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Kim Jong-Il Was an "Internet Expert"

pigrabbitbear writes "The late Kim Jong Il made many bizarre claims and bestowed upon himself many extravagant titles during his iron-clad rule over North Korea. But here's one that's particularly interesting in light of the recent SOPA debate – 'Internet expert.' The DPRK's Dear Leader fancied himself as such during an international summit in 2007. Seven years prior, he had asked U.S. Secretary of State Madeline Albright for her email address, indicating that the North Korean internet black hole was perhaps not as thoroughly opaque as we made it out to be — at least not for those at the top."

36 of 238 comments (clear)

  1. Sure, Al Gore may have INVENTED it by elrous0 · · Score: 5, Funny

    But Glorious Leader was the first to truly MASTER it.

    And, unlike Gore, Glorious Leader at least put his money where his mouth was on global warming. At the time of his death his country used less electricity than any other Asian country and he had decreased its carbon footprint significantly by reducing its population by over a million people in just 15 years. And no polluting Western factories spewing carbon dioxide into the air or wasteful beef production in Glorious Leader's country. Suck on THAT, China and Western imperialists!

    --
    SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
    1. Re:Sure, Al Gore may have INVENTED it by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

      Modded DOUBLEPLUS GOOD

    2. Re:Sure, Al Gore may have INVENTED it by elsurexiste · · Score: 4, Interesting

      And, unlike Gore, Glorious Leader at least put his money where his mouth was on global warming.

      But not so much as the Democratic Republic of the Congo, world leader in renewable energy.

      --
      I rarely respond to comments. Also, don't ask for clarifications: a brain and Google are faster, believe me!
    3. Re:Sure, Al Gore may have INVENTED it by Kagato · · Score: 4, Funny

      The real measure of a Korean Internet Master is their abilities with Star Craft!

    4. Re:Sure, Al Gore may have INVENTED it by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      I was once raped in Starcraft by a Korean with the nick of DLeader. He spewed things like "North Korea is BEST Korea" and "I NUKE YOUR BASE IN AMERICA! kekekeke" constantly.

      I wonder....

    5. Re:Sure, Al Gore may have INVENTED it by kurt555gs · · Score: 3, Funny

      ROR!

      --
      * Carthago Delenda Est *
    6. Re:Sure, Al Gore may have INVENTED it by iluvcapra · · Score: 3, Informative

      This would be funnier if Al Gore had actually claimed that he invented the Internet, and the whole story hadn't been invented to make him look silly.

      --
      Don't blame me, I voted for Baltar.
    7. Re:Sure, Al Gore may have INVENTED it by geekoid · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Oh don't bother. For some reason /. hates Al Gore. One of the most technically literate people in office. Actaully facts will ahv eno bearing on that.

      --
      The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
    8. Re:Sure, Al Gore may have INVENTED it by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Dude, we all fucking know this. Just like we know that when Chuck Norris does pushups, he does actually push himself up and not push the world down. The veracity of the statement is not the focus of the humor.

    9. Re:Sure, Al Gore may have INVENTED it by binarylarry · · Score: 3, Funny

      If it was, it was an impostor.

      Everyone knows the real Lil' Kim would have said "Arr your base are berong to us!"

      --
      Mod me down, my New Earth Global Warmingist friends!
    10. Re:Sure, Al Gore may have INVENTED it by iluvcapra · · Score: 4, Informative

      Newt Gingrich:

      In all fairness, it’s something Gore had worked on a long time. Gore is not the Father of the Internet, but in all fairness, Gore is the person who, in the Congress, most systematically worked to make sure that we got to an Internet, and the truth is—and I worked with him starting in 1978 when I got [to Congress], we were both part of a “futures group”—the fact is, in the Clinton administration, the world we had talked about in the ’80s began to actually happen.

      Vint Cerf:

      Al Gore was the first political leader to recognize the importance of the Internet and to promote and support its development.

      Al Gore's original statement was factual. Somebody at the RNC made a separate statement that was a lie, attributed it to Gore and then attacked him for it. The first link clearly illustrates how it was misquoted once by the RNC in a press release the following week, and then the misquote was reproduced as a quote, because the only people being quoted were the people who were complaining. It was all a game to troll the press and to spend so much time complaining about an imaginary quote that it would take all the time away from talking about the real one.

      --
      Don't blame me, I voted for Baltar.
  2. Pr0n expert? by RagManX · · Score: 5, Funny

    Surfing porn all day does not make one an internet expert.

    1. Re:Pr0n expert? by gl4ss · · Score: 5, Insightful

      in NK it does.

      why? if you're the only dude around using internet, then you're the internet expert. simple as that. it's always about contrast.

      --
      world was created 5 seconds before this post as it is.
    2. Re:Pr0n expert? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Informative

      Why would he need the internet for that? He already had a Joy Brigade.

    3. Re:Pr0n expert? by NatasRevol · · Score: 5, Funny

      I read the end of the first sentence as high-wanking officials...

      --
      There are two types of people in the world: Those who crave closure
  3. Well duh! by Attila+Dimedici · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Anybody who thought that North Korea's draconian rules applied to those at the top (especially to the one at the very pinnacle) does not understand how totalitarian systems work, or what their purpose is.

    --
    The truth is that all men having power ought to be mistrusted. James Madison
    1. Re:Well duh! by mr1911 · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Anybody who thought that North Korea's draconian rules applied to those at the top (especially to the one at the very pinnacle) does not understand how totalitarian systems work, or what their purpose is.

      Oh they will. Governments of formerly free countries are working feverishly to ensure a totalitarian system will be thrust upon us all very soon.

      Don't worry. It is 1) for the children, or 2) to keep you safe from terrorists.

      And all the sheep slept well.

      --
      This post comes with a double-your-money-back guarantee!
      Any offense taken to this post is at your sole discretion.
    2. Re:Well duh! by Opportunist · · Score: 3

      What people who fall for the "they create jobs" meme fail to see is that they don't need a job, they need money. The job is just the means to the end, not the end itself.

      In other words, it's certainly no problem creating jobs. Not at all.

      --
      We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
  4. Look at the picture... by drobety · · Score: 5, Insightful

    The way Kim Jong-Il is holding the mouse in the accompanying picture, there is no denying of his internet expertise.

    1. Re:Look at the picture... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      Clearly he's testing the dpi of the laser mouse with his eyes, either that or he's wondering where the ball is.

    2. Re:Look at the picture... by Jason+Levine · · Score: 3, Funny

      Actually, if you lived under his regime, there was no denying his Internet expertise. In fact, you couldn't deny anything good about him... or else!

      --
      My sci-fi novel, Ghost Thief, is now available from Amazon.com.
  5. Awesome picture by JohnnyBGod · · Score: 5, Interesting

    That looks like another fine picture for http://kimjongillookingatthings.tumblr.com/.

    1. Re:Awesome picture by Surt · · Score: 4, Funny

      Seems telling that the only one he appears to be smiling at is the picture of him looking at sausages.

      --
      "Who is the Journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?" --Stephen Hawking
  6. It's DEAR LEADER by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Informative

    But Glorious Leader was the first to truly MASTER it.

    And, unlike Gore, Glorious Leader at least put his money where his mouth was on global warming. At the time of his death his country used less electricity than any other Asian country and he had decreased its carbon footprint significantly by reducing its population by over a million people in just 15 years. And no polluting Western factories spewing carbon dioxide into the air or wasteful beef production in Glorious Leader's country. Suck on THAT, China and Western imperialists!

    It's "Dear Leader," not "Glorious Leader." (His daddy was "Great Leader." And so far, Junior is "Great Successor," which reveals a lot about how the state apparatus views the new kid.)

    1. Re:It's DEAR LEADER by elrous0 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Was Dear Leader BEFORE takeover of heaven. Now Glorious!!!

      --
      SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
  7. Footage of Kim by rapidreload · · Score: 5, Interesting

    I've noticed a few things from all the news footage available of Kim Jong-Il:

    1. Kim is generally doing one of three things: pointing/gesturing at something, watch someone pointing/gesturing at something, or clapping. Never speaking, never doing something actually interesting.

    2. People in North Korea LOVE clapping for some reason. All the political footage involving Kim tends to involve a shitload of clapping. If the leader is clapping at something, everyone else is that's for sure. Maybe everyone's really happy over there?

    Either the guy has never bothered to speak on camera, or the regime was afraid he'd say something stupid.

    --
    To all newcomers - people here are very close-minded and can't handle complaints about Linux. Keep this in mind.
  8. Obituary by NewWorldDan · · Score: 5, Funny

    When I think back on the many great accomplishments of this man, there is no doubt that he will have the longest and greatest obituary ever written. A short exceprt:

    The only man known to have shot 18 consecuative holes-in-one during a round of golf. In 2007, Kim Jong Il led the New England Patriots to a perfect 19-0 NFL season. In addition to his sporting exploits, Il was a noted Internet expert. Known for releasing the worlds first internet worm. His fame exploded when he devised a method of breaking public key encryption. He is believed to be the sole author of the Windows Vista operating system.

    I'm in awe of this man.

    1. Re:Obituary by Mushdot · · Score: 5, Funny

      Don't forget he also took an arrow to the knee but *remained* an adventurer.

  9. What was his /. nym? by vlm · · Score: 4, Funny

    What was his /. nym?

    Find someone who stopped posting around the time he croaked. I'm guessing a pretty low UID, since he was pretty old. We now know I was not him, just in case you were wondering. Unless I'm an automated poster. I suppose I could pass a Turing test to prove it, or there's always the old "there's a tortoise, lying on its back in the desert. You're not helping it. Why are you not helping it?"

    --
    "Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger
    1. Re:What was his /. nym? by vlm · · Score: 5, Funny

      What was his /. nym?

      Find someone who stopped posting around the time he croaked. I'm guessing a pretty low UID, since he was pretty old. We now know I was not him, just in case you were wondering. Unless I'm an automated poster. I suppose I could pass a Turing test to prove it, or there's always the old "there's a tortoise, lying on its back in the desert. You're not helping it. Why are you not helping it?"

      Oh I know, I haven't seen that "cmdrtaco" guy post in awhile. Are there any references to cmdrtaco having great hair and liking kimchi? That would explain a lot.

      --
      "Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger
  10. Typical computer by f1vlad · · Score: 5, Informative

    This is what typical computer lab looks in North Korean school: http://tema.ru/travel/north-korea-3/_MG_0082.jpg I guess if you are the only one in the country who has a modern computer, that'll make you an internet expert :)

    --
    o_O
    1. Re:Typical computer by gl4ss · · Score: 4, Funny

      wtf are those chinese NES-ripoffs??

      --
      world was created 5 seconds before this post as it is.
  11. He asked Madeline Albright for her email address? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    Wow! He really was ronery.

  12. So now we know why he died by RogueyWon · · Score: 5, Funny

    In a long and varied life, Kim Jong Il made one undeniable and catastrophic mistake; he claimed to be an internet expert.

    After making this claim, his life was made a misery by a succession of late night calls from friends and family demanding his help in ridding their PCs of various pieces of malware.

    It was during one of these conversations, during which he was explaining to his elderly aunt for the thirty-seventh time why she shouldn't click the links in random e-mails claiming to be from DHL and talking her through the process of reinstalling Windows so that it would stop flashing up photos of young ladies taking their clothes off every time she tried to google for humorous cat stories, that his blood pressure finally reached critical point and his heart exploded.

    Case solved.

  13. Re:Trust me... by MrNiceguy_KS · · Score: 5, Insightful

    This could apply to other areas of North Korean life.

    "I'm a food expert, and I've seen what damage it can do... you don't want it."

    --
    Redundancy is good And also good.
  14. Not quite. by denzacar · · Score: 4, Insightful

    What people who fall for the "they create jobs" meme fail to see is that they don't need a job, they need money. The job is just the means to the end, not the end itself.

    A job is much, much more than just "a way to make money".
    Being able to work for your own and your family's sustenance and improvement gives people a purpose in life, makes them proud of their own accomplishments and basically makes them MORE than mere consumers.
    Which is what just giving them money makes them into.

    Mind you, I am not speaking against government or anyone else helping out those in need or those unable to work or fully support themselves or their families through their work.
    Personally, I believe that acts like that don't just make us more civilized but also "good". Or at least better.

    Monetary help - good and often needed.
    Sustaining and fulfilling work - much better.

    --
    Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens