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DNA Fog Helps Identify Trespassers, Thieves, and Brigands
Zothecula writes "Applied DNA Sciences (ADNAS) has developed a new approach to solve crimes using DNA tagging. The difference is that instead of tagging the objects being stolen, the company's system tags the perpetrator with DNA. While this has been tried before by applying the DNA to a fleeing criminal with a gun, ADNAS has adopted a more subtle approach."
"Everything was going great, until the bank manager sprayed me in the face with his DNA!"
Everything is better with chainsaws.
They're brigands and blaggards; those dirty vamints. These dastardly perpetrators must be stopped forthwith! What do you think, old bean?
Them brigands'll filch your victuals and abscond apace from your ken.
Comment removed based on user account deletion
... So... you couldn't just take a dip in a swimming pool?
It goes without saying that once it becomes common knowledge that these things are being used thieves are going to burn their clothing after the heist. What then? Swab their bodies? Their lungs? The whole diver mask thing seemed to imply the air had to be filtered.
I've decided to stop wasting my time responding to AC trolls/sockpuppets... so if you want a response from me... login.
Wow, I can see thieves and trespassers but for brigands you typically need to make a perception or arcane check roll to identify them.
Here's a scenario for ya. You're on the scene on day ten of the latest round of anti-capitalist protests in Zucotti Park, New York city. The crowd gets a little unruly and a full-scale riot breaks out. A cop gets his head caved in with a brick, a couple people get trampled, and the tear gas and truncheon work gets underway. The crowd scatters and disperses, and you go home and wash the tear gas out of your eyes.
Two days later, the cops show up at your apartment. It turns out they mixed a little DNA taggant into the tear gas grenades. They're going door to door throughout antiestablishment hot-spots in the city, asking for people to let them take a swab off their skin, so they can find the bastards who started the deadly riot. If you refuse, they apologize politely, and then swab your door handle on their way out.
I was thinking more "Why DNA instead of fluorescent dye?"
For truly efficient brigand-tracking, you want a globally-unique taggant, rather than being limited to the few dozen-ish colors of fluorescent dye...
Just imagine! Incentivize your riot cops during the next protest by mixing a unique DNA tag into each one's pepper spray and then analyzing the detainees. The more dirty hippies with your spray on 'em, the better your chance to win the department raffle!
In order to fight back for crime we will be offering a spray that contains cloned DNA from millions upon millions of people. That way DNA evidence will become worthless as it will appear that the population of large nations was in the room not to mention the expense of sorting all the DNA samples. Due to the tiny nature of DNA a handy one ounce spray bottle could fit in pocket. Keep in mind that if your thing is rape you will need to spray this stuff where the sun doesn't shine in order to confuse the issue. The woman would appear to have slept with 23 million people the day of the attack.
well, they are talking about indiscriminately spraying DNA around all over the place...
the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
Plus, the security guard who responds to the alarm will probably get the DNA all over themselves as well. And security people are always on the first list of suspects, so every job will appear to be an inside job, OR the security people will be free to steal whatever they want, since they have an alibi for having the DNA on them.
Until the security guards learn to just not respond to alarms. Which means the cops are free to steal as much as they want, since THEY will be the ones to have the DNA all over them, and have a good alibi now.
Ah, at last someone gets to the crux of the matter.
You still have to find the perp via some other means.
Then take DNA samples and process those. But wait, you also have to sequester every cop who visited the crime scene and not let them touch any evidence for weeks on end. And not just the evidence from one crime scene, but all the crime scenes using this technology. Once the cops set foot on the premises they too will be tagged. As well as their wives and co-workers that come in contact with their uniforms, objects they handled, and any perps they happen to apprehend.
Your average burglary detective would spread the DNA from several recent robberies to every suspect they hauled in. Would do wonders for their arrest rates. *cough*.
So the DNA taging system builds a web of uselessness around itself, which spreads wider daily, while at the same time provides not a single additional clue to help you catch the thief.
And I don't believe that bit about being hard to wash off either. After all, if you can sample it by simply using a swab, how tightly can it be bound?
Sig Battery depleted. Reverting to safe mode.
Rat poison would be reckless endangerment. Like gun trapping an empty house. There are non lethal approaches.
A friend told me of a time at TPC where a plate of brownies laced with Ex-Lax was left in the fridge for the resident fridge thief. It worked well. Five brownies were missing. The suspected thief clocked out sick less than an hour into his shift and there was evidence that he didn't make it out of the building without shitting himself.
An outside door handle that anyone could have touched you mean? I think I spot the problem with using the presense of DNA on the door handle as evidence of, well, anything...
You are not alone. This is not normal. None of this is normal.
Slashdot doesnt need more wild hysteria.
A "Man Trap" is considered legal to have?
I hope so. I married one.
John