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A Critical Look At CSI: Cyber
Trailrunner7 writes with the introduction to a Threatpost article (best read without coffee near your keyboard) about the new CSI: Cyber: The show centers on the Cyber Crime Division at the FBI, a perfectly focus-grouped cast headed by Special Agent Avery Ryan. She is a former behavioral psychiatrist whose practice fell apart when–spoiler alert!–all of her case files were stolen by a hacker who then murdered one of her patients. Now she is on a mission to "turn" hackers one at a time to the path of righteousness. She is aided in this noble quest by the guy who played Dawson, former child rapper Lil Bow Wow, and the two h4x0r caricatures: a bearded, wisecracking guy named Daniel Krumitz who is the "greatest white hat hacker in the world", and Raven Ramirez, whom we know is a hacker because she has dyed hair. Also, because her name is Raven.
As a public service, the Threatpost team, Mike Mimoso, Dennis Fisher, Brian Donohue and Chris Brook, watched the first episode of CSI: Cyber and kept a running chat log of the "action."
As a public service, the Threatpost team, Mike Mimoso, Dennis Fisher, Brian Donohue and Chris Brook, watched the first episode of CSI: Cyber and kept a running chat log of the "action."
"What the fuck did I just read?"
Political debates have me rolling my eyes so much I think I got optical whiplash. I should sue. - Foamy The Squirrel
...wanna cyber?
Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
"This makes Swordfish look like a documentary."
It sounds like this show is just screaming out for a drinking game.
www.wavefront-av.com
Every investigative drama franchise must employ, at a minimum, one former rapper.
(My wife watches pretty much ALL of these shows. I can't stand them...)
#DeleteChrome
like asshats.
These shows do nothing but lobotomize the public into believing the current government's agenda of spying has a moral high ground.
I remember that episode. It was CSI:Miami.
But seriously, if *that's* the thing that put you off then I don't even know how you made it that far. Mostly because CSI Miami departed the land of the firmly ground in reality and wound up tethered somewhere in high orbit far before that episode.
That said it was certainly my favourite of the CSI series. Possibly because of that. None of the shows were remotely realistic in a wide variety of ways (oh god the pixels please no don't zoom any more!!!11), but since CSI Miami more or less gave up any pretense that it was meant to be and instead was 45 minutes of Horatio being awesome, saving women and children and shooting very heavily armed but remarkably inaccurare bad guys it was actually far more entertaining.
Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah B-)
SJW n. One who posts facts.
Regarding computers and the internets:
1. Everything is connected to the internet. Refrigerators, traffic lights, mailboxes, lightbulbs... everything. And it all can be hacked and controlled remotely.
2. Hackers do not use mice or trackpads. They only use the keyboard, even when opening, moving and resizing windows in a GUI environment.
2a. Hackers only use LOUD keyboards. Even their laptop keyboards are buckling spring action so you can hear them go TAPYTAPYTAPYTAPY
3. Hackers are capable of accurately predicting anything. The trajectory of a car going over an open drawbridge, the food someone buys at a grocery store, which entrance someone will use at a shopping mall - ANYTHING. Because they have computers.
4. Any computer can be easily broken in to and controlled. Except for when you have a light plot and need to eat up time, in which case you have to physically break into a highly secure office building and do some technical thing to gain access. Hackers are good at doing that too. Because, you know, hackers.
5. Hackers can tell exactly what a program does by looking at a screen of hex code and random plaintext.
6. Hackers can pull signal out of noise floor in ANY SITUATION. Sharpening blurry photographs, pulling intelligible voice out of a noisy recording, un-deleting files, doesn't matter.
My Other Computer Is A Data General Nova III.
The viewer probably welcomed the commercial interruptions as a HUGE relief!
Full disclosure: I frankly love CSI Miami.
It's completely off the wall and really fun.
SJW n. One who posts facts.
I suspect that If the producers maximize profit by some combination of good writing/acting, product placements, syndication / iTunes / Google Play / etc. fees, it's a win.
I don't see technical accuracy as an explicit factor anywhere in that formula. Heck, I loved The Office, and I'm just guessing they weren't realistically depicting life at a paper company.
This reminds me of vehicles traveling at the speed of plot.
Nope. Not a damn one of us.
isn't NCIS famous for the 2 people typing fast on 1 keyboard to fight hackers?
I was going to say people aren't that stupid.
But then I remembered that old episode of The Wire where they stick a kid's hand on a copier machine, ask him questions like it's a lie detector, and after he answers, a detective presses the copy button and "LIE" on a piece of paper comes out. The kid actually fell for it when the detectives structured the questions to show he was lying and he broke down and revealed the truth of the incident and gave them their lead.
Found it, apparently based on real life Baltimore PD interrogation techniques:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?...
So I guess they could make this new CSI Cyber even 10x more stupid, and a few months later you'd probably start hearing from people something like...
the NSA can use coffee cups to playback conversations from half an hour ago because of reverberating echoes still trapped inside the cup.
(I just made that up, CSI writing team: give me attribution please.)
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
Obligatory BOFH reference:
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2...
I remember that episode. It was CSI:Miami.
But seriously, if *that's* the thing that put you off then I don't even know how you made it that far. Mostly because CSI Miami departed the land of the firmly ground in reality and wound up tethered somewhere in high orbit far before that episode.
That said it was certainly my favourite of the CSI series. Possibly because of that. None of the shows were remotely realistic in a wide variety of ways (oh god the pixels please no don't zoom any more!!!11), but since CSI Miami more or less gave up any pretense that it was meant to be and instead was 45 minutes of Horatio being awesome, saving women and children and shooting very heavily armed but remarkably inaccurare bad guys it was actually far more entertaining.
Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah B-)
You could say that this new spinoff
[sunglasses]
Is CSI: DOA
[yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah]
IRL there is a Real Name policy. Nobody goes around and calls themselfs Anonymous Coward or Raven.
That's so Raven ...
I am not your blowing wind, I am the lightning.
The "trial" episode of CSI:Cyber was a regular CSI episode last year. Patricia Arquette's character "confused" a very life-like video stripper bot with non-sequitur, which made the bot's skin fall off to reveal metallic cyber bones. That was the best thing ever. Then I learned that they were going to make an actual show based on that sort of thing.
You need to restart your computer. Hold down the Power button for several seconds or press the Restart button.
"What the fuck did I just read?"
...A synopsis of what is going to be the comedy of the decade. Unfortunately, nobody has told the writers that this is what it is....
HA! I just wasted some of your bandwidth with a frivolous sig!
BN never gets old....Just on the off chance there are people out there than didn't get this joke:
http://www.megalomaniac.com/~a...
HA! I just wasted some of your bandwidth with a frivolous sig!
systemd will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.
It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit pants and hide your car keys when you are late for work.
systemd will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Discover card.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of systemd, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.
It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
systemd will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methanphedime in your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your new snowblower.
Let's face it, people: Hacking is boring to watch. At the same time, do you think they weren't going to do a cyber-inspired CSI show in the Internet era?
My wife's (an attorney) gave me another example of something that would be as interesting as a technically accurate "CSI: Cyber":
"Law and Order: Bankruptcy Court"
And that's about right.