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Blowing Up a Pointless Job Interview

Posted by timothy on from the what-kind-of-clown-would-you-be? dept.

Nemo the Magnificent writes "Ever been asked a question in a job interview that's just so abysmally stupid, you're tempted to give in to the snark and blow the whole thing up? Here are suggested interview-ending answers to 16 of the stupidest questions candidates actually got asked in interviews at tech companies in 2013, according to employment site Glassdoor. Oil to pour on the burning bridges."

15 of 692 comments (clear)

  1. Interview ending question by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Do you have any weaknesses?"
    "Yes, I hate stupid interview questions"

    1. Re:Interview ending question by ifiwereasculptor · · Score: 5, Funny

      I actually did this once (did not get the job, despite being recommended by a friend who worked there):

      -Name three of your strengths.
      -Well... I'm honest and... let's see... I'm reasonably quick to spot and diagnose flaws in any given system... and I'd say I'm creative.
      -Good. And do you have any weaknesses?
      -I'm a liar.

    2. Re:Interview ending question by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      -I'm a liar.

      You're hired! Your new job involves lying to customers.

    3. Re:Interview ending question by ifiwereasculptor · · Score: 5, Funny

      You have no idea how right you are. It was for a position in marketing.

    4. Re:Interview ending question by Gort65 · · Score: 5, Funny

      "Do you have any weaknesses?" "Kryptonite."

      In that case, you might want to add an inability to correctly put on underwear.

    5. Re:Interview ending question by NFN_NLN · · Score: 5, Funny

      "Do you have any weaknesses?"
      "Yes, I hate stupid interview questions"

      Seen this joke but never used it.

      Q: List one of your weaknesses.
      A: I'm honest.
      Q: I don't think that's a weakness.
      A: I don't give a shit what you think.

    6. Re:Interview ending question by __aaltlg1547 · · Score: 5, Funny

      "Do you have any weaknesses?"

      "Wow, you ARE a rube. Look, when you read the manual -- you did read the manual didn't you?-- where it says you should try to discover any weakness in the interview candidate, it means you're supposed to be subtle, not come right out and ask. Because they candidate is NEVER going to just come right out and tell you about his weaknesses. He's here to tell you about his strengths. Or I am, which is why I'm not going to answer that question.

      "Let me see that list of questions... OH MY GOD, it actually SAYS that? Who gave you this list? That person is trying to make you look like an ass. I am so sorry you had to deal with this. Can I get you something? Oh, sorry, it's your workplace. Well, I'm sorry about that too. No one should have to put up with this."

    7. Re:Interview ending question by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Since it's a dumb question, why not get creative?

      Q: Where do you see yourself in five years?

      A: Crawling through the tunnels under the launch pad, about to try to sneak on to a Soyuz rocket. But in case my interview with the CIA doesn't go well, I'm interviewing here as a backup.
      A: A kept boy-toy living with Scarlett Johansen working on my "screenplay."
      A: Well, after the financial crash and, ultimately, the dissolution of the USA, I'll retreat to my underground bunker where I have about 3 years worth of food stored. After some time, I'll join a collective of local survivalists who band together to increase their food supply. We'll go out in raiding parties for the next few years scavenging whatever supplies we can from the lesser-prepared survivors. I can't tell you my exact location though, as that would compromise the safety of our raiding party. Suffice it to say, you won't hear us coming and it will be over before you know it.
      A: After a chance encounter on a bus where my husky voice is recognized by an executive at an ad agency, I'll get an audition and eventually win the part of the voice over for a series of commercials advertising a new line of super-absorbent Bounty paper towels, "The Quickerer Pickerer Upper", err...but after it's revealed that the ultra absorbency is actually the result adding repurposed waste from the Fukushima reactor and a bunch of kids get cancer, they company will make me the fall guy and I'll be serving 10-20 years at a Federal correctional facility, doing an interview with 60 minutes protesting my innocence. Anderson Cooper will ask me, where did things go wrong for you and I'll think, and then eventually say, "5 years, to the day, I interviewed for a position that I didn't get. I was asked where I saw myself in 5 years and instead of a staid, boring answer like 'Happily employed here.', I tried to be a bit more creative. Everything just spiraled out of control from that point."

    8. Re:Interview ending question by Paradise+Pete · · Score: 5, Funny

      The only correct answer when someone asks about caliber is "45 caliber"

      My father, a larger man, once worked as a human cannonball at the circus. He hated it, but when he tried to leave they told him "You can't quit! Where would we ever find another man of your caliber?"

  2. Tame and lame by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Somewhat interesting concept, but those were really lame.

    Then again, the closest I have done was when asked if I had any experience with clearcase or rhapsody. My response was something along the lines of "yes, but I've been trying to put that behind me".

    1. Re:Tame and lame by ifiwereasculptor · · Score: 5, Funny

      Seconded. Incredibly lame answers. He missed the obvious answer to #3:

      3) "If you were a pizza delivery man, how would you benefit from scissors?" -- Apple, Specialist interview.

      That would mostly depend on which neighborhoods I'd be delivering to. I suppose I could feel a bit safer, though since almost every robber has a gun, now, I'm not sure scissors would cut it. (for best results, interrupt the next question with "get it? 'cut it'", then maintain a blank stare for as long as possible)

    2. Re:Tame and lame by strength_of_10_men · · Score: 5, Funny

      3) "If you were a pizza delivery man, how would you benefit from scissors?" -- Apple, Specialist interview.

      "Well, I would still have to watch out for rock, but I wouldn't be very afraid of paper."

    3. Re:Tame and lame by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Yeah, keep telling yourself that. Especially when "the group" has a particular existing racial and gender makeup...

      So what you're saying is that you would not hire a racist homophobe because he doesn't fit in with your group. Hypocrite.

  3. Ghostbusters FTW by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Best. Interview question. EVER.

    "Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?"

  4. WTF #28 by Tablizer · · Score: 5, Funny

    I once was given a "security" questionnaire that asked, "Have you ever had sex with animals or office equipment?"

    I was very tempted to write in, "Do hair-dryers count?".

    --
    Table-ized A.I.