Most People Use Their Phones During Social Events, Despite Thinking It Harms Conversation

Mark Wilson points out that the Pew Research Center has released a new report on mobile etiquette in the age of smartphones. 90% of U.S. adults now have cellphones and carry them around frequently. Pew's survey looked into how this is changing social norms with regard to shifting attention away from physical-world interactions. Most people think it's fine to use a cellphone while walking the streets or waiting in line, but 62% think it's not OK at a restaurant, an 88% disapprove of using one at a family dinner. Disapproval of using a cellphone in a meeting, movie theater, or church is almost universal. 89% of people say they used their cellphone during their most recent social activity, whether it was texting, checking the web, or snapping a picture. Despite this, 82% say cellphone use generally hurts the conversation. 79% of adults say they occasionally encounter loud or annoying cellphone behavior from others in public, and more than half say they often overhear intimate details of other people's lives because of it.

Comments

So everyone is rude...

[gurps_npc]

Not a surprise to me, the far majority of people are and always have been rude.

From the people standing in subway doors (do they think we are going to climb out the windows?) to the people talking on the phone, people are rude.

Re:So everyone is rude...

[micahraleigh]

... or everyone is hypocritical.

Re:So everyone is rude...

[Austerity Empowers]

Or we don't approve but don't care enough to stop it. Or, and I think this is the case, are raging hypocrits about our cell phone rage versus our cell phone use.

As long as people are quiet an don't flash too many bright lights, I really couldn't care less what another table does during dinner. What is appropriate at my own table depends very heavily on what is going on. I can't imagine I'd drop a great conversation to check my work email. But I've never been that thoroughly entertained, and some people will go on about things I don't want to talk about (namely other people) and fuck yes, I will send all sorts of messages that I want to move on.

Re:So everyone is rude...

[The-Ixian]

I have relied on public transit every day for years (I don't own a car) and I am continually amazed at the lack of empathy and disregard for other people that some have.

Even still, I wouldn't say that most people are rude.... It just seems that way sometimes because the obnoxious ones are disproportionately so.

What really gets me annoyed with people is not mobile device use (it is oddly reverent to see a train full of people with their heads bowed looking at their phones) it is littering in public places... why do people think it is acceptable to throw cigarette butts on the ground or pee all over public toilets?

Re:So everyone is rude...

[Krishnoid]

why do people think it is acceptable to ... pee all over public toilets?

Because they're (see item 10) dainty and/or fastidious.

Most people use their phone when they shouldnt

[rossdee]

says captain obvious

But thats because they have so many functions these days
I use my Galaxy Note 3 as a phone less than 1% of the time I am 'using' it

Society better get used to it

[ranton]

Within 20 years we will probably have contact lenses or even retinal implants that allow us to interact with technology at any time and without anyone noticing. Learning to deal with people looking at their cell phones during conversation is a good way to help transition society to a time when you can't assume 100% of someone's attention just because they are standing next to you.

Now the loud cell phone behavior is just being a jerk though.

Re:Society better get used to it

[ranton]

Ah, so retinal implants will pretty much guarantee that I won't even be able to tell if someone is actually paying attention or listening, even if they are staring right back at me in an apparent attempt to look engaged in physical conversation with another human being.

If you are having a conversation with someone where all they have to do is nod and smile every once in a while to make you think they are listening, they are not the problem. Perhaps this technology will help stop people from wasting others' time with meaningless conversation. Small talk may cease to exist.

Most people keep talking to you...

[Sobakus]

...even when you are busy doing very important stuff with your phone!

Rudeness? Tell me about it!!!!!

I tip my bartenders extra

[Anonymous Coward]

When they ignore the jackass on the phone who was there before me and come over to take my order.

Glued to their damned faces ...

[gstoddart]

Years ago I had a manager who could not put down his Blackberry.

He'd call a meeting for us to walk him through some stuff. Every few seconds he looked at his phone. Now and then an email would come in, and he'd be like "what, sorry, I missed that part".

One day I walked out of the room while he was reading his email.

He came running after telling me the meeting wasn't over.

I told him the meeting had never really started, and since it was him who called it for his benefit, he could either put down his phone and listen, or I'd send him an email. But that I wasn't going to sit there repeating myself because he couldn't put his damned phone down.

There is nothing more annoying than some idiot who is in the middle of a social interaction, whips out their phone, loses the plot, and then expects you to give them a recap. Sorry, but I'm standing right here ... I don't give a crap about your electronic device.

If you want to be a selfish bastard, do it on your own time. But don't waste my fucking time because you have the attention span of a child.

That people know it's rude and do it anyway ... that's the part that really annoys the crap out of me. Go away, and I'll send you an email if you prefer. But stop constantly checking the damned thing, because I'm just going to walk away.

Re:Glued to their damned faces ...

[AthanasiusKircher]

That people know it's rude and do it anyway ... that's the part that really annoys the crap out of me. Go away, and I'll send you an email if you prefer. But stop constantly checking the damned thing, because I'm just going to walk away.

I learned an important lesson about this many years ago, long before cell phones became ubiquitous.

I remember as an undergraduate meeting with a senior university official (a provost, actually), and the phone on her desk started ringing. We were seated at a table elsewhere in her office, but I paused, thinking she would probably need to answer it. But she just kept on talking to me, and the meeting went on normally.

I ended up becoming a research assistant for her, and when this occurred in another meeting, I paused in what I was saying and said, "Uh... do you need to get that?" Her response was very logical and clear:

It was a matter of respect, she told me. A scheduled personal meeting with someone should receive her full attention, since I had taken the time to be there with her. Whether I was a lowly undergraduate or the university president, a scheduled in-person meeting was more important than whatever random person might be calling on her phone. If the situation was truly urgent, there were other ways people would get messages to her.

I never forgot that, and to this day I try to live up to her example. If you're in a meeting and you know that you may need to be interrupted, the polite thing to do is to inform the person you're meeting with at the outset that you might need to take a call or check email or whatever because you have an urgent matter to attend to. (But most of the time, you probably don't really have anything that urgent.)

Doing otherwise is disrespectful. With the growth of ubiquitous smart phones, the temptations have grown stronger, I guess. But if someone is taking their time to meet in-person with you, the least you can do is respect that time by giving them your attention.

Re:The cost of external cognition

[ranton]

they are quite literally incapable of normal conversation without involving the smartphone because it has become a part of their thought processes.

At some point Ray Kurzweil's vision of a connected brain will be a reality, and we will literally be able to use external computation in our regular thought patterns. Information retrieval is only the beginning; soon* these devices will help us be more creative by loaning us extra neurons when we need them.

* By soon I mean probably within a few decades

Your phone as a lifestyle: NO.

[kheldan]

That's what most people seem to view the thing as -- which is wrong. It should not be a lifestyle, it is a phone. It should not take the place of actual, in-person, face-to-face social interactions, not any more than so-called 'social media' should. That's the problem: Smartphones, 'social media', the Internet in general, all claim to 'connect people' and 'bring people together', when in fact all they're doing is giving people and excuse to distance themselves from actual social interactions with other human beings. We see the effects of this more and more all the time. Words on a screen can't take the place of live interaction with another human being. We communicate on more levels than just the words we say, and text on a screen is about as sterile as you can get. There is inflection, tone of voice, body language.. you don't get any of this with just text on a screen. What's worse, most people don't even seem to read everything someone writes, so what little true meaning they could get from just text is also lost because of that. Even using your phone as a phone, you're still missing out on layers of non-verbal communication that you'd otherwise be getting the benefit of. This lack of real communication between people is leading to more and more misunderstandings.

Re:Your phone as a lifestyle: NO.

[plover]

This lack of real communication between people is leading to more and more misunderstandings.

Au contraire. In an email, I can carefully choose the exact words to tell you what I think of you, your ideas, and describe in precise detail where you exist on the food chain. After reading that email, you will have no doubt as to what was said. In conversation, I could slip up and say the wrong thing in the presence of the wrong person, or forget what X said about Y even though I was there and so I must have been "listening".

Email is great. Conversation is for chumps.

Re:Your phone as a lifestyle: NO.

[drinkypoo]

After reading that email, you will have no doubt as to what was said.

You must be new. People regularly decide that you must have meant meaning number six in the dictionary for a word when you obviously meant meaning one or two... or they don't even know what a word means. There's probably already a law which states that the more time you spend choosing precisely the right wording, the more likely it is that some jerkoff will skip their meds on the day they read it.

Re:China was right!

[gstoddart]

The really funny thing is to watch the group effect of this Pavlovian response.

The "ding" goes off, and everybody in earshot is suddenly frisking themselves for their phone because, oh my fucking god, teh soshul netwerkz and teh emailz.

I figure you could fuck up most gatherings of people by having a device which could emulate the "ding" sound of several different mobile devices. Just walk through crowds causing all of these people to panic and think something life-affirming is going to happen and they'll have missed it.

I'm glad I came late to mobile technology. I'll leave mine locked in a drawer (or at home) and deal with it later.

I have no interest in being so tightly tethered to an electronic device that it becomes ingrained ... I bet there's a measurable physiological response to that "ding" in a lot of people. It's pathetic, but I'd be curious to see what brain centers are impacted ... probably all of them, and your body now things it's a survival imperative.

Me, I think it's pretty pathetic to watch it.

Where do you work? I want to work there!

[Anonymous Coward]

I don't give a crap about your electronic device.

If you want to be a selfish bastard, do it on your own time. But don't waste my fucking time because you have the attention span of a child.

Whoa! Your company has Fucking Time? We barely get Coffee Breaks here.

As for your boss's behavior, I put the blame on you. Don't EVER schedule a meeting during Fucking Time! I can't believe someone actually has to tell you this.

Re: The cost of external cognition

[ranton]

More creative? I'd think it would lead to more groupthink.
Creativity is when someone goes off the beaten path and does something new a different.

I'm of the belief that there are no truly original ideas, just new combinations of old ideas. The more old ideas you know the more creative you can be. This is just an opinion though.

I also think group think is more of a problem among the uneducated. I doubt making knowledge more available will increase group think, although I agree it will certainly not get rid of it either.

Re:The cost of external cognition

[RobinH]

I think this is true. A lot of conversations now seem to involve people telling me about their new app, or their new pulse rate measurement thing, or all the intricate details of their cell phone contract. Seriously... I don't care... tell me a funny or interesting story but if you spent 98% of your time staring at your phone, what are the chances you have anything interesting to share other than a clickbait article or a funny cat video?

Black and White

[jklovanc]

These situations are not so black and white.

Good - Looking up contentious fact being discussed.
Bad - Shopping online while conversation is going on.
Good - Taking one picture to memorialize a special dinner.
Bad - Taking a picture of every plate of food one eats.
Good - Texting late guest to see where they are?
Bad - Texting someone completely unrelated to the event.
Bad - Talking loudly on one's phone while other people are having a conversation.

The problem is not that the smartphone is being but why the smartphone is being used. If the use contributes to the event I don't see an issue.

Re:China was right!

[_UnderTow_]

I'm glad I came late to mobile technology. I'll leave mine locked in a drawer (or at home) and deal with it later.

You sound old.

Use Common Sense

[hodet]

I have pretty strict rules for myself on pulling out my phone. If I am in a conversation I will not check it, period. If I am expecting a message that is urgent (how often does that happen though), I will excuse myself and step away. But if someone is in a group and there is a break in the interactivity and they check infrequently in a very low key way then that's cool by me.

Nothing worse than socializing with someone or a group of people, over a beer or whatever, and a good flow of conversation and laughs and then they just suddenly zone out for 3 minutes on their phone(s). That's a buzz kill man, and I am more than likely going to wrap it up and find something else to do.

Also, watched a fireworks show in Ottawa in August and the three teens sitting in front of us pretty much watched the whole thing through their phones recording it. How asinine is that?

Using your phone in church

[edtice1559]

I'm sure people are just looking up relevant scripture during the engaging sermon.

How I deal with it

[citylivin]

"Learning to deal with people looking at their cell phones during conversation"

I immediately stop talking and if the person notices, they will usually apologize. If they don't notice after a few seconds then i turn and walk away.

Call me crazy but I don't have a cel phone. At home I have a computer and and work I have a computer so I don't really need one in between, or when I am out and about enjoying myself. I guess I am an extreme minority now, but I will never be one of these zombies you see everywhere. I like to be aware of what is going on around me. I believe that not connected time, simply staring at the scenery on the train for instance, helps one to think and process things. No one thinks anymore, they just look down at their phones and distract themselves.

I can appreciate that cel phones are a useful tool, but the way people treat them is so bad I can't stomach the thought of owning one.

Not to mention all the persistent tracking and other horrible privacy concerns. Not to mention the upfront multi hundred dollar cost and the $50+ monthly cost... I guarantee that the only phones I ever own and use will be feature phones that make and receive calls only. I don't need a little TV turning my mind to mush and tracking me all the while.

Phones on the table

[jklovanc]

There is a new meme going around. At the beginning of the dinner everyone puts their phone face down in the middle of the table. The first person to pick up their phone without the consent of everyone else before the end of the meal pays for everyone. This leave the option open to do things constructive to the conversation, like checking on a late party member, while still not paying.

Re:If I'm bored, I'll phone

[Daetrin]

So in other words, when it comes to social interactions you tend to phone it in?

Re:The cost of external cognition

[ranton]

And by "us", you mean "really quite rich people". Don't imagine the proletariat will be able to afford many "extra neurons".

Yeah, I can't think of any examples of technologies that were once only affordable by rich people, but are not ubiquitous. Its not like everyone owns a car, computer, mobile phone, dishwasher, microwave, refrigerator, or any other number of items originally affordable by only the rich ...

FTFY

[jklovanc]

99.9% of the discussions in a social environment are NOT about the facts.

Sorry but your friends are no like mine. Mine like to talk about facts and opinions of those facts. With mine I would say the ratio is closer to 80%.

Look it up and you find the truth. The discussion can move on.

Other outcomes are as follows;
You waste time supporting your conflicting opinions and the discussion gets hijacked over who is correct.
You accept the wrong fact and the discussion becomes invalid because it is based on a false premise.

Talking to others is what was important.

I like to learn things along with talking.

I always prefer to verify a fact when I can rather than assume what someones says is true. One person looking up a fact for 30 seconds does not end discussion it just moves it along. For example, last weekend I was playing board games at a pub. We wanted to play Settlers of Catan. We normally have four players and the standard rules are set up for that. Tonight we had five players. We used our smartphones to find the 5/6 players setup for Settlers. Without the smartphone we would all have been disappointing.

BTW, I have a form of autism that causes me to have a need to verify facts. If there is a controversy my mind fixates on it and it takes me out of the discussion. Verifying facts actually allows me to stay in the conversation.