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FBI Says It Will Hire No One Who Lies About Illegal Downloading

wabrandsma writes with this excerpt from The State Hornet, the student newspaper at Sacramento State On Monday, Sacramento State's Career Center welcomed the FBI for an informational on its paid internship program where applications are now being accepted. One of the highly discussed topics in the presentation was the list of potential traits that disqualify applicants. This list included failure to register with selective services, illegal drug use including steroids, criminal activity, default on student loans, falsifying information on an application and illegal downloading music, movies and books. FBI employee Steve Dupre explained how the FBI will ask people during interviews how many songs, movies and books they have downloaded because the FBI considers it to be stealing. During the first two phases of interviews, everything is recorded and then turned into a report. This report is then passed along to a polygraph technician to be used during the applicant's exam, which consists of a 55-page questionnaire. If an applicant is caught lying, they can no longer apply for an FBI agent position. (Left un-explored is whether polygraph testing is an effective way to catch lies.)

10 of 580 comments (clear)

  1. Fewer candidates to draw from... by jsepeta · · Score: 5, Funny

    Hopefully at some point in time the FBI will realize that their mission shouldn't be to protect corporate rights, but to protect rights for the individual citizens.

    --
    Remember kids, if you're not paying for the service, YOU ARE THE PRODUCT THAT IS BEING SOLD.
    1. Re:Fewer candidates to draw from... by houstonbofh · · Score: 4, Funny

      On the plus side, this will eventually make for a smaller FBI. :)

    2. Re: Fewer candidates to draw from... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      Usenet

  2. NSA are most egregious downloaders by 101percent · · Score: 4, Funny

    Guess they can't reach out to the NSA for candidates.

  3. Re:Polygraph by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    If only it was accurate too.

  4. Re:Ok, but by radtea · · Score: 5, Funny

    Over 50 and straight edged boy scout

    I'm over 50 and used to be a boy scout. I don't smoke, drink very moderately, help little old ladies across the street, recently came to the assistance of a young woman who was in a physical altercation with her boyfriend (which turned out to be her attacking him, but I didn't know that 'til I got involved) and just today used my pocket knife (which I carry because I was a boy scout) to help an elderly man deflate a beach ball he and his grandson had been playing with (by prying out the extremely stuck plug, not stabbing it.)

    And I illegally downloaded a movie last night (there were extenuating circumstances, but still...)

    So I'd say the FBI is going to be restricted to Amish who were too wasted during their rumspringa to download anything.

    --
    Blasphemy is a human right. Blasphemophobia kills.
  5. Re:Ok, but by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    I have just reported your admission of copyright infringement to the FBI. Enjoy federal prison.

  6. Re:Ok, but by Kozar_The_Malignant · · Score: 4, Funny

    I am over 50 and an Eagle Scout. I downloaded warez over a Hayes 2400 modem. Most of the Eagle Scouts I know enjoy the Good Herb. I was thinking of a good retirement career. Maybe the FBI would suit.

    --
    Some mornings it's hardly worth chewing through the restraints to get out of bed.
  7. Re:Ok, but by fibonacci8 · · Score: 4, Funny

    Nutmeg is a gateway spice.

    --
    Inheritance is the sincerest form of nepotism.
  8. Re:Ok, but by jafiwam · · Score: 3, Funny

    Just means the FBI will only be hiring people who are good at lying about wrongdoing. Which is probably really more useful and what they want in the long run.

    But it's not what they want. You know what the word is for "guy who can blithely lie his way through a polygraph?" It's "spy."

    Polygraphs are pseudoscientific bullshit, but the only people they weed out are the honest ones. I know you're worried about abusive/sociopathic cops, and that's one problem. But if I if I can switch to Fedspeak, for a moment - the risk isn't that the FBI's recruitment policies select for sociopaths, it's that they select for double agents. Moronic ideologue non-threats like AQ/IS and domestic terrorists like the Sovereign Citizen derpers might not make it past this screening, but they're practically begging FSB and PLA to infiltrate them. It's assinine, it's self-destructive, and it doesn't even serve the larger gains of the FBI, just of the bureaucrats who have a vested interest in the revolving door between the IC and polygraph-reliant clearance-processing industry.

    Likewise, they are insuring their agents are clueless socially broken idiots who are also sanctimonious twatwaffles about it.

    Which makes them neither effective nor able to get the best and brightest. From what I have observed about the next generation of folks entering college about now, they will nave ZERO chance of hiring anybody in that age group. It'll be easy to identify the FBI undercover guy, he'll be the one with the walker and the gray hair.