Slashdot Asks: What Are Some Insults No Developer Wants To Hear? (infoworld.com)

snydeq writes: Flame wars in the bug tracker might be exactly the right (harsh) feedback your code needs, writes Peter Wayner in his run-down of the insults no programmer wants to hear about their code or coding skills. "The technology world is a bit different than the pretty, coiffed world of suits and salesdroids where everyone is polite, even when they hate your guts and think you're an idiot. Suit-clad managers may smile and hide their real message by the way they say you're doing "great, real great pal," but programmers often speak their minds, and when that mind has something unpleasant to say, look-out, feelings." Instead of posting this story in a click-bait fashion as presented from InfoWorld, we thought we'd ask the developers of Slashdot: What are some insults no developer wants to hear? Some of the classic insults include: N00b, /dev/null, Eye Candy, Fanboi, and [Nothing]. Are there any insults you are familiar with that aren't mentioned in the list?

Comments

"Did you even test this??!!!"

[tonyyeb]

"Yes but as I'm not a moron I never thought of the user story from your perspective..."

Re:"Did you even test this??!!!"

[plover]

"Yes but as I'm not a moron I never thought of the user story from your perspective..."

I hope this was intended as a joke in poor taste.

Something really hard for some developers to understand is that our peer groups are usually not representative of our user base. We're used to hanging around with really bright people, people who apply logic to questions and use evidence to arrive at conclusions. When we forget that not everyone in the world is like that, we assume that everyone who touches our applications is smart, quick, logical, and willing to read instructions. In reality, we should be constantly aware that 50% of our users are literally below average (by definition, not because we think they're "morons".)

That means a lot of attention needs to be paid to User Experience. A few years ago we went through our application and made sure that every screen was at a 5th grade reading level. We made sure our users could be trained on the basic functions, features, and processes in less than half an hour. Error messages have to be focused on correcting the problem, not accusing the users of being "morons" and making a mistake, and not leaving them fearing punishment. And if a person runs into a feature that's difficult, frequently gives them error messages, or that takes them a long time to figure out, it's not their fault that the UI didn't help them. It's the UI that needs work.

Re:"Did you even test this??!!!"

[hendric]

In my view, the kind of people who object to error messages that are complete sentences and contain three-syllable words are the kind of people who won't read any error message under any circumstances, but whatever. "ERR 34: Bad srvc" it is. Choke on it.

*sigh* The error message isn't for that user, it's for the person they call for help.

Re:"Did you even test this??!!!"

[squiggleslash]

They never pass bit on. It's always "I got a 'Software Fatal Error', what do I do?" "Oh, could you tell me what it said?" "Uh, 'Software Fatal Error'", "No, underneath, where it said something like "Error code 1234", "Oh, I didn't see that bit, I just clicked 'Close Program' and called you".

At one point my then employer and I had a great idea, which we never implemented, that we should show pictures with each error message, so the call would go "Hey, I just used your product, and it showed me a picture of a tree and said 'Software Error'", "A tree? Ah, that means you're out of memory. Might mean a memory leak. Can you tell me what you were doing before you saw the tree..."

systemd

[Anonymous Coward]

systemd

Your mom is so fat

[attwo]

the recursive function computing her mass causes a stack overflow.

Biggest insult...

[Lumpy]

Wow this is microsoft quality!

Loss confidence was biggest insult.

[gachunt]

In the 15 years of my professional career, there's only been one day when I didn't want to come to work.

That was the day after the IT department accused me of intentionally crashing their network, and my Director didn't back me up.

That loss of confidence in my integrity was far worse than any spoken word.

Re:Loss confidence was biggest insult.

[davecb]

I resigned from for cause when my management didn't back me up on authenticating a security officer before I discussed our site security with him. The parent company's switchboard, when I called them long-distance on my own nickel, confirmed they had no such person.

ALL OF THEM

[facetube]

What kind of frat-house development shop are you running? These are the people who are going to help make you successful, not some new pledges to haze. Grow. The. Fuck. Up.

My personal favorite

[scunc]

This code is so poorly documented that Donald Trump wants to send it back to Mexico!

Insult no programmer wants to hear:

[fyngyrz]

"You code like a UX designer"

Those are fighting words. :)

Re:Insult no programmer wants to hear:

[xevioso]

Actually, most of the cows I know are outstanding in their field. :-)

Here's one that really gets under their skin

[American AC in Paris]

"Programmers who hurl insults at each other like to think it's because they're honest, no-nonsense efficiency machines that get things done. The reality is that they never bothered to learn how to interact effectively with other human beings, and that deficiency is typically far more detrimental to their professional lives than they realize."

Re:Is this a joke?

[flopsquad]

Now see here, you young whipper snapper I don't know who you think you're deali$

I don't care one bit for your condescending, flippant attitude about line wrapp$

And while I was stapling punch cards to vacuum tubes in the golden age of compu$

I single-handedly rewrote our nuclear missile guidance systems on an 80x24 term$

And the whole time I was with Tim Leary ripped in half on sunshine acid and amy$

Look I'm sorry for what I said earlier about your mother, I just get cranky abo$

Constantly trampling my prize zinnias! And my fescue isn't going to reseed itse$

Jesus they're back, I have to go chase them off while waving a rake in the air.

Re:no news is good news

[BlackPignouf]

Why would that be? Because you're a diva, you think you're the best coder ever and don't have anything to learn anymore? It might hurt your ego?
Grow a pair and accept constructive criticism. I'd take harsh but constructive feedback from Linus anyday, he's one of the most succesful coders on Earth right now. Why wouldn't you want to get some input from him?

Re:no news is good news

[Penguinisto]

Dude, you kidding? I'd *kill* to get some of his time to go over the stuff I write!

Why? Because I'd frickin' *learn* from it, that's why...

Seriously - never fear honest criticism from people who are way better at it than you are.