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Michael Bay To Remake TMNT As Aliens

Posted by Soulskill on from the stop-assassinating-my-childhood dept.

Nidi62 writes "We all know that Michael Bay loves to put 86 minutes of explosions into a 90-minute movie. But it appears that he has found a new way to screw up a movie. He is directing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot in which the turtles are not created with ooze: they are 'from an alien race, and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable.' No word yet on whether he's consulting with George Lucas on how to totally destroy the origin and essence of a classic story." Responding to criticism, Bay thoughtfully explained that fans need to "chill."

11 of 481 comments (clear)

  1. And in other news by realityimpaired · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Michael Bay Signs $50m Deal to Fuck Up Thundercats.

    le sigh.

  2. Re:Bay needs to... by DurendalMac · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Maybe years ago, but now Megan Fox's ass has probably had 15 surgeries and looks like it's made of plastic, much like the rest of her. I'll pass. Why the hell do naturally beautiful women feel the urge to completely destroy that??

  3. "chill" AND "relax" by Rogerborg · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Did... did he just tell us to chillax?

    We've suspected it for years, but I think the trolling has just become completely overt.

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  4. Fuck him by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles = TANT

    As in, this dude is tainting my childhood memories!~

  5. An Analogy by Deathlizard · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Michael Bay is to 80's cartoons as Uwe Boll is to Videogames.

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  6. TMNT: Mostly Sucks by busyqth · · Score: 5, Insightful

    The only good Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were the original B&W comics. Unfortunately I am old enough to have read them when they first appeared, but they were good.

    1. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by hairyfeet · · Score: 5, Insightful

      But who thinks this is a GOOD idea? anyone? Bueller? I am starting to think that some of these "geniuses" are nothing but VERY lucky hacks. take George Lucas, did you know he wanted to make Indy 3 in a haunted house? or make C3P0 a slimy used car salesman in the original Star Wars? Or that Luke's original name was something like "Rex Starkiller"? I have a feeling these guys are just hacks that luck out in they get people to work with them that take the one or two good germs of ideas they have and get rid of all the schlock and shape it into something good. Problem is when Lucas became rich and famous he got rid of those that said 'That's a fucking stupid idea George" and replaced them with yes men and then you get The Phantom Menace.

      While I'm sure most here have seen them for the few that haven't watch the the Plinkett reviews and pay close attention to the looks on the faces of those around him during the behind the scenes. George will come up with some lame idea and they just smile or let out a really half ass fake laugh and you can see if you look at their eyes they are thinking "WTF? why isn't anyone saying anything? this is a joke, right? Are we being punked?" but nobody has the balls to say anything. I bet Bay is the same way, I bet he could announce that 'Here is the setup, the TMNT are created when Donald Trump gets exposed to radioactive lettuce which gives him a MASSIVE case of the runs and the shit travels through the pipes (which we'll follow with 3D camera work) where it lands in a sewer pipe on some pet store turtles that were flushed down a different crapper, its brilliant!" and everyone gets a queasy look and goes "Wow, that is a great idea Michael, you're the best!"

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    2. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by F34nor · · Score: 5, Insightful

      "No one in this world, so far as I know — and I have searched the record for years, and employed agents to help me — has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people." H.L. Mecken

    3. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by 93+Escort+Wagon · · Score: 5, Insightful

      "No one in this world, so far as I know — and I have searched the record for years, and employed agents to help me — has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people." H.L. Mecken

      There have been other stories on Slashdot where this quote would be pithy and appropriate, but here - man, we're talking about people getting their panties in a bunch over CARTOON TURTLES!

      I'm not planning to go see this movie, but - CARTOON TURTLES!

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  7. Re:Bay needs to... by b0r0din · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Maybe years ago, but now Megan Fox's ass has probably had 15 surgeries and looks like it's made of plastic, much like the rest of her. I'll pass. Why the hell do naturally beautiful women feel the urge to completely destroy that??

    I'm not a psychologist, but I'm pretty sure it's because deep down most people have self-esteem issues and when they were in high school the only boys who approached them were the confident ones who 'negged' them and provided a level of mental abuse that they tolerated and even found attractive. And they never recovered from it.

    Add the regular rejection of Hollywood and it just gets even worse.

  8. Chill, it's a reboot. by frovingslosh · · Score: 5, Insightful

    weren't you here for the Startrek reboot? That what reboot means, take something that people like and totally screw it up for your own ego trip. That way you can make a totally mediocre movie and still expect good box office take from the fanboys that go just because of the name.

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