The very existence of humans on this planet is an abomination. What arrogance that we continue to choose to exist! Why cannot we come to the logical, rational conclusion that it would be much better for our planet for us to all simply vanish into the ether?
[I think this way because I believe everything I read.]
As Gas-Guzzling, Anti-Kyoto Americans, we should know this best. Ever since we handed those typhoid blankets to the land's original occupants, we have cut a swath of pollution and evil human influence across the continent.
Right now the ugliest ugly American is defending his oil-friendly policies to the more enlightened leaders of the EU. I bet they're making fun of him using words he doesn't understand. Ha.
Everyone tells me that human beings are bad for the environment, and why should I doubt them? If it weren't for us hunting the dodo to extinction, we would still be able to see that funny little bird hopping around in its non-adaptive fashion. I remember someone in a lab coat telling me that all of Nature is connected in a beautiul and delicate network. Even the macroscopic shifts in climate over the eons is probably caused by human under-arm odor or something. And since the guy was wearing a lab coat, I recommend we listen.
So, why can't we all just vanish and make the Earth pure again?
NOTICE: We will begin distributing the "magic pudding" at noon.
When my first novel, The Narcoleptic Dialactic was serialized on The Baltimore Sun's web site, I was sure that my hunt for a publisher would soon be over. After a nearly 200 ding letters, I realized this was not to be. Back in 1996, the industry was much more interested in new books about cats than some unvetted bit of web fiction.
After spending years selling Kinko's-generated copies of the book on Amzon, I decided to post the book for free on my web site- hoping that I might do better selling t-shirts with the logo on them than the books themselves.
Clearly, the publishing game is changing in a way the industry itself does not understand and cannot control. With the increasing popularity of digital books, donation-supported web content, and fan fiction, publishing is becoming faster, more responsive, and much more exciting (and perhaps confusing) for consumers.
I can only hope this means fewer books about cats in the best sellers lists.
A patent application for an oily substance harvested from snakes with the possible [but not legally definite] ability to cure ambiguous and undiagnosed illnesses has been filed with the United Sates Patent Office.
In spite of the fact that they make no claims that the oil is useful or necessary, they do claim patent rights on it and expect renumeration on all products pertaining to said patent.
The application appears to be valid and on its way to approval. That's fine with us as long as they stay away from our Zero Click Ordering patent.
Do they stream the patches, too?
on
Gaming On Demand
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· Score: 4
How could they do this with games that are shipped broken like Black & White and Myst Exiled?
I've rented scratched Playstation titles before. But I can't imagine renting a PC game that has as many inherent problems that many recent games do.
Of course this would be great for some games for which there can be no "demo" version. I usually realize the game I just bought was a lemon about an hour after removing the shrink-wrap.
After paying $50 for B/W I didn't even have the will to get to world 4 to discover the problem. I hated myself that much for buying it.
Renting PC titles may mean more talk of violent videogames causing murders- like the recent "fragfest" in Nepal.
A fish, a barrel, a gun, and a rubber check
on
Suck Stops Sucking
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· Score: 2
While I will always miss Polly Esther, it's probably all for the best. Like that marble you swallowed at the age of eight, all things in this life must pass, however painfully.
It's time the bury the bug-eyed fish in the back yard and give that gun to some fire-arm buy-back program. The barrel, however, is stylish and we can make a wicked-cool chair out of it.
"All your cookies are belong to us"
on
Web Bug Detector
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· Score: 2
So/. has been bugging me this whole time. You think you know somebody and then something like this happens. My most paranoid fantasies are coming true.
I saw this in a movie once. You have to put the stake all the way through his heart. Otherwise, the guy shows up five minutes later uglier and more blood-lusty than ever.
The DOJ lawyers start congratulating one another as they leave the crypt. Suddenly, the cold pale hand of the "undying one" grips one on the shoulder. Never confuse Jobe's Tree Spikes with the wooden dracula killing kind.
1. Start-up -> Overnight Success Start telling everyone that the old economy is dead and that you're the only one with any new ideas. When your stock options mature, put your hand over your winnings and tell the dealer, "let it ride, my man!"
2. Failure of the Core Business
Your competition has eaten your lunch. Those bridged you burned in step 1 are starting to look like mistakes. Maybe your mom was right, giving stuff away is no excuse for a business plan.
3. Bring in the Cavalry If your customers abandoned you, perhaps the federal government will be more sympathetic. It may take years to reach any kind of legal satisfaction, but hey, at least history will remember you better this way.
4. Become an Internet Portal During your hard road to financial catastrophe, you may not have garnered much cash, but you have earned a commodity far more important in today's economy: name identification. Parlay your fame into portal success until the money runs out completely. This is also a great way to lay off large numbers of employees quietly- in the same way that letting the air out of a balloon slowly makes less noise than a pop.
Sure, it's a little hard to see what you're doing (what with the 128x48 screen on the Model I). But 6.0 rocks! I have to save all of my multi-layered graphics onto audio cassettes, which can be a bit of a pain. It's at least faster than that paper tape drive that came with it.
Gotta go. I've got to make some hard copies with my snazzy thermal-transfer printer.
During the pre-show publicity tour, Flay couldn't stop talking trash:
Flay: "I am the greatest chef of all time."
Morimoto: "I am confident that I will win."
Flay: "I am pretty, and I can't be beaten."
Morimoto: "What? What does that even mean?"
At that point the two world-renoun chefs had to be physically separated to keep them from cooking one-another.
It seems that ad revenue plummits even as web usage rises. What to do? At some of the sites I work with, we've been slowly introducing "sneaky" advertising like product placement.
Here's a sample of what your average 'blog will look like by the end of the Summer:
8/20/01:
Just sitting here at my new Dell Dimension sipping a Jolt and I began to wonder about the future of the Internet. I mean, my Comcast @ Home service is wicked-fast. But what's next? I want to be able to stream the new LOTR trailer and snag the demo for Half-Life 2 without a long download.
I can't imagine sites pimping misleading links. But it could happen.
I have to say that this is a very cool idea. I don't think I want to see my own crossing of the finish line of the last 1/2 marathon I ran a few weeks ago (my nipples were bleeding which made for a pretty bad day).
Simpler solution(?):
An MPEG encoder (and a pair of Betacam machines running time of day TC for backup), a RIAD array, and the ChampionChip system would work just fine given a 24 hour turnaround time.
The time on the chip is translated to a frame number which is Mediacleaned out and mailed via a bot.
A relatively impressionable public wants what they are told to want. And so we have millions of people working unsatisfying jobs just to "get by" [read: Cable, Playstation, etc.].
We wage serfs know this well. Pay the same corporations for whom you work for the lifestyle stuff, and you're in the same mess as miners in the 1920's- working harder and keeping less. With mega mergers everywhere, the world itself is becoming a company town.
But does the problem lie in corporate behavior or our own willingness to buy the lifestyle they sell?
[That's an honest question, folks- not a rhetorical one]
The "pain killers" for "back pain" always end up being just a doorway to heroin. At least, that's the way they tell it.
But worry not, according to Behind The Music, 9 times out of 10 this crippling addiction starts right before the rock star in question becomes blindingly famous.
I believe this is all part of the game. Here's why:
According to an interesting
write-up on the game, the player must search out a mythical prize, something called a "patch." Once the player completes their quest for the "patch," the game inside the computer can finally begin. According to the reviewer, the CDs themselves are completely worthless until this initial part of the game is completed.
This "patch" has been promised to many users on many occasions- only to have the release date slip once again. This only adds to the overwhelming aura of intrigue and mysticism surrounding the game.
After playing the computer part of the game for a few hours, you may discover that on reboot the Windows system is completely corrupted. Bonus! Reinstalling windows and all your applications is all part of the adventure that is Myst III: Exile.
"Protecting Children" is code for "slippery slop to censorship" the same way that "let's just be friends" is code for "get out of my life."
Unpopular former Attorney General Jenet Reno is talking about Running for Florida Governor soley on the platform of "protecting children." When asked questions about actual governance, each answer includes the phrase "protecting children."
As soon as the CERN machines began running rudamentary http daemons, porns sites began popping up. But every eighteen months their number doubled.
Er, wait. Make that every six months their number doubled. That way we end up with more than 2 million from an original 10 [estimates].
That way, after another 10 years, the web will be choking under the weight of 6.871947e+11 porn sites, many times more than the projected population of the Earth.
Slashdot Mirror
[I think this way because I believe everything I read.]
As Gas-Guzzling, Anti-Kyoto Americans, we should know this best. Ever since we handed those typhoid blankets to the land's original occupants, we have cut a swath of pollution and evil human influence across the continent.
Right now the ugliest ugly American is defending his oil-friendly policies to the more enlightened leaders of the EU. I bet they're making fun of him using words he doesn't understand. Ha.
Everyone tells me that human beings are bad for the environment, and why should I doubt them? If it weren't for us hunting the dodo to extinction, we would still be able to see that funny little bird hopping around in its non-adaptive fashion. I remember someone in a lab coat telling me that all of Nature is connected in a beautiul and delicate network. Even the macroscopic shifts in climate over the eons is probably caused by human under-arm odor or something. And since the guy was wearing a lab coat, I recommend we listen.
So, why can't we all just vanish and make the Earth pure again?
NOTICE: We will begin distributing the "magic pudding" at noon.
After spending years selling Kinko's-generated copies of the book on Amzon, I decided to post the book for free on my web site- hoping that I might do better selling t-shirts with the logo on them than the books themselves.
Clearly, the publishing game is changing in a way the industry itself does not understand and cannot control. With the increasing popularity of digital books, donation-supported web content, and fan fiction, publishing is becoming faster, more responsive, and much more exciting (and perhaps confusing) for consumers.
I can only hope this means fewer books about cats in the best sellers lists.
In spite of the fact that they make no claims that the oil is useful or necessary, they do claim patent rights on it and expect renumeration on all products pertaining to said patent.
The application appears to be valid and on its way to approval. That's fine with us as long as they stay away from our Zero Click Ordering patent.
I've rented scratched Playstation titles before. But I can't imagine renting a PC game that has as many inherent problems that many recent games do.
Of course this would be great for some games for which there can be no "demo" version. I usually realize the game I just bought was a lemon about an hour after removing the shrink-wrap.
After paying $50 for B/W I didn't even have the will to get to world 4 to discover the problem. I hated myself that much for buying it.
Renting PC titles may mean more talk of violent videogames causing murders- like the recent "fragfest" in Nepal.
It's time the bury the bug-eyed fish in the back yard and give that gun to some fire-arm buy-back program. The barrel, however, is stylish and we can make a wicked-cool chair out of it.
There are, of course, several satire sites that can't go out of business because they never made any money in the first place.
Next you're probably going to tell me that the whole thing is quasi-journalism designed to execute $hitcount++.
You should be more careful, CNET. I believe everyting I'm told.
In other news: "Do Nothing" Congress Becomes "Highly Ineffectual" Congress
Boy I'm glad everyone says the browser war is over. Clearly, the better company won.
In other news: Al Sharpton's "Peckish Strike"
The DOJ lawyers start congratulating one another as they leave the crypt. Suddenly, the cold pale hand of the "undying one" grips one on the shoulder. Never confuse Jobe's Tree Spikes with the wooden dracula killing kind.
In other news: Napal Ragecide Blamed on "Cl4n W4rz"
1. Start-up -> Overnight Success
Start telling everyone that the old economy is dead and that you're the only one with any new ideas. When your stock options mature, put your hand over your winnings and tell the dealer, "let it ride, my man!"
2. Failure of the Core Business
Your competition has eaten your lunch. Those bridged you burned in step 1 are starting to look like mistakes. Maybe your mom was right, giving stuff away is no excuse for a business plan.
3. Bring in the Cavalry
If your customers abandoned you, perhaps the federal government will be more sympathetic. It may take years to reach any kind of legal satisfaction, but hey, at least history will remember you better this way.
4. Become an Internet Portal
During your hard road to financial catastrophe, you may not have garnered much cash, but you have earned a commodity far more important in today's economy: name identification. Parlay your fame into portal success until the money runs out completely. This is also a great way to lay off large numbers of employees quietly- in the same way that letting the air out of a balloon slowly makes less noise than a pop.
I think I know the next big dot-com to go under.
I remember a time (not too long ago) when segfault, satirwire, the onion, and suck all made me laugh until I peed myself.
Did I change or did they?
I make no excuses for the worst of these sites which, I admit, has always sucked in its own charming way.
Gotta go. I've got to make some hard copies with my snazzy thermal-transfer printer.
I've gone nuts with Photoshoppery
Flay: "I am the greatest chef of all time."
Morimoto: "I am confident that I will win."
Flay: "I am pretty, and I can't be beaten."
Morimoto: "What? What does that even mean?"
At that point the two world-renoun chefs had to be physically separated to keep them from cooking one-another.
In other news: McVeigh's lawyers find John Doe, II.
Here's a sample of what your average 'blog will look like by the end of the Summer:
I can't imagine sites pimping misleading links. But it could happen.
Simpler solution(?): An MPEG encoder (and a pair of Betacam machines running time of day TC for backup), a RIAD array, and the ChampionChip system would work just fine given a 24 hour turnaround time.
The time on the chip is translated to a frame number which is Mediacleaned out and mailed via a bot.
I don't see why it should take 45 machines...
Tux will spend half a season as a character on the ever-popular Pokemon before spinning off into his own show. Special Powers: Stability, Scalability.
As Ash shouts out "I chose you, Tux," the tiny penguin grows to the size of a house and attacks his opponent with the grace of a ballet dancer.
The promotional poster for the show features the penguin chomping down on some sushi with the caption, "I always did like raw fish."
In other news Greorge Comes to Play at Gray's House
We wage serfs know this well. Pay the same corporations for whom you work for the lifestyle stuff, and you're in the same mess as miners in the 1920's- working harder and keeping less. With mega mergers everywhere, the world itself is becoming a company town.
But does the problem lie in corporate behavior or our own willingness to buy the lifestyle they sell?
[That's an honest question, folks- not a rhetorical one]
(
In other news: Jerry Bruckheimer's Next Epic)
But worry not, according to Behind The Music, 9 times out of 10 this crippling addiction starts right before the rock star in question becomes blindingly famous.
So, good luck.
And Happy Memorial Day
There's more.
Here are some warning signs that you may have a SETI hoax on your hands:
In other news: Bi Curious: The Senator Jim Jeffords Story
Oh, I almost forgot about all that hot, sticky porn we were all talking about... ;)
Unpopular former Attorney General Jenet Reno is talking about Running for Florida Governor soley on the platform of "protecting children." When asked questions about actual governance, each answer includes the phrase "protecting children."
How long before your site gets blanked by manditory censorware?
Er, wait. Make that every six months their number doubled. That way we end up with more than 2 million from an original 10 [estimates].
That way, after another 10 years, the web will be choking under the weight of 6.871947e+11 porn sites, many times more than the projected population of the Earth.
[Something to think about.]
Actually, I already did.
But as it is, we have already paid you far too much attention.
Good day.
You can choose the stealthy quickness of a Mara Liasson or the heavy-weapon "bad-assedness" of Karl Cassel.
And, yes, the NPR vs. PRI team fortress mod rocks!