Combine high volume, unreliable software and a toy database with the often-demonstrated technical incompetence of the staff and you have the disaster that is Slashdot.
Mr. Praline : The command line don't enter into it. It's stone dead!
Owner : Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
Mr. Praline : All right then, if he's resting, I'll wake him up!
(shouting at the system tower)
'Ello, Demon! Mister Demon OS! I've got a lovely fresh OC-3 for you if you wake up, Mr. Demon OS...
(owner hits the monitor)
Owner : There, he moved!
Mr. Praline : No, he didn't, that was you pushing the monitor!
Owner : I never!!
Mr. Praline : Yes, you did!
Owner : I never, never....
(He pulls the hard disk out of the box and screams into it.)
Mr. Praline : 'ELLO DEEEEEEMMMOOONN BEEE-ESSSSS-DEEEEE! DEMON OS! WAKE UP!
(He bangs the disk against the store counter, horribly hard.)
TESTIIIING! TESTIIIING! THIS IS YOUR NINE-O' CLOCK ALARM CALL!
(He does it again, harder.)
BEEE-ESSSSS-DEEEEE!
(He tosses it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor. Longish pause.)
Now that's what I call a dead OS.
Owner : No, no.... No, he's stunned.
Mr. Praline : STUNNED?
Owner : Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! FreeBSDs stun easily, major.
Mr. Praline : Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That OS is definitely deceased, and when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of market share was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long download.
Owner : Well, he's... he's, ah... probably pining for the fjords.
(Praline looks angrily back and forth, stuttering.)
Mr. Praline : PININ' for the FJORDS? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
Owner : The FreeBSD prefers kippin' on its back! Remarkable OS, isn't it, guv, eh? Lovely command line!
Mr. Praline : (coldly) Look, I took the liberty of examining that OS when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on the hard disk in the first place was that it had been WRITE PROTECTED there.
(pause)
Owner : Well, of course it was write protected there! If I hadn't write protected that OS down, it would have nuzzled up to the ethernet card, hacked its way out with its little trident, and VOOM!
Mr. Praline : "VOOM?"
(Praline puts the system down and take the hard disk into his hands.)
Mr. Praline : Look matey, this OS wouldn't "voom" if you put four thousand volts through it! It's bleedin' demised!
Owner : It's not! I-It's pining!
Mr. Praline : It's not pinin,' it's passed on! This OS is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! This is a late OS! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't write protected him to the disk he would be pushing up the daisies! Its active processes are of interest only to historians! It's hopped the twig! It's shuffled off this mortal coil! It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This.... is an EX-OS!
You don't need to be a Kreskin to predict the future of *BSD-is-dead posts. The hand writing is on the wall: *BSD-is-dead posts face a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for *BSD-is-dead posts because *BSD-is-dead posts are dying. Things are looking very bad for *BSD-is-dead posts. As many of us are already aware, *BSD-is-dead posts continues to lose posting share. Red ink flows like a river of blood. FreeBSD-is-dead is the most endangered of them all.
Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.
*BSD-is-dead leader Anonymous Coward states that there are 50 posters of HotGritsDownMyPants. How many posters of PortmanPetrifiedAndNaked are there? Let's see. The number of HotGritsDownMyPants posts versus PortmanPetrifiedAndNaked posts on Slashdork is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 50/5 = 10 PortmanPetrifiedAndNaked posts. A recent article put *BSD-is-dead at about 80 percent of the troll market. Therefore there are (50+10)*4 = 240 *BSD-is-dead-posters. This is consistent with the number of *BSD-is-dead posts.
All major surveys show that *BSD-is-dead posts have steadily declined in market share. *BSD-is-dead posters are very sick and their long term survival prospects are very dim. If *BSD-is-dead posters are to survive at all it will be by remaining the anonymous cowards that they are. *BSD-is-dead posters continue to decay. Their teeth are falling out. They fail to bathe. Nothing short of a miracle could get them laid at this point in time. They do not contribute to the gene pool. For all practical purposes, *BSD-is-dead posters are dead.
LVM = linux's is shitty, and has a habit of toasting disks
HA = linux equivants are a joke. Ever work with an SP cluster?
SMIT = linuxconf is a toy, and a bad one at that
ODM = can be argued both ways
AFS = OpenAFS is not ready for primetime
NFS = remember not to try using version 3!
I suggest trying OS's that you bash.
How could they do that?
on
IBM Wants Linux
·
· Score: 1, Troll
They would have to put up with the primadonna Linux kernel "community".
Who has the time to deal with people who demand one page patches only to the most bloated kernel in OS history.
Re:This sounds like...[slightly OT]
on
IBM Wants Linux
·
· Score: 2
I agree with you completely. SMIT is the best Unix admin tool ever. Period. It is great to be able to get more complex tasks that you seldom perform done quickly. (Plus it logs the command-line for you)
The other vendors are supporting Linux in prefrence to their own Unices because they can't afford to maintain them. SGI simply cannot afford to develop IRIX.
I would like to take this opportunity to post some useful information.
The installation of cameras such as these pose a much greater threat to our freedom than laws designed to stop pirates of computer games, movies and cds. Morons will whine about crackdowns on Napster, but do nothing about cameras in the streets. Here's an example of fascism in action.
Motorists vent fury on speed cameras
By Athalie Matthews
(Filed: 20/08/2001)
FOUR speed cameras on the same stretch of road are bearing the brunt of public resentment at the nationwide crackdown on speeding.
The devices, which are on a 15-mile stretch of the A40 in Gloucestershire where there is a 60mph limit, have been vandalised in recent months by motorists furious at the growing number of cameras lurking on Britain's roads, police believe.
Three of the cameras - at Andoversford, Northleach and Little Barrington - have apparently been rammed by vehicles, while a fourth, at Burford, has had its pole bent using a rope or chain.
A spokesman for Gloucestershire police said: "There can be no doubt that these cameras were deliberately wrecked so we are probably looking for motorists who regularly use this stretch of road and have had enough."
The attacks on the four cameras, which have left the taxpayer with a bill of about £40,000, are the latest in a string of incidents in which drivers have vented their fury at the proliferation of "big brother" technology on the roadside.
It has emerged that motorists may soon face fines for breaking the speed limit by as little as five miles per hour. Ministers are thought to be considering reprogramming cameras to lower the speed at which they are prompted to flash.
There is nothing more dangerous than a powerful idealists. Idealism has a tendency to shift when the original ideas don't work as planned.
There's a book called "The Power Broker" by Robert Caro that describes a similar man named Robert Moses. He started out as a incorruptable reformer but finished his long career as a utterly corrupt power-mad maniac. (He virtually ruled New York State for 50 years without ever being elected.)
The compression test thing actually gzips the comment and checks the size difference to see if it matches the expected compression for text. This more than anything says that the slashdot coders are idiots. This is the dumbest way I have ever heard of to do textual analysis. Maybe if Taco would bother to learn some information theory before flailing away in Perl, we might not have to deal with such stupidity.
Figured I'd post this again, since it is on-topic and true.
A long, long time ago
I can still remember
How the trollers used to make me smile
And I knew if I had to boast
That I could try to get first post
And maybe I'd be happy for a while
But moderators made me shiver
With every minus they'd deliver
DoS scripts couldn't stop it
They scored them all "Offtopic"
I know that it's cheap crack they smoke
And meta-moderation's broke
At first I thought it was a joke
The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
Bye, bye, MEEPTy, OOG, and Grits guy
Drove the Cruiser like some loser who starts posts with a *sigh*
Those Steve Woston posts that we all knew were a lie
Wonder what became of girls petrified?
What became of girls petrified?
--
Did you write a bunch of Perl?
And did it make you want to hurl
Feces at the Wall?
Can you believe these lame-ass polls?
Do you post big stretched-out assholes?
Can you make the goatse.cx link not show?
Well I know you think that Siggy sucked
Will the real Bruce Perens please stand up?
The bots don't have a clue.
Man, I dig those trolls from Shoe!
I was a rabid Free Speech advocate
With a Red Hat T-shirt and a Free Beer gut
Bought my Sony laptop working Pizza Hut
The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
It's been two years since the IPO
And LNUX sinks to all-time lows
But that's not how it used to be
When Spiral showed how it was done
Trolling as Jon Erikson
Who worked for NPO Technologies
Oh and while they tried to filter posts
Somebody rooted Slashdot's host
"Crack Slashdot? That's absurd!"
Better go change your password
While JonKatz wrote a Hellmouth book
By using posts he simply took
And we flamed him till he was cooked
The day that trolltalk died
And we were singin....
-- Chorus --
10 grams. Inchfan. Didn't log out. Goddamn
The mods will find the sid real soon, man
You can't hide if you aren't AC
Your bud (George here) tried BSD
A dead Streetlawyer's tips were free
And WIPO helped letsriot turn Nazi
70 made his percents up
While 80md warned "liberals suck"
The moon does not exist
It's just a liberal myth
Oh and as Taco tried to take a nap
We forced him to invoke bitchslaps
Do you recall the flood of crap
The day that trolltalk died?
We started singin....
-- Chorus --
Oh and then we were wearing out "All your base"
And started posting monospace
The better for our penis birds
So come on, be a zealot, be a dick
You don't think Anne Marie's a chick?
Because lying's all we do about HURD
So go and push for BSD
And say GPL isn't free
Slow down, cowboy! The limit
Is one post every minute
Now tell the right wing facist slime
Infringing on Your Rights Online
That they can't censor all the time
The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
I met a troll they called The Rev
And asked him if CD BREAK HEAD
He said, "That's old. Get over it."
And with all the courage I could muster
"Imagine what a Beowulf cluster...."
But it wasn't worth the trouble to submit
The karma caps are just plain jive
And everyone's moved to K5
The steelcage has grown rusted
And Geekizoid is busted
The three sites I don't see for weeks
Segfault, kernel, Comp-u-geek
Code is not art. This ain't Freshmeat
The day that trolltalk died
In other words, instead of reading some redbooks or, heaven forbid, the DB2 manual, you spent all that time migrating an application to a totally different platform!
Your DBA was running around tweaking all day because he was supporting a poorly designed application that was completely unoptimized.
Because so many developers have a notion (prominently displayed in this story) that "SQL is SQL" many apps running on a database run horribly inefficient queries that bog the database down.
Studies have consistently found that80-90% of database tuning needs to take place in the application. The database tuning portion mainly consists of tweaking memory and parallel query options.
Slashdot Mirror
Slashdot is a pretty big volume website.
Combine high volume, unreliable software and a toy database with the often-demonstrated technical incompetence of the staff and you have the disaster that is Slashdot.
Please do the world a favor and hack off your balls with a meat cleaver, that way there is absolutely no chance of you reproducing.
BSD is NOT dying!
;)
Mr. Praline : 'Ello. I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner has his back to the register and does not respond.)
Mr. Praline : 'Ello, Miss?
Owner : (turning around, very angry) What do you mean, "miss"?
Mr. Praline : I'm sorry, I have a cold.
(The owner nods, understanding.)
Mr. Praline : I wish to make a complaint!
Owner : (hurriedly) Sorry, we're closin' for lunch...!
Mr. Praline : Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this OS, what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Owner : Oh yes, the, ah, the FreeBSD... What's, ah... W-what's wrong with it?
Mr. Praline : I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.
Owner : No, no, 'e's ah... he's resting.
Mr. Praline : Look, matey, I know a dead OS when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Owner : No no, h-he's not dead, he's, he's restin'!
Mr. Praline : Restin'?
Owner : Y-yeah, restin.' Remarkable OS, the FreeBSD, isn't it, eh? Beautiful command line!
Mr. Praline : The command line don't enter into it. It's stone dead!
Owner : Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
Mr. Praline : All right then, if he's resting, I'll wake him up!
(shouting at the system tower)
'Ello, Demon! Mister Demon OS! I've got a lovely fresh OC-3 for you if you wake up, Mr. Demon OS...
(owner hits the monitor)
Owner : There, he moved!
Mr. Praline : No, he didn't, that was you pushing the monitor!
Owner : I never!!
Mr. Praline : Yes, you did!
Owner : I never, never....
(He pulls the hard disk out of the box and screams into it.)
Mr. Praline : 'ELLO DEEEEEEMMMOOONN BEEE-ESSSSS-DEEEEE! DEMON OS! WAKE UP!
(He bangs the disk against the store counter, horribly hard.)
TESTIIIING! TESTIIIING! THIS IS YOUR NINE-O' CLOCK ALARM CALL!
(He does it again, harder.)
BEEE-ESSSSS-DEEEEE!
(He tosses it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor. Longish pause.)
Now that's what I call a dead OS.
Owner : No, no.... No, he's stunned.
Mr. Praline : STUNNED?
Owner : Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! FreeBSDs stun easily, major.
Mr. Praline : Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That OS is definitely deceased, and when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of market share was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long download.
Owner : Well, he's... he's, ah... probably pining for the fjords.
(Praline looks angrily back and forth, stuttering.)
Mr. Praline : PININ' for the FJORDS? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
Owner : The FreeBSD prefers kippin' on its back! Remarkable OS, isn't it, guv, eh? Lovely command line!
Mr. Praline : (coldly) Look, I took the liberty of examining that OS when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on the hard disk in the first place was that it had been WRITE PROTECTED there.
(pause)
Owner : Well, of course it was write protected there! If I hadn't write protected that OS down, it would have nuzzled up to the ethernet card, hacked its way out with its little trident, and VOOM!
Mr. Praline : "VOOM?"
(Praline puts the system down and take the hard disk into his hands.)
Mr. Praline : Look matey, this OS wouldn't "voom" if you put four thousand volts through it! It's bleedin' demised!
Owner : It's not! I-It's pining!
Mr. Praline : It's not pinin,' it's passed on! This OS is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! This is a late OS! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't write protected him to the disk he would be pushing up the daisies! Its active processes are of interest only to historians! It's hopped the twig! It's shuffled off this mortal coil! It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This.... is an EX-OS!
(pause)
Owner : Well, I'd better replace it, then.
-------------
Sorry folks. Couldn't resist!
You don't need to be a Kreskin to predict the future of *BSD-is-dead posts. The hand writing is on the wall: *BSD-is-dead posts face a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for *BSD-is-dead posts because *BSD-is-dead posts are dying. Things are looking very bad for *BSD-is-dead posts. As many of us are already aware, *BSD-is-dead posts continues to lose posting share. Red ink flows like a river of blood. FreeBSD-is-dead is the most endangered of them all.
Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.
*BSD-is-dead leader Anonymous Coward states that there are 50 posters of HotGritsDownMyPants. How many posters of PortmanPetrifiedAndNaked are there? Let's see. The number of HotGritsDownMyPants posts versus PortmanPetrifiedAndNaked posts on Slashdork is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 50/5 = 10 PortmanPetrifiedAndNaked posts. A recent article put *BSD-is-dead at about 80 percent of the troll market. Therefore there are (50+10)*4 = 240 *BSD-is-dead-posters. This is consistent with the number of *BSD-is-dead posts.
All major surveys show that *BSD-is-dead posts have steadily declined in market share. *BSD-is-dead posters are very sick and their long term survival prospects are very dim. If *BSD-is-dead posters are to survive at all it will be by remaining the anonymous cowards that they are. *BSD-is-dead posters continue to decay. Their teeth are falling out. They fail to bathe. Nothing short of a miracle could get them laid at this point in time. They do not contribute to the gene pool. For all practical purposes, *BSD-is-dead posters are dead.
How long will that continue?
Hotmail will not be free for long and other mail providers are dropping like flies.
Yahoo will not exist in 3 years.
How about three?
Windows NT
AIX
VMS
there's plenty of things to bash aix about, like the crappy library support and default security settings (root can login by default)
the aix disk/io system is not the thing to bash, particulary in comparison to linux.
Haha. You funny.
LVM = linux's is shitty, and has a habit of toasting disks
HA = linux equivants are a joke. Ever work with an SP cluster?
SMIT = linuxconf is a toy, and a bad one at that
ODM = can be argued both ways
AFS = OpenAFS is not ready for primetime
NFS = remember not to try using version 3!
I suggest trying OS's that you bash.
They would have to put up with the primadonna Linux kernel "community".
Who has the time to deal with people who demand one page patches only to the most bloated kernel in OS history.
I agree with you completely. SMIT is the best Unix admin tool ever. Period. It is great to be able to get more complex tasks that you seldom perform done quickly. (Plus it logs the command-line for you)
The other vendors are supporting Linux in prefrence to their own Unices because they can't afford to maintain them. SGI simply cannot afford to develop IRIX.
I'm writing this from a IBM RS/6000 workstation running AIX 4.3.3.
It's plenty fast, and much easier to work with than Linux in general. Sysback alone makes it worth buying the expensive hardware.
I would like to take this opportunity to post some useful information.
The installation of cameras such as these pose a much greater threat to our freedom than laws designed to stop pirates of computer games, movies and cds. Morons will whine about crackdowns on Napster, but do nothing about cameras in the streets. Here's an example of fascism in action.
Motorists vent fury on speed cameras
By Athalie Matthews
(Filed: 20/08/2001)
FOUR speed cameras on the same stretch of road are bearing the brunt of public resentment at the nationwide crackdown on speeding.
The devices, which are on a 15-mile stretch of the A40 in Gloucestershire where there is a 60mph limit, have been vandalised in recent months by motorists furious at the growing number of cameras lurking on Britain's roads, police believe.
Three of the cameras - at Andoversford, Northleach and Little Barrington - have apparently been rammed by vehicles, while a fourth, at Burford, has had its pole bent using a rope or chain.
A spokesman for Gloucestershire police said: "There can be no doubt that these cameras were deliberately wrecked so we are probably looking for motorists who regularly use this stretch of road and have had enough."
The attacks on the four cameras, which have left the taxpayer with a bill of about £40,000, are the latest in a string of incidents in which drivers have vented their fury at the proliferation of "big brother" technology on the roadside.
It has emerged that motorists may soon face fines for breaking the speed limit by as little as five miles per hour. Ministers are thought to be considering reprogramming cameras to lower the speed at which they are prompted to flash.
Give me a break.
Stallman is all for 'freedom' -- on his terms.
There is nothing more dangerous than a powerful idealists. Idealism has a tendency to shift when the original ideas don't work as planned.
There's a book called "The Power Broker" by Robert Caro that describes a similar man named Robert Moses. He started out as a incorruptable reformer but finished his long career as a utterly corrupt power-mad maniac. (He virtually ruled New York State for 50 years without ever being elected.)
I suggest that the submitter use the money he saves buying cheap computer shit to purchace some rat poison and a gun.
Eat the rat poison and shoot yourself.
Are you on crack?
Who the fuck would pay for this shit.
Nobody.
The compression test thing actually gzips the comment and checks the size difference to see if it matches the expected compression for text. This more than anything says that the slashdot coders are idiots. This is the dumbest way I have ever heard of to do textual analysis. Maybe if Taco would bother to learn some information theory before flailing away in Perl, we might not have to deal with such stupidity.
Figured I'd post this again, since it is on-topic and true.
Caldera is not trying to take over anything. SCO is a company that has been dying for many, many years.
They are simply trying to stave off the ultimate fall, much like Silicon Graphics.
Great solution!
How many years has NFS v3 been around anyway?? Why would linux need to support such a thing.
If many eyes aren't looking at every inch of the kernel, open source is worse than commerical software.
A great example is the Linux implementation of PAM, which is a complete and utter joke.
A long, long time ago
I can still remember
How the trollers used to make me smile
And I knew if I had to boast
That I could try to get first post
And maybe I'd be happy for a while
But moderators made me shiver
With every minus they'd deliver
DoS scripts couldn't stop it
They scored them all "Offtopic"
I know that it's cheap crack they smoke
And meta-moderation's broke
At first I thought it was a joke
The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
Bye, bye, MEEPTy, OOG, and Grits guy
Drove the Cruiser like some loser who starts posts with a *sigh*
Those Steve Woston posts that we all knew were a lie
Wonder what became of girls petrified?
What became of girls petrified?
--
Did you write a bunch of Perl?
And did it make you want to hurl
Feces at the Wall?
Can you believe these lame-ass polls?
Do you post big stretched-out assholes?
Can you make the goatse.cx link not show?
Well I know you think that Siggy sucked
Will the real Bruce Perens please stand up?
The bots don't have a clue.
Man, I dig those trolls from Shoe!
I was a rabid Free Speech advocate
With a Red Hat T-shirt and a Free Beer gut
Bought my Sony laptop working Pizza Hut
The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
It's been two years since the IPO
And LNUX sinks to all-time lows
But that's not how it used to be
When Spiral showed how it was done
Trolling as Jon Erikson
Who worked for NPO Technologies
Oh and while they tried to filter posts
Somebody rooted Slashdot's host
"Crack Slashdot? That's absurd!"
Better go change your password
While JonKatz wrote a Hellmouth book
By using posts he simply took
And we flamed him till he was cooked
The day that trolltalk died
And we were singin....
-- Chorus --
10 grams. Inchfan. Didn't log out. Goddamn
The mods will find the sid real soon, man
You can't hide if you aren't AC
Your bud (George here) tried BSD
A dead Streetlawyer's tips were free
And WIPO helped letsriot turn Nazi
70 made his percents up
While 80md warned "liberals suck"
The moon does not exist
It's just a liberal myth
Oh and as Taco tried to take a nap
We forced him to invoke bitchslaps
Do you recall the flood of crap
The day that trolltalk died?
We started singin....
-- Chorus --
Oh and then we were wearing out "All your base"
And started posting monospace
The better for our penis birds
So come on, be a zealot, be a dick
You don't think Anne Marie's a chick?
Because lying's all we do about HURD
So go and push for BSD
And say GPL isn't free
Slow down, cowboy! The limit
Is one post every minute
Now tell the right wing facist slime
Infringing on Your Rights Online
That they can't censor all the time
The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
I met a troll they called The Rev
And asked him if CD BREAK HEAD
He said, "That's old. Get over it."
And with all the courage I could muster
"Imagine what a Beowulf cluster...."
But it wasn't worth the trouble to submit
The karma caps are just plain jive
And everyone's moved to K5
The steelcage has grown rusted
And Geekizoid is busted
The three sites I don't see for weeks
Segfault, kernel, Comp-u-geek
Code is not art. This ain't Freshmeat
The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus
Look, nobody really cares about Ogg Vorbis. It may be free and may be non-patented, but it is too late to market to become anything of any use.
It is so sickening to listen to this horseshit.
In other words, instead of reading some redbooks or, heaven forbid, the DB2 manual, you spent all that time migrating an application to a totally different platform!
It must be great to be a consultant!
By best practices, do you mean having warring companies in the midst of litigation seperately developing key database features?
Or do you mean not maintaining things like man pages in an operating system?
Sub-Selects and Unions always work.
Some dribble cobbled together by a coder somewhere may not.
Your DBA was running around tweaking all day because he was supporting a poorly designed application that was completely unoptimized.
Because so many developers have a notion (prominently displayed in this story) that "SQL is SQL" many apps running on a database run horribly inefficient queries that bog the database down.
Studies have consistently found that80-90% of database tuning needs to take place in the application. The database tuning portion mainly consists of tweaking memory and parallel query options.