Military Labs Develop Caffeinated Jerky and "Zapplesauce"

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Military Labs Develop Caffeinated Jerky and "Zapplesauce"

Posted by samzenpus on Monday October 31, 2011 @05:58AM from the military-power-lunch dept.

A military research facility outside Boston has come up two new super foods for MREs (Meal, Ready to Eat). Soon soldiers will able to stay awake during guard duty thanks to caffeinated meat sticks. They'll have the energy for extended patrols from a "super-charged" applesauce. From the article: "'There is a lot of science that goes into this,' said David Accetta, a spokesman for the Natick Soldier Research, Development & Engineering Center, where every item put into an MRE is tested and tasted. 'And that’s what a lot of people don’t realize. It’s not just a bunch of cooks in the kitchen making up recipes.'”

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Futurama is finally here!! by Faw · 2011-10-31 06:01 · Score: 5, Funny

“I’m never gonna get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? ADMIRAL Crunch?”
Fry, Futurama
1. Re:Futurama is finally here!! by Jason+Levine · 2011-10-31 06:11 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  Next thing you know, they'll give soldiers Big Pink gum. It's the only gum with the breath freshening power of ham and it pinkens your teeth while you chew.
  
  --
  My sci-fi novel, Ghost Thief, is now available from Amazon.com.
Re:Cornholio by oodaloop · 2011-10-31 06:13 · Score: 4, Funny

Dear Private Void,

Eating an MRE has more of the effect of putting a solid brick in your bowels than getting you "hopped" up. The only raw sugar I encountered eating all the hundreds of MREs I've reluctantly consumed in my 7+ years active duty Marine Corps was the sugar packets that came with the instant coffee packets. There's also a candy of some sort, my favorite being a bag of M&Ms stating they are proud sponsors of the 1984 Olympics (this was in 1996). Anything new, tasty, and FSM forbid, energizing would be welcome.

--
Tic-Tac-Toe, Global Thermonuclear War, and relationships all have the same winning move.
Re:I have a better idea: by Anonymous Coward · 2011-10-31 06:16 · Score: 2, Funny

whoooooosh
Re:Cornholio by ByOhTek · 2011-10-31 07:01 · Score: 5, Funny

Did you eat them...?
(a) ...Out of curiosity
(b) ...Out of self defense (lest they eat you first)
(c) ...Because you wanted to

--
Self proclaimed typo king, and inventor of the bear destroying coffee table (patent not pending).