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Children To Parents: 'Don't Post About Me On Facebook Without Asking Me' (nytimes.com)
HughPickens.com writes: Sites like Facebook and Instagram are now baked into the world of today's families. Many, if not most, new parents post images of their newborn online within an hour of birth, and some parents create social media accounts for the children themselves -- often to share photos and news with family, although occasionally in the pursuit of "Instafame" for their fashionably clad, beautifully photographed sons and daughters. Now, KJ Dell'Antonia writes in the NYT about the growing disconnect between parents and their children and the one surprising rule children want their parents to know: Don't post anything about me on social media without asking me. "As these children come of age, they're going to be seeing the digital footprint left in their childhood's wake," says Stacey Steinberg. "While most of them will be fine, some might take issue with it." Alexis Hiniker studied 249 parent-child pairs distributed across 40 states and found about three times more children than parents thought there should be rules about what parents shared on social media. "Twice as many children as parents expressed concerns about family members oversharing personal information about them on Facebook and other social media without permission," says co-author Sarita Schoenebeck. "Many children said they found that content embarrassing and felt frustrated when their parents continued to do it."
When researchers asked kids what technology rules they wished their parents would follow -- a less common line of inquiry -- the answers fell into seven general categories: 1) Be present -- Children felt there should be no technology at all in certain situations, such as when a child is trying to talk to a parent. 2) Child autonomy -- Parents should allow children to make their own decisions about technology use without interference. 3) Moderate use -- Parents should use technology in moderation and in balance with other activities. 4) Supervise children -- Parents should establish and enforce technology-related rules for children's own protection. 5) Not while driving -- Parents should not text while driving or sitting at a traffic light. 6) No hypocrisy -- Parents should practice what they preach, such as staying off the Internet at mealtimes. 7) No oversharing -- Parents shouldn't share information online about their children without explicit permission.
When researchers asked kids what technology rules they wished their parents would follow -- a less common line of inquiry -- the answers fell into seven general categories: 1) Be present -- Children felt there should be no technology at all in certain situations, such as when a child is trying to talk to a parent. 2) Child autonomy -- Parents should allow children to make their own decisions about technology use without interference. 3) Moderate use -- Parents should use technology in moderation and in balance with other activities. 4) Supervise children -- Parents should establish and enforce technology-related rules for children's own protection. 5) Not while driving -- Parents should not text while driving or sitting at a traffic light. 6) No hypocrisy -- Parents should practice what they preach, such as staying off the Internet at mealtimes. 7) No oversharing -- Parents shouldn't share information online about their children without explicit permission.
This is like one of those cute little filler/joke news stories you see in the ticker in the SimCity games.
If you can't summarize the headline without a novel...
wtf -- glad I didn't have that open up at work. an opening shot of a newborn sucking on tits is not what I expected.
In case you don't want to find out where that link leads by clicking it, it's a YouTube video of a mother breastfeeding a child. /. doesn't ban URL shorteners? They're banned on several internet fora I know, and I'd have expected /. in particular, with its calling out site domains between [brackets], to be strict in this regard.
Can someone explain to me why
kids choose the right thing.. stay the fuck off facebook.
but in reality, those same kids, with no one looking over their shoulder, are doing exactly what they supposedly don't want their parents doing... posting their lives online for the world to see.
> glad I didn't have that open up at work.
You must be in the US. DO they still make breastfeeding mothers go hide in a special room at your work?
Not sure how this is relevant though. I think TFA talking about social media posting that might embarrass the *child* in future. Not the mother (should she emigrate to a more conservative culture.)
Richard Stallman usually spends a minute or two at the beginning of presentations requesting that photos or videos of him are not distributed on Facebook. Perhaps he's worried about the attendees embarrassing him with his "fashionably clad, beautifully photographed" likeness.
You must be in the US. DO they still make breastfeeding mothers go hide in a special room at your work?
I'm in the US, in Texas no less, which tends to still have that nonsense...
Yea, people here are sexually repressed, which is probably why we have so much sex in advertising.
But movies with huge violence are still PG-13 while movies with naked boobies are rated R.
Yes, our "religious right" is nuts, what can you do?
BTW, I watched part of that video. While the mother has very nice breasts, there is nothing sexual about that at all. It is a very loving act by a mother feeding her child.
So does this mean the children will not be posting things about their family in return? They won't be over-sharing about their classmates or drunk uncle or rant how parent x is doing this that and the other thing?
"You must be in the US. DO they still make breastfeeding mothers go hide in a special room at your work?"
The mothers in my office that pump while at work would not want to do it at their desk. In Europe is it common for mothers to pump while sitting at their desk?
"Action without philosophy is a lethal weapon; philosophy without action is worthless."
But don't post them. Use them for blackmail when they don't do their homework or clean their room.
“He’s not deformed, he’s just drunk!”
Kids will have plenty of time to embarrass themselves later on social media let them have a little privacy while they still don't know what privacy is.
Your'e all thinking it, I just said it for you
'Don't Post About Me On Facebook Without Asking Me'
Won't someone please stop thinking about the children?
Don't waste your vote! Vote for whoever you want, unless you live in a swing state it won't matter anyways
You see, the problem with this title is that children sensible enough to point that request towards their parents, were sensibly raised in order to have comprehended the summary of logical steps that lead towards that requests;
and to raise them to such a level would require sensible parents with good skills who wouldn't be the kind that would post about them on Facebook in the first place.
It's kind of a self-defeating title.
Parents to children! :P
Ant(Dude) @ Quality Foraged Links (AQFL.net) & The Ant Farm (antfarm.ma.cx / antfarm.home.dhs.org).
The mothers in my office that pump while at work would not want to do it at their desk. In Europe is it common for mothers to pump while sitting at their desk?
They pump where they want to pump. Where I come from it is an offense to interfere with a breast feeding mother in almost any circumstance. They have the right to a private room by law. They have the right to feed in the middle of the office. If they wan to pump quietly whilst continuing working nobody would dare to even ask about it (a loud electric pump might be worthy of comment).
I was waiting for a movie to start when I heard a grandmother tell her elderly girlfriends that she had new pictures of her grandchildren. Next moment I heard multiple cellphones chiming and the ladies started laughing at the photos. That was a surreal moment.
This is a failure of the last generations. They dont realize the reach the surveillance state has, and to what extent they will go to keep data on everyone just so at a later date they can point to something and say "your bad, no freedom for you!". Those poor sods still think their government is there to help and protect them.
Can someone explain to me why /. doesn't ban URL shorteners? ... calling out site domains between [brackets], to be strict in this regard.
It would be nice to show the dereferenced link domain for url-shorterners, but in this particular case it would not help you. It would be [youtube.com], which is safe as youtube blocks porn etc quite quickly. Poster could have used a youtu.be url too. /. could somehow block links to unlisted youtube videos, which are more likely to offend, but ... you know .. its just harmless G-rated boobies, not goatse.
Maybe
If I want to post about you on Facebook, I'm gonna go ahead and post about you on Facebook. I brought you into this world and by god I will take you out again.
And stop eating all the cereal.
You are welcome on my lawn.
Yes. For the same reasons we make people go to special rooms to defecate, change clothing, and prepare meals. I realize in your country people defecate in the street, nurse their babies in cesspools, and let diseased livestock wander aimlessly...
PG-13 is 'huge violence' now? How soft and spineless we've become..
2) Child autonomy and 4) supervise children. I wonder if those two came from the same children, or different ones. I hope that parents are smart enough to be the parents, and choose the right option. Sorry kits, you have to grow up to have autonomy.
Well of course it is. Everything is an 'offense' in hyper lefty countries. Such dainty peoples. Like almost anything else that involves bodily functions, typically, mothers here WANT privacy for that.
Just imagine if Hitler had a Facebook when rounding up the Jews.
Now the roles are reversed. You have been warned.
Child autonomy.
Have you seen Lord of the Rings? You would take a 13 year old to that? Or worse, a 10 year old, which I've seen happen as well.
Avengers is not violent? Transformer is not violent?
This is not spineless, this is non-stop violence that is not good for young minds that cannot process it. The last 30 min of the third Transformers movie basically never stops, it is nothing but explosions and mayhem.
This is not good for kids. It is probably not good for adults either, but we at least have a chance to put it into perspective.
Have you seen Lord of the Rings? You would take a 13 year old to that?
The world has become a pussified sorry ass version of itself.
I read through LotR in the third grade.
Maybe they are just embarrassed to have parents who are competitive braggarts, parading their child like some object at 5th grade show and tell.
I dunno about other countries, but in AMERICA, we make use of our chattel however we damn well please! I did 'build that' therefore it's mine! /s
Corruption is convincing someone that the selfless ideal is the same as their selfish ideal.
Violence is normal and accepted. Everyone knows that.
Sex is abnormal and shunned. Everyone also knows that.
Also, nakedness leads to sexiness, so we can't have any of that either.
But evisceration and mutilation? That's fine. People do that all. the. time.
Kid-proof tablet..
Seriously every kid finds photos of them older than about 1 year from their current age embarrassing. OMG don't post that I had braces then! OMG don't post that I had long hair and wore pink all the time! OMG don't post that I'm still in the womb!
If anything the wide distribution of photos may show kids that the world doesn't end and it's nothing to be embarrassed about.
In Australia showing these photos has been a traditional right of passage. When you're 21 friends and family will attempt to dig out the most embarrassing photos of your past and put them on public display. Yeah we're embarrassed... for about 10 seconds, and then we have a good laugh about it afterwards. Then we try and drink a yard of beer while our friends record it and race to see who can be the first to get a picture of us throwing up on facebook.
It's a coercive relationship though. Imagine if a child publicized her parents life in the same way: "Parents had noisy, uninteresting sex last night. That's 90 seconds of my life I want back."
I don't care what bodily function you're doing, don't let me see it. Gotta shit? Go find a private room. Piss? The same. Vomit? If you can make it...I realize some times you can't. Nobody wants to see any bodily function, really. It's because we all live in this thing called a "society", where we all agree to work together so that we can all live well. What pisses us off the most? When individuals think they're better than everyone else and the rules don't apply to them.
Don't want to live in our society? I've got good news for you: in today's increasingly borderless world, people can migrate freely where they need to. Texas obviously doesn't suit you, so I recommend a country that is governed by a leftist regime that you agree with. Bolivia, Venezuela, and Cuba are all good choices. Bon voyage! Good luck and you're gonna see a lot of floppy tits right out there on the street along with the shit and piss, it'll be right up your alley.
Shutting down free speech with violence isn't fighting fascism. It IS fascism!
"Don't post anything about me on social media without asking me."
should be
"Don't post anything about me on social networks without asking me."
or even
"Don't post anything about me publicly without asking me."
Social media and social networks are different things, why cant these old fashioned corporate media companies who are trying to coin their relevance just fuck off.
I don't care what bodily function you're doing, don't let me see it.,
You know breathing is a bodily function too, right?
SJW n. One who posts facts.
Yeah, I'd take a 10 year old to these movies. I've sat with 10 year olds and watched them; the main problem is they have long boring bits, which is a problem I have with it too to be honest. I certainly saw movies of similar violence content when I was 10. I'd like to see some evidence that a 10-year old mind cannot process the Lord of the Rings, or that it's not good for kids, or "probably not good" for adults. It's not that it's impossible that what you say is true, but I seriously doubt it. Just like I (and you) doubt that a short scene of boobs is damaging to a 10 year old.
It's in no way related to why there's a special room to prepare meals. You prepare meals in a special room because it takes specialized equipment, which you store in that room, and specialized cleaning procedures, which that room is designed to enable. I honestly can't tell why you think a kitchen is in any way like a pumping room.
Likewise, there are special rooms to defecate because it requires specialized cleanup and equipment, and the odour is universally considered offensive (though how offensive it is varies culturally; especially farmers can grow used to it....). It is somewhat related to why our bathrooms are sexually segregated, though.
It is related to why there are special rooms for changing clothing.
Merely an extension of: Don't show my girlfriend/boyfriend those embarrassing photos of me when I was x years old.
Since air is not visible, it doesn't bother me much to see folks breathe.
We explicitly told my parents that we didn't want our daughter to have a presence on Facebook or any other social media when she was born. Their response? Post every picture sent via MMS or email to Facebook so they can win popularity contests with other grandparents. WTF??? Now they're on a much more, "limited" distribution list for any pictures or videos we take.
narcissism
excessive or erotic interest in oneself
narcissism
Do you mind seeing people eat?
SJW n. One who posts facts.
People from a century ago would regard the kids of today as whiny petulant brats.
Hey idiot, guess what kids play by default if you leave them in a room with sticks? Kids that haven't seen movies that live in a village? War. The sticks become swords or guns or beating sticks. I've seen this over and over and over in the third world as well as the first world. Violence is an inbuilt trait that you have to give acceptable context for. By default humans are just lie the goddamn face eating chimps.
If you're worried about lord of the rings teaching violence, you've got it backwards. It's limiting violence to a few specific terrible scenarios, saying that it should only be a last resort.
Lord of the flies is unfortunately what is inbuilt in "kids".
Wow, you are one sheltered wimp.
I saw FAR more than anything you mentioned when I was a child. The difference is that I knew how to tell between reality and fantasy, unlike you apparently.
If I ever had anyone added and they posted stupid shit about their kids, I reported the pictures and then deleted them.
I don't want to see your crap kid being stupid.
It is fine if it is something completely innocent like, "hey, blahblah is 1 years old today! Happy birthday!" or that, but if it is constant "ooooo look at the witto baby" every damn day, NOPE, gone.
Same goes with stupid pet obsessives.
Luckily I am not friends with either of those examples. (now)
Can't stand that noise.
You wouldn't go running about showing your baby to every random person in the street, or go to all your friends houses and show the kid tripping in to a swimming pool (taking the pool with you as well, just so you can replicate it!), so why the hell would you post it there?
Where is an anti-social network?
4chan doesn't count, I'm more social there than Facebook. wew.
I don't know about the OP but I sure wish one of my more recent coworkers would learn how to close his fucking mouth when he chews. He smacks his gob open so wide and practically aims his maw at people, as if our fondest desire in the world must be to study the food being mashed into goo in his mouth, like it's demo of some amazing new machine prototype.
"three times more children than parents thought there should be rules about what parents shared on social media"
Yes and three times more children than parents think there should be rules about parents coming to school dances; and about parents talking to said child's friends; and about what parents wear; and about parents dancing or singing.
Having raised two children myself, I have no doubt in my mind that there are several such topics kids feel more strongly about than the parents. And several such topics that kids find "embarrassing and feel frustrated when their parents continue to do it". In fact, I might go so far as to suggest here are several such things parents do specifically to embarrass and frustrate their children. I'm not sure family life was ever NOT like that. What world do these people live in?
At least you'd know it was a video. But my comment was about the use of URL shorteners in general, not about whether it would have helped in this particular instance.
It's not just about childish embarrassment. Often times it's legitimately unsafe behavior. Kids these days are steeped in the internet, but also being taught from a very early age about safe practices, and those are lessons that many of their parent's are simply not exposed to until they see some horror story on Dateline. I recently had to inform a friend that it wasn't a good idea to post a full scan of her son's new Drivers License on Facebook, no matter how proud she was of his milestone accomplishment. In a few years when that kid discovers he has outstanding warrants in some other state because his identity has been stolen and somebody was driving around using his License, it wont be his Fault, but it Will be his problem.
Common Sense isn't as Common as people think...
When Winslet posed nude in a screening of Titanic, there was a 8yo instructed by his parents to turn around and not look. Sacramento CA, not the butthole of the US.
Right, so, you personally make sure to lock yourself in an individual cubicle in order to eat?
Vintage computer games and RPG books available. Email me if you're interested.
Meanwhile in Europe nudity is accepted in public ads, billboards, newspapers, etc. and children aren't sheltered from it.
The USA is just full of prudes.
Your sheltered upbringing is showing. Live sex shows (full penetration, various genders, anatomies and species) have been a popular form of entertainment for millennia.
Birds are not dinosaur descendants;birds are dinosaurs, for all useful meanings of "birds", "are" and "dinosaurs"
When Winslet posed nude in a screening of Titanic, there was a 8yo instructed by his parents to turn around and not look. Sacramento CA, not the butthole of the US.
Well that just goes to show you that "progressives" in the US aren't so progressive. :)
I'm in Texas, both my 7 year old daughter and 10 year old son have watched that movie. The parts that I was most worried about was the shooting (both at Kate and the suicide of the officer who shot the passenger), which we paused the movie and talked about.
The boobs? Don't bother me or my kids a bit, I talk to my kids about that sort of stuff and put it thus: "God made us all in his image, naked and perfect. Humans are not perfect and cover up because of emotion, fear, modesty, and other feelings. There is nothing "wrong" or "bad" about a naked person, so long as that person is treated kindly. We're all naked under our clothes."
I don't care what bodily function you're doing, don't let me see it.
While you're welcome to that viewpoint, you aren't likely to get very far. After all, eating is a bodily function.
Just because you want something doesn't mean you're right or that you should get it. Maybe you're a racist. Fine, but that doesn't mean you get to discriminate when you hire people. You live in this thing called society, where we all agree to work together so that we can all live well.
One of those things is respecting a woman's right and need to breastfeed her child without making a big deal out of it.
Sounds like pretty good parenting, it's just a shame you're indoctrinating the kids in your faith... I mean you contradict yourself in the line you feed them; we were made naked and perfect but humans are not perfect - are we not humans?
Have you seen Lord of the Rings? You would take a 13 year old to that?
I saw Aliens and Predator around the age of 7. I was running around blowing up demons in Doom when I was 8. I don't get the issue.
Bodily functions don't bother people, bodily functions that spread disease do. Of course understanding this requires abstract thought from higher level thinking which seems to be lost on many.