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Marriages Spawned From Online Dating As Satisfying As From Traditional Dating
sciencehabit writes "Millions of people first met their spouses through online dating. But how have those marriages fared compared with those of people who met in more traditional venues such as bars or parties? Pretty well, according to a new study. A survey of nearly 20,000 Americans reveals that marriages between people who met online are at least as stable and satisfying as those who first met in the real world—possibly more so."
Good thing I did it the traditional / free way. I would have felt ripped off it was no better ;P
(Note: I love my wife very much. I just have a twisted sense of humor.)
I am the penguin that codes in the night.
Marriages Spawned From Online Dating As Satisfying As From Traditional Dating: NOT AT ALL.
morcego
My Wife and I got married on OKcupid. I have to say that it worked out okay, despite the difficulty of long distance for a year, travelling across the country every 2 months.
However I think that online provides a different veil from what you get IRL, Because your able to filter out what you want to say to a person, though its easier to narrow down interests.
On one side I married a beautiful geek woman who is motivated to change the world, on the other side I didn't know about the extent of the despression / suicidal thoughts from abuse and neglect.
YMMV
This is like saying that raspberry pies baked with raspberries you go to the store to buy taste the same as raspberry pies baked with raspberries your spouse buys from the store. Same raspberries, same cook, just a different way of getting the starting ingredients.
"on the other side I didn't know about the extent of the despression / suicidal thoughts from abuse and neglect." Don't worry, her parents weren't going to let that slip to any IRL Suitors either.
The benefit of meeting online is that you're pretty much forced to talk, and talk, and talk. It's not like you can take them to a movie and then then make out in the back of the car - instead you'll have to show them that you're a likeable person they would like to spend more time with. On the other hand, the guy you ran into in the coffee-shop who ask you out to see a movie may be the biggest creep in modern history
Ya. Now if only there were a way to meet and talk and talk and talk with a person face-to-face, in-real-life, instead of *having* to go to a movie and then make out in the car...
TL:DR; Online dating works because you must talk and reveal yourself to the other before meeting.
IRL dating works because you must talk and reveal yourself to the other *during* the meeting.
As for me, I met my wife in 1985 (when I was 22 and she 41) when I helped her to set up her new home (after she separated from her second husband). After a few days, she offered to pay me for all my work and I suggested she take me out to dinner instead. We were together for 20.5 years before she died in 2006 of a brain tumor - just seven weeks after diagnosis. (I haven't dated anyone since.) Remember Sue...
YMMV
It must have been something you assimilated. . . .
How many people prior to the 90s had to settle for whoever they met in a 50 mile radius of their place of birth?
I can agree to that.
I met my missus online while farting around online. We spent the first few hours together in a chat at an online forum, tossing sarcasm at a TV documentary on love while it was being broadcast. Found out she lived across town... long story short, we wound up married a little over a year later.
It is amazing how you can not only assess her intelligence, but it's easier to be yourself when you're not distracted by deep green eyes and a gravity-defying bustline.
Quo usque tandem abutere, Nimbus, patientia nostra?
All joking aside, I should add a PS: It's been 7 years since we met.
It's like any other marriage, really... you still have to work at it. You still have to wake up next to her. You still have to debate, argue, compromise, and most importantly? In spite of my peking on a laptop and her messing about on an iPad 3 feet away, you still have to get along in real life.
Online is just one of many ways to meet someone initially... it still takes a shitload of work to make it work.
IMHO? I spite of the rather adventurous life we've led together since (both for good and ill), it's still worth it. :)
Quo usque tandem abutere, Nimbus, patientia nostra?
I usually don't respond to Anonymous Cowards but this time it's just too good to pass..
I live in Mexico, where the official divorce rate is 15% (per the article linked) versus 53% in the U.S. (Disclosure: I am a Mexican national, married twice to Mexicans.)
Funny thing, off the top of my head I can mention two close friends, both married 30+ years: one couple has spelt is separate rooms for years, the other one officially is still married, but they live in separate houses.
Why won't they divorce? Social pressure: family ties, what would the neighbors think?, I couldn't go to church being divorced...
You are mistaken lower divorce rates do not mean happier marriages... Just enduring hell.
Be very, very careful what you put into that head, because you will never, ever get it out. - Cardinal Wolsey
There are 56 posts and nobody asked about arranged marriages? Or other forms of pair bonding. I am disappointed in you nerds.
I actually went one step further and had an online wedding. It went surprisingly well until it became obvious that my future wife couldn't hold a positive K/D and was called a n00b faggot by the pastor. Worst day of my life, I even spent like five bucks on a custom suit character skin.
I got a Division by Zero error
More importantly, you get to focus on interests and personality before you even meet. In bars, you're more likely to focus on looks, on "I'd like to tap that ass", and that's not a great basis for a stable long-term relationship.
My wife of 5.5 years and I originally noticed each other because of our shared interest in sailing, foreign countries and religion (and indeed basic literacy), but it's when we started mailing, and then calling, and then meeting in person, that we discovered how well we matched in other, more subtle and intangible ways. The physical match is important, but so is the mental/psychological match, and that's so easily forgotten when you start with the physical match right away.
Can someone please mod parent all the way up?
There's no silver bullet to make relationships work. Online can be an excellent way to meet the right person, but every relationship takes work, commitment and compromise.
When I was "doing" online dating, I took the view that meeting up should be done pretty early on. Two weeks of chatting online, maximum, before meeting for a coffee, or a meal, or whatever.
Why:
- If they don't want to meet in person, they're timewasters. It may not be their fault -- but this is going nowhere. Feel free to keep talking to them online, if it gives you pleasure, but expect no more to come of it.
- Only by meeting up, can you establish whether there's a real mutual attraction. If there's none, you might continue to be friends anyway. But if romance isn't on the cards, it's worth knowing early.
- It's nerve jangling, but it's fun!
If you're morbidly obese, then quite separate from wanting companionship, you should do something about it. Seriously. But I expect you know that.
I don't think that the way in which you meet a person matter nearly as much as how the two people choose to behave towards each other. It's a long series of compromises on one side or the other or ideally on both sides.
A lot of people hunger to meet that "perfect" mate, but that mindset is a little silly, how could anyone personify such a fantasy? The "perfect" mate is a caricature, not a person, because real people have flaws. Good relationships can work on problems or work around problems, but if the people involved are holding out for perfection they don't work as hard at it.
I completely agree that differences aren't necessarily a bad thing, differences between people can add additional perspective to the relationship. If they learn to appreciate each other's differences, the couple can gain as a whole.