Slashdot Mirror
Online Romance - For Good or Evil?
Kitsune Sushi submitted this hot potato: "There have been a few discussions the past few weeks on Slashdot regarding female geeks (probably set into motion at least in part by that Linux Chix article), most of which have been cluttered by a number of "interesting" comments by various males. :) One post that struck me in particular suggested that many male geeks have a hard time finding a romantic interest because their female counterparts are often found in the same place they are: behind their computer monitors. This sort of begs the question: where do most geeks (male or female) most often find their potential partner(s)? Online? Off? Chat rooms? Matchmaker services? University? LUGs? Hmm.. Slashdot..?" What are your experiences with online romances?
"As this notion has so thoroughly sparked my curiosity concerning the subject, any comments on where anyone has looked or what they have tried (and whether or not they have been successful as of yet) would be most welcome. It would certainly be interesting to note whether or not most Slashdotters spend most of their time on a computer, and exactly what seems to "work" for certain people with regards to romance. Perhaps the most interesting aspect of this conversation would be the following question: Has anyone ever met someone online and then moved to wherever they lived so the two of you could be involved in an actual relationship, and did it end up working out for the better?"
... And it's hard to break out of a lifetime's habits of shyness and discomfort around the opposite sex. I don't know why it's like that: when I hang around guys (and female friends) we can joke about and have a good time, but women seem (to me at least) to be fragile, where I have to mind my tongue and where everything I say or do is being evaluated. Paranoia? Most probably. I doubt it's out of fear anymore, more likely it's out of habit. I just have this feeling that I'm quite possibly one of the most peculiar people I've ever met, and have such a wide and varied range of tastes that I'm sure I'd offend any potential SO in one way or another (and have seemed to do so reliably since High School).. I also seem to attract psychos, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that. How about the young lady whom I met at a local tavern who gave me her email address, then after I sent a message, started sending me naked pictures of herself? So, I asked for a date or two and never heard from her again.. Or the gal whom I met in engineering class and would talk with and study with (oh boy, a nerd-girl, imagine my luck!) for months, lunching occasionally, then when I called to ask her out, her boyfriend picked up while he was cooking breakfast (either that or her ass was made of bacon because there was sizzling swine on the other end of that line).. Now am I the bad guy here? Am I reading too much into our lunchtime socializing? I wear deodorant and shower daily, I chew with my mouth closed, I wear clothes that are largely free of holes or stains and tend to be reasonably presentable (if monochromatic).. Am I screwing up the translation of the signals (or lack thereof)? WHERE CAN I FIND THE DOCUMENTATION ON THESE CURSED 'SIGNALS' I KEEP HEARING ABOUT? WHERE'S THE MAN PAGE? WHERE'S THE RFC? WHERE'S THE FAQ??? I'M TRYING TO RTFM!!!! It's enough to put a boy off entirely, and that isn't nearly the start of my pathetic dating career...
;) but it never really seemed particularly fulfilling when it was good, and when it was bad it was so sordid as to throw me off quite thoroughly.
Online? I used to do that in college (on vaxen oh so many years ago
Your Working Boy,
I don't recommend trying to meet women on irc, but if you're really that shy, it isn't all that bad. I've actually met a few really cool women on irc, had a 1 year relationship with one of them. The two women I knew the best weren't "geeks" themselves but get along with the geek personality really well. I have met a number of women from irc who I very much *don't* like, but real life results in the same thing anyway. No big deal.
DO NOT become dependant on online socializing. Thats the way I was about 3 years ago, and even if you hang out with people from irc, it's still generally a depressing life. I still chat on irc a bit, but I don't TRY to meet women online anymore. If I happen upon someone who I really seem to get along with (important note: when you talk with someone online, you only "see" a small part of what they really are...you mind tends to make up the rest of what you think they are) I'll still meet them if possible.
Bottom line: DO NOT BECOME DEPENDANT ON ONLINE SOCIALIZATION!! It's just bad. I think most people here will agree.