Blue-Green Algae Announces IPO

Shturmovik[KGB] writes "Now if *this* ain't bitingly appropriate, I don't know what is! Blue-Green Algae has announced that they will be entering the IPO market. " Algae, aka anabaena, and myself who has a patent on respiration will be entering into a strategic alliance to corner the market on respiration and oxygen. The royalties alone...

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ALG Named in several class action suits

[the eric conspiracy]

After a successful IPO on Wednesday where ALG stock released at an initial IPO price of $9 rocketed to a closing price of $357, resulting in a corporate valuation of $76 billion dollars trading was halted after company representatives revealed the following facts:

1). A stock option plan has left the company with outstanding obligations averaging 10 shares per employee, or 7.6x10^15 shares. This means the company debt exceeds the number of electrons in the sidereal universe.

2). Several class action lawsuits have been filed by various organizations. These are:

A) Friends of the Earth has sued based on the large number of lakes eutrophied by blue-green algea in the northeastern parts of the US.

B) The Sierra Club has sued ALG for environmental pollution resulting from release of various and sundry toxins into the environment including a variety of heptaoxins and cytotoxins.

C). Several species of archea have joined a class action suit for misappropriation of native lands and traditional food resources. Prior to the wanton atmospherical conversion by poisonous oxygen as a result of environmentally neglectful use of photosynthesis, archeabacterial were free to live and roam over the entire face of the earth. Now we are confined to small areas such as undersea volcano vents and hot springs. Never in the history of the planet has genocide, species extinction and ethnic cleansing been conducted on such a scale. Compensation claimed is total reconversion of the Earth's atmosphere a methane base.

D). The US EPA has sued the blue-green algae for massive amounts of oil pollution during the Proterozoic Era. The US EPA claims that it is well known that large ancient oil deposits were formed during that period of time, and we anticipate being able to prove that the amounts of oil formed far exceed those formed in more recent geological periods. The common conception that most oil was formed in recent geologic epochs is just a urban myth.

E.) The NAACA (National Association for the Advancement of Colored Algae) has sued for discrimination. A representative stated "the use of the perjorative term 'blue green algae' is not acceptable to members of the cyanobacteria family that are red or pink pigmented. We are tired of being ignored for our contribution to the earth's atmosphere, and being persecuted under names like the 'red tide'. This discrimination must stop, and politically incorrect names like blue-green algae are not to be tolerated!

you'll never be rich . . .

[jsm2]

Sorry, Hemos. Last I heard, most Fortune 500 CEOs were convinced that Microsoft would come out with something better than respiration, and were holding their breath . . .

jsm