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US Missile Defense Staff Told To Stop Watching Porn

Posted by Soulskill on from the first-world-problems dept.

An anonymous reader writes "John James Jr., director of the U.S. Missile Defense Agency, who is responsible for the nation's missile defense system, recently sent out a one-page memo warning employees and contractors to stop using agency computers to visit pornographic Web sites. That's right; apparently they were watching the wrong type of bombshells."

8 of 187 comments (clear)

  1. Why? by Githaron · · Score: 5, Funny

    Why is this considered news?

    1. Re:Why? by Desler · · Score: 5, Funny

      Because they were playing with the wrong type of missiles?

    2. Re:Why? by DickBreath · · Score: 5, Funny

      Because watching pr0n isn't being productive like those of us who read Slashdot.

      --

      I'll see your senator, and I'll raise you two judges.
    3. Re:Why? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Well, still better if only a meat-rocket goes off, instead of a minute-man. ...wait

    4. Re:Why? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      be the first recorded case of premature ejaculation that made the earth move for her too

    5. Re:Why? by Impy+the+Impiuos+Imp · · Score: 5, Funny

      > Apparently they were watching the wrong type of bombshells.

      Brian: Dumb joke.
      Stewie: You think it's so easy, name 12.

      Brian:
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of missiles.
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of payloads.
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of shots.
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of O-rings.
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of re-entry procedure.
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of liquid coolant.
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of emergency ejection.
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of solid rocket.
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of holding pattern.
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of engine flameout.
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of fire surpression system.
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of throttle up.

      Stewie: Name 5 more.

      Brian:
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of loading the cargo bay.
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of playing with the funny arm.
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of rubber suit.
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of trans docking.
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of linkup.

      Stewie: Name 6 more.

      Brian:
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of system failure.
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of manual procedure.
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of stirring the tank.
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of evacuation procedure.
      Apparently they were watching the wrong type of moon rover.
        Apparently they were watching the wrong type of boot to the moon.

      Stewie: (Throws guitar on the floor) F(bleep) you!

      Brian:
        Apparently they were watching the wrong type of separation procedure.
        Apparently they were watching the wrong type of Weiner von Braun.
        Apparently they were watching the wrong type of 'tang.
        Apparently they were watching the wrong type of ...

      Stewie: Now you die.

      --
      (-1: Post disagrees with my already-settled worldview) is not a valid mod option.
  2. cue to the missile jokes.... by schlachter · · Score: 5, Funny

    Johnson: [notices Dr. Evil's spaceship on radar] Colonel, you better take a look at this radar.
    Colonel: What is it, son?
    Johnson: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant--
    [cut to the sky in two jets]
    Jet Pilot: Dick!
    Dick: Yeah?
    Pilot: Take a look outta starboard.
    Dick: Oh, my God! It looks like a huge--
    [cut to a forest with 2 birdwatchers]
    Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker!
    Bird-Watching Man: [raises his binoculars] Oh, where?
    Bird-Watching Woman: Wait! that's not a woodpecker. It looks like someone's--
    [cut to a boot camp]
    Army Sergeant: PRIVATES! We have reports of an unidentified flying object! It is a long, smooth shaft, complete with--
    [cut to a baseball game]
    Umpire: 2 balls! [looks up from game] What is that? That looks just like an enormous--
    [cut to a Chinese school]
    Teacher: Wang! Pay attention!
    Wang: I was distracted by that enormous flying--
    [cut to a concert with Willie Nelson and another guitarist]
    Musician: Willie.
    Willie: Yeah?
    Musician: What's that?
    Willie: [looks up] Well, it looks like a giant--
    [cut back to headquarters]
    Colonel: Johnson!
    Johnson: Yes, sir!
    Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this!

    --
    My God can beat up your God. Just kidding...don't take offense. I know there's no God.
  3. Re:the right idea by DickBreath · · Score: 5, Funny

    During a war, making love is what results in a war baby.

    --

    I'll see your senator, and I'll raise you two judges.