Return of The Onion

binarydreams writes "Rejoice. The Onion is back with a new edition, after a month's hiatus. During the break they have done a little redesign of the main page. I've got some reading to do. " As always, the Onion brings a smile to my face, along with some belly laughs, and some sort of problem with my digestive system.

Comments

Favorites

[grappler]

You mentioned a few of mine, but here are the rest:

Absolute must-reads:
-Microsoft patents ones, zereos
-Revolutionary New Insoles Combine Five Forms Of Pseudoscience
-98 Homosexual-Recruitment Drive Nearing Goal
-'I Provide Office Solutions,' Says Pitiful Little Man
-Congress Passes Americans With No Abilities Act
-Funny story about this one - I cut it out and left it on my desk at home, which is near the dining room. We had my neighbor over, who is an avid Rush Limbaugh fan and watches C-Span constantly and follows the Drudge report. He saw the article sitting on the desk, with a big color photo of Clinton signing the bill, and had a fit!

Other good ones:
-The Onion's Guide to Human Interaction
-Apple Employee Fired For Thinking Different
-Coca-Cola Introduces New 30-Liter Size
-New Smokable Nicotine Sticks- Can They Help Smokers Quit?
-Heads Need To Be Cracked In!
-Man, This Pepsi Pop-Culture Bottlecap Game Is Fun!
-I Think That Stripper Really Liked Me
-Point-Counterpoint On-The-Job Harassment
-Christ Demands More Money
-American People Ruled Unfit To Govern
-First-Amendment Bug Removed From Bill Of Rights 2.0
-Nation's Educators Alarmed By Poorly Written Teen Suicide Notes
-Vatican Rescinds 'Blessed' Status Of World's Meek- 'Screw The Meek,' Says Pope
-Doctors Find New Way To Prolong Meaningless Existence
-Man Required To Wear Tie Decides It Might As Well Be Wacky

The Onion

[Accipiter]

Regardless of being a parody, The Onion is one of the best journalistic websites on the internet today. The articles (while humorous) are very well written, and add that tinge of humor to make it all around quality. Many "funny" websites try to be TOO funny, but the Onion is different. It gives the feel of a real newspaper, and at the same time delivers a funny slap in the face.

Glad to see 'em back.

-- Give him Head? Be a Beacon?

I don't know if I like the new format

[delmoi]

The text is so smmmaaaaallll..

man, I remember when they first whent on hiatus, it seemed like forever. time moves way to fast, I don't want my summer to end :(
_
"Subtle mind control? Why do all these HTML buttons say 'Submit' ?"

Re:I don't know if I like the new format

[pen]

That's because Internet Explorer displays all HTML text a size larger than Netscape does. A long time ago (when I first discovered this "feature") I said that this was implemented to make pages designed for Explorer (as The Onion was) to be virtally unreadable in Netscape.

According to the previous reply to your post (I did the same thing) they succeeded.

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Re:AWESOME!!

[Skyshadow]

Agreed; one needs to be from Madison to really appreciate all of the humor in the Onion.

Besides, it was cool to have the Onion there all through high school (in the days before the widespread use of the web).

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Re:AWESOME!!

[PollyJean]

I must agree. Living in Madison has spoiled me because I can get the Onion's print version every Wednesday.

The print version has always had more articles than the web version. I believe several major booksellers including Barne$ and Noble carry The Onion nation-wide these days. Though it's published in Madison, WI, it's been available in Chicago & New York for awhile. My point is to suggest that those of you who aren't so fortunate as to live in Mad City go find yourselves a print copy or even subscribe. It's well worth it. Also, try to pick up Our Dumb Century and the book on tape. The Onion staff did all of the voices on the tape, and it's set up like news broadcasts.

I'm getting ready to move away from Madison (unfortunatley), and I'm telling you, I'm shelling out the money to get a subscription. It's the nation's best humor publication. & I'm not only saying that because I was in an issue (I was the Den's Customer of the Week (C.O.W.) The Onion's staff puts your head on a picture of a cow. It made my week that week).

Finally.

[atomly]

I thought that I'd never make it without the Onion. I mean, seriously, it's the funniest stuff on the Internet. I am kind of sad that they don't put *any* extra stuff in the print version that's not on the webpage anymore. Now I feel like I'm wasting my money on my subscription. Still good to have a hardcopy archive, though, since they only archive the really blatantly funny stories... Speaking of which, what is everybody's favorite Onion article? Here are a few of mine.

Keep your fucking shit off my desk
Does this cockring make me look fat?
Ask a gutshot policeman.
Ask Sir Mix-A-Lot
Bantu Tribesman uses modem to crush nut
Evil Genius Gates drops Windows 98 in NY Water Suplly
Bill Gates Grants Self 23(?) Dexterity, 21(?) Charm
RC Cola Celebrates 10th Sale
Study Reveals: Babies are Dumb
GM Halts Production of Neck Belts.
Supercomputer beaten up by more popular computer.
Rwanda gets plant. "It totally ligthens up the place."

These are just off the top of my head, there are a lot more great ones that everybody should read in the archives.

No impact on anything?

[Anonymous Coward]

Yeah, until some thoughtless bastard smashes our atom/universe against some other atom/universe in his particle accelerator. THE SENSELESS SLAUGHTER AT FERMILAB MUST BE STOPPED!


Sincerely,

Ludwig Yamamoto
People For The Ethical Treatment of Atoms

Re:Big fonts in IE

[SimonK]

I've a feeling its even more inoccuous than that. The term 'point' as used in typography in the first place refers to a range of different measurements invented at different times by different people, and withing a few millimeters of each other. None of these corresponds terribly well to pixels, so when the inventors of different GUIs came to choose the sizes for fonts they all lunged in different directions.

Sorry I cannot explain this properly, but someone explained it to me once, and my head exploded.

Re:The Onion... or The Moon?

[crayz]

Well I don't really see it as a problem that /. posts a story you really don't want posted. It shouldn't be any big deal to you.

It annoys me more when they ignore big stories that I'd like to talk about(shuttle launch for one).

I don't really see what you could have said about the aniversary of the moon launch, it's not really an event.

The thing is that "stuff that matters" is fairly inclusive, and I wouldn't mind if they had more news and political type stories(maybe only those that had a special signifigance to nerds, but maybe not). I think it's fairly telling that the stories with the most comments have been ones about Columbine(news, political stuff), and the Iraq bombing(same thing). Obviously people care about those things, why not have more of it?

SCA Seizes Russia!

[fable2112]

That will always be my favorite. *grin*

I wonder if my friendly local Baron bribed them or something ... he's a BIG Onion fan, and we hung out at Borders a couple weeks ago reading Our Dumb Century. Good stuff, BTW.

BTW, if you like political satire, do a net search on "Capitol Steps" and pick up an album or several. Good stuff.

I believe their story goes something like this:

"Well, we were going to do a Christmas pageant, but in all of Washington DC we couldn't find three wise men ... or a virgin."

And it just gets funnier. Of special interest to /.ers would probably be the various incarnations of "Yuppie Love." Oh, and if you ever get the chance to see them live, go for it. They're wonderful. :)

Steven Hawking

[Mr. Me]

Am I the only person who wants a sound file of Steven Hawking (or a sound-alike computer generated voice) saying "Man, that shit would be so fucked up."?
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