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IT Positions Some of the Toughest Jobs To Fill In US
coondoggie writes "Forty-nine percent of U.S. companies are having a hard time filling what workforce management firm ManpowerGroup calls mission-critical positions within their organizations. IT staff, engineers and 'skilled trades' are among the toughest spots to fill. The group surveyed some 1,300 employers and noted that U.S. companies are struggling to find talent, despite continued high unemployment, over their global counterparts, where 34% of employers worldwide are having difficulty filling positions."
Impossible. As everybody skilled in economics knows, there are no low salaries, only lazy workers.
So what you say is you take what the non-technical people say back to the technical people. Couldn't the technical people just talk to the technical people directly?
So what you say is you take what the non-technical people say back to the technical people. Couldn't the technical people just talk to the technical people directly?
I'm a PEOPLE PERSON, DAMMIT!
An enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in bacon and cheese
I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you?
So, you don't physically take the specs from the customer? Does your secretary do that, or are they faxed?
Learning HOW to think is more important than learning WHAT to think.
Look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn non-techies so the techies don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?
I am officially gone from
What if drivers were hired like software developers?
Job title: car driver
Job requirements: professional skills in driving normal- and heavy-freight cars, buses and trucks, trolley buses, trams, subways, tractors, shovel diggers, contemporary light and heavy tanks currently in use by NATO countries.
Skills in rally and extreme driving are obligatory!
Formula-1 driving experience is a plus.
Knowledge and experience in repairing of piston and rotor/Wankel engines, automatic and manual transmissions, ignition systems, board computer, ABS, ABD, GPS and car-audio systems by world-known manufacturers - obligatory!
Experience with car-painting and tinsmith tasks is a plus.
The applicants must have certificates by BMW, General Motors and Bosch, but not older than two years.
Compensation: $15-$20/hour, depends on the interview result.
Education requirements: Bachelor's Degree of Engineering.
10 years C++
5-7 years Java
5-7 years HTML and CSS
2-3 years SQL
2-3 years Ruby
1 year JQuery
1 year COBOL
Familiarity with VHDL
Must be a Team Player
Must be willing to work 60 hours per week
Must know ballroom dancing
Must speak sloth
Salary 40,000 per year
I have no idea why they are having difficulties....
I just use the dead corpses of non-technical people to shim up server racks ... is that wrong?
A little Febreze always helps with the smell.
"My God...it's full of trolls!"
You can train people skills too: you sit your problem employee down and tell him exactly what your expectations for personal behavior are, and what you need him to do differently. You be specific about what behavior is inappropriate or problematic, and tell him what you need him to do differently. If you start seeing changes in the right direction, you encourage it by telling him what he did right.
Assuming you know what a RFC is, you write him a RFC. He will follow it. It'll probably look a lot like the old TCP and IP RFCs. "no evil bit" in any datagram, keep your TCP buffers small, sensible retry protocol if no response (not launch a ICBM), has something like ARP to figure out who to contact instead of flailing around or broadcasting spam mail to the whole universe, some kind of loop free spanning tree like topology to transfer problems around, semi-standardized handshaking protocol to initial and end conversation streams... Come to think of it, over the decades, networking/network programming guys have been the easiest to get along with of all techies I've known, from internalizing this kind of stuff.
"Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger
Let's see you do your job when you can't find your Any key.
Keep on knockin'
https://robbiecrash.me
At least in new mexico...
- We want someone with people skills:
Translation:
(a) We don't know how to evaluate your technical skills
(b) We want a neurotypical individual
(c) We want you to have a wife, kids, and house, so once you take this job, you are shackled to us by responsibility and debt.
- We want a programmer with 25 years of Java Experience
(a) We don't know this doesn't exist unless your name is Gosling
(b) This position is intended to be filled by someone in Delhi who will lie on their resume
(c) If you apply and have the requisite experience, we will fire you for cause of lying on your application once the job is complete. But please do apply.
- Requires existing Secret/Top Secret Clearance
(a) This job pays a 10k premium
(b) This job description was written for a buddy of mine
(c) We will not pay for your investigation, and if we do, we will find faults in the background check until the only remaining individual is the person we have already selected
- Payment/Benefits include Stock Options
(a) We have no business plan
(b) We want you to sign over all rights and sign an NDA before the interview
(c) We will fire you or make the environment conditions insufferable one year before the options vest.
- We are seeking a junior to mid-level engineer
(a) We want someone with 3-10 years experience
(b) We pay 25% below market
(c) This is why we are seeking one. We can't find anyone we don't want to fire that is willing to work for two stddev below average.
(d) Our last crop of interns really screwed things, and we don't know how to fix it
- Responsibilities include completion of multiple projects
(a) Responsibilities include working from 6-8, not 8-6. Plus Saturdays, Sundays & Holidays.
(b) This job comes with a 5*N year long trouble ticket list, and N person-years of employees available for you to use.
(c) Our last crop of interns really screwed things, and we don't know how to fix it.
(d) We will give you enough supervisory responsibility to blame you for our predecessors failures. Please see apocryphal "make three envelopes" story.
(e) You will be personally responsible for two high profile projects from day one, one of which is due in a month and only 16 weeks behind schedule. Opportunity abounds!
And they wonder why they have problems....
"Coworkers"
Because technical people talking to technical people will eventually lead to one of only two possibilities: one tech yelling "Godwin!" and storming off in disgust, or both techs intently studying napkin schematics, hammering out the best way to construct a real life light saber.
“Dead corpses”; Are there any other kind of corpses?
Have you ever worked in a government office?
Partially correct, but you are missing the most important thing gone awry in IT today.
Dear company,
While I understand you have vast needs in the IT area, and wish to do less with more there are limits to human capacity. I can not fill the role of Senior Unix Analyst/Engineer/Architect, Network Analyst/Engineer/Architect, MS Windows Analyst/Engineer/Architect, Storage SAN/NAS Analyst/Engineer/Architect, Firewall and Security Analyst/Engineer/Architect any more than you would expect your CPA to be your attorney, business analyst and lead sales person. You need to pick one or two of these things, preferably what I have spent twenty years mastering and allow me to do my job.
I also understand that you have developers that read trade magazines and demand that they have what they read about. This has created workplaces that are impossible to support. There should be no more than three versions of any Operating system on site and those should be limited to not more than 2 types of Linux. One for development, one for production, and one for legacy. Allow your IT staff to keep your development on track, give us the reigns and watch how fast you can go and how far you can drive.
Lastly, contrary to popular belief IT people enjoy time away from work and the office. We do not like to be on call 24/7/365 with no bonuses and no breaks. We expect to be treated with the same respect as the Corporate Lawyer that saves your ass in court, as we often save your ass with our magical IT skills and keep production up and moving even when systems collapse.
-The wise argue that there are few absolutes, the fool argues that there are no probabilities.