From the safety information card in America West Airline seat pocket:
"If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell a crew member."
On a Tennessee highway:
"Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
In a Florida maternity ward:
"No children allowed."
A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago:
"Do not activate with wet hands."
In a laundry room:
"Do not put wet clothes in dryers, as this can cause irreparable damage."
In a Budapest zoo:
"Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
"Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
(This one is not really a warning sign, but perhaps it should be?)
"We take your bags and send them in all directions."
In a Bangkok temple:
"It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man."
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
"The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."
In a Tokyo Hotel:
"Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis."
On a blanket from Taiwan:
"Not to be used as protection from a tornado."
On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists:
"Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you."
On a Taiwanese shampoo:
"Use repeatedly for severe damage."
On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink:
"After opening, keep upright."
On a New Zealand insect spray:
"This product not tested on animals."
In a US guide to setting up a new computer:
"To avoid condensation forming, allow the boxes to warm up to room temperature before opening."
(Sensible enough I guess, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids:
"Lie down on bed and insert Poscool slowly up to the projected portion like a sword-guard into anal duct. While inserting Poscool for approximately 5 minutes, keep quiet."
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles:
"Open other end."
On a packet of Sunmaid raisins:
"Why not try tossing over your favourite breakfast cereal?"
On a Sears hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions - Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box):
"Do not turn upside down."
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
On a Korean kitchen knife:
"Warning: Keep out of children."
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning - Contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
"Fits one head."
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine:
"Do not drive car or operate machinery."
On Nytol sleep aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
Slashdot Mirror
Here is how: Add it all up.
In summary: It's not "it's", it's "its".
"So long, and thanks for all the sugar."
That's the good thing about dupe posts; you get to improve on your jokes!
7 &cid=16513113
http://science.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=20168
Q: So how are you going to implement this change to the metric system?
NASA: We will do it inch by inch.
From the safety information card in America West Airline seat pocket: "If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell a crew member."
On a Tennessee highway: "Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."
A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago: "Do not activate with wet hands."
In a laundry room: "Do not put wet clothes in dryers, as this can cause irreparable damage."
In a Budapest zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: (This one is not really a warning sign, but perhaps it should be?) "We take your bags and send them in all directions."
In a Bangkok temple: "It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man."
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."
In a Tokyo Hotel: "Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis."
On a blanket from Taiwan: "Not to be used as protection from a tornado."
On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists: "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you."
On a Taiwanese shampoo: "Use repeatedly for severe damage."
On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink: "After opening, keep upright."
On a New Zealand insect spray: "This product not tested on animals."
In a US guide to setting up a new computer: "To avoid condensation forming, allow the boxes to warm up to room temperature before opening." (Sensible enough I guess, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids: "Lie down on bed and insert Poscool slowly up to the projected portion like a sword-guard into anal duct. While inserting Poscool for approximately 5 minutes, keep quiet."
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles: "Open other end."
On a packet of Sunmaid raisins: "Why not try tossing over your favourite breakfast cereal?"
On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions - Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box): "Do not turn upside down."
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
On a Korean kitchen knife: "Warning: Keep out of children."
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning - Contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: "Fits one head."
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine: "Do not drive car or operate machinery."
On Nytol sleep aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."