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Marriages Spawned From Online Dating As Satisfying As From Traditional Dating
sciencehabit writes "Millions of people first met their spouses through online dating. But how have those marriages fared compared with those of people who met in more traditional venues such as bars or parties? Pretty well, according to a new study. A survey of nearly 20,000 Americans reveals that marriages between people who met online are at least as stable and satisfying as those who first met in the real world—possibly more so."
This is like saying that raspberry pies baked with raspberries you go to the store to buy taste the same as raspberry pies baked with raspberries your spouse buys from the store. Same raspberries, same cook, just a different way of getting the starting ingredients.
"on the other side I didn't know about the extent of the despression / suicidal thoughts from abuse and neglect." Don't worry, her parents weren't going to let that slip to any IRL Suitors either.
The benefit of meeting online is that you're pretty much forced to talk, and talk, and talk. It's not like you can take them to a movie and then then make out in the back of the car - instead you'll have to show them that you're a likeable person they would like to spend more time with. On the other hand, the guy you ran into in the coffee-shop who ask you out to see a movie may be the biggest creep in modern history
Ya. Now if only there were a way to meet and talk and talk and talk with a person face-to-face, in-real-life, instead of *having* to go to a movie and then make out in the car...
TL:DR; Online dating works because you must talk and reveal yourself to the other before meeting.
IRL dating works because you must talk and reveal yourself to the other *during* the meeting.
As for me, I met my wife in 1985 (when I was 22 and she 41) when I helped her to set up her new home (after she separated from her second husband). After a few days, she offered to pay me for all my work and I suggested she take me out to dinner instead. We were together for 20.5 years before she died in 2006 of a brain tumor - just seven weeks after diagnosis. (I haven't dated anyone since.) Remember Sue...
YMMV
It must have been something you assimilated. . . .
How many people prior to the 90s had to settle for whoever they met in a 50 mile radius of their place of birth?
There are 56 posts and nobody asked about arranged marriages? Or other forms of pair bonding. I am disappointed in you nerds.
I don't want to be embarassed when others see me with her, nor do I want her to be embarassed when others see her with me.
That's not a girlfriend, that's a tattoo.
Online dating--the person representing themselves as a woman could be catfishing and really be a man. Of they could be bisexual. Or they may be a heterosexual woman but they photoshopped their picture. They may want someone's person information and then not give much information themselves.
Online dating is not a substitute for meeting in person, it is a way to extend your reach for a higher chance of meeting someone compatible, and then meeting in person. And so what if the one you've set up a date with turns out to be a lesbian dolphin trainer? Worst case scenario: you wasted an evening and have a new story to tell.
... whatever
More importantly, you get to focus on interests and personality before you even meet. In bars, you're more likely to focus on looks, on "I'd like to tap that ass", and that's not a great basis for a stable long-term relationship.
My wife of 5.5 years and I originally noticed each other because of our shared interest in sailing, foreign countries and religion (and indeed basic literacy), but it's when we started mailing, and then calling, and then meeting in person, that we discovered how well we matched in other, more subtle and intangible ways. The physical match is important, but so is the mental/psychological match, and that's so easily forgotten when you start with the physical match right away.
When I was "doing" online dating, I took the view that meeting up should be done pretty early on. Two weeks of chatting online, maximum, before meeting for a coffee, or a meal, or whatever.
Why:
- If they don't want to meet in person, they're timewasters. It may not be their fault -- but this is going nowhere. Feel free to keep talking to them online, if it gives you pleasure, but expect no more to come of it.
- Only by meeting up, can you establish whether there's a real mutual attraction. If there's none, you might continue to be friends anyway. But if romance isn't on the cards, it's worth knowing early.
- It's nerve jangling, but it's fun!
If you're morbidly obese, then quite separate from wanting companionship, you should do something about it. Seriously. But I expect you know that.
I don't think that the way in which you meet a person matter nearly as much as how the two people choose to behave towards each other. It's a long series of compromises on one side or the other or ideally on both sides.
A lot of people hunger to meet that "perfect" mate, but that mindset is a little silly, how could anyone personify such a fantasy? The "perfect" mate is a caricature, not a person, because real people have flaws. Good relationships can work on problems or work around problems, but if the people involved are holding out for perfection they don't work as hard at it.
I completely agree that differences aren't necessarily a bad thing, differences between people can add additional perspective to the relationship. If they learn to appreciate each other's differences, the couple can gain as a whole.