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Feds: Brink's Employee Makes Off With $196,000 In Quarters (cnn.com)

Posted by BeauHD on from the that's-one-big-piggy-bank dept.

dfsmith writes: CNN is reporting today on the prosecution of a man who stole $196,000 worth of quarters from his employer in Alabama. Apparently the Brinks facility kept large bags of the coins for the Federal Reserve (about 1 ton each), which the accused emptied and refilled with beads (leaving some coins visible in the bag's window). Dennis faces a maximum penalty of 10 years in prison and a $250,000 fine. That's a million-quarter fine, or 216,000 more quarters than Dennis stole.
Notwithstanding the enterprise of purchasing and transporting that many beads, you've got to wonder: how would you go about this heist, and what would you do with the proceeds?

12 of 142 comments (clear)

  1. Parking by Early+Six+Digit+UID · · Score: 4, Funny

    I could park... FOREVER

  2. Brilliant! by fuzzyfuzzyfungus · · Score: 5, Funny

    As recent college students know, laundromats almost always accept quarters as a mechanism for buying machine time, so laundering the proceeds must have been particularly easy and convenient. This guy is obviously a cerebral master of crime.

    1. Re: Brilliant! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Hey, don't be so hard on the guy... he was only a two bit criminal looking for some change to believe in!

  3. Makes off, my arse by rmdingler · · Score: 4, Interesting

    The bags were stored on skids in the doubtless aptly named Coin Room. An April 2014 audit of the coin inventory showed that four of the bags had been filled mostly with beads. Those bags each contained only $1,000 in quarters, which had been strategically situated so the coins were visible through a plastic window in the necks of the bags, according to federal authorities.

    Diabolically clever scheme unravels under the slightest scrutiny.

    --
    Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.

    Ernest Hemingway

    1. Re:Makes off, my arse by Kjella · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Well yes obviously someone would figure out sooner or later, but he was probably counting on them not finding out who and when. Or he was in some kind of money problem (gambling, drugs, whatever) and just did the kind of incredibly stupid crime you sometimes see which keeps their world from collapsing today. The same kind of "can't think about that" like the people who throw bills in the trash or keep sending money to Nigeria.

      A lot of people are simply dysfunctional that way, like they have a fear of the dentist. And they know the longer it's been since they was at the dentist, the more likely he'll find something really bad. So the problem just escalates until it becomes a huge crisis. You see that a lot with "dumb" embezzlement, now you not only got a gambling problem but for a few months delay you're now also an unemployed, convicted felon.

      Rationally it doesn't make sense, how much worse it's going to be compared to the relatively short and small gain you got. But I guess it's something of a survival trait, if life's fucked up you care about living one more day. And then another one, and then the one after that. Sometimes not having perspective is good for motivation, because there's nothing in your prospects to be cheerful about. You just carry on anyway.

      --
      Live today, because you never know what tomorrow brings
  4. Well... by tnk1 · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Strictly speaking, he'd have no trouble laundering the money. They don't have serial numbers and its not like they'd have a dye pack in there.

    The problem is that he'd be limited to buying fast food with his earnings for the next 50 years because I don't know how much effort you'd need to actually turn that much money into a more portable form. I don't think there are enough Coin Star machines between there and the West Coast to do it.

    You can tell that this guy had like 1/10th of a really good idea knocking around in his otherwise empty skull and failed to realize that it wasn't nearly enough to make this even remotely feasible. Of course, that's why there are few true criminal masterminds out there. It's easier for someone that smart to actually make money with a real job.

    1. Re:Well... by vux984 · · Score: 4, Interesting

      The problem is that he'd be limited to buying fast food with his earnings for the next 50 years because I don't know how much effort you'd need to actually turn that much money into a more portable form.

      The classical way would be work through a coinop car wash or laundromat partner and then launder it through them by inflating the sales over a few years.

    2. Re:Well... by rwyoder · · Score: 4, Funny

      The classical way would be work through a coinop car wash or laundromat partner and then launder it through them by inflating the sales over a few years.

      I knew a married couple who were doing that. Walt & Skyler were really nice people!

  5. Re:What would you do? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Robber: "I'd like to convert these into pounds."
    Teller: "Sure thing! What have you got?"
    Robber: "196k in quarters"
    Teller: "OK, well, one quarter is 5.67 grams, so....9800 pounds"

  6. Get Medieval by bosef1 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Should this ruffian be apprehended, I believe the correct punishment, as warning and deterrent to others, is that he be drawn... and quartered.

    1. Re:Get Medieval by UnknownSoldier · · Score: 4, Funny

      You had to chime in with your two bits didn't you? :-)

  7. Re:Slot machines by TapeCutter · · Score: 5, Informative

    Casinos are used to launder money all the time, you put dirty money on the table and get back 70-80% of the face value back in clean money.

    --
    And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? - Pink Floyd.