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High School Reunions — Facebook's Newest Victim?

Posted by timothy on from the would-rather-dine-with-old-friends dept.

Hugh Pickens writes "For sheer social awkwardness, it's hard to beat finally seeing those people in person that you never liked in high school but are 'friends' with on Facebook. The NY Times reports that both attendance and the number of high school reunions held have dropped in recent years — thanks, some say, to Facebook and similar sites, nobody really has to lose touch anymore. 'There was a Facebook page for my 20-year college reunion, which took place this May,' says Deborah Dietzler. 'I looked at it a couple of times and it didn't seem like anyone I knew would be there, so I lost interest.' 'Social networking has robbed us of our nostalgia,' adds Michael Fox, who attended his 20-year high school reunion in November at a bar in Larchmont, NY to see the adult version of his classmates but was disappointed to find there was little he didn't already know because of Facebook. Others say the familiarity bred by social networking enhance the high school reunion experience. 'It's enticing. It's like a little preview, seeing everyone's life online,' says Holly Goshin. 'And whether you're happy that someone is not doing as well as you or you're happy that they look amazing, you get to see it all in person. Then you can move on with your life.'"

20 of 168 comments (clear)

  1. I doubt it by Attila+Dimedici · · Score: 5, Insightful

    I don't go to my high school reunions because the people who are for the most part people I am not interested in meeting again. I went to the first couple and none of the people I had any interest in seeing were there, so I stopped going. I'm not on Facebook (and I am pretty sure that neither are the classmates I would be interested in talking to again).

    --
    The truth is that all men having power ought to be mistrusted. James Madison
    1. Re:I doubt it by SpaghettiPattern · · Score: 4, Interesting

      I don't go to my high school reunions because the people who are for the most part people I am not interested in meeting again. I went to the first couple and none of the people I had any interest in seeing were there, so I stopped going. I'm not on Facebook (and I am pretty sure that neither are the classmates I would be interested in talking to again).

      You're probably very right with your assumption. However, my experience is that people I didn't like have actually changed for the better. The more experienced you get in life the more human interfaces you can support. See it as if your internal algorithm improved so that not all exceptions bring you to a grinding hold. Instead you actually take pleasure in appreciating the awkwardness lying at the source of exceptions.

      Having said that, I'd be very selective in going to reunions myself.

      --

      I hadn't the slightest objection to his spending his time planning massacres for the bourgeoisie... (P.G. Wodehouse)
    2. Re:I doubt it by glueball · · Score: 5, Funny

      I went to my 20th out of morbid curiosity. So did 250 of the 400 in my graduating class as well.

      The best story was the two people who had not seen each other in 20 years drunkenly decided to "get nostalgic" in a closet while their respective spouses were still at the bar. Comedic interruption occurs, followed by divorces in the following weeks.

      Facebook kept the story alive for all to follow and keep dignity at a minimum.

      Thank you Facebook.

    3. Re:I doubt it by drinkypoo · · Score: 4, Insightful

      You're probably very right with your assumption. However, my experience is that people I didn't like have actually changed for the better.

      My experience is that the people I didn't like who I thought have changed for the better haven't changed that much, I'm just more tolerant of their foibles. The people I really hated in high school peaked in high school and they're the same pieces of shit they always were. On the rare occasion I've run into them again they've said something to prove it, without exception.

      If you were part of the in-crowd, then surely you can enjoy the popularity contest continuing at your reunion. Otherwise, high school was probably close to hell, and why return? It was a form of slavery and abuse to which I was subjected by legal threat and I'm glad to be shut of it.

      --
      "You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
    4. Re:I doubt it by duguk · · Score: 4, Insightful

      I don't go to my high school reunions because the people who are for the most part people I am not interested in meeting again. I went to the first couple and none of the people I had any interest in seeing were there, so I stopped going.

      Probably like many /.ers, I can be very socially awkward and being able to have a few prompts to know what a reunion or social gathering may be like can be really helpful.

      Facebook probably has meant I've been more able to enjoy being social when I might otherwise feel uncomfortable.

    5. Re:I doubt it by Rolgar · · Score: 5, Interesting

      Maybe it depends on the jerk.

      I've had 2 bullies in school. One was when I was in 7th grade 22 years ago. He was a real snide SOB. Situation got to the point where he attacked me in the locker room, and sometime after that, he ended up going to school somewhere else. A couple of years ago, my sister was teaching school two hours away, and she was having parent-teacher conferences, and this guy is a parent of a kid at her school. Talking to each other, he admitted that he was a real jerk, and he wanted her to let me know that he knows he was in the wrong, and he hoped I could forgive him and know that he wouldn't do it if he could have the second chance.

      I have a cousin that I never had a problem with, but has recently admitted that he was a bully to his younger siblings. Is he like that anymore? No.

      People do change. I think their are three things that can change those people. One is correct parenting. Considering most individuals don't get a change in parents, this probably doesn't happen much.

      The second has to do with getting along in the world that is different than school. In school, all children are equal in status, but different students find ways to be superior in different ways, academically, socially, athletically. Some kids resort to bullying. But when those individuals end up in the real world, and have to get jobs, some realize the error of their ways for different reasons.

      For others, it's becoming a parent, and realizing that kids don't deserve to be bullied for things they can't control. I think this especially comes into play when there are multiple children in the family, and parents have to find a balance between the kids. Or a parent that was a bully has a kid that's more likely to be the victim and has to recognize and deal with what it means to be civilized.

      Do some people stay the way they were when they were younger? Yep. Do others mature and become better people? Yep.

      Concerning getting together with those people, I don't know that it provides any real benefit. It probably just feeds some desire for the past, but if I'm not going to make an effort to see these people again next month, is it really beneficial to go out of my way to get together? Probably not. But as a human, I recognize that history is significant, and that not only holds on a tribal level (for us as a country or family), but it also personally does for me. Given the opportunity, I would like to get together to talk to those people who I considered friends then.

  2. 'Social networking has robbed us of our nostalgia by Neitokun · · Score: 5, Insightful

    So? It seems like every few days we get some article from somewhere that basically amounts to "things are different now". It's also bonus points when the thing that's changed was only something Baby Boomers really experienced, and they act like it was a universal, awesome thing that OH NO THE INTERNETS KILLING NOW.

  3. Nostalgia is over-rated by realsilly · · Score: 5, Insightful

    I don't believe in High School reunions nor to I subscribe to Facebook. If I liked a person from school, I'd still be in touch with them and if we lost touch, then it was time to move on. Facebook is the same thing. I hear about all these people "Friend" each other on Facebook only to "Unfriend" each other because either they realize they still don't like each other or there is nothing in common.

    It's all a waste of time.

    Stop looking into the past. Leave Facebook behind and go make new friends that know you for who you are today, not who you were yesterday.

    --
    Life takes interesting turns, but the most interest is when you're off the beaten path.
    1. Re:Nostalgia is over-rated by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Yes, nostalgia is over-rated these days, but it didn't used to be this way. I remember when nostalgia was the ideal way to think about the past. Things were so much better back then.

    2. Re:Nostalgia is over-rated by Hatta · · Score: 5, Funny

      Getting a second chance to bone that cute chick from history class is anything but a waste of time. Sure, you could have sex with anyone, but she's been in your spank bank for 20 years.

      --
      Give me Classic Slashdot or give me death!
  4. can't blame what preceded it... by mortonda · · Score: 4, Funny

    I stopped going to school reunions long before facebook existed. And by stopped, I mean never went.

  5. No real surprise by orthancstone · · Score: 4, Insightful

    This article seems like old hat at this point. When my wife brought up the idea of going to her 10 year reunion a few years back, I asked her what she was going to learn at said reunion that she doesn't already know from her Facebook news feed.

  6. Incomplete story. by Tharsman · · Score: 4, Interesting

    1) High school HOSTED reunions are becoming every day less because people are more likely to relocate these days, making it harder for schools to locate them and let them know about it.
    2) In my experience, Facebook has actually increased high school reunions, without the need of the school inviting anyone back. Classmates just find eachother and plan their own reunions these days.
    3) Reconnecting with classmates I dont ever want to see again was the reason I finally deleted my facebook account. There is a reason I never kept contact with them in the first place.
    4) If your only reason to go to a school reunion is to be shocked at how the pretty girl is now fat and the sports guy is now a loser that just got off jail.... I think you belong in there because you didnt turn out too well either.

    1. Re:Incomplete story. by Andy+Dodd · · Score: 4, Interesting

      I agree on number 2 - my high school class' 12-year reunion (long story, but let's just say that around when the 10th was due to happen was when most of my class were just discovering Facebook and friending each other) would not have happened without Facebook. The school itself had ZERO role in planning any reunion, and didn't even seem to make an attempt. One of our alumni planned the whole thing with help from other classmates on Facebook, held at a local golf course, and it was a resounding success.

      --
      retrorocket.o not found, launch anyway?
  7. Ummm how about the economy? by MikeRT · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Gee, I don't know... could it be the fact that most people would find this an absolutely frivolous waste of money that would be better spent on a family vacation or basic expenses in a tight economy?

  8. Self-fulfilling prophecy? A more general effect? by Sockatume · · Score: 4, Interesting

    "I looked at it a couple of times and it didn't seem like anyone I knew would be there, so I lost interest."

    Maybe that's the real issue? Everyone can check the RSVP list and see that nobody's really going, so nobody RSVPs, and so when people check the RSVP list it seems that nobody's going to go, and eventually everyone decides to just stay at home. In days of old you just gambled that there'd be enough people there for it to be worth your while. Maybe this is a more global effect of Facebook on event planning beyond reunions.

    --
    No kidding!!! What do you say at this point?
  9. Pointless "tech" spin on a "social" trend. by vlm · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Its a social trend, not a tech trend.

    Seems the cultural goal is to hang out with the last group of people you went to school with.

    Maybe 50 years ago, for the majority of americans, that was high school.

    Currently, for the majority of americans, the last group of people they went to school with would have been dropping out of freshman year of college. And the "reunion-industrial complex" is not offering "freshman year reunions".

    The other cultural/social trend is class mixing was cool 20 years ago when I was wasting time in high school. So my gym classes were just whatever random bunch of frosh thru seniors showed up that hour. We were required to take 4 years of English class and the electives were whatever random bunch of juniors or seniors showed up for sci fi class, etc. First and second year chem and physics (and bio, although I never took bio) were just whatever random bunch of sophmore to senior kids who showed up. Art elective was photography, again, whatever freshman thru senior kids felt like signing up... I think the only "all senior" class I ever took in my senior year, was calculus. Sooo one of my best school friends was my physics lab partner, and he was a year older than I am. I met a girlfriend a year younger than me, in english class in my sophomore year. The kids who graduated the year I did, who were a tiny subset of the kids I went to school with? By and large, don't much care. They only made up 1/3 to 1/4 the students in my classes so they only made up 1/3 to 1/4 of my school friends.

    What about the kids I hung out with? Well back before the illegal alien invasion (this was decades ago) teenagers could get jobs. And it seems I worked with mostly kids from the school across town. Weirdly enough, after graduating I noticed I dated more girls from the "other school" than from my own school, because I hung out with them at work, leading to after work dates, you get the idea... I was entering the .mil and 4 local schools funneled into one recruitment center and we had monthly get together social club type activities. I was friends with three future marines, an air force wanna be, and a navy dude, none of which graduated with me at my school the same year.

    At least WRT "twentieth year reunions" or so, there is just no social point anymore. Thats why they're going away.

    Trying to spin a social trend into a "tech story" just looks stupid.

    --
    "Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger
  10. Facebook destroys everything that is not Facebook by IGnatius+T+Foobar · · Score: 4, Interesting

    I didn't like high school the first time around, why would I want to go through that particular brand of hell again? That's why I don't use Facebook.

    The word "victim" in the title is correct, though. Facebook destroys everything that is not Facebook. Small community web sites, forums, blogs, etc. and now things like high school reunions, local clubs and organizations, people going outside and looking up from their screens once in a while ... all of it suffering right now because all anyone wants to do anymore is fuck around on Facebook.

    I do hope this changes sometime soon.

    --
    Tired of FB/Google censorship? Visit UNCENSORED!
  11. Who even gives a shit about high school anymore? by elrous0 · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Do most people even really "peak" in high school anymore anyway? Most people go onto college now, and that's where you *really* get to have fun and make friends. The only people who still view high school as their glory days are a handful of losers who end up working down to the plant telling everyone for the hundredth time about how they scored that winning touchdown in the big game that no one even remembers.

    --
    SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
  12. Awkward reunions replaced by awkward friend reques by ISurfTooMuch · · Score: 4, Insightful

    The big thing I've noticed is that, once one person from high school finds you on Facebook, the rest will soon follow. I've had practically zero contact with the folks I went to high school with in the past 23 years after graduation, and I'm inclined to keep it that way. But then someone found me and friended me, and I foolishly accepted, probably because that person was someone I didn't despise. Then more showed up...and more...and more. Then I was getting friend requests from people who I really didn't like too much. Those are sitting out there in friend request limbo, where I plan on leaving them until the day I finally quit Facebook, which, given this whole Timeline thing, may be coming soon.