"Do Not Eat iPod Shuffle": 30 Dumb Warning Labels

jfruhlinger writes "You'd think that people would know electronic equipment isn't for eating, but apparently you'd be wrong. Find out what dumb things companies felt compelled to warn their customers not to do in this list compiled by JR Raphael. Some of the best include: Don't throw your mouse at a co-worker, do not attempt to stop with hands or genitals, and do not put lit candles on phone."

Comments

Label works

[SEWilco]

That label works. I haven't eaten a single iPod Shuffle. At least, none that I've noticed.

Re:Label works

[AdmiralXyz]

The best part about that label was that it was slightly different in the UK: there, it said, "Do not chew iPod shuffle" instead

Just goes to show you what Apple thinks about our intelligence: us dumb Americans would actually swallow the iPod, whereas the rest of the world is much smarter and would only munch on it.

Re:Label works

[nigelo]

He should have eschewed the Shuffle, then.

the shuffle is not actually gum

[Anonymous Coward]

hrmph- i remember those ads. They showed the shuffle next to a pack of gum. The "warning" was a joke.

whoosh.

Re:That was a joke...

[HAKdragon]

I thought it was a refrence to the fact that the original shuffle was the size of a pack of gum.

Re:Do not...

[mcgrew]

I saw one of those labels on a dessicant inside a computer I was building that said "do not eat". Two weeks later I was hospitalized for malnutrition! "No, doctor, I'm not anorexic, I was just following the directions on the warning label!"

The 30 Labels - because clickthroughs be damned.

[Anonymous Coward]

If you would like the full article and marginally funny commentary, feel free to click through to the article.

For just the 30 labels:

1. Seen in the manual for an SGI computer: "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers."
2. Seen on a Terrestrial Digital outdoor antenna: "Do not attempt to install if drunk, pregnant, or both."
3. Seen on a Samsung 3D TV disclaimer: "Pregnant women, the elderly, sufferers of serious medical conditions, those who are sleep deprived or under the influence of alcohol should avoid utilizing the unit's 3D functionality."
4. Seen on a computer software package: "Optional modem required."
5. Seen on a microwave oven manual: "Do not use for drying pets."
6. Seen on Apple's iPod Shuffle marketing materials in 2005: âoeDo not eat iPod Shuffle.â
7. Seen on a TV manual: "Do not pour liquids into your television set."
8. Seen on a laser pointer user manual: "Do not look into laser with remaining eye."
9. Seen on the case for Jabra's Drive 'N' Talk car Bluetooth speakerphone: "Never operate your speakerphone while driving."
10. Seen on the packaging for a wristwatch: "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants."
11. Seen on a chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
12. Seen on a Nintendo GameCube instruction booklet: "Do not attempt to stick head inside deck, which may result in injury."
13. Seen on a Sony Ericsson cell phone: "Be careful of bad language on this mobile phone, because a partnerâ(TM)s feeling is going to be bad." ("Let's keep mobile manners." - from one of the few images image of the actual labels, but strangely not quoted in the article. This is just Engrish, of course.)
14. Seen on an electric thermometer's instruction sheet: "Do not use orally after using rectally."
15. Seen on the instructions for a cordless phone: "Do not put lit candles on phone."
16. Seen on a Boeing 757 plane: "Fragile. Do not drop."
17. Seen on the Styrofoam packaging inside a stereo box: "Do not eat."
18. Seen on materials for a Sony Vaio computer: "Warning! Disconnect telephone lines before opening!"
19. Seen on materials for a Pentium processing chip: "If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2-shipping and a $3-handling charge, for a total of $4.97."
20. Seen on a TV remote control: "Not dishwasher safe."
21. Seen on an electric rotary tool: "This product not intended for use as a dental drill or in medical applications."
22. Seen on a CD player: "Do not use the Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult."
23. Seen on a microscope: "Objects are smaller and less alarming than they appear."
24. Seen on materials for Microsoft Flight Simulator 2000: "Warning! This program should not be used in flight training! Death or serious injury could result!"
25. Seen on a New Holland tractor: "Avoid death."
26. Seen on a washing machine: "DO NOT put any person in this washer."
27. Seen on the packaging for a Rowenta-brand iron: âoeDo not iron clothes on body.â
28. Seen on a laser printer toner cartridge: "Do not eat toner."
29. Seen in a product's information booklet: "Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet."
30. Seen on a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."

anon - because karma be damned, too.

The Shuffle warning was JOKE

[sootman]

See here. The page (the article only shows a bit of it in the screenshot) said "iPod shuffle: Smaller than a pack of gum and much more fun.* ". The "warning" was a joke.

* actually, it was a [2] footnote, but Slashdot doesn't allow <sup> tags.

I'm calling BS on this list

[sean.peters]

Lots of these are jokes, and I'd like to see some evidence that they ever actually appeared in manuals. The "do not look at laser with remaining eye" thing is a standard laser safety joke that's been going around for years. This whole thing is pretty lame.

Re:Uneccesary and stupid

[DriedClexler]

Yeah, good point, every single business, which actually has to earn a profit rather than spit out cheap talk, and which has extensively analyzed court precedent and consulted with lawyers, is just being completely stupid and enjoys having to water down real warnings with tons fake ones.

It's can't possibly have anything to do with the non-trivial risk of dumb-shit juries, charming lawyers, or a court system that tolerates them. It's good we have you around to save everyone the problem of actually *looking* at the real world.

*jerk-off gesture*

Ring ring ring

[mmontour]

"Warning! Disconnect telephone lines before opening!"

As someone who was once zapped when removing a PCI modem, I can understand this one. Phone lines carry a moderate DC voltage, plus a higher AC voltage when ringing. It is a good idea to disconnect those lines before handling the circuit boards they connect to. It wouldn't be lethal, but it's unpleasant and could cause you to yank your hand away suddenly (right into a pointy heat-sink or razor-sharp edge of sheet metal).

Re:Ring ring ring

[hawk]

My Mac SE/30 hada tip broken off the tube, so it only displayed on it's huge 19" external monitor. And it had a cooling problem, so it usually had the castoff. And finally,the eject tab on the floppy had to be bent a little more every few months.

Since the cover was off, and the display didn't work anyway, so the socket was off the back of the tube. I needed the disk out, and since the socket was off, I reached in . . . yipped in pain . . . and a second later, people were coming into my office, where I was slumped against a couch ten feet from my desk.

There was no way anyone could have made it into my office in less than several seconds. I was unaware of having lost consciousness, but didn't remember the, uhh, flight.

Yes, I know, and I knew, that the HV is in the coil on a CRT, not the 12 volts or whatever the filament was packing, but for that moment, incompletely slipped my mind.

At least that little 9"display only packed about 8kv . . .

hawk

Re:That was a joke...

[cp.tar]

Do not look into laser with remaining eye is such an obvious joke that I really, really feel bad for the author. Someone replaced his sense of humor with Folgers and he still hasn’t noticed.

Re:Geez...

[icebike]

Actually, I suspect lots of these are snuck into the manuals by tech support staff as jokes.

True some probably did happen, and they couldn't resist putting them in there.

Not all are dumb, suggesting the author's experience from the actual field work, such as:

Seen on materials for a Sony Vaio computer: "Warning! Disconnect telephone lines before opening!"

There is 100 volts pulsed DC on a telephone ring signal, and if you are pawing around inside your computer
connected to a dial up modem when someone calls you it can lead to expletives and the possibility that
your co-workers will spill hot coffee while laughing at your dance.

Do not taunt Happy First Poster

[billstewart]

Discontinue use of Happy First Poster if any of the following occurs:

Re:The 30 Labels - because clickthroughs be damned

[TheGreatGraySkwid]

Seen on materials for a Pentium processing chip: "If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2-shipping and a $3-handling charge, for a total of $4.97."

There is exactly zero chance of that being an actual warning label.

OK, maybe .00003 chance.

Re:Geez...

[Savantissimo]

The best of the genre in TFA was:
"Seen on materials for a Pentium processing chip: 'If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2-shipping and a $3-handling charge, for a total of $4.97.' "