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Police Probing Theft of Millions of Pounds of Maple Syrup From Strategic Reserve
An anonymous reader writes with this bit from the Globe and Mail: "Quebec police are on the hunt for a sticky-fingered thief after millions of dollars of maple syrup vanished from a Quebec warehouse. The theft was discovered during a routine inventory check last week at the St-Louis-de-Blandford warehouse, where the syrup is being held temporarily. The Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers, which is responsible for the global strategic maple syrup reserve, initially kept the news quiet, hoping it would help police solve the crime quickly."
As is the tradition.
What political party do you join when you don't like Bible-thumpers *or* hippies?
Issuing invitation to all of /. for world's largest pancake and waffle breakfast! Bring your family, we have so much syrup to unload...
"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted." -Groucho Marx
I had no idea there was a "global strategic maple syrup reserve". Other possible Global Strategic Reserves we don't know about: Bacon? Poutine? BEER???
The Canadian economy cannot afford a shortage of both maple syrup and hockey sticks.
I know that was the strangest thing I've read in a while. But hey some people are serious about their maple syrup.
Canada needs the McKenzie brothers.
NOW!
It's the Canadian equivalent of the Federal Reserve.
International House of Pancakes has announced that for all of the American Labour Day Weekend they will be offering free pancakes with all-you-can-slurp maple syrup, and every customer will get a free bottle of (unlabeled) genuine maple syrup to take home.
President Obama: *sits down to breakfast and starts to cut into his waffle but notices it's dry* Michelle, would you please pass the syrup. ... some very syrupy shit is about to go down.
First Lady: Get it yourself.
Secret Service Agent: *leans down and whispers into the President's ear* Um, sir, we're out of syrup, would you like me to dispatch an agent to pick you up from some the store?
President Obama: No, Allen, that won't be necessary. *pauses dramatically and announces loudly* Get me Seal Team mother fuckin' Six on the horn!
First Lady: Barry! Do NOT swear around our children! And for the love of god, you cannot use Seal Team Six to solve all of your problems! Remember when you told them to "take care of my mother" for an afternoon and she ended up floating face down in the Potomac!?
President Obama: Clearly an unintended -- VERY UNINTENDED -- miscommunication and we're not having that fight again! Now, I want all the intelligence we have on Canada stat
My work here is dung.
Civilisation is only ever 48 hours away from dry pancakes.
Blank until
With the exception that maple syrup is actually worth something.
What changed under Obama? Nothing Good
It was salted and probably used on hash.
*facepalm*
Canada, buddy, look, seriously here. I've got numerous good friends of mine in various areas of Canada, from the coast of British Columbia to the fine metropolitan city of Toronto (sorry, I don't know any Newfies). So I spend a fair amount of time rolling my eyes at the usual Canadian stereotypes the less-cultured of my American brethren pump out on a regular basis whenever Canada is mentioned.
But, man, seriously. Your Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve isn't going to make that any easier. Come on, now.
I just pictured a Austin Powers-esque or MST3K scene where a giant blob of molasses was "chasing" after these people.
Every time I start to have faith in humanity, I ruin it by driving to work between 7 and 8 am.
I have been cornering the market on Frozen Concentrated Orange Juice. One bad season and I will bring the world to its knees. Bwhaahaa!
Or both. Gotta watch those sticky-fingered accountants.
When you steal maple syrup from Canada, you see angry Canadians.
We must record and study the Canadian in this rare form.
So *that* explains how it looks like he put on 100 pounds just before the RNC!
If telephones are outlawed, then only outlaws will have telephones.
soylent syrup is made from people
I guess this could be a sticking point for the Canadian authorities. They sure made those looking after the product look like saps. But they'll catch the thief eventually, and he'll get his just desserts.
You're welcome.
I don't like where this discussion is heading, it's a slippery slope to talk about a sticky situation like this...
Peak maple.
You do not have a moral or legal right to do absolutely anything you want.
It varies from person to person.
Support the EFF and Creative Commons. The war is coming, and they're supporting you...
There are conflicting reports that riots have broken out all across Canada. Or that everyone seems to be fine with it and is going about their day as normal. Hard to say, since they look the same.
Syrup refineries have been cutting the pure maple with corn-based additives for years. Peak maple is just a myth perpetuated by Big Maple to elevate prices so they keep their income level while demand for the pure stuff drops.
In reality Canada is sitting on centuries of maple just waiting to be tapped.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Ha! You've been taken in by the conspiracy between the Canadian government and "Big Maple." Maple syrup is actually formed abiotically from "sweet spots" deep within the earth. We can never run out of maple syrup. Canadian civilization can continue forever!
Please do not read this sig. Thank you.
News Alert! The Strategic Waffle Reserve in Belgium has been robbed. Police believe the crimes may be related.
Any insufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology.
I mean I never have even seen, smelled, or eaten anything with maple syrup.
If you said you didn't like it, I could accept that. But not so much as seen it? Where does one live to avoid all contact whatsoever with maple syrup?
cheesybagel obviously lives in another dimension.
Yeah it was bloody surreal. Only in Canada I guess. I mean I never have even seen, smelled, or eaten anything with maple syrup. Its food so it is pretty important but calling a syrup a strategic product? Errr...
It is a strategic product. Have you ever read Dune? Where do you think Frank Herbert got the idea of spice?
I mean how else can you explain how most Canadians knew the Iraq war was going to end in pain but most Americans thought it would be a fun desert expedition? It is the precognitive effects of maple syrup (spice)!
To put it bluntly: if you eat food with maple syrup occasionally, nothing will happen. But if you become dependent on it then withdrawal will kill you. A strategic maple syrup reserve is critical for the survival of Canada. The biggest question, though, is how a country with so many precogs couldn't figure out that someone was trying to steal from the maple syrup reserve. I think there is a lot more to this story than meets the eye. Perhaps Canada is only trying to make us think that there was a theft so that we will feel that they are weak.
They keep them so that the country doesn't grind to a halt the next time there's a significant supply disruption.
He was wrong about the maple syrup too, since that is exactly our reason for keeping reserves in Canada (although perhaps not on the global scale of oil).
I am literally 3000 tokens away from the chaotic crossbow --Stephen
I love to make fun of Candians every chance I get. But I do have to admit.. I envy their stereotypes. The rest of the world thinks I'm a lazy overworking fatass who prioritizes things like which gym to go to over geography.
"I like to lick butts!" by MobileTatsu-NJG (#32700246) (Score:5, Informative)
A reward of 2L of pure Canadian maple syrup will be given to anyone who captures the author of the above comment.
Who modded the comment above as flamebait? Did you get approval from the modding committee?
Yeah it was bloody surreal. Only in Canada I guess. I mean I never have even seen, smelled, or eaten anything with maple syrup. Its food so it is pretty important but calling a syrup a strategic product? Errr...
They use it to jam enemy radars.
Syrup refineries have been cutting the pure maple with corn-based additives for years. Peak maple is just a myth perpetuated by Big Maple to elevate prices so they keep their income level while demand for the pure stuff drops. In reality Canada is sitting on centuries of maple just waiting to be tapped.
Meh, that's nothing but long-discredited trickle-down economics.
Crumb's Corollary: Never bring a knife to a bun fight.
So ... you're a ginger?
"I like to lick butts!" by MobileTatsu-NJG (#32700246) (Score:5, Informative)