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Lies Programmers Tell Themselves

Posted by Soulskill on from the i'll-just-browse-the-internet-while-this-compiles dept.

itwbennett writes "Everybody lies to themselves now and again in both their personal lives ('my bathroom scale probably needs to be recalibrated') and professional lives ('this code doesn't need commenting'). ITworld has compiled some of the common lies programmers tell themselves. Here are a few examples: 'This bug won't take long to fix.' 'No one could possibly fail to understand my simple user interface.' 'Code is self documenting.' 'My homebrew framework will be nimble, lightweight, debugged, and easy to use.' 'I know this is dirty code, I will rewrite it later.' 'It's just one line... it won't break anything.' '"It works on my machine.' 'I don't need version control.' 'It's written in ____, so it'll be easy to ____.' What would you add to this list?"

17 of 452 comments (clear)

  1. This job is only temporary. by AioKits · · Score: 4, Funny

    My personal favorite! *sigh* Oh well.

    --
    "Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted." -Groucho Marx
    1. Re:This job is only temporary. by K.+S.+Kyosuke · · Score: 3, Funny

      "If I learn to write better code, they'll give me a pay raise for certain!"

      --
      Ezekiel 23:20
    2. Re:This job is only temporary. by Guppy06 · · Score: 4, Funny

      "I'm appreciated here!"

  2. Lies by boundary · · Score: 5, Funny

    "My facial hair makes me look interesting and makes up for my lack of social graces."

  3. Number 1 in my experience by mbone · · Score: 5, Funny

    I'll document this code once I'm done.

    1. Re:Number 1 in my experience by pr0fessor · · Score: 5, Funny

      catch(exception x) { //You've been eaten by a grue. } is error handling.

  4. The new manager will be less of an idiot by El_Muerte_TDS · · Score: 3, Funny

    n/a

  5. Self-assessment by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    "I am a good programmer."

  6. How about the IT-WORLD programmers? by dmomo · · Score: 5, Funny

    1) People will enjoy this content more if it's in a slideshows.
    2) It's OK if ad-blocking breaks my core javascript functionality.
    3) Nobody is going to view this site in a modern browser.

  7. Favorite statement on this topic by ThatsNotPudding · · Score: 4, Funny

    "Screw comments! It was hard to write, it should be hard to read!"

  8. Re:Hofstadter's Law by arkhan_jg · · Score: 5, Funny

    "I'll just fix this quick and dirty for now, management will allow me time to redo it properly later."

    --
    Remember kids, it's all fun and games until someone commits wholesale galactic genocide.
  9. How about adding.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    I have lots of time to get this code done.....I'll catch up on Slashdot's articles......

  10. Re:Lame by norminator · · Score: 3, Funny

    I liked how on the full-page had it said "Your article is loading", as if the ad was only there to fill in the time it takes to load and process the article... In an article about lies...

  11. Re:gotta love a site... by American+AC+in+Paris · · Score: 4, Funny

    that does not work _at_all_ if you have a halfway decent content- and tracking-blocker installed

    ...well, once you've blocked the content, and once you've blocked the tracking, there's not much left to work with, yeah?

    :D

    --

    Obliteracy: Words with explosions

  12. loyalty by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    If I keep working these extra hours, the company will reward me with big raises and job security.

  13. Re:Hofstadter's Law by BasilBrush · · Score: 3, Funny

    If I use "cunt", "fuck" and "shit" for variable names whilst I'm hacking something out, I'll be sure to come back later and give them proper names before I submit the code.

  14. Re:Hofstadter's Law by flargleblarg · · Score: 2, Funny

    "shit", "piss", "fuck", "cunt", "cocksucker", "motherfucker", and "tits" are all you should ever need...