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Can You Potty Train a Cow?
sciencehabit writes "Think potty training a child is hard? Try teaching a cow when and where to do its business. The bovines can defecate nine to 16 times daily, creating big hygiene problems on dairy and beef farms. So cueing the animals to go in the right place would be a big help for managing manure. But past techniques—including training cows to respond to mild electric shocks—have proven ineffective or impractical for wide use. To see if they could come up with a better potty prompt, scientists tested a series of stimuli on a dozen Holstein cows. The milkers stood in or walked through a footbath filled with water, for example, or had air or water sprayed on their feet. Alas, '[n]one of our tests reliably stimulated defecation,' the team reports."
I love when the headline question is answered right there in the summary.
Ladies and gentlemen: Slashdot in 2013.
Fuck meat and diary consumers.
Think of the trees !
Cows aren't really that smart or independent. A cow will not go off on its own to take a crap. Nor will it be smart enough to realize why it is getting food.
Most likely you'll just have cows accidentally get a treat, the other cows will see this, become jealous, and then crowd the reward bowl until they break it.
From the abstract, it sounds as if they made no attempt at all to train the cows -- they were just seeing what would stimulate a cow to poop with no training at all. Or, they were seeing what's the least that counts as a master's thesis! A much more interesting question.
That would be slightly disgusting, but hey, if screwing with meat floats your boat....
Personally I don't mind animals suffering for my pleasure - in fact, looking at my gadgets and my way of living, I'd go as far as apparently, I don't mind humans suffering for my pleasure. I wear clothes produced by cheap labor in India, I use computers produced by cheap labor in China, I eat meat produced under horrible conditions; however, it does make my life pretty nice.
Speaking of cows I need a Red Bull. Okay to answer their question before they wasted the time, no it can't be done for a simple reason. Grazing animals are hardwired to go at will. Notice how pet animals tend to be animals that have dens or burrows? Evolution has adapted them to this condition so they go in one location so they don't soil their dens. Predators have the same ability even when they don't den. Primates do it as well probably because of tree dwelling origins. Evacuating bowels requires muscles that in upright animals is used in locomotion as well as four legged animals on the move as in stalking prey. Notice horses don't go a gallop. I guess you could keep the cows on a treadmill but it would cause severe problems if they kept it up too long. I'm sure over thousands of years they could adapt but it's a waste of time. Let them roam in a field they way they were adapted to live. They'll perfect engineered meat and milk long before you could adapt a cow. I even managed in my caffeine deprived state to get it back onto a Slashdot subject, engineered meat. That's the real solution to the waste problem not teaching cows to cross their legs.
I lost any respect I ever might have had for bovine kind when I witnessed the miracle of life one day. A newborn calf so fresh it was still wet stumbled gingerly up to Momma, looking for a teat to suck.
The calf approached from the rear, and right as it got in range, BLAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!! Moma took a huge steaming crap right on widdle baby's head.
It was OK though. While the crap was still dribbling out, she unleashed a fire hose of urine right in the calf's face and washed most of the crap off. Momma cows care, people. Momma cows care!
Indeed, dairy cows know when and where their udders are going to get relief and will walk themselves to the milking yard (or stable, or barn, or whatever the fuck those rural types call it).
There's a footbridge over the M6 motorway just south of Sandbach which will have cows crossing it just after 6am, no farmer/dogs/tractors in sight, because they know it's milking time.
Perhaps the answer is to use a cork to stop them going until they're in the right place. They clearly respond to the physical relief caused by being emptied.
(Either that or the pleasure of having their tits squeezed. Hmm. Self-service milking machines positioned over grating?)
So plants should suffer instead? Have you seen how they grow plants these days? Most of them don't ever get to put their roots in soil, but are grown on horrible artificial conditions!
Where does your do good end? Is your clothes made under proper sustainable conditions? How about your computer? Your car? Furniture?
If I had the money to live "right", I'd (probably) do it, but for me to live the way I want, someone has to suffer. Sure I could forgo the telly, the car, the flushing toilet - I could probably live on vegs for a decade or two before dying from malnutrition. (Oh did someone just say vitamin supplement? You know what suffered to make those pills? Pigs.)
Spare me the feel good, do-gooder bullshit. You might think you are doing it right, but fact is, people, plants and animals are suffering just the same for you to live your way.
I call bullshit.
I am very small, utmostly microscopic.