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North Korea Threatens US With Preemptive Nuclear Strike

Posted by timothy on from the pirate-bay-is-next dept.

jppiiroinen writes "North Korea threatened the United States on Thursday with a preemptive nuclear strike, raising the level of rhetoric while the U.N. Security Council considers new sanctions against the reclusive country."

16 of 727 comments (clear)

  1. First strike! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    You dead, yankee scum!

    1. Re:First strike! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      US responds with 300 unmanned DRONES ...

      Holy Moly, we successfully cloned Dennis Rodman 300 times?!?

    2. Re:First strike! by Xest · · Score: 5, Funny

      "But China's come of age, is a major world power. They're finding N. Korea's crap annoying lately."

      I like the idea of China's leaders putting it to Kim Jong Un exactly like this in a text message or something. Like a pair of teenage lovers that grew up together and grew apart.

      "Dear Kim, we're finding your crap annoying lately. Grow up."

    3. Re:First strike! by cusco · · Score: 1, Funny

      sneak a nuke into DC

      I don't see a problem, as long as the wind is blowing offshore. We'd probably erect statues to Kim for doing us that favor, after we vaporized him.

      --
      "Think about how stupid the average person is. Now, realise that half of them are dumber than that." - George Carlin
    4. Re:First strike! by bitt3n · · Score: 5, Funny

      Not likely. China is growing tired of Peyongyang's shenanigans.

      I think as diplomatic policy the US should start referring to their tricks as pyongyanigans.

      --
      how many pairs of boxer shorts should you own?
  2. The president should do an address by h4rr4r · · Score: 5, Funny

    The president should make an address and announce the following message for Kim jong Un "Come at me bro".

    1. Re:The president should do an address by dintech · · Score: 4, Funny

      Maybe more like "go and boil your bottom you son of a silly person" which is appropriate given that a North Korean nuclear strike against the US has as much chance as a "fart in your general direction".

    2. Re:The president should do an address by dsvick · · Score: 1, Funny

      Unfortunately the president is no longer capable of making such an address. Shortly after being informed of the North Korean threat he was found on the floor of the oval office, unconscious. Apparently he had been laughing so hard, not only did he pull a muscle in his abdomen, but he was so short of breath he passed out.

      He woke once briefly, on the way to the hospital, and is believed to have said something about nuclear weapons, and not hitting barns while being inside them, at which point he began laughing again ....

  3. Rodman by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Whelp, guess obama and Jong Un aren't gonna have that lovely conversation about basketball I was oh-so waiting for. /sarcasm

  4. Re:Well That Escalated Quickly by dmbasso · · Score: 5, Funny

    Wow, that's so easy! I hope you become general!

    --
    `echo $[0x853204FA81]|tr 0-9 ionbsdeaml`@gmail.com
  5. Will by mybeat · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Nuclear launch detected!" be followed by: "Battle-cruiser operational"?

  6. Re:Well That Escalated Quickly by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    The harshest sanctions yet? Are the UN planning to make a *gasp* sternly worded phone-call?

  7. Dune is fictional by Kupfernigk · · Score: 2, Funny

    Why would I go to a right-wing, pro-Fascist science fiction novel full of grand guignol guff for advice on military policy?

    --
    From scarped cliff or quarried stone she cries "A thousand types are gone, I care for nothing, no not one."
  8. communism, schmommunism... by Thud457 · · Score: 4, Funny

    Why do you think China's building all those ghost cities? Simple speculation run amok? pshaw!

    If the DPRK's leadership would let the peasants go, China could probably accommodate them in the spare guestroom while they invest in remodeling NK on a China model. Once they're all safely chained to their workbenches building eyephones and have enough to eat, Bob's your uncle.

    --

    the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff

  9. Re:Ignore them by Chris+Mattern · · Score: 1, Funny

    How many children do you know bear a racial hatred for Western culture that is bred and drilled into them,

    I can see you've never met the family of the average Berkeley professor...

  10. Scandinavia by WilyCoder · · Score: 4, Funny

    A Scandinavian country should invade and conquer North Korea. Then we can call it Norse Korea.