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Vatican Bans IOS Confession App

Posted by samzenpus on from the get-your-iabsolution-somewhere-else dept.

An anonymous reader writes "Despite all the hype that a lowly priest had approved the new confessional app hitting the app store, the truth has now revealed itself. According to today's Daily Mail, a spokesman for the Vatican, Federico Lombardi said: 'It is essential to understand that the rites of penance require a personal dialogue between penitents and their confessor. It cannot be replaced by a computer application. I must stress to avoid all ambiguity, under no circumstance is it possible to confess by iPhone."

10 of 323 comments (clear)

  1. Not sure about that... by grub · · Score: 3, Funny


    FTA: The Vatican has warned that an app can never replace visiting a priest.

    Oh, I don't know. An app is much easier on the ass.

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    1. Re:Not sure about that... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      You're holding the priest wrong.

  2. I guess the Vatican doesn't want by hsmith · · Score: 3, Funny

    To pay the 30% Apple tax on selling indulgences through IAP either - is it a consumable or a subscription?

  3. What do you mean? by xednieht · · Score: 1, Funny

    "under no circumstance is it possible to confess by iPhone"

    What about a burning bush????? I suppose that's an approved holy communication device?

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    Hope is the currency of fools
    1. Re:What do you mean? by SETIGuy · · Score: 3, Funny

      What about a burning bush?????

      I think you're supposed to confess that to your gynecologist.

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  4. They gave it a shot but. by ddd0004 · · Score: 3, Funny

    They couldn't get past the l33tspeak and SMS language

    for9!ve m3 fath3r f0r I h@ve s!nn3d,OMG LOL
    !'ve l00k3d 4t pr0n and OMG th!s ch!ck w@s hawt!!
    l8r noob

  5. Reminds Me of a Story by NicknamesAreStupid · · Score: 2, Funny

    Many years ago, I new woman, who was raise Catholic, sorta, but never went to Church as an adult -- except to go to confession. Instead of confessing, she made up stories to get the priest hot. She claimed that some of them would get off listening to her.

    1. Re:Reminds Me of a Story by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had an affair. I made love to two 21 year old girls. Both of them. Twice."

      The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"

      "Never Father, I'm Jewish."

      "So then, why are you telling me?"

      "Are you kidding? I'm telling everybody!"

  6. Re:Probably a good move, regardless of Vat's logic by tverbeek · · Score: 5, Funny

    I just heard about this from friends and coworkers and they all were lead to think (from their own sources I suppose) that the app was actually used for confessing and getting absolved through it.

    That would require them to use in-app purchasing, and give Apple 30% of each indulgence.

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  7. Re:Probably a good move, regardless of Vat's logic by Lumpy · · Score: 3, Funny

    You do... but only on the Pentecostal version. you admit your sins to it and then slap your self in the forehead with the phone as it says "in the name of jeee....sus..." loudly...

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