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NSA App Ideas To Popularize Spying and Big Data

Posted by timothy on from the please-don't dept.

reifman writes "Perhaps the reason the NSA's surveillance programs are so unpopular with Americans is that we haven't seen any of the potential consumer benefits that spying and big data can provide. Here are ten ideas for the productization and monetization of the NSA's spying infrastructure to inspire Americans to consider the bright side of the dark arts." In case anyone doesn't notice, these suggestions (at least most of them) are presented tongue-in-cheek; a truly secure email system, though, is another story.

14 of 78 comments (clear)

  1. Re:Computer says no.. by reifman · · Score: 5, Informative

    Yeah, sorry - it'll be up again shortly. I've been having problems with Varnish cache on traffic spikes today. This is my WordPress setup with W3TC & Varnish in case you are interested: http://jeffreifman.com/detailed-wordpress-guide-for-aws/

  2. Re:Computer says no.. by PPH · · Score: 5, Funny

    This is what you get for making fun of the NSA.

    They will probably be scraping up the IP addresses of everyone who visits your site. You could make your life easier if you'd co-locate your server with them. They have a nice facility in Utah.

    --
    Have gnu, will travel.
  3. NSA should cache web pages by Megahard · · Score: 5, Funny

    So they can intercept and fulfill requests for slashdotted articles.

    --
    I eat only the real part of complex carbohydrates.
  4. Unpopular? by EvilSS · · Score: 4, Insightful

    "Perhaps the reason the NSA's surveillance programs are so unpopular with Americans..."

    Um, I don't think this is really true. So far we haven't seen a real push back on the NSA programs by the general public. It's one of the things that scares the crap out of me about the whole situation: Joe Sixpack and Lisa Liberal don't seem to care.

    --
    I browse on +1 so AC's need not respond, I won't see it.
    1. Re:Unpopular? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

      "Perhaps the reason the NSA's surveillance programs are so unpopular with Americans..."

      Um, I don't think this is really true. So far we haven't seen a real push back on the NSA programs by the general public. It's one of the things that scares the crap out of me about the whole situation: Joe Sixpack and Lisa Liberal don't seem to care.

      I know its a bit of an over reaction to draw the connection, but that is the same thing that scared me so much about The Holocaust. Something clearly preventable, and obviously bad being done by a government, but very few of the citizens are doing anything about it. Our american students are sitting in their history classes being told how the Germans failed to prevent the Holocaust, and thus we need to be careful about such things, while our government is doing blatantly immoral things (of drastically less severity) that no one is caring about. I don't care if congress has a 10% approval rating; just saying you don't approve isn't going to stop this (especially given that its another branch of government doing a power grab. Oh where have we seen that before...)

      What are we suppose to do? I sent money to the EFF, and I tell everyone I know. I'd consider joining some protests, but there arn't any. Maybe I should be writing my congressmen? Does that actually work?

      I'm a software engineer, and I'm been teaching myself cryptography. I try to design governmental/representative and electoral systems in my free time. I really don't think I can accomplish much though. Maybe propaganda campaigns like this app will help, but I fear not. So much is so wrong, and I just don't know what to do. What can we do?

    2. Re:Unpopular? by reifman · · Score: 3, Informative

      Agree at some level but I was following this EFF report https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2013/10/polls-continue-show-majority-americans-against-nsa-spying "For instance in an AP poll, nearly 60 percent of Americans said they oppose the NSA collecting data about their telephone and Internet usage. In another national poll by the Washington Post and ABC News, 74 percent of respondents said the NSA's spying intrudes on their privacy rights."

    3. Re:Unpopular? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Informative

      I know its a bit of an over reaction to draw the connection, but that is the same thing that scared me so much about The Holocaust. Something clearly preventable, and obviously bad being done by a government, but very few of the citizens are doing anything about it. Our american students are sitting in their history classes being told how the Germans failed to prevent the Holocaust, and thus we need to be careful about such things, while our government is doing blatantly immoral things (of drastically less severity) that no one is caring about. I don't care if congress has a 10% approval rating; just saying you don't approve isn't going to stop this (especially given that its another branch of government doing a power grab.

      Oh, the low approval rating is a good match for the parliament at the times of the Weimar Republic. That was the basic situation giving the National Socialists the ability to push through the PATRIOT act, excuse me, I mean the Ermächtigungsgesetz putting aside major parts of the constitution. They subsequently implemented the CIA, excuse me, the Gestapo which would kidnap and kill people without due process. They had concentration camps in Guantanamo, excuse me, in Poland, where they used "enhanced interrogation techniques" to figure out more political enemies to assassinate and intern in order to protect the state from the attacks of international terrorism and al-Quaeda, excuse me, the Jewish world conspiracy.

  5. NSA will know what you will write 2 posts in advan by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    The NSA will eventually get so good with its data collection algorithms that it will be able to know what you will write, 2 posts in advance. This will doubtfully create a sentient internet with our collective conscious.

  6. Re: NSA App Ideas To Popularize Spying and Big Dat by ozmanjusri · · Score: 4, Informative

    Ideas to sell this?

    Check out the Gruen Transfer's videos. They ran with this idea a few weeks ago and asked two Australian ad agencies to compete for the production of the best ad to support ASIO spying on Australians,

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JinOn0fu-u0

    --
    "I've got more toys than Teruhisa Kitahara."
  7. Learned helplessness by Okian+Warrior · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Joe Sixpack and Lisa Liberal don't seem to care.

    Some people have been studying the phenomenon of "upheval" in it's generic form. It's spawned a lot of studies/papers and even popular books, viz: The Tipping Point.

    The overall summary is that you can't just point out how bad something is, you have to give people an action they can take to help fix the problem.

    There is widespread distrust, anger, and annoyance at the NSA due to the revelations. There's no public outrage because there's really nothing anyone can do. "Joe Sixpack" has no actions to take: voting doesn't help, writing congresscritters doesn't help, even public mass demonstrations don't seem to help. What you are seeing is Learned Helplessness: an animal doesn't take actions to help themselves, because they're convinced that the actions will have no effect.

    Consider the recent history of cell phones or music distribution: people were complaining that cell phones were a walled ecology with no innovation and poor functionality. You had to get carrier approval to run a program on a cell phone, and they would only allow the simplest, meager functionality. You were lucky if your carrier allowed you to have tetris.

    People complained that if you wanted music, you had to purchase a physical CD, for an ensemble collection and for an exorbitant fee. Usually you had to purchase an entire CD for a single song you liked.

    As soon as an option was given, people flocked to the new systems in droves, uptake was very fast.

    Make secure E-mail easy to use with trivial installation and the situation will change overnight. There will be a flood of new users.

    Everyone hates the situation, but for most people there's nothing they can do about it.

  8. Cached Version of Page Here by reifman · · Score: 4, Informative

    If you're having trouble seeing the live site, you can view the article here in the google cache: http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://jeffreifman.com/2013/10/20/ten-ways-to-make-nsa-spying-popular-with-americans/?sdot

  9. Re:Computer says no.. by reifman · · Score: 4, Informative

    http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://jeffreifman.com/2013/10/20/ten-ways-to-make-nsa-spying-popular-with-americans/?sdot

  10. Really dude? by Okian+Warrior · · Score: 5, Interesting

    I know this is satire, but fuck you

    Dude, really?

    Check out John Cleese's lecture on creativity.

    Then tell me if you're one of the people who believe in absolute solemnity for certain subjects, that they cannot be joked about in any way.

    By way of illustration, here's a parody of torture.

  11. here is TFA by Gravis+Zero · · Score: 4, Informative

    it's just a blog post so...

    Ten Ways to Make NSA Spying Popular with Americans

    posted by REIFMAN OCTOBER 20,2013 in FEATURED, HUMOR

    With a more entrepreneurial focus, the NSA could easily counteract the current unpopularity of its surveillance programs and eliminate concerns over the cost of its multi-billion dollar programs.

    Here are ten services the NSA could offer to make its spying more popular with Americans and offset the costs of its massive data collection:

    1. Make flying easier. Since the NSA knows who the terrorists are, it can generate proceeds from “Not a Terrorist” badges which allow the wearer to bypass security screenings. For an additional fee, it will text you ahead of time if you’re booked in the middle seat between two lumberjacks.

    2. Simplifying tax time. Since the NSA knows everything about our finances and credit card transactions, it will file your return with the IRS. Never be audited again.

    3. Data recovery. Lose your phone? The NSA will restore your contact list. Hard drive fail? No worries, the NSA will rebuild it from the cloud.

    4. Avoid annoying people. The NSA’s new mobile app will help you identify and avoid specific people. Is that chatty coworker in the restroom? Know before you go. Never run into your ex again.

    5. Find your teenager. Kid out past curfew? AT&T and Verizon won’t help? Don’t guess. The NSA’s mobile app will pinpoint your teenager on a moment’s notice.

    6. Private investigations. Is the guy you’re dating married? Is your spouse having an affair? There’s no need to hire a private investigator. The NSA will monitor the activities of those around you and email you if there’s anything you should know.

    7. Improving relationships. Need to playback that conversation with your partner from 3 days ago where they’d agreed to cancel dinner reservations with your mom? No problem, the NSA audio cloud (built in to iOS and Android) will make it easy to retrieve.

    8. Unlimited remote access to data. Out of dropbox space? Need a file from home or from your ex-boyfriend’s computer? No problem, the NSA’s cloud file store has it.

    9. Access to medical records. Need to lookup an x-ray for your doctor? Want genetic testing reports on your date? The NSA mobile app has that too.

    10. Truly secure email services. Using email encryption is hard, a surveillance-free email service would be super popular right now.

    If you have more ideas for the NSA, with the hashtag #NSAapps.

    --
    Anons need not reply. Questions end with a question mark.