Slashdot Mirror
New Years Resolutions From Assorted Nutcases
Jason Haas from LinuxPPC has the following resolutions: "248x768 @ 85 Hz, Merge my world domination plans with Linus's tree, Kawasaka W650:It will be mine (a Virago would be ok), Restart akido, and mv competition to /dev/null
Jon Katz , Slashdot's favorite gasbag says " I wish for Walt Disney to thaw himself out, climb out of his Cryogenimatronic Vault, show up at Walt Disney World and wreak havoc on the corporate weenies who desecrated EPCOT, his model city of tomorrow. Maybe join with the Seattle protesters and touch off a war against corporatist weenies everywhere. "
Emmett Plant is the latest editorial addition to the Slashdot Authors roster. His resolution is "to start a company called 'EmmettLinux,' which will be responsible for creating no product whatsoever. We will employ a highly-paid staff of fifty people who will show up every day and start throwing money into a furnace. I hope to IPO by March and use the cash to hire 2,000 more moneyburners and open an office in Hong Kong. I will leave soon after, selling all of my stock and retiring to the Bahamas."
Chris J. DiBona , Linux Community Evangelist for VA Linux Systems, President of SVLUG, and Grant Chair for LI, has resolved the following: ".Sleep is high on my list, but I really just like to have more time to read, this year has been pretty hard-core. I'd also like to spend more time learning power supply electronics, dc-dc transformers and such. I'm already pretty good with the digital side of things, but this is a big gap in my knowledge. Can I give more than two? I'd also like a puppy. A puppy with an X10 Cam mounted on its collar so I can put a "puppy cam" online."
Rusty Russell , kernel hacker and mad genius wishes to Learn to cook. Or trade kernel code for food. Or buy a fire extinguisher.
Eric S. Raymond is perhaps better known simply as esr... and if you don't know who he is, well, ouch. He resolves to " Catch up with my email and cut down on my traveling. It's nice to be needed, but 50% time on the road is getting ridiculous..."
Raster aka "That Enlightenment Guy" who is the only living person with more typos than me resolves simply to use procmail to allow more sleep time.
Mandrake resolves "I really need to start taking better care of my body. I haven't really worked out in about a year - and I eat too much garbage (junk food / fast food), and I REALLY need to stop drinking coke. I go through 2liters like most people drink cans of coke. I don't think it'll happen any time soon - but hopefully I'll at least be a little healthier by the end of the year."
Trae McCombs , aka X, aka MC, aka 'That Linux.com guy' resolves to "Learn to eat more foods, Incorporate working out into my lifestyle, Work less than 14hrs a day, Be kinder to others, Listen more, Talk less, Learn to code, Read more, Keep true to my ideals..."
Scott Draeker , the President of Loki Entertainment Software resolves to release a first tier Linux game which is not available for windows. Hard to argue with that one.
Kurt DeMaagd , aka The Pope, aka Rob's Roommate and the BSI number cruncher has the following:
- Combat bimetallism and establish the gold standard for currency.
- Negotiate the DeMaagd-Hay-Pauncefote treaty, allowing the U.S. to unilaterally construct an isthmian canal.
- Establish an American protectorate in Cuba.
- Suppress the Boxer uprising.
Mind you if you look closely at Kurt's resolutions, you might notice that they look strikingly similiar to President William McKinley's adminstration's high points. I'm going to have to up kurts medication.
Illiad , creator of the ever popular User Friendly comic strip says "I resolve to only take responsibility for those choices that I have control over. That means I have to give up on the idea of educating the technically-resistant, the doublespeak-inclined, and the village idiot."
Richard M. Stallman , founder of the Free Software Founding and the GNU Project gave us suggested resolutions for Slashdot readers: They are 1. Do not install any non-free software your computers and 2. Do not buy from Amazon until they stop using software patents for aggression.
CowboyNeal , the man, the myth, the legend. The guy who responds when users can't figure out how to login. The guy who maintains the slashboxes. And the guy who inhabitants the living room in the Geek Compound, resolves that he shall "Shower Every Week, whether I needs it or not." All of the co-workers in this office who have orafactory functionality thank him. It doesn't matter to me much either way.
Jim Jagielski , aka jimjag or jim@apache.org or jim@jaguNET.com, resolves to call sleep(28800) a lot more often.
Nitrozac is the creator of After Y2k... which as best as I can tell means she's about to work herself out of a job. But regardless she says "If civilization manages to hold on to its tenuous existence, I'd like to find a cure for Agalmatophilia, and have others join me to rid the world of this illness that causes so much needless suffering. If civilization crumbles, my Post-Apocalypse Resolution is to learn how to do 16-bead graphics on my abacus, so I can continue the comic. ;-)"
And finally (thank god because my wrists are tired) is Jeff "Hemos" Bates , a man who needs no introduction (but he does need a solid smack to the head).He says "With the coming of El Ano Neuvo, I resolve that I'm going to continue my battle against the dread forces of The Krull Invasion. I think that I might also try to learn some grammar. Per'aps. And maybe I'll learn how to spell a few more words as well".
In cooperation with the Clinton Administration's plea for there to be no hacking incidents on the eve of the new year, I resolve not to take out any of the code I'm working on and improve on it.
I just hope the crackers don't do anything meanspirited tonight. :-)
and I hope it's a satisfying pee too.
(Actually I'm gonna make sure I know vb...)
The price we pay for immortality... is death. Narnia The Great Fall
I've never had a New Year's resolution before, and so I resolve to think up a a good resolution for next year, so I can start the new millenium on a good foot.
:)
Oh, and I won't be *too* smug when speaking to crackpot survivalists who are trying to find the receipts for all the canned food they bought
Dana
After the new year I reslove to crack down and find out what the deal is with this whole Y2K thing. What does it stand for and why does only a couple of elite people know about it? I wish their was some panic attacks about it so I could firgure out what is going on. Y2K; anyone know what this is/does/means?
Secondly I am going to get some high karma. Oh yea, HEY moderator, yea you, jack me up a couple points will ya? Come on Mr. Moderator, it is new years, spead some points this way will ya?
"`Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.'" -THHGTTG
I resolve not to sneak into my neighbour's yard at 12:01 and cut his power, phone and cable lines. I also resolve to stop causing excessive osmosis in my basement.
Hey all,
;)
Well come 2000 I will be of voting age (that's 18 here in England) so things from here can only get interesting
Anyway, resolutions :
1) Sod the world, I've had problems with my happiness, was bullied at school and am now adored at college. So, if you're going to try to piss me off, you're now going to get a slap. I'm not going to take masses of crap from anyone any longer.
2) Love. I am not going to go out with any more girls when I have a feeling in the back of my mind that something's not right. I've been cheated on with every one of these girls that I've had doubts about. No more.
3) Work. I know that I am good at music and computing. When I work at it I can do amazing things. The time has now come where I'm going to stop being so bloody lazy and make myself into the person I know I am.
These are my big three which I know I can achieve... number three is certainly going to be an interesting challenge, but I know that deep down, I *can* do it.
Working harder next year so I can afford more coke.
Doing more coke next year so I can work harder.
Working harder next year so I can afford even more coke.
Doing even more coke so I can work even harder.
Working harder than ever....
So, in Spanish, there is a rather big difference between an n with a tilde over it and one without.
I assume Hemos was talking about the new year, not a new ass.
Of course, I've heard the stories about the Slashdot compound...
Starting this year in 99, I'll be using 4 digit years in all my coding in 00 and beyond.
_________________________
Hemos, Hemos, Hemos,...
You must remember to put the tilde in your new years resolution and learn to spell.
El Ano Neuvo == The Neuvo anal sphinchter.
El Año Nuevo == The New Year
I hereby resolve to actually install Linux on my Dual Pentium box and actually do something useful with it as opposed to being a big weany and just tell everyone that I've already done it...
for stealing my nick! :)
Happy new year, whenever it hits ya!
Pope
It doesn't mean much now, it's built for the future.
1024 by 768. And "Kawasaki". Embarrasing, considering I'm always fixing other people's spellings. ;p
-- haaz.
Subject: Y2K
"Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change.
We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y2K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect your new standards: Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December As well as: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak
I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this "Y to K" problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible. And what does the year 2000 have to do with it?
Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00? We'll await your direction
_________________________
He didn't say "Post-Colombine Era" or anything!
Check out Cookwise by Shirley Corriher. Truly a Geek cookbook -- no it doesn't have recipes for Coke and Hoho casserole, it's just the kind of cookbook that Julia Child would have written if she had a degree in chemistry (in fact, Shirley is who Julia calls when she can't get a recipie to work).
She goes behind the lore to the science of cooking; down to the chemical and physical properties of the ingredients. As a result, not only are the recipies unusually reliable, but relatively simple for the results you get.
Amaze your mom with hard boiled eggs with yolks that stay as yellow as butter! Make grandma envious of your incomparable pie crusts! Win the heart of that gal down in accounting with chocolate cakes that equal or exceed those from the fanciest bakery!
Remember: Knowledge is Power; Science is Knowlege; and Cooking is Science.
Good luck, and have fun!
Post may contain irony: discontinue use if experiencing mood swings, nausea or elevated blood pressure.
I resolve to boycott any product with the number 2000, Y2K, or millennium (or any "clever" variations on the words) in its title.
Exceptions are 1. a calendar. 2. If Apple starts adding year numbers to its machine lineup since there isn't much other way to tell a spring 1999 powerbook from a fall 1999 powerbook except for the keyboard color. i.e. user says I have a Powerbook G3, Admin asks "original, bronze keyboard, or [whatever distinguishes the next version]?"
Using SwitchRes, I can do 640x780 on a PowerTower. I have no idea why it works, but it's a legal resolution on the MacOS. Weird.
Pope
It doesn't mean much now, it's built for the future.
Well, when I left work, I had to throw the switch. Or else no one would go home. "I need to go to a party, so everyone get out!" Seven substations and an electric buggy to drive between them, click, click, click, click, click, click, turn off the emergency firepump, click. Have a happy new year!
I resolve that, my copule hundred line todo list will shrink. I shall transform it from a fantasy document containing tasks that would take me but one caffeine motivated evening yet have remained unfulfilled for years on end, into a lean, mean, "cool shit I haven't yet put onto my killboard" machine. (As such, I now have a ridiculously massive list of resolutions. Great.)
I resolve that, I will care despite the pressure not to, and plunge forward in face of the obvious risk.
I resolve to be less surprised by life making literary sense. Foreshadow this!
I resolve that I shall watch more of the Simpsons, and share in the tragic truth that only an animated show can so skewer so many disturbing aspects of society and still get away with it.
I resolve that I will somehow meet this "CowboyNeal" guy that Rob keeps beating on.
I resolve to learn about such modern concepts as "responsibility", "professionality", and "security through inebriation".
I resolve to end this list.
Yours Truly,
Dan Kaminsky
DoxPara Research
http://www.doxpara.com
a) keep an eye on SourceForge
b) help out with WorldForge (no relation)
c) finish the G27 gigs page
d) actually finish any project that I start
e) quit smoking again (cigs that is)
f) keep at least one of my new year's resolutions this year.
numb
Moderate this down as flamebait, but my New Years resolution is to stop being a Karma Whore.
I know this is going to get moderated as a troll, but I intend to be an even bigger Karma Whore this year. I'm going to take the suggestion from the howto and continue pretending to be insightful. In addition I will pretend to be interesting, funny, informative, on-topic, and maybe even underrated if I can figure out how.
numb
Starting this year in 99, I'll be using 4 digit years in all my coding in 00 and beyond.
I'm going to start using single digit years. At least for checks and stuff like that. I figure each time I have to write out a date over the next 10 years I can save my self the effort of writing an unnecessary zero.
So, as of tomorrow the date is 1/1/0 as far as I'm concerned.
numb
Moderate that one up!
I've stopped eating at Burger King since they nabbed the Pokèmon contract.
On a related note:
I'm compiling a list of standard units.. football fields, breadboxes, Niagara Fallses, cow-skeletonization minutes, Encyclopediae Brittanica(sp?), Empire State buildings, and anything else that people frequently use as a basis for comparison.
I'm thinking of adding "y2k" as the standard unit of hype, newsmedia-terrorism, consumer foolishness, and general bogosity.
Umm Walt Disney was cremated and the ashes buried at Forest Lawn.
Quit pushing the urban legend. You might have the forces of the United Magic Kingdom after you...again.
hehe
As I have the misfortune to be on site at 1am GMT on January 1st this year, I have resolved to take 4 bottles of Moet & Chandon in to work with me for 3 reasons.
1: If all goes well, no y2k problems occur and I can relax reading a book and sipping on my champagne to celebrate 3 years of effective y2k compliancy testing.
2: If all goes wrong, I want to be in a suitably inebriated state before explaining to the MD of a large railway company why he can't sell any tickets on January 1st as the servers are down.
3: If I can't get a train ticket home in the afternoon, I might as well stay in London and get drunk!!
My other resolutions are as follows:
1: Complete all 4 Tomb Raiders in one session without having to save, eat, drink, sleep or smoke.
2: Following the luctrative nature of the industry this year, I intend to mail all of my customers and the media to alert them of the little known "true millennium bug" when the new millennium actually starts on January 1st 2001. Hopefully the media will hype this to extreme levels and I can retire next year having charged the equivilant of the national debt of Uzbekistan simply to run scripts and putt little "true millennium compliant" stickers on everything I see.
3: Convince my mother that my job title is actually "Network Architect" in the hope she stops telling her friends her son "works in computers"
4: Invite all my co-workers round to watch "Wargames" yet again while talking about the "good old days" of 8" floppy disks, gopher and 300 baud accoustic cups connectic to such wonderful equipment as Dragons, Apricots and my all time favorite, the Commodore Pet.
5: Sneer at everyone who has not yet installed Gigabit Ethernet in their appartment purely to play Quake III with fellow nerds.
Philosopher (n) - a wise person who is calm and rational; someone who lives a life of reason with equanimity
Bah! All you people admitting your fallacies. To paraphrase Calvin:
I don't need to make any New Year's resolutions. I'm perfect. It's everyone else that needs to change.
Good luck meeting yours. I've already met mine.
This will be moderated down, but is it not true that the most effective tool against negative moderation is saying "This will moderated down, but...". ESR could be answering questions in the forum and a poster with a login could ask him what the fsck he was thinking when he wrote that piece of crap "Cathedral and Bazaar" and he wouldn't get moderated down if he used the special "This will be moderated down, but..." This will be moderated down, but keep that in mind next time you want to post about Natalie Portman.
I resolve to become a better person; sociable, kind, nice-smelling, considerate, polite, and above all, gain programming skills that can assist those in need!
I also resolve to be SO drunk tonight that I won't remember these resolutions in the morning. (:
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"You can't shake the Devil's hand and say you're only kidding."
e) quit smoking again (cigs that is)
As opposed to myself. I resolve to quit smoking, because it tends to char my clothes, and people tell me the smell of burned flesh is not attractive. Heck, even getting my extremities lit so I can smoke is getting difficult, as I've burned off all my fingers now. (I'm typing this with my nose.)
dragonhawk@iname.microsoft.com
I do not like Microsoft. Remove them from my email address.
... is 800x600 unfortunately until I get a new monitor. :(
-- iCEBaLM
Wesley Crusher, report to airlock 3.
...phil
...phil
"For a list of the ways which technology has failed to improve our quality of life, press 3."
Nitrozac: "If civilization manages to hold on to its tenuous existence, I'd like to find a cure for Agalmatophilia, and have others join me to rid the world of this illness that causes so much needless suffering. "
:) And she's French Canadian too ... yumm
agalmatophilia: a fictional paraphilia, not yet observed as a syndrome, in which the sexuoerotic stimulus is a nude statue or model of a human being [from Greek, agalma, image + -philia]. Synonyms, statuophilia; Pygmalionism. See also pictophilia.
I'm am so glad Nitrozac is going to rid us of the "Naked/Petrified" people
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Internet Explorer (n): Another bug -- that is, a feature that can't be turned off -- in Windows.
Stop installing one piece of software a day from freshmeat.
/usr/local/src looks like I'm donating bandwidth as a CVS repository for hundreds of projects!
But that's whats keeping the HD companies afloat!
Seriously though. Over the course of six months of 'cool new thing on FM, better install it', I've managed to shrink my 9 Gb of free space on the root volume to six. My
Oh, yeah. My New Years resolution is to curb my addictions; I'm up to two packs of Lucky Strike and about four+ pots of coffee. I'm shooting for one pack of cigarettes and two pots of joe, 'cuz I'm not terribly sure my stress level will permit any further concession.
.sig: Now legally binding!
WTF are "hot grits" anyway?
i dunno. ask bub.
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"Rex unto my cleeb, and thou shalt have everlasting blort." - Zorp 3:16
Sacred cows make the best burgers.
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"Rex unto my cleeb, and thou shalt have everlasting blort." - Zorp 3:16
Sacred cows make the best burgers.