Slashdot Mirror
Valve and JJ Abrams Collaborating On Half-Life, Portal Movies
LordStormes writes "JJ Abrams, who apparently plans to direct every movie for the rest of time, is teaming with Gabe Newell and Valve to explore films for both the Half-Life and Portal franchises. 'Abrams and Newell made the surprise, succinct announcement at the end of their keynote speech, which took the form of a carefully rehearsed discussion between the two creatives about the strengths and weaknesses of games and movies as storytelling mediums. ... "Movies let you experience moments that you might not think are the point, but really are everything,” Abrams said, pointing to the early introduction of compressed air canisters in the opening scenes of the movie Jaws, which initially seem unimportant but prove consequential to the film’s ending. Newell pointed out that the “take your child to work” scene in Portal 2 accomplished the same thing, setting up important plot points in a way that made them initially seem like humorous throwaways.' No word on Half-Life 3, sadly..."
First of all, that is the stupidest fucking idea I have ever heard, even by dumbass Hollywood standards. The whole point of the Portal games was for YOU to solve puzzles in creative and fun ways. Making that into a passive experience renders the whole thing absolutely pointless. I would rather watch an Adam Sandler movie while eating shards of glass, with Lindsay Lohan's week-old panties wrapped under my nose.
Secondly, does JJ Abrams have blackmail photos of every studio head in Hollywood or something? Because the guy never struck me as particularly talented, certainly not enough to warrant letting him direct EVERY GODDAMNED MOVIE MADE FROM NOW ON. Not since Keanu Reeves has a less deserving motherfucker gotten so much.
What political party do you join when you don't like Bible-thumpers *or* hippies?
How about Gabe Newell and Valve Collaborate on releasing Half Life 3?
http://i.imgur.com/zBNUgpf.jpg
JJ Abram's whole life is about time travel: Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, JJ Abrams stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator and vanished... He woke to find himself trapped in the past, directing movies that were not his own, and driven by an unknown force to change history for the better. His only guide on this journey is Jerry Bruckheimer, an observer from his own time, who appears in the form of a hologram that only JJ can see and hear. And so JJ Abrams finds himself leaping from movie to movie, striving to put right what Uwe Boll once put wrong, and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home