Say What? Wading Through the Nonsense In Microsoft's Re-Org Memo

curtwoodward writes "Steve Ballmer's attempt to reorganize Microsoft into a more focused company will define his legacy as CEO. So you'd think the wordsmiths in Redmond would take a little time ensuring their message was crystal-clear, right? Not exactly. Ballmer's big, gung-ho memo to Microsofties, posted on the company's website, is chock full of nonsense and corporate executive doublespeak — or, as Ballmer might say, `high-value experiences' that will `involve repartitioning the work' and `drive partners across our integrated strategy and its execution.' Huh?" Honest language in corporate communications is a rare quality. I suspect there's a special language-butchering training course that most C-level executives enthusiastically complete.

Comments

They are now generating memos entirely with this

[flarb936]

http://www.dack.com/web/bullshit.html Easy, no need to hire copywriters anymore.

Take It Back

[Anonymous Coward]

Ballmer will make you want to take back those nasty things you said about Bill Gates in the late '90s.

Re:Take It Back

[binarylarry]

What people don't know is that Ballmer is a secret Linux FOSS champion. In reality, he's actually Richard Stallman's secret half brother and together they're going to bring down the largest proprietary software company in the world.

Re:Take It Back

[chromas]

Actually, all three are played by Fred Savage.

Ever wonder?

[Anonymous Coward]

Have you ever watched an interview with Ballmer and after thought to yourself "Did he actually answer any questions?"
Ballmer: "We pass the TCP/IP stack into a business flow analysis helping our customers make better decisions!" /Ballmer smiles.
Interviewer: "Wow, you guys are busy. Way over my head."
Ballmer: "Just look for it this fall on stores. You'll be pleased we fixed the UDP experience problems with VB."

Where is the actual story?

Re:They are now generating memos entirely with thi

[cultiv8]

I was in times square yesterday, the news ticker said "Steve Ballmer re-asserts direction of Microsoft". I am beginning to believe you're right.

Ballmer at Tanagra?

[A10Mechanic]

Shaka. When the walls fell.

Re:They are now generating memos entirely with thi

[hairyfeet]

Well what is he gonna say? "Hi, I want Wall street to kiss my behind and love me like they do Apple so I'm gonna burn the company to the ground by being MORE expensive, MORE cellphone like (since iPhone is kicking our behinds) and with more walled gardens and even higher apps! What could possibly go wrong, it works for Apple right?"

I wonder if in 5 years we'll take of "The Ballmer Effect" where a CEO has such a disconnect from reality that he'll torch the company trying to make it something it isn't. if Ballmer reads this let me make this perfectly clear, okay? Hey Steve...if I wanted a tablet I'D BUY A FRICKING TABLET so stop trying to jam a tablet UI onto my PC, okay buddy? And we sure as hell ain't paying apple money for Windows Steve, that plan is as retarded as Walmart raising prices 5000% and thinking that means they can compete with Macy's, its a different demographic dude and you can't slap a coat of paint on a Pinto and sell it for Porsche money, its just not gonna work, its a giant bloated failwhale on the beach of life.