to protect a plastic cow.
Baby Jesus is just begging to take a ride on a freight train.
Unless you have a raging hardon for GPS transmitters. /. story today that was on http://www.fark.com/ yesterday. Seams lately there has been lots of day old Fark news here.
Also this is the second
go and just grab all the GPS transmitters and put them on city busses or something and then watch the church ppl looking stupid.
You don't need to help them out, they look stupid on their own just fine!
good point ... but it can't hurt to make it worse :)
not the cow?
That's certainly one way to help more people find Jesus.
There's something wrong with people when you have to go to such lengths to keep vandals off of a harmless nativity scene.
Whatever happened to just putting up a claymore and a sign?
(in the days of bomb this bomb that would you want to be caught putting "things" on public transportation?) All to make Christian's, who are trying to protect their property, look silly to someone with the intelligence of Beavis and Butthead.
This trend started a few years back. Looks like it's continuing to pick up speed.
No style at all. How about:
+ Autonomous ruler/knuckle coupling
+ Lightening bolts from an angered God
+ A pressure sensitive switch that activates a loudspeaker issuing guilt-riddin admonishments
+ Holy water spray - IT BURNS!
+ Trap door straight to hell
I hate being bipolar; it's awesome!
"back in the day" we hired local High School football players as 24/7 security for 30 days. cheaper than tech and more effective. baby Jesus likes Beer. bet you didn't know that.
Well, at least they're just stealing the stuff? It's not like you can sell this sort of thing on eBay or Craigslist, so it's probably a prank.
Things could be a much worse.
[End Of Line]
...and a growing cult. Not saying the creches are being stolen by the Atheists, probably "just kids." But these days, those Atheists DO get their noses out of joint when confronted with public displays that run counter to their own belief systems.
Not all Atheists are vandalizing extremists, of course. Most of them have moderate beliefs, contribute productively to society, and love America just like you or I.
Hmmm, GPS tracker plus red and green dye-pack? (And a speaker, "Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!")
Science is all about firing a drunk pig out of a cannon just to see what happens.
everyone in the city must be naked scanned and groped several times a day to be safe from evil doers that might try to do something to the nativity scene.
If they steal your christmas cow, hunt them down with extreme diligence and furious haste, and give them the other cow that they left behind so that they can get a better price on ebay for the complete set.
But what prevents would-be vandals from serrupticiously "Laying down" the 3 wise men in the snow, covering them up, and then placing a motion activated dancing santa with a strap on, and two yard gnomes in their place?
(Bonus, "replace" Joseph with a white lawn jockey. [gotta be PC, afterall.])
I suppose the camera would be a deturrant, but the enterprising geek could still deploy a portable EMI/EMP generator from the back of the panel van they use to perform the vandalism with. (You can get plans on the internet.)
Other amusing vandalism ideas (non-inclusive):
Put obviously fake dynamite bandoliers on all the male nativity characters. (Bonus if you put a burkha robe on Mary)
Put a fake beard on Mary. (A santa beard is acceptable, but a dark black one is better due to increased visibility)
Put suet balls in strategic locations so the indemic pidgeon population does the defacement for you
Make an FSM snowman that totally obstructs the view of the nativity scene from the road.
Put pink flamingos in the scene, then put brightly colored hawaiian shirts and hoola skirts on everyone.
Wrap all the nativity figures up in toilet paper like mummies
Load an electric paint sprayer with water and green food coloring; Spray "We accept cash and credit", "Salvation at LOW LOW PRICES!" on the snow of the church's lawn
etc, etc.
Stealing the nativity characters is boring in comparison to the many MANY different ways you could fuck with a church this time of year!
Ohh, great. Just like Wikileaks revealing terrorist targets, you've gone and given ideas to vandals. Once the government figures out how, they will prosecute you for that!
Hopefully the same thing that prevents me from shitting on your lawn... decency.
And that is to have baby Jesus with frickin' laser beams attached to his head!
Feel free- The neighbor's dog does it all the time and I dont complain. Makes the grass greener.
(You, sir, are forgetting that I am a geek and almost never go outside anyway.)
My frat brothers and I would like to know if you could be a little more specific as to where the GPS on the menorah is actually placed.
"If any question why we died, Tell them because our fathers lied."
You're expecting to much from these thieves as they are most likely so drunk thinking isn't an option.
"If any question why we died, Tell them because our fathers lied."
one thing I never understood about a large religion?
the Jehovas Witness believe only 144,000 are going to heaven during the rapture...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jehovas_Witness#Life_after_death
why then, are they always trying for more members? there are 7.3 million members today, so a less than 2% chance of making it, and yet they keep trying for more members? if I was a jehova's witness I'd DAMN SURE try and get everyone I knew to be something else.... happily!
every day http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
"What do you mean he's not in there? The GPS tracker clearly shows Jesus should be inside the tomb."
So it's the usual bullshit of "blame the atheist" if it happens to a church, eh?
I guess none of the religious retards have heard of "internecine strife"?
If people had decency they wouldn't need the GPS in the first place, this story wouldn't have been written and you wouldn't have made that comment! Does that count as a paradox?
Is 1563649 a prime number?
...Which itself is almost more of a meta comment on society than you intend.
I mean, yes, there are many, many ways one can 'fuck with a church'. Congratulations?
Let's see: a building that houses an organisation that you might indeed disagree with, but whose members find comfort, solace, and peace in their participation. An organization whose impact is overwhelmingly positive, and you want to 'fuck with it'.
You kick down little kids' snowmen too?
Why is the planet so overpopulated with assholes? Is it the narcissism inherent in the atomization of society?
-Styopa
Just fire up one of these babies.
Problem solved.
Lost at C:>. Found at C.
Like with all overtly negative activities, the target must be truly deserving.
Take for instance a certain sect of baptist churches in the US recently... The ones that like to "petition" at people's funerals?
Yeah. Not all churches are clean, pure and white like you paint them above. Some might actually be deserving of a little vandalism, (However, it should be pointed out that this was a devil's advocate type joke post, not an edict for vandals to go do those things. EG, it was meant to point out that the security measures taken by the church only address a very narrow aspect of the vandalism issue. The reasons for vandalism were never addressed. Thanks for painting me as a jackass by the way. So nice when people pull an ad hominem on me.)
So someone steals a baby Jesus with a hidden GPS tracker in it that gets stolen. After tracking them down what happens, they forgive them?
Encryption: I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend your right to encrypt it...
No one bothered to look at the URL...or the creation date of the article. This story is from 2008.
"There ought to be limits to freedom." -George W. Bush