Michael Bay To Remake TMNT As Aliens

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Michael Bay To Remake TMNT As Aliens

Posted by Soulskill on Tuesday March 20, 2012 @12:05PM from the stop-assassinating-my-childhood dept.

Nidi62 writes "We all know that Michael Bay loves to put 86 minutes of explosions into a 90-minute movie. But it appears that he has found a new way to screw up a movie. He is directing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot in which the turtles are not created with ooze: they are 'from an alien race, and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable.' No word yet on whether he's consulting with George Lucas on how to totally destroy the origin and essence of a classic story." Responding to criticism, Bay thoughtfully explained that fans need to "chill."

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It's hte end of the world as we know it. by Anonymous Coward · 2012-03-20 12:08 · Score: 5, Funny

And I like turtles.
Just what Hollywood needs.... by scottbomb · 2012-03-20 12:11 · Score: 5, Informative

ANOTHER remake. How sad.
And in other news by realityimpaired · 2012-03-20 12:11 · Score: 5, Insightful

Michael Bay Signs $50m Deal to Fuck Up Thundercats.
le sigh.
1. Re:And in other news by Pseudonym+Authority · 2012-03-20 13:32 · Score: 5, Informative
  
  The `insightful' mod isn't because people think that it is a factual report, but that it is insightful that the Onion, a comical `news' source, basically predicted the article.
  
  Life imitates art, blah blah blah....
Re:Bay needs to... by DurendalMac · 2012-03-20 12:13 · Score: 5, Insightful

Maybe years ago, but now Megan Fox's ass has probably had 15 surgeries and looks like it's made of plastic, much like the rest of her. I'll pass. Why the hell do naturally beautiful women feel the urge to completely destroy that??
"chill" AND "relax" by Rogerborg · 2012-03-20 12:13 · Score: 5, Insightful

Did... did he just tell us to chillax?
We've suspected it for years, but I think the trolling has just become completely overt.

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Fuck him by Anonymous Coward · 2012-03-20 12:13 · Score: 5, Insightful

Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles = TANT
As in, this dude is tainting my childhood memories!~
Justice must prevail. by oldhack · 2012-03-20 12:15 · Score: 5, Funny

Everyone who paid to see Michael Bay's movie must pay extra 10% income tax.
Those who took their kids with'em need to be referred to child protection agencies.

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An Analogy by Deathlizard · 2012-03-20 12:16 · Score: 5, Insightful

Michael Bay is to 80's cartoons as Uwe Boll is to Videogames.

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Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by Kincaidia · 2012-03-20 12:18 · Score: 5, Interesting

I mean, FFS, it's in the goddamn name. It's like remaking Pirates of the Caribbean with Cowboys instead of Pirates.
1. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by SalsaDoom · 2012-03-20 12:27 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  I mean, FFS, it's in the goddamn name. It's like remaking Pirates of the Caribbean with Cowboys instead of Pirates.
  I would go see Cowboys of the Caribbean.
  
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TMNT: Mostly Sucks by busyqth · 2012-03-20 12:22 · Score: 5, Insightful

The only good Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were the original B&W comics. Unfortunately I am old enough to have read them when they first appeared, but they were good.
1. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by hairyfeet · 2012-03-20 12:52 · Score: 5, Insightful
  
  But who thinks this is a GOOD idea? anyone? Bueller? I am starting to think that some of these "geniuses" are nothing but VERY lucky hacks. take George Lucas, did you know he wanted to make Indy 3 in a haunted house? or make C3P0 a slimy used car salesman in the original Star Wars? Or that Luke's original name was something like "Rex Starkiller"? I have a feeling these guys are just hacks that luck out in they get people to work with them that take the one or two good germs of ideas they have and get rid of all the schlock and shape it into something good. Problem is when Lucas became rich and famous he got rid of those that said 'That's a fucking stupid idea George" and replaced them with yes men and then you get The Phantom Menace.
  While I'm sure most here have seen them for the few that haven't watch the the Plinkett reviews and pay close attention to the looks on the faces of those around him during the behind the scenes. George will come up with some lame idea and they just smile or let out a really half ass fake laugh and you can see if you look at their eyes they are thinking "WTF? why isn't anyone saying anything? this is a joke, right? Are we being punked?" but nobody has the balls to say anything. I bet Bay is the same way, I bet he could announce that 'Here is the setup, the TMNT are created when Donald Trump gets exposed to radioactive lettuce which gives him a MASSIVE case of the runs and the shit travels through the pipes (which we'll follow with 3D camera work) where it lands in a sewer pipe on some pet store turtles that were flushed down a different crapper, its brilliant!" and everyone gets a queasy look and goes "Wow, that is a great idea Michael, you're the best!"
  
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2. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by F34nor · 2012-03-20 13:22 · Score: 5, Insightful
  
  "No one in this world, so far as I know — and I have searched the record for years, and employed agents to help me — has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people." H.L. Mecken
3. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by 93+Escort+Wagon · 2012-03-20 13:42 · Score: 5, Insightful
  
  "No one in this world, so far as I know — and I have searched the record for years, and employed agents to help me — has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people." H.L. Mecken
  There have been other stories on Slashdot where this quote would be pithy and appropriate, but here - man, we're talking about people getting their panties in a bunch over CARTOON TURTLES!
  I'm not planning to go see this movie, but - CARTOON TURTLES!
  
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4. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Dahamma · 2012-03-20 16:21 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  You must not have watched many Michael Bay movies.
  If you had, you'd understand that they don't just affect those watching, but have ripple effects that have been slowly eroding the fabric of space/time as we know it.
New theme would need some work... by Anonymous Coward · 2012-03-20 12:25 · Score: 5, Funny

So... Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles? Unless they are proud warriors who have grown to full maturity, and its not a joyride to earth... Then its Adult Alien Ninja Turtles! But wait! If they are not mutated from turtles, then they are not turtles. So maybe Adult Alien Ninja Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings! But if they learned their martial arts on another planet, then its only Ninja-esq... So the new theme is

"Adult Alien Noble Martial Arts Weilding Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings,
Adult Alien Noble Martial Arts Weilding Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings,
Adult Alien Noble Martial Arts Weilding Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings,
Heroes in a Half Shell,
Alien power!

They're the world's most fearsome fighting team (From Another World!)
They're heroes in a half-shell and they're green (Hey - get a grip!)
When the evil Shredder attacks
These Aliens for some reason focusing on one small local crime lord when they have interplanetary travel don't cut him no slack!

(Refrain)

Just doesn't have the same ring as it used to...
Re:Bay needs to... by b0r0din · 2012-03-20 12:31 · Score: 5, Insightful

Maybe years ago, but now Megan Fox's ass has probably had 15 surgeries and looks like it's made of plastic, much like the rest of her. I'll pass. Why the hell do naturally beautiful women feel the urge to completely destroy that??
I'm not a psychologist, but I'm pretty sure it's because deep down most people have self-esteem issues and when they were in high school the only boys who approached them were the confident ones who 'negged' them and provided a level of mental abuse that they tolerated and even found attractive. And they never recovered from it.
Add the regular rejection of Hollywood and it just gets even worse.
Re:This is news? by wanzeo · 2012-03-20 12:35 · Score: 5, Funny

Reply to self:
After some quick wikipedia, I realize that the cartoon I grew up loving in the late 80s was actually ripped from a comic book series I have never read. So I guess I prove my OP wrong. Some 12 year old kid could go see this movie, and it would forever represent the ninja turtles in their mind. Oh god, where is the art police when you need them?
and then there's his next project by Walt+Dismal · 2012-03-20 12:38 · Score: 5, Funny

Next up, Bay takes on Wizard of Oz remake:
"Flying monkeys with bombs. Lots of bombs. Wicked witch with machine gun on broom! Megan as Dorothy! Toto upgraded to pit bull. Shia LeBoeuf will ace it as the Tin Man with laser-eyeballs and missile-firing butthatch! Cowardly Lion now a Mexican political-asylum refugee who knows how to fight! The Straw Man now the Token Black Gay Teenage Computer Wizard in a wheelchair. With glasses. And braces. Eats HotPockets and Pepsi and Pringles while racing against time.
Old plot bad, new plot good. Secret Oz government lab accidently released virus that mutates Munchkins into slobbering zombie vampires. Only Dorothy can save them because her blood has radical new antibodies. Witch nearly kills her, but sex with the Tin Man revives her. New totally unexpected ending not involving explosions!"
Re:Bay needs to... by rampant+mac · 2012-03-20 13:07 · Score: 5, Funny

"but now Megan Fox's ass has probably had 15 surgeries and looks like it's made of plastic, much like the rest of her. I'll pass."
She's obviously way below your standards, with her sharp knees and all. We can't all be lucky enough like you to have had Natalie Portman pour hot grits into our underwear.

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Chill, it's a reboot. by frovingslosh · 2012-03-20 15:33 · Score: 5, Insightful

weren't you here for the Startrek reboot? That what reboot means, take something that people like and totally screw it up for your own ego trip. That way you can make a totally mediocre movie and still expect good box office take from the fanboys that go just because of the name.

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