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COCKSAY -- Because being gay is about more than using Linux.
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COCKSAY -- Because being gay is about more than using Linux.
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COCKSAY -- Because being gay is about more than using Linux.
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COCKSAY -- Because being gay is about more than using Linux.
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COCKSAY Because being gay is about more than using Linux.
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Discover the Wonders of Vegetarian Self Stimulation
Tofu has an organic quality resembling human flesh. I have heard girlfriends divulge its texture as that of the male member when cooked/warmed.
I envision a marketing push by blue chip Tofu Mulitnationals to promote their product in a range of edible sex aids - both for men and women.
The strap - on Tofunator with vibrating multispeed tip would be a hit with lesbian vegetarian extremists who despise 'meat' of both kinds.
Feral type men who often have trouble with penetration due to over-pierced willies can safely 'deforest the untouched valleys' of the silken Tofu vagina.
Also in this range is the 'Falafel-Fist' for the earth-conscious fetish environmentalist, the natural spray on pheromone for shy hippies - 'Chick-Pea Magnet' and of course the 'Lentilly Lace' vegan underwear range - gauranteed to show off those politically hursuit thighs.
Q I have been invited to several holiday parties, many of them work-related and involving a sit-down meal. This may sound silly, but I'm a bit nervous since I don't really know the "proper" way to dine -- which fork to use first, where to put my napkin when I get up from the table. I don't want to embarrass myself. -dianer
A Dear dianer: I don't blame you for being slightly concerned; there is an unspoken prejudice against those who don't handle themselves well at the table. And with the holidays almost here, all of us will probably be doing more partying and dining than ever. So I've put together a table manners how-to list to help everyone make it through the holidays in the most mannerly manner. Consider it my pre-holiday gift.
Top 10 Dining Mistakes Corrected:
Misuse of silverware: Gripping your fork like a cello and your knife like a dagger are both major dining faux pas. You should also avoid resting silverware partly on the table and partly on the edge of the plate -- one slip and you have a mess. Instead, make sure that once you pick up a piece of silverware, it rests on your plate from that point on and never makes contact with the table again. Another thing to watch out for, when setting the table and while eating: The knife blade should always face in, never out. Lastly, refrain from making any gestures while holding your cutlery; no one wants their dining companion waving pointy objects around.
Misuse of your napkin: The napkin should be used to carefully dab the corners of your mouth. It is not a blotter or a flag. The napkin should be open and spread across your lap during the meal and not put back on the table until the meal is concluded, when you should place it next to your plate. If you leave the table temporarily, place your napkin on your chair, then push your chair back under the table while you're gone.
Leaving lipstick stains: It's bad form, especially at a business meal, to leave lipstick on a glass or cup. To prevent this, try powdering your lips before applying lipstick and (discreetly) blot your lips before drinking. If you don't have a tissue with you, make a quick detour to the powder room for one or use a cocktail napkin from the bar.
Not breaking bread: Buttering an entire slice of bread then cutting it with your knife is a breach of basic table manners. Instead, tear bread into bite-sized pieces and butter each piece right before you plan to eat it.
Seasoning food before tasting it: This sends the message that you don't trust the chef and may be taken as an insult by your boss or whoever chose the restaurant.
Poor posture: Food doesn't go down well when you sit slumped over. And, frankly, you're not as attractive to your dining partner when you do this, either. So sit straight up -- you'll actually feel more comfortable.
Eating too quickly: Whether you're at McDonald's or a fancy restaurant, it's bad for your digestion -- not to mention unattractive -- to gulp food. Since dining with others is a shared experience, dining partners should generally have the same number of courses and start and finish each at about the same pace.
Picking your teeth: If you must remove something trapped between your teeth, excuse yourself and visit the rest room to do so.
Talking with your mouth full: The corollary is chewing with your mouth open. If your mouth has food in it, keep it closed until you swallow. Take small bites, finish chewing, smile... and then carry on your part of the conversation.
Putting accessories on the table: Simply stated, don't do it. This rule includes purses, briefcases, keys, gloves, hats, cell phones (which should be turned OFF) and anything else that is not part of the meal. Why? It's unsightly and unsanitary.
There are other dining mistakes you can make, of course. Just remember that good manners and courtesy can get you through most meals. One further note about dining: Sitting in a smoking section doesn't give a diner the license to light up between courses. Smoke affects your dining companions' taste buds and sense of aesthetics. If you do smoke, save the cigarettes for after the entire meal, and please, a plate is not an ashtray.
I ate some McDonalds last night, a supersized #2 (two cheese burger meal, giant Dr Pepper). I shat some pellets. Don't know why, but the shit was tiny, yet sticky. I feel gassy right now, just had some steak fries and A1 sauce. I feel like I can have another go in an hour or so. Wish me a good healthy shit!
What where you doing running NT 3.51 three fucking years ago!?!?! C'mon man, NT 4, with at least 4 SP's was out then!! Get with it!
Since when is 256 colors a speed??
Just break down and run Windows if you need something it does. With all the effort, money and time you expend in circumventing having a real Windows box, you could have had two!
Actually, I seldom do that. Mostly I just reply to the FP to be high on the page. This does the trick for visibility. I think that trolling is an artform, constantly being refined from its 20+ year practice. I pray I never see a day when trolling is abandaned. It enriches each of our existances measurably, and gives me something to do in between sodomizing my teddy bear (a 1989 model Snuggle (TM) bear).
Introducing the most powerful system ever for being successful with
hamsters! Are you fed up with seeing pretty rodents scampering by and
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- How plain men can easily get dates with gorgeous gerbils,
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Hamsters are peculiar little rodents with large cheek pouches and short
stubby tails. They have gained popularity as pets and research animals since the
1930's. The Syrian hamster's (golden hamster) wild habitat extends through the
Middle East and Southeastern Europe. In 1930, a litter of eight baby hamsters
was taken to Palestine and raised as research animals. Virtually all
domesticated hamsters sold in the pet trade and research are descendants of
three of the survivors of this litter. Hamsters were introduced first into the
United States in 1938.
Since their domestication, several color and hair coat varieties of the
Syrian hamster have arisen through selective breeding. The three basic groups
which now exist include the common 'golden' hamster, colored short-haired
'fancy' hamster, and long-haired 'teddy bear' hamster. All three varieties are
popular as pets, while the research community generally employs the basic golden
hamster.
On occasion, one may encounter other species of hamsters, but these are much
less common than the Syrian hamster. The smaller, dark brown Chinese hamster
(dwarf hamster) is often used in biomedical research, and they are sometimes
acquired as pets. These hamsters are recognized for their small size, dark brown
color and black stripe down the back. The Armenian (grey) hamster and European
hamster are two other species occasionally used in research, but seldom kept as
pets. The information on the Susan Brown pages pertain particularly to Syrian or
golden hamsters because they are by far the most popular.
Diet
As with any pet, good quality food and clean, fresh water must be provided at
all times. The precise nutritional requirements of hamsters have not been fully
determined. In the wild, these animals feed on plants, seeds, fruit and insects.
Current recommendations for feeding in captivity are pelleted rodent ration
containing 15% - 20% protein. These rations are typically processed as dry
blocks or pellets designed for rodents. Seed diets are also 'formulated' and
sold for hamsters, but these diets should only supplement the basic rodent
pellet. Seed diets contain high levels of fat which can easily become rancid if
improperly stored. In addition, when fed alone, these diets often lead to
obesity and potential nutritional deficiencies, especially calcium. Other
supplements to the diet may include sugarless breakfast cereals, whole wheat
breads, pasta, cheese, cooked lean meats, fresh fruits and vegetables; all fed
in moderation. Hamsters eat approximately 12 grams of food daily, and usually
consume the majority of this at night. Hamsters are like little pack rats that
often hoard their food in a corner of their cage, making it seem as though they
eat a lot more than they really do.
Water is easily provided in water bottles equipped with sipper tubes. This
method also helps keep the water free from contamination. Always make sure that
the tubes are positioned low enough to allow the pet easy access. Juvenile
hamsters need special consideration to make sure they are strong enough to use
the sipper tube as well as reach it. The average hamster drinks approximately 10
ml of water per 100 grams body weight (average adult size). Although this amount
is only a fraction of the total bottle volume, fresh water should be provided
daily, not only when the bottle empties.
Diseases
Proliferative Ileitis ( Wet Tail ) The most commonly
encountered bacterial infection recognized in hamsters is 'wet tail'. The
precise cause of the disease is not fully understood, but underlying infections
with the bacteria Campylobacter fetus subspecies jejuni have been reported.
Similar Campylobacter sp. are responsible for serious intestinal diseases in
other animal species, such as swine, dogs, ferrets, primates and even humans.
Although this agent is suspected to be an underlying cause of this syndrome,
pure cultures of the bacteria cannot reproduce the disease, suggesting other
predisposing factors or agents. Such contributory factors include improper diet,
sudden dietary changes, overcrowding and other stresses.
This disease most often affects weanling hamsters between the ages of 3 to 6
weeks, but hamsters of all ages are susceptible. Since this is the age at which
most hamsters are sold, this is a common disease encountered in recently
acquired pets. The long haired 'teddy bear' hamster seems to be more vulnerable
than the other varieties.
Death may result within 1 to 7 days after the onset of watery diarrhea. Other
signs include matting of the fur around the tail, unkept hair coat, hunched
stance, loss of appetite, dehydration, emaciation and irritability. Blood from
the rectum and rectal prolapse may be noted in some serious cases. This is a
very serious disease, with death being the most likely outcome. Due to the
severity, any hamster exhibiting these signs must be examined by a veterinarian
as soon as possible. Antibiotics, fluid therapy and anti-diarrheal medications
will be administered to the patient. Supportive care will also be instituted.
Despite all the best efforts, treatment is often unrewarding with death
occurring within a couple days in many cases.
Hair Loss ( Alopecia ) Hair loss can occur for a number of
reasons in hamsters. This loss of hair can be due to both disease and nondisease
conditions. Continual rubbing on feeders or sides of the cage as well as protein
deficiency and barbering (hair chewing by cage mates), are examples of
nondisease causes of alopecia. Infestation with demodectic mites is one of the
most common infectious causes of patchy alopecia and scaling in hamsters. Other
conditions that lead to hair loss include adrenal tumors, thyroid deficiency,
and chronic renal disease. Some of these conditions may be correctable, while
others are not.
Demodex mites are the most common external parasite causing problems in
hamsters. The mite lives within the hair follicles and certain skin glands of
their host. The presence of these mites result in dry, scaly skin and subsequent
hair loss, especially over the back and rump. This disease is rarely a problem
by itself. Demodectic mange in hamsters is often associated with chronic,
debilitating diseases or other underlying problems. For this reason, a thorough
examination must be performed on any hamster presented with mites. To confirm
the presence of mites, the veterinarian may perform a skin scraping for
microscopic observation. Treatment for the mites is often possible, but remember
that there may be another problem, often more severe, underlying this one which
must also be addressed.
Old Age Diseases ( Geriatric Conditions ) Hamsters tend to have
relatively short life spans when compared with other species. The average life
expectancy of a hamster is between 2 and 3 years of age. For this reason,
spontaneous aging diseases are not uncommon in these animals, typically after
the age of one year. Two of the most common geriatric diseases of hamsters are
amyloidosis (protein deposition in various organs) and cardiac thrombosis (blood
clots in the heart). Treatment of these conditions involves managing clinical
signs because a cure is not possible. A diagnosis of virtually any geriatric
disease carries a poor prognosis.
Amyloidosis is a condition whereby proteins produced by the body are
deposited in various organs, primarily the liver and kidneys. Kidney and liver
failure often occurs as a result of this protein deposition. Many other organs
are also affected, and the changes are irreversible. Signs of this condition
include swollen abdomen, urinary problems, dehydration, poor appetite and rough
hair coat. Supportive care is the only treatment since this condition is
eventually terminal.
Blood clots within the heart occur at a relatively high frequency in older
hamsters. This condition is known as cardiac thrombosis, and typically occurs in
the left side of the heart. Many factors are involved in the formation of these
clots including clotting disorders, heart failure, circulating bacterial
infection and amyloidosis. Many other old age diseases occur in hamsters over
the age of one year. Liver and kidney disease is not uncommon in middle age to
old hamsters. Other conditions commonly encountered are gastric ulcers, tumors,
and dental diseases.
Facts
Average Life Span: 2 - 3 years
Adult Body Weight: 100 - 150 grams
Environmental Temperature Range: 65 - 80 F
Relative Humidity Range: 40 - 70 %
Age at First Breeding: male : 10-14 wks, female: 6-10 wks
Gestation Period: 15.5 - 16 days
Litter Size: 5 - 10 (average)
Weaning Age: 21 - 25 days
Handling
Hamsters handled frequently from a young age usually remain docile and seldom
bite. These animals of a docile nature can be picked up gently by cupping in one
or both hands and held against one's body. Beware that even docile hamsters may
bite if surprised or abruptly awakened from sleep.
Other hamsters, however, may not have received a lot of attention and
handling throughout their lives, and thus may be more apprehensive and
aggressive. Any animal whose personality is not fully known must be approached
cautiously. The use of a small towel or gloves can assist the handler in
capturing and restraining such a pet. Another method of capture involves coaxing
the animal into a container (such as a can or tube), which can then be removed
from the cage. Once removed from the cage, biting hamsters can be restrained by
grasping a large amount of skin at the scruff of the neck. As much skin as
possible must be grasped using this method because their skin is very loose. If
lightly scruffed, the hamster can easily turn around within its skin and bite
the handler.
Housing
Several types of cages are available that are suitable for housing hamsters.
Many of these units come equipped with cage 'furniture' such as exercise wheels,
tunnels and nest boxes as added luxuries. Such accessories, as well as
sufficient litter depth within which to burrow, are desirable for the pet's
psychological well-being. Cages should be constructed with rounded corners to
prevent chewing. Hamsters will readily chew through wood, light plastic and soft
metal; so recommended caging materials are wire, stainless steel, durable
plastic and glass. Beware that glass and plastic containers drastically reduce
ventilation and can lead to problems with humidity, temperature and odor
concentration. These materials make suitable cages when at least one side of the
enclosure is open for air circulation. In addition, make sure that the enclosure
is escape proof, because these little rodents are known escape artists.
Hamsters do very well in solid bottom cages with deep bedding and ample
nesting material. Bedding must be clean, non-toxic, absorbent, relatively dust
free, and easily acquired. Shredded paper or tissue, wood shavings and processed
corn cob are preferred bedding. Be sure that the wood shavings and ground corn
cob are free from mold, mildew or other contamination before using. Cotton and
shredded tissue paper make excellent nesting materials.
Adult hamsters require a minimum floor area of 19 square inches and a cage
height of 6 inches. Female breeding hamsters require much larger areas. Optimal
temperature range for hamsters is between 65o to 80oF, with babies doing best at
70o to 75oF. The relative humidity should be between 40% and 70%. Twelve hour
light cycles are preferred, with hamsters being more active during the
night.
Pet hamsters are generally housed singly. Mature female hamsters tend to be
very aggressive towards one another and should never be housed together. Females
are also larger and more aggressive than males, thus males usually need to be
separated immediately after breeding. Males may also fight when housed together,
but tend to be less aggressive than females.
As a rule of thumb, the cage and accessories should be cleaned thoroughly
once to twice weekly. An exception to this schedule is when newborn babies are
present; wait until they are at least two weeks old to disturb the cage. Other
factors that may require increased frequency of cleaning are the number of
hamsters in the cage, the type of bedding material provided, and the cage design
and size. Cages are sanitized with hot water and nontoxic disinfectant or
detergent, then thoroughly rinsed. Water bottles and food dishes should be
cleaned and disinfected daily.
Reproduction
The sex of hamsters can be easily determined. Mature male hamsters possess
large, prominent testicles, which often alarm owners who first notice their size
and mistake them for tumors. In addition, the genitourinary to anal separation
is much wider in males than females, making it possible to sex young
hamsters.
Male hamsters should be first bred at 10 to 14 weeks of age. Females can be
bred at the age of 6 to 10 weeks. As the female comes into 'heat' she will begin
assuming a breeding stance with her back swayed and body stretched out. When
petted over her back, she will remain motionless and sway her back even further.
A thin mucus will be noticed coming from her vulva on the next day of the 'heat'
cycle, which indicates that estrus will occur two days later. For breeding,
place the female into the male's cage about one hour before dark. Closely
observe the pair for mating activity or fighting. Females can be very aggressive
towards males and can cause serious injuries. At the first sign of aggression by
the female, remove the male; then try again the next night. Also, remove the
male shortly after a successful mating has taken place.
Pregnancy is of very short duration in hamsters; lasting only 15 to 16 days.
Just before delivery, the expectant mother will become restless and may
discharge a small amount of blood from her vulva. Do not handle or disturb her
at this time. It is wise to clean her cage two weeks following breeding, so her
cage is relatively clean when babies arrive. Litter size ranges from 5 to 10
pups; larger litters are not uncommon. The pups are born hairless with their
eyes and ears closed. However, they do already have their front teeth, the
incisors.
Provide ample nesting material and bedding for the new mother and young.
Plenty of fresh food and water should be available before the babies are born.
DO NOT disturb the mother and young for any reason during the first week or two
after birth. If a mother hamster seems threatened for any reason, she typically
will kill and cannibalize the young. In other instances, she may stuff the young
into her cheek pouches and frantically carry them around the cage looking for a
safe place to establish a nest. Occasionally, pups will suffocate as a result of
this activity, especially if the disturbance is prolonged.
Young hamsters usually begin eating solid food at 7 to 10 days of age, but
are not weaned until 21 to 25 days. Provide food on the cage floor for the young
and mother, and also have soaked, softened pellets available for them as well.
Make sure that the water bottle is low enough for the weanlings to use, and that
they are strong enough to use it; or provide an alternative water source during
this time.
The collective wants you. Join Usenet, the largest information
repository on the Internet.
Every day, thousands of articles are posted on Usenet, short for Users' Network.
Since its inception in 1979-1980 at Duke University, an estimated terabyte (1012
bytes) or the equivalent of one billion pages of information and discussions
have been generated in over 500 million posts by millions of people.
Usenet is essentially a global bulletin board. Like e-mail, participants read
and post text messages, but it also allows anyone to contribute their experience
and expertise by reading and replying to those messages and forming threads. For
this reason, many people flock to Usenet solely to find instant-gratification
answers to their questions.
Over 50,000 groups exist to cover topics including Rush Limbaugh and sex with
hamsters using duct tape (no relation). Experts (and quacks) from around the
world are more than willing to offer their advice for free, and there are plenty
of people on Usenet who could use any knowledge you have.
To participate in Usenet, you will need a news reader program such as
Forte Agent for Windows, Tin for AIX
(available with your university account), or
Yet Another Newswatcher
for Mac. Netscape Messenger and Microsoft Outlook for Macintosh and/or Windows
are competent news readers but lack some features. You will also need access to
a news server, such as the one provided by the
U of C or another Internet service provider.
Once you are online, you will need to choose a few news groups (such as
alt.tv.star-trek). The easiest way to find a group is by browsing the Usenet
newsgroup hierarchy which structures news groups by topic (for example,
alt.tv.star-trek.voyager is for discussions regarding Star Trek: Voyager while
alt.tv.star-trek is for Star Trek).
Most new users should start in a group under one of the Big Eight newsgroups
which include "comp" for computer-related discussions (comp.os for example), "rec"
for recreational topics (television, games, etc) and "sci" for academic
discussions regarding science. The other large hierarchy, "alt," contains
discussions on almost everything imaginable although "alt" can be somewhat
chaotic since almost none
of the news-groups under it are moderated. In moderated groups such as those
under "comp," article submissions are approved by a human being before they
reach the actual newsgroup. This helps to reduce the volume of low-quality and
redundant posts.
Users can find out about a particular group by lurking. Lurking, reading others'
posts for a while to understand the general flow of ideas in the community, is a
good way to acquaint yourself with the group. Another good idea is to read the
FAQ (a list of frequently asked questions) from the newsgroup before posting
since most of the common questions have already been asked and answered by
others.
If you think you've come up with a question or a discussion topic not previously
addressed, or would like to contribute to a discussion, be sure to read the
FAQ for posting guidelines. For instance,
discussion groups about current TV shows request spoiler space (a bunch of blank
lines) before anything that may give away the plot.
There are a few other things to keep in mind when posting. The subject line
should describe what your post or question is about and you should provide as
many details as possible in the body of your message. "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG
TO US" as a subject line or contents of the body does not count. If you are
requesting a specific file or piece of information, it is customary to put "REQ:"
in the subject line of the article. Not all groups allow the posting of
binaries, that is, any file that is not text. Those that do are often denoted by
".binaries." in their name and are nor particularly great for extended
discussions since messages expire quickly, that is, they are deleted from the
server because the attached files tend to be large.
If your news server suffers from a lack of interesting groups or fast expiry,
there are alternatives. MailandNews.com, for example, offers free Usenet and
mail service. For older postings, there are searchable archives of discussions
such as DejaNews' Usenet archive.
Have fun but remember that other posters are mostly human. Don't say things that
you wouldn't in real life. "Flaming" or being a "troll" (read: bastard) will get
you plonked (permanently ignored) very quickly.
I will take a break from crap-flooding to aswer the question at hand:
Is the person who asked/. this question in the first place an octogenarian? No. He is 24, one year my junior. He has all the time in the world. I myself also started programming at 12, BASICA on my IBM XT (second-hand). I have a AOS degree in Microcomputers, took 1.5 years, cost way too much. I am currently 3/4 the way thru a BS in IT from University of Phoenix. I have a 4.0 GPA, and have already done my homework for the next two classes (programming classes;) I also do other people's homework because I am bored and they are stupid. After this I plan on getting a Masters in CIS. If I can trudge on through, why can't the Nimrod who asked this? Pay your dues, work hard, go far. What ever happened to a work ethic?
Posted by chrisd
on Tuesday December 11, @08:22PM from the no-mention-of-peg-legs-and-eye-patches dept. akiaki007 was among many who wrote in
to say: "Check out this
article
on the New York Times(free reg, blah blah)
site. The CmdrTaco have raided 27 cities in 21 states. Raid sites include
MIT, UCLA ,
Purdue, Duke,
UofO, all hot-beds of young tender assholes. Their main target was the group
DrinkOrDie, an asshole appreciation club. 'This is a new frontier for
crime,' Kenneth W. Dam, deputy secretary of the Treasury, said at a news
briefing. 'The costs are enormous to both industry and consumers.' I better hide
my asshole. They might think it's some weird fucking tool."
The behavior of a close relative challenges assumptions about male supremacy in human evolution
by
Frans B. M. de Waal
(Originally published in the March 1995 issue of SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN, pp. 82-88)
At a juncture in history during which women are seeking equality with men, science arrives with a belated gift to the feminist movement.Male-biased evolutionary scenarios-- Man the Hunter, Man the Toolmaker and so on--are being challenged by the discovery that females play a central, perhaps even dominant, role in the social life of one of our nearest relatives. In the past few years many strands of knowledge have come together concerning a relatively unknown ape with an unorthodox repertoire of behavior: the bonobo.
The bonobo is one of the last large mammals to be found by science. The creature was discovered in 1929 in a Belgian colonial museum, far from its lush African habitat. A German anatomist, Ernst Schwarz, was scrutinizing a skull that had been ascribed to a juvenile chimpanzee because of its small size, when he realized that it belonged to an adult. Schwarz declared that he had stumbled on a new subspecies of chimpanzee. But soon the animal was assigned the status of an entirely distinct species within the same genus as the chimpanzee, Pan.
The bonobo was officially classified as Pan paniscus, or the diminutive Pan. But I believe a different label might have been selected had the discoverers known then what we know now. The old taxonomic name of the chimpanzee, P. satyrus-- which refers to the myth of apes as lustful satyrs--would have been perfect for the bonobo.
The species is best characterized as female-centered and egalitarian and as one that substitutes sex for aggression. Whereas in most other species sexual behavior is a fairly distinct category, in the bonobo it is part and parcel of social relations--and not just between males and females. Bonobos engage in sex in virtually every partner combination (although such contact among close family members may be suppressed). And sexual interactions occur more often among bonobos than among other primates. Despite the frequency of sex, the bonobo's rate of reproduction in the wild is about the same as that of the chimpanzee. A female gives birth to a single infant at intervals of between five and six years. So bonobos share at least one very important characteristic with our own species, namely, a partial separation between sex and reproduction.
A Near Relative
This finding commands attention because the bonobo shares more than 98 percent of our genetic profile, making it as close to a human as, say, a fox is to a dog. The split between the human line of ancestry and the line of the chimpanzee and the bonobo is believed to have occurred a mere eight million years ago. The subsequent divergence of the chimpanzee and the bonobo lines came much later, perhaps prompted by the chimpanzee's need to adapt to relatively open, dry habitats [see "East Side Story: The Origin of Humankind," by Yves Coppens; SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN, May 1994].
In contrast, bonobos probably never left the protection of the trees. Their present range lies in humid forests south of the Zaire River, where perhaps fewer than 10,000 bonobos survive. (Given the species' slow rate of reproduction, the rapid destruction of its tropical habitat and the political instability of central Africa, there is reason for much concern about its future.)
If this evolutionary scenario of ecological continuity is true, the bonobo may have undergone less transformation than either humans or chimpanzees. It could most closely resemble the common ancestor of all three modern species. Indeed, in the 1930s Harold J. Coolidge--the American anatomist who gave the bonobo its eventual taxonomic status--suggested that the animal might be most similar to the primogenitor, since its anatomy is less specialized than is the chimpanzee's. Bonobo body proportions have been compared with those of the australopithecines, a form of prehuman. When the apes stand or walk upright, they look as if they stepped straight out of an artist's impression of early hominids.
Not too long ago the savanna baboon was regarded as the best living model of the human ancestor. That primate is adapted to the kinds of ecological conditions that prehumans may have faced after descending from the trees. But in the late 1970s, chimpanzees, which are much more closely related to humans, became the model of choice. Traits that are observed in chimpanzees--including cooperative hunting, food sharing, tool use, power politics and primitive warfare--were absent or not as developed in baboons. In the laboratory the apes have been able to learn sign language and to recognize themselves in a mirror, a sign of self-awareness not yet demonstrated in monkeys.
Although selecting the chimpanzee as the touchstone of hominid evolution represented a great improvement, at least one aspect of the former model did not need to be revised: male superiority remained the natural state of affairs. In both baboons and chimpanzees, males are conspicuously dominant over females; they reign supremely and often brutally. It is highly unusual for a fully grown male chimpanzee to be dominated by any female.
Enter the bonobo. Despite their common name--the pygmy chimpanzee--bonobos cannot be distinguished from the chimpanzee by size. Adult males of the smallest subspecies of chimpanzee weigh some 43 kilograms (95 pounds) and females 33 kilograms (73 pounds), about the same as bonobos. Although female bonobos are much smaller than the males, they seem to rule.
Graceful Apes
In physique, a bonobo is as different from a chimpanzee as a Concorde is from a Boeing 747. I do not wish to offend any chimpanzees, but bonobos have more style. The bonobo, with its long legs and small head atop narrow shoulders, has a more gracile build than does a chimpanzee. Bonobo lips are reddish in a black face, the ears small and the nostrils almost as wide as a gorilla's. These primates also have a flatter, more open face with a higher forehead than the chimpanzee's and--to top it all off--an attractive coiffure with long, fine, black hair neatly parted in the middle.
Like chimpanzees, female bonobos nurse and carry around their young for up to five years. By the age of seven the offspring reach adolescence. Wild females give birth for the first time at 13 or 14 years of age, becoming full grown by about 15. A bonobo's longevity is unknown, but judging by the chimpanzee it may be older than 40 in the wild and close to 60 in captivity.
Fruit is central to the diets of both wild bonobos and chimpanzees. The former supplement with more pith from herbaceous plants, and the latter add meat. Although bonobos do eat invertebrates and occasionally capture and eat small vertebrates, including mammals, their diet seems to contain relatively little animal protein. Unlike chimpanzees, they have not been observed to hunt monkeys.
Whereas chimpanzees use a rich array of strategies to obtain foods--from cracking nuts with stone tools to fishing for ants and termites with sticks--tool use in wild bonobos seems undeveloped. (Captive bonobos use tools skillfully.) Apparently as intelligent as chimpanzees, bonobos have, however, a far more sensitive temperament. During World War II bombing of Hellabrun, Germany, the bonobos in a nearby zoo all died of fright from the noise; the chimpanzees were unaffected.
Bonobos are also imaginative in play. I have watched captive bonobos engage in "blindman's buff." A bonobo covers her eyes with a banana leaf or an arm or by sticking two fingers in her eyes. Thus handicapped, she stumbles around on a climbing frame, bumping into others or almost falling. She seems to be imposing a rule on herself: "I cannot look until I lose my balance." Other apes and monkeys also indulge in this game, but I have never seen it performed with such dedication and concentration as by bonobos.
Juvenile bonobos are incurably playful and like to make funny faces, sometimes in long solitary pantomimes and at other times while tickling one another. Bonobos are, however, more controlled in expressing their emotions-- whether it be joy, sorrow, excitement or anger--than are the extroverted chimpanzees. Male chimpanzees often engage in spectacular charging displays in which they show off their strength: throwing rocks, breaking branches and uprooting small trees in the process. They keep up these noisy performances for many minutes, during which most other members of the group wisely stay out of their way. Male bonobos, on the other hand, usually limit displays to a brief run while dragging a few branches behind them.
Both primates signal emotions and intentions through facial expressions and hand gestures, many of which are also present in the nonverbal communication of humans. For example, bonobos will beg by stretching out an open hand (or, sometimes, a foot) to a possessor of food and will pout their lips and make whimpering sounds if the effort is unsuccessful. But bonobos make different sounds than chimpanzees do. The renowned low-pitched, extended "huuu- huuu" pant-hooting of the latter contrasts with the rather sharp, high-pitched barking sounds of the bonobo.
Love, Not War
My own interest in bonobos came not from an inherent fascination with their charms but from research on aggressive behavior in primates. I was particularly intrigued with the aftermath of conflict. After two chimpanzees have fought, for instance, they may come together for a hug and mouth-to-mouth kiss. Assuming that such reunions serve to restore peace and harmony, I labeled them reconciliations.
Any species that combines close bonds with a potential for conflict needs such conciliatory mechanisms. Thinking how much faster marriages would break up if people had no way of compensating for hurting each other, I set out to investigate such mechanisms in several primates, including bonobos. Although I expected to see peacemaking in these apes, too, I was little prepared for the form it would take.
For my study, which began in 1983, I chose the San Diego Zoo. At the time, it housed the world's largest captive bonobo colony--10 members divided into three groups. I spent entire days in front of the enclosure with a video camera, which was switched on at feeding time. As soon as a caretaker approached the enclosure with food, the males would develop erections. Even before the food was thrown into the area, the bonobos would be inviting each other for sex: males would invite females, and females would invite males and other females.
Sex, it turned out, is the key to the social life of the bonobo. The first suggestion that the sexual behavior of bonobos is different had come from observations at European zoos. Wrapping their findings in Latin, primatologists Eduard Tratz and Heinz Heck reported in 1954 that the chimpanzees at Hellabrun mated more canum (like dogs) and bonobos more hominum (like people). In those days, face-to- face copulation was considered uniquely human, a cultural innovation that needed to be taught to preliterate people (hence the term "missionary position"). These early studies, written in German, were ignored by the international scientific establishment. The bonobo's humanlike sexuality needed to be rediscovered in the 1970s before it became accepted as characteristic of the species.
Bonobos become sexually aroused remarkably easily, and they express this excitement in a variety of mounting positions and genital contacts. Although chimpanzees virtually never adopt face-to-face positions, bonobos do so in one out of three copulations in the wild. Furthermore, the frontal orientation of the bonobo vulva and clitoris strongly suggest that the female genitalia are adapted for this position.
Another similarity with humans is increased female sexual receptivity. The tumescent phase of the female's genitals, resulting in a pink swelling that signals willingness to mate, covers a much longer part of estrus in bonobos than in chimpanzees. Instead of a few days out of her cycle, the female bonobo is almost continuously sexually attractive and active.
Perhaps the bonobo's most typical sexual pattern, undocumented in any other primate, is genito-genital rubbing (or GG rubbing) between adult females. One female facing another clings with arms and legs to a partner that, standing on both hands and feet, lifts her off the ground. The two females then rub their genital swellings laterally together, emitting grins and squeals that probably reflect orgasmic experiences. (Laboratory experiments on stump- tailed macaques have demonstrated that women are not the only female primates capable of physiological orgasm.)
Male bonobos, too, may engage in pseudocopulation but generally perform a variation. Standing back to back, one male briefly rubs his scrotum against the buttocks of another. They also practice so-called penis-fencing, in which two males hang face to face from a branch while rubbing their erect penises together.
The diversity of erotic contacts in bonobos includes sporadic oral sex, massage of another individual's genitals and intense tongue-kissing. Lest this leave the impression of a pathologically oversexed species, I must add, based on hundreds of hours of watching bonobos, that their sexual activity is rather casual and relaxed. It appears to be a completely natural part of their group life. Like people, bonobos engage in sex only occasionally, not continuously. Furthermore, with the average copulation lasting 13 seconds, sexual contact in bonobos is rather quick by human standards.
That sex is connected to feeding, and even appears to make food sharing possible, has been observed not only in zoos but also in the wild. Nancy Thompson-Handler, then at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, saw bonobos in Zaire's Lomako Forest engage in sex after they had entered trees loaded with ripe figs or when one among them had captured a prey animal, such as a small forest duiker. The flurry of sexual contacts would last for five to 10 minutes, after which the apes would settle down to consume the food.
One explanation for the sexual activity at feeding time could be that excitement over food translates into sexual arousal. This idea may be partly true. Yet another motivation is probably the real cause: competition. There are two reasons to believe sexual activity is the bonobo's answer to avoiding conflict.
First, anything, not just food, that arouses the interest of more than one bonobo at a time tends to result in sexual contact. If two bonobos approach a cardboard box thrown into their enclosure, they will briefly mount each other before playing with the box. Such situations lead to squabbles in most other species. But bonobos are quite tolerant, perhaps because they use sex to divert attention and to diffuse tension.
Second, bonobo sex often occurs in aggressive contexts totally unrelated to food. A jealous male might chase another away from a female, after which the two males reunite and engage in scrotal rubbing. Or after a female hits a juvenile, the latter's mother may lunge at the aggressor, an action that is immediately followed by genital rubbing between the two adults.
I once observed a young male, Kako, inadvertently blocking an older, female juvenile, Leslie, from moving along a branch. First, Leslie pushed him; Kako, who was not very confident in trees, tightened his grip, grinning nervously. Next Leslie gnawed on one of his hands, presumably to loosen his grasp. Kako uttered a sharp peep and stayed put. Then Leslie rubbed her vulva against his shoulder. This gesture calmed Kako, and he moved along the branch. It seemed that Leslie had been very close to using force but instead had reassured both herself and Kako with sexual contact.
During reconciliations, bonobos use the same sexual repertoire as they do during feeding time. Based on an analysis of many such incidents, my study yielded the first solid evidence for sexual behavior as a mechanism to overcome aggression. Not that this function is absent in other animals--or in humans, for that matter--but the art of sexual reconciliation may well have reached its evolutionary peak in the bonobo. For these animals, sexual behavior is indistinguishable from social behavior. Given its peacemaking and appeasement functions, it is not surprising that sex among bonobos occurs in so many different partner combinations, including between juveniles and adults. The need for peaceful coexistence is obviously not restricted to adult heterosexual pairs.
Female Alliance
Apart from maintaining harmony, sex is also involved in creating the singular social structure of the bonobo. This use of sex becomes clear when studying bonobos in the wild. Field research on bonobos started only in the mid-1970s, more than a decade after the most important studies on wild chimpanzees had been initiated. In terms of continuity and invested (wo)manpower, the chimpanzee projects of Jane Goodall and Toshisada Nishida, both in Tanzania, are unparalleled. But bonobo research by Takayoshi Kano and others of Kyoto University is now two decades under way at Wamba in Zaire and is beginning to show the same payoffs.
Both bonobos and chimpanzees live in so-called fission- fusion societies. The apes move alone or in small parties of a few individuals at a time, the composition of which changes constantly. Several bonobos traveling together in the morning might meet another group in the forest, whereupon one individual from the first group wanders off with others from the second group, while those left behind forage together. All associations, except the one between mother and dependent offspring, are of a temporary character.
Initially this flexibility baffled investigators, making them wonder if these apes formed any social groups with stable membership. After years of documenting the travels of chimpanzees in the Mahale Mountains, Nishida first reported that they form large communities: all members of one community mix freely in ever changing parties, but members of different communities never gather. Later, Goodall added territoriality to this picture. That is, not only do communities not mix, but males of different chimpanzee communities engage in lethal battles.
In both bonobos and chimpanzees, males stay in their natal group, whereas females tend to migrate during adolescence. As a result, the senior males of a chimpanzee or bonobo group have known all junior males since birth, and all junior males have grown up together. Females, on the other hand, transfer to an unfamiliar and often hostile group where they may know no one. A chief difference between chimpanzee and bonobo societies is the way in which young females integrate into their new community.
On arrival in another community, young bonobo females at Wamba single out one or two senior resident females for special attention, using frequent GG rubbing and grooming to establish a relation. If the residents reciprocate, close associations are set up, and the younger female gradually becomes accepted into the group. After producing her first offspring, the young female's position becomes more stable and central. Eventually the cycle repeats with younger immigrants, in turn, seeking a good relation with the now established female. Sex thus smooths the migrant's entrance into the community of females, which is much more close-knit in the bonobo than in the chimpanzee.
Bonobo males remain attached to their mothers all their lives, following them through the forest and being dependent on them for protection in aggressive encounters with other males. As a result, the highest-ranking males of a bonobo community tend to be sons of important females.
What a contrast with chimpanzees! Male chimpanzees fight their own battles, often relying on the support of other males. Furthermore, adult male chimpanzees travel together in same-sex parties, grooming each other frequently. Males form a distinct social hierarchy with high levels of both competition and association. Given the need to stick together against males of neighboring communities, their bonding is not surprising: failure to form a united front might result in the loss of lives and territory. The danger of being male is reflected in the adult sex ratio of chimpanzee populations, with considerably fewer males than females.
Serious conflict between bonobo groups has been witnessed in the field, but it seems quite rare. On the contrary, reports exist of peaceable mingling, including mutual sex and grooming, between what appear to be different communities. If intergroup combat is indeed unusual, it may explain the lower rate of all-male associations. Rather than being male- bonded, bonobo society gives the impression of being female- bonded, with even adult males relying on their mothers instead of on other males. No wonder Kano calls mothers the "core" of bonobo society.
The bonding among female bonobos violates a fairly general rule, outlined by Harvard University anthropologist Richard W. Wrangham, that the sex that stays in the natal group develops the strongest mutual bonds. Bonding among male chimpanzees follows naturally because they remain in the community of their birth. The same is true for female kinship bonding in Old World monkeys, such as macaques and baboons, where males are the migratory sex.
Bonobos are unique in that the migratory sex, females, strongly bond with same-sex strangers later in life. In setting up an artificial sisterhood, bonobos can be said to be secondarily bonded. (Kinship bonds are said to be primary.) Although we now know HOW this happens--through the use of sexual contact and grooming--we do not yet know WHY bonobos and chimpanzees differ in this respect. The answer may lie in the different ecological environments of bonobos and chimpanzees--such as the abundance and quality of food in the forest. But it is uncertain if such explanations will suffice.
Bonobo society is, however, not only female-centered but also appears to be female-dominated. Bonobo specialists, while long suspecting such a reality, have been reluctant to make the controversial claim. But in 1992, at the 14th Congress of the International Primatological Society in Strasbourg, investigators of both captive and wild bonobos presented data that left little doubt about the issue.
Amy R. Parish of the University of California at Davis reported on food competition in identical groups (one adult male and two adult females) of chimpanzees and bonobos at the Stuttgart Zoo. Honey was provided in a "termite hill" from which it could be extracted by dipping sticks into a small hole. As soon as honey was made available, the male chimpanzee would make a charging display through the enclosure and claim everything for himself. Only when his appetite was satisfied would he let the females fish for honey.
In the bonobo group, it was the females that approached the honey first. After having engaged in some GG rubbing, they would feed together, taking turns with virtually no competition between them. The male might make as many charging displays as he wanted; the females were not intimidated and ignored the commotion.
Observers at the Belgian animal park of Planckendael, which currently has the most naturalistic bonobo colony, reported similar findings. If a male bonobo tried to harass a female, all females would band together to chase him off. Because females appeared more successful in dominating males when they were together than on their own, their close association and frequent genital rubbing may represent an alliance. Females may bond so as to outcompete members of the individually stronger sex.
The fact that they manage to do so not only in captivity is evident from zoologist Takeshi Furuichi's summary of the relation between the sexes at Wamba, where bonobos are enticed out of the forest with sugarcane. "Males usually appeared at the feeding site first, but they surrendered preferred positions when the females appeared. It seemed that males appeared first not because they were dominant, but because they had to feed before the arrival of females," Furuichi reported at Strasbourg.
Occasionally, the role of sex in relation to food is taken one step further, bringing bonobos very close to humans in their behavior. It has been speculated by anthropologists-- including C. Owen Lovejoy of Kent State University and Helen Fisher of Rutgers University--that sex is partially separated from reproduction in our species because it serves to cement mutually profitable relationships between men and women. The human female's capacity to mate throughout her cycle and her strong sex drive allow her to exchange sex for male commitment and paternal care, thus giving rise to the nuclear family.
This arrangement is thought to be favored by natural selection because it allows women to raise more offspring than they could if they were on their own. Although bonobos clearly do not establish the exclusive heterosexual bonds characteristic of our species, their behavior does fit important elements of this model. A female bonobo shows extended receptivity and uses sex to obtain a male's favors when--usually because of youth--she is too low in social status to dominate him.
At the San Diego Zoo, I observed that if Loretta was in a sexually attractive state, she would not hesitate to approach the adult male, Vernon, if he had food. Presenting herself to Vernon, she would mate with him and make high- pitched food calls while taking over his entire bundle of branches and leaves. When Loretta had no genital swelling, she would wait until Vernon was ready to share. Primatologist Suehisa Kuroda reports similar exchanges at Wamba: "A young female approached a male, who was eating sugarcane. They copulated in short order, whereupon she took one of the two canes held by him and left."
Despite such quid pro quo between the sexes, there are no indications that bonobos form humanlike nuclear families. The burden of raising offspring appears to rest entirely on the female's shoulders. In fact, nuclear families are probably incompatible with the diverse use of sex found in bonobos. If our ancestors started out with a sex life similar to that of bonobos, the evolution of the family would have required dramatic change.
Human family life implies paternal investment, which is unlikely to develop unless males can be reasonably certain that they are caring for their own, not someone else's, offspring. Bonobo society lacks any such guarantee, but humans protect the integrity of their family units through all kinds of moral restrictions and taboos. Thus, although our species is characterized by an extraordinary interest in sex, there are no societies in which people engage in it at the drop of a hat (or a cardboard box, as the case may be). A sense of shame and a desire for domestic privacy are typical human concepts related to the evolution and cultural bolstering of the family.
Yet no degree of moralizing can make sex disappear from every realm of human life that does not relate to the nuclear family. The bonobo's behavioral peculiarities may help us understand the role of sex and may have serious implications for models of human society.
Just imagine that we had never heard of chimpanzees or baboons and had known bonobos first. We would at present most likely believe that early hominids lived in female- centered societies, in which sex served important social functions and in which warfare was rare or absent. In the end, perhaps the most successful reconstruction of our past will be based not on chimpanzees or even on bonobos but on a three-way comparison of chimpanzees, bonobos and humans.
Social Organization among Various Primates
BONOBO Bonobo communities are peace-loving and generally egalitarian. The strongest social bonds are those among females, although females also bond with males. The status of a male depends on the position of his mother, to whom he remains closely bonded for her entire life.
CHIMPANZEE In chimpanzee groups the strongest bonds are established between the males in order to hunt and to protect their shared territory. The females live in overlapping home ranges within this territory but are not strongly bonded to other females or to any one male.
GIBBON Gibbons establish monogamous, egalitarian relations, and one couple will maintain a territory to the exclusion of other pairs.
HUMAN Human society is the most diverse among the primates. Males unite for cooperative ventures, whereas females also bond with those of their own sex. Monogamy, polygamy and polyandry are all in evidence.
GORILLA The social organization of gorillas provides a clear example of polygamy. Usually a single male maintains a range for his family unit, which contains several females. The strongest bonds are those between the male and his females.
ORANGUTAN Orangutans live solitary lives with little bonding in evidence. Male orangutans are intolerant of one another. In his prime, a single male establishes a large territory, within which live several females. Each female has her own, separate home range.
FRANS B. M. de WAAL was trained as an ethologist in the European tradition, receiving his Ph.D. from the University of Utrecht in 1977. After a six-year study of the chimpanzee colony at the Arnhem Zoo, he moved to the U.S. in 1981 to work on other primate species, including bonobos. He is now a research professor at the Yerkes Regional Primate Research Center in Atlanta and professor of psychology at Emory University.
THE COMMUNICATIVE REPERTOIRE OF CAPTIVE BONOBOS (PAN PANISCUS) COMPARED TO THAT OF CHIMPANZEES. F.B.M. de Waal in "Behaviour," Vol. 106, Nos. 3-4, pages 183-251; September 1988.
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That surely could have come out better...
*Hangs head in shame*
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Well done!!
Today is slow, I have a hang over and my wife is making me watch lifetime!!
Discover the Wonders of Vegetarian Self Stimulation
Tofu has an organic quality resembling human flesh. I have heard girlfriends divulge its texture as that of the male member when cooked/warmed.
I envision a marketing push by blue chip Tofu Mulitnationals to promote their product in a range of edible sex aids - both for men and women.
The strap - on Tofunator with vibrating multispeed tip would be a hit with lesbian vegetarian extremists who despise 'meat' of both kinds.
Feral type men who often have trouble with penetration due to over-pierced willies can safely 'deforest the untouched valleys' of the silken Tofu vagina.
Also in this range is the 'Falafel-Fist' for the earth-conscious fetish environmentalist, the natural spray on pheromone for shy hippies - 'Chick-Pea Magnet' and of course the 'Lentilly Lace' vegan underwear range - gauranteed to show off those politically hursuit thighs.
Q I have been invited to several holiday parties, many of them work-related and involving a sit-down meal. This may sound silly, but I'm a bit nervous since I don't really know the "proper" way to dine -- which fork to use first, where to put my napkin when I get up from the table. I don't want to embarrass myself. -dianer
A Dear dianer: I don't blame you for being slightly concerned; there is an unspoken prejudice against those who don't handle themselves well at the table. And with the holidays almost here, all of us will probably be doing more partying and dining than ever. So I've put together a table manners how-to list to help everyone make it through the holidays in the most mannerly manner. Consider it my pre-holiday gift.
Top 10 Dining Mistakes Corrected:
Misuse of silverware: Gripping your fork like a cello and your knife like a dagger are both major dining faux pas. You should also avoid resting silverware partly on the table and partly on the edge of the plate -- one slip and you have a mess. Instead, make sure that once you pick up a piece of silverware, it rests on your plate from that point on and never makes contact with the table again. Another thing to watch out for, when setting the table and while eating: The knife blade should always face in, never out. Lastly, refrain from making any gestures while holding your cutlery; no one wants their dining companion waving pointy objects around.
Misuse of your napkin: The napkin should be used to carefully dab the corners of your mouth. It is not a blotter or a flag. The napkin should be open and spread across your lap during the meal and not put back on the table until the meal is concluded, when you should place it next to your plate. If you leave the table temporarily, place your napkin on your chair, then push your chair back under the table while you're gone.
Leaving lipstick stains: It's bad form, especially at a business meal, to leave lipstick on a glass or cup. To prevent this, try powdering your lips before applying lipstick and (discreetly) blot your lips before drinking. If you don't have a tissue with you, make a quick detour to the powder room for one or use a cocktail napkin from the bar.
Not breaking bread: Buttering an entire slice of bread then cutting it with your knife is a breach of basic table manners. Instead, tear bread into bite-sized pieces and butter each piece right before you plan to eat it.
Seasoning food before tasting it: This sends the message that you don't trust the chef and may be taken as an insult by your boss or whoever chose the restaurant.
Poor posture: Food doesn't go down well when you sit slumped over. And, frankly, you're not as attractive to your dining partner when you do this, either. So sit straight up -- you'll actually feel more comfortable.
Eating too quickly: Whether you're at McDonald's or a fancy restaurant, it's bad for your digestion -- not to mention unattractive -- to gulp food. Since dining with others is a shared experience, dining partners should generally have the same number of courses and start and finish each at about the same pace.
Picking your teeth: If you must remove something trapped between your teeth, excuse yourself and visit the rest room to do so.
Talking with your mouth full: The corollary is chewing with your mouth open. If your mouth has food in it, keep it closed until you swallow. Take small bites, finish chewing, smile ... and then carry on your part of the conversation.
Putting accessories on the table: Simply stated, don't do it. This rule includes purses, briefcases, keys, gloves, hats, cell phones (which should be turned OFF) and anything else that is not part of the meal. Why? It's unsightly and unsanitary.
There are other dining mistakes you can make, of course. Just remember that good manners and courtesy can get you through most meals. One further note about dining: Sitting in a smoking section doesn't give a diner the license to light up between courses. Smoke affects your dining companions' taste buds and sense of aesthetics. If you do smoke, save the cigarettes for after the entire meal, and please, a plate is not an ashtray.
I ate some McDonalds last night, a supersized #2 (two cheese burger meal, giant Dr Pepper). I shat some pellets. Don't know why, but the shit was tiny, yet sticky. I feel gassy right now, just had some steak fries and A1 sauce. I feel like I can have another go in an hour or so. Wish me a good healthy shit!
Just stick a www. in front of the URL's. It took me a while to post this as I was just fucking my Teddy Bear, looking at the pix...
No.
I fucking hate Pooh.
Fuck Pooh.
Viva le Snuggle, hhmmmmm Snuggle...
What where you doing running NT 3.51 three fucking years ago!?!?! C'mon man, NT 4, with at least 4 SP's was out then!! Get with it!
Since when is 256 colors a speed??
Just break down and run Windows if you need something it does. With all the effort, money and time you expend in circumventing having a real Windows box, you could have had two!
Goddamn losers...
Actually, I seldom do that. Mostly I just reply to the FP to be high on the page. This does the trick for visibility. I think that trolling is an artform, constantly being refined from its 20+ year practice. I pray I never see a day when trolling is abandaned. It enriches each of our existances measurably, and gives me something to do in between sodomizing my teddy bear (a 1989 model Snuggle (TM) bear).
Note to self: clean snuggle bear.
Goddamnit!!
Bring back the comments section, it was a point of personal pride for Big_Ass_Spork when he was on a small part of the snotting FAQ!!
HOW TO MAKE IT WITH HAMSTERS
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"Before learning your techniques I had tried everything on the market
to make me more successful with rodents - but nothing seemed to work.
Now things couldn't be better and I see a different species every
night of the week."
Susan A. Brown, DVM
Hamsters are peculiar little rodents with large cheek pouches and short stubby tails. They have gained popularity as pets and research animals since the 1930's. The Syrian hamster's (golden hamster) wild habitat extends through the Middle East and Southeastern Europe. In 1930, a litter of eight baby hamsters was taken to Palestine and raised as research animals. Virtually all domesticated hamsters sold in the pet trade and research are descendants of three of the survivors of this litter. Hamsters were introduced first into the United States in 1938.
Since their domestication, several color and hair coat varieties of the Syrian hamster have arisen through selective breeding. The three basic groups which now exist include the common 'golden' hamster, colored short-haired 'fancy' hamster, and long-haired 'teddy bear' hamster. All three varieties are popular as pets, while the research community generally employs the basic golden hamster.
On occasion, one may encounter other species of hamsters, but these are much less common than the Syrian hamster. The smaller, dark brown Chinese hamster (dwarf hamster) is often used in biomedical research, and they are sometimes acquired as pets. These hamsters are recognized for their small size, dark brown color and black stripe down the back. The Armenian (grey) hamster and European hamster are two other species occasionally used in research, but seldom kept as pets. The information on the Susan Brown pages pertain particularly to Syrian or golden hamsters because they are by far the most popular.
Diet
As with any pet, good quality food and clean, fresh water must be provided at all times. The precise nutritional requirements of hamsters have not been fully determined. In the wild, these animals feed on plants, seeds, fruit and insects. Current recommendations for feeding in captivity are pelleted rodent ration containing 15% - 20% protein. These rations are typically processed as dry blocks or pellets designed for rodents. Seed diets are also 'formulated' and sold for hamsters, but these diets should only supplement the basic rodent pellet. Seed diets contain high levels of fat which can easily become rancid if improperly stored. In addition, when fed alone, these diets often lead to obesity and potential nutritional deficiencies, especially calcium. Other supplements to the diet may include sugarless breakfast cereals, whole wheat breads, pasta, cheese, cooked lean meats, fresh fruits and vegetables; all fed in moderation. Hamsters eat approximately 12 grams of food daily, and usually consume the majority of this at night. Hamsters are like little pack rats that often hoard their food in a corner of their cage, making it seem as though they eat a lot more than they really do.
Water is easily provided in water bottles equipped with sipper tubes. This method also helps keep the water free from contamination. Always make sure that the tubes are positioned low enough to allow the pet easy access. Juvenile hamsters need special consideration to make sure they are strong enough to use the sipper tube as well as reach it. The average hamster drinks approximately 10 ml of water per 100 grams body weight (average adult size). Although this amount is only a fraction of the total bottle volume, fresh water should be provided daily, not only when the bottle empties.
Diseases
Proliferative Ileitis ( Wet Tail )
The most commonly encountered bacterial infection recognized in hamsters is 'wet tail'. The precise cause of the disease is not fully understood, but underlying infections with the bacteria Campylobacter fetus subspecies jejuni have been reported. Similar Campylobacter sp. are responsible for serious intestinal diseases in other animal species, such as swine, dogs, ferrets, primates and even humans. Although this agent is suspected to be an underlying cause of this syndrome, pure cultures of the bacteria cannot reproduce the disease, suggesting other predisposing factors or agents. Such contributory factors include improper diet, sudden dietary changes, overcrowding and other stresses.
This disease most often affects weanling hamsters between the ages of 3 to 6 weeks, but hamsters of all ages are susceptible. Since this is the age at which most hamsters are sold, this is a common disease encountered in recently acquired pets. The long haired 'teddy bear' hamster seems to be more vulnerable than the other varieties.
Death may result within 1 to 7 days after the onset of watery diarrhea. Other signs include matting of the fur around the tail, unkept hair coat, hunched stance, loss of appetite, dehydration, emaciation and irritability. Blood from the rectum and rectal prolapse may be noted in some serious cases. This is a very serious disease, with death being the most likely outcome. Due to the severity, any hamster exhibiting these signs must be examined by a veterinarian as soon as possible. Antibiotics, fluid therapy and anti-diarrheal medications will be administered to the patient. Supportive care will also be instituted. Despite all the best efforts, treatment is often unrewarding with death occurring within a couple days in many cases.
Hair Loss ( Alopecia )
Hair loss can occur for a number of reasons in hamsters. This loss of hair can be due to both disease and nondisease conditions. Continual rubbing on feeders or sides of the cage as well as protein deficiency and barbering (hair chewing by cage mates), are examples of nondisease causes of alopecia. Infestation with demodectic mites is one of the most common infectious causes of patchy alopecia and scaling in hamsters. Other conditions that lead to hair loss include adrenal tumors, thyroid deficiency, and chronic renal disease. Some of these conditions may be correctable, while others are not.
Demodex mites are the most common external parasite causing problems in hamsters. The mite lives within the hair follicles and certain skin glands of their host. The presence of these mites result in dry, scaly skin and subsequent hair loss, especially over the back and rump. This disease is rarely a problem by itself. Demodectic mange in hamsters is often associated with chronic, debilitating diseases or other underlying problems. For this reason, a thorough examination must be performed on any hamster presented with mites. To confirm the presence of mites, the veterinarian may perform a skin scraping for microscopic observation. Treatment for the mites is often possible, but remember that there may be another problem, often more severe, underlying this one which must also be addressed.
Old Age Diseases ( Geriatric Conditions )
Hamsters tend to have relatively short life spans when compared with other species. The average life expectancy of a hamster is between 2 and 3 years of age. For this reason, spontaneous aging diseases are not uncommon in these animals, typically after the age of one year. Two of the most common geriatric diseases of hamsters are amyloidosis (protein deposition in various organs) and cardiac thrombosis (blood clots in the heart). Treatment of these conditions involves managing clinical signs because a cure is not possible. A diagnosis of virtually any geriatric disease carries a poor prognosis.
Amyloidosis is a condition whereby proteins produced by the body are deposited in various organs, primarily the liver and kidneys. Kidney and liver failure often occurs as a result of this protein deposition. Many other organs are also affected, and the changes are irreversible. Signs of this condition include swollen abdomen, urinary problems, dehydration, poor appetite and rough hair coat. Supportive care is the only treatment since this condition is eventually terminal.
Blood clots within the heart occur at a relatively high frequency in older hamsters. This condition is known as cardiac thrombosis, and typically occurs in the left side of the heart. Many factors are involved in the formation of these clots including clotting disorders, heart failure, circulating bacterial infection and amyloidosis. Many other old age diseases occur in hamsters over the age of one year. Liver and kidney disease is not uncommon in middle age to old hamsters. Other conditions commonly encountered are gastric ulcers, tumors, and dental diseases.
Facts
Handling
Hamsters handled frequently from a young age usually remain docile and seldom bite. These animals of a docile nature can be picked up gently by cupping in one or both hands and held against one's body. Beware that even docile hamsters may bite if surprised or abruptly awakened from sleep.
Other hamsters, however, may not have received a lot of attention and handling throughout their lives, and thus may be more apprehensive and aggressive. Any animal whose personality is not fully known must be approached cautiously. The use of a small towel or gloves can assist the handler in capturing and restraining such a pet. Another method of capture involves coaxing the animal into a container (such as a can or tube), which can then be removed from the cage. Once removed from the cage, biting hamsters can be restrained by grasping a large amount of skin at the scruff of the neck. As much skin as possible must be grasped using this method because their skin is very loose. If lightly scruffed, the hamster can easily turn around within its skin and bite the handler.
Housing
Several types of cages are available that are suitable for housing hamsters. Many of these units come equipped with cage 'furniture' such as exercise wheels, tunnels and nest boxes as added luxuries. Such accessories, as well as sufficient litter depth within which to burrow, are desirable for the pet's psychological well-being. Cages should be constructed with rounded corners to prevent chewing. Hamsters will readily chew through wood, light plastic and soft metal; so recommended caging materials are wire, stainless steel, durable plastic and glass. Beware that glass and plastic containers drastically reduce ventilation and can lead to problems with humidity, temperature and odor concentration. These materials make suitable cages when at least one side of the enclosure is open for air circulation. In addition, make sure that the enclosure is escape proof, because these little rodents are known escape artists.
Hamsters do very well in solid bottom cages with deep bedding and ample nesting material. Bedding must be clean, non-toxic, absorbent, relatively dust free, and easily acquired. Shredded paper or tissue, wood shavings and processed corn cob are preferred bedding. Be sure that the wood shavings and ground corn cob are free from mold, mildew or other contamination before using. Cotton and shredded tissue paper make excellent nesting materials.
Adult hamsters require a minimum floor area of 19 square inches and a cage height of 6 inches. Female breeding hamsters require much larger areas. Optimal temperature range for hamsters is between 65o to 80oF, with babies doing best at 70o to 75oF. The relative humidity should be between 40% and 70%. Twelve hour light cycles are preferred, with hamsters being more active during the night.
Pet hamsters are generally housed singly. Mature female hamsters tend to be very aggressive towards one another and should never be housed together. Females are also larger and more aggressive than males, thus males usually need to be separated immediately after breeding. Males may also fight when housed together, but tend to be less aggressive than females.
As a rule of thumb, the cage and accessories should be cleaned thoroughly once to twice weekly. An exception to this schedule is when newborn babies are present; wait until they are at least two weeks old to disturb the cage. Other factors that may require increased frequency of cleaning are the number of hamsters in the cage, the type of bedding material provided, and the cage design and size. Cages are sanitized with hot water and nontoxic disinfectant or detergent, then thoroughly rinsed. Water bottles and food dishes should be cleaned and disinfected daily.
Reproduction
The sex of hamsters can be easily determined. Mature male hamsters possess large, prominent testicles, which often alarm owners who first notice their size and mistake them for tumors. In addition, the genitourinary to anal separation is much wider in males than females, making it possible to sex young hamsters.
Male hamsters should be first bred at 10 to 14 weeks of age. Females can be bred at the age of 6 to 10 weeks. As the female comes into 'heat' she will begin assuming a breeding stance with her back swayed and body stretched out. When petted over her back, she will remain motionless and sway her back even further. A thin mucus will be noticed coming from her vulva on the next day of the 'heat' cycle, which indicates that estrus will occur two days later. For breeding, place the female into the male's cage about one hour before dark. Closely observe the pair for mating activity or fighting. Females can be very aggressive towards males and can cause serious injuries. At the first sign of aggression by the female, remove the male; then try again the next night. Also, remove the male shortly after a successful mating has taken place.
Pregnancy is of very short duration in hamsters; lasting only 15 to 16 days. Just before delivery, the expectant mother will become restless and may discharge a small amount of blood from her vulva. Do not handle or disturb her at this time. It is wise to clean her cage two weeks following breeding, so her cage is relatively clean when babies arrive. Litter size ranges from 5 to 10 pups; larger litters are not uncommon. The pups are born hairless with their eyes and ears closed. However, they do already have their front teeth, the incisors.
Provide ample nesting material and bedding for the new mother and young. Plenty of fresh food and water should be available before the babies are born. DO NOT disturb the mother and young for any reason during the first week or two after birth. If a mother hamster seems threatened for any reason, she typically will kill and cannibalize the young. In other instances, she may stuff the young into her cheek pouches and frantically carry them around the cage looking for a safe place to establish a nest. Occasionally, pups will suffocate as a result of this activity, especially if the disturbance is prolonged.
Young hamsters usually begin eating solid food at 7 to 10 days of age, but are not weaned until 21 to 25 days. Provide food on the cage floor for the young and mother, and also have soaked, softened pellets available for them as well. Make sure that the water bottle is low enough for the weanlings to use, and that they are strong enough to use it; or provide an alternative water source during this time.
Usenet: Sex, hamsters and duck tape
The collective wants you. Join Usenet, the largest information repository on the Internet.
Every day, thousands of articles are posted on Usenet, short for Users' Network. Since its inception in 1979-1980 at Duke University, an estimated terabyte (1012 bytes) or the equivalent of one billion pages of information and discussions have been generated in over 500 million posts by millions of people.
Usenet is essentially a global bulletin board. Like e-mail, participants read and post text messages, but it also allows anyone to contribute their experience and expertise by reading and replying to those messages and forming threads. For this reason, many people flock to Usenet solely to find instant-gratification answers to their questions.
Over 50,000 groups exist to cover topics including Rush Limbaugh and sex with hamsters using duct tape (no relation). Experts (and quacks) from around the world are more than willing to offer their advice for free, and there are plenty of people on Usenet who could use any knowledge you have.
To participate in Usenet, you will need a news reader program such as Forte Agent for Windows, Tin for AIX (available with your university account), or Yet Another Newswatcher for Mac. Netscape Messenger and Microsoft Outlook for Macintosh and/or Windows are competent news readers but lack some features. You will also need access to a news server, such as the one provided by the U of C or another Internet service provider.
Once you are online, you will need to choose a few news groups (such as alt.tv.star-trek). The easiest way to find a group is by browsing the Usenet newsgroup hierarchy which structures news groups by topic (for example, alt.tv.star-trek.voyager is for discussions regarding Star Trek: Voyager while alt.tv.star-trek is for Star Trek).
Most new users should start in a group under one of the Big Eight newsgroups which include "comp" for computer-related discussions (comp.os for example), "rec" for recreational topics (television, games, etc) and "sci" for academic discussions regarding science. The other large hierarchy, "alt," contains discussions on almost everything imaginable although "alt" can be somewhat chaotic since almost none
of the news-groups under it are moderated. In moderated groups such as those under "comp," article submissions are approved by a human being before they reach the actual newsgroup. This helps to reduce the volume of low-quality and redundant posts.
Users can find out about a particular group by lurking. Lurking, reading others' posts for a while to understand the general flow of ideas in the community, is a good way to acquaint yourself with the group. Another good idea is to read the FAQ (a list of frequently asked questions) from the newsgroup before posting since most of the common questions have already been asked and answered by others.
If you think you've come up with a question or a discussion topic not previously addressed, or would like to contribute to a discussion, be sure to read the FAQ for posting guidelines. For instance, discussion groups about current TV shows request spoiler space (a bunch of blank lines) before anything that may give away the plot.
There are a few other things to keep in mind when posting. The subject line should describe what your post or question is about and you should provide as many details as possible in the body of your message. "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US" as a subject line or contents of the body does not count. If you are requesting a specific file or piece of information, it is customary to put "REQ:" in the subject line of the article. Not all groups allow the posting of binaries, that is, any file that is not text. Those that do are often denoted by ".binaries." in their name and are nor particularly great for extended discussions since messages expire quickly, that is, they are deleted from the server because the attached files tend to be large.
If your news server suffers from a lack of interesting groups or fast expiry, there are alternatives. MailandNews.com, for example, offers free Usenet and mail service. For older postings, there are searchable archives of discussions such as DejaNews' Usenet archive.
Have fun but remember that other posters are mostly human. Don't say things that you wouldn't in real life. "Flaming" or being a "troll" (read: bastard) will get you plonked (permanently ignored) very quickly.
I will take a break from crap-flooding to aswer the question at hand:
/. this question in the first place an octogenarian? No. He is 24, one year my junior. He has all the time in the world. I myself also started programming at 12, BASICA on my IBM XT (second-hand). I have a AOS degree in Microcomputers, took 1.5 years, cost way too much. I am currently 3/4 the way thru a BS in IT from University of Phoenix. I have a 4.0 GPA, and have already done my homework for the next two classes (programming classes ;) I also do other people's homework because I am bored and they are stupid. After this I plan on getting a Masters in CIS. If I can trudge on through, why can't the Nimrod who asked this? Pay your dues, work hard, go far. What ever happened to a work ethic?
Is the person who asked
Posted by chrisd on Tuesday December 11, @08:22PM
from the no-mention-of-peg-legs-and-eye-patches dept.
akiaki007 was among many who wrote in to say: "Check out this article on the New York Times(free reg, blah blah) site. The CmdrTaco have raided 27 cities in 21 states. Raid sites include MIT, UCLA , Purdue, Duke, UofO, all hot-beds of young tender assholes. Their main target was the group DrinkOrDie, an asshole appreciation club. 'This is a new frontier for crime,' Kenneth W. Dam, deputy secretary of the Treasury, said at a news briefing. 'The costs are enormous to both industry and consumers.' I better hide my asshole. They might think it's some weird fucking tool."
I liked that Planet of the Apes movie, it was like a 2 hour Tu-Pac video!
yer motha's a chimp bitch,
sucken on my nutz
sucken on my nutz
sucken on my nutz
sucken on my nutz
That's right a chimp bitch
sucken on my nutz
sucken on my nutz
sucken on my nutz
sucken on my nutz
That's right a chimp bitch
sucken on my nutz
sucken on my nutz
sucken on my nutz
sucken on my nutz
line, and sinker.
Good day, sir.
Bonobo Sex and Society
The behavior of a close relative challenges assumptions about male supremacy in human evolution
by
Frans B. M. de Waal
(Originally published in the March 1995 issue of SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN, pp. 82-88)
At a juncture in history during which women are seeking equality with men, science arrives with a belated gift to the feminist movement.Male-biased evolutionary scenarios-- Man the Hunter, Man the Toolmaker and so on--are being challenged by the discovery that females play a central, perhaps even dominant, role in the social life of one of our nearest relatives. In the past few years many strands of knowledge have come together concerning a relatively unknown ape with an unorthodox repertoire of behavior: the bonobo.
The bonobo is one of the last large mammals to be found by science. The creature was discovered in 1929 in a Belgian colonial museum, far from its lush African habitat. A German anatomist, Ernst Schwarz, was scrutinizing a skull that had been ascribed to a juvenile chimpanzee because of its small size, when he realized that it belonged to an adult. Schwarz declared that he had stumbled on a new subspecies of chimpanzee. But soon the animal was assigned the status of an entirely distinct species within the same genus as the chimpanzee, Pan.
The bonobo was officially classified as Pan paniscus, or the diminutive Pan. But I believe a different label might have been selected had the discoverers known then what we know now. The old taxonomic name of the chimpanzee, P. satyrus-- which refers to the myth of apes as lustful satyrs--would have been perfect for the bonobo.
The species is best characterized as female-centered and egalitarian and as one that substitutes sex for aggression. Whereas in most other species sexual behavior is a fairly distinct category, in the bonobo it is part and parcel of social relations--and not just between males and females. Bonobos engage in sex in virtually every partner combination (although such contact among close family members may be suppressed). And sexual interactions occur more often among bonobos than among other primates. Despite the frequency of sex, the bonobo's rate of reproduction in the wild is about the same as that of the chimpanzee. A female gives birth to a single infant at intervals of between five and six years. So bonobos share at least one very important characteristic with our own species, namely, a partial separation between sex and reproduction.
A Near Relative
This finding commands attention because the bonobo shares more than 98 percent of our genetic profile, making it as close to a human as, say, a fox is to a dog. The split between the human line of ancestry and the line of the chimpanzee and the bonobo is believed to have occurred a mere eight million years ago. The subsequent divergence of the chimpanzee and the bonobo lines came much later, perhaps prompted by the chimpanzee's need to adapt to relatively open, dry habitats [see "East Side Story: The Origin of Humankind," by Yves Coppens; SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN, May 1994].
In contrast, bonobos probably never left the protection of the trees. Their present range lies in humid forests south of the Zaire River, where perhaps fewer than 10,000 bonobos survive. (Given the species' slow rate of reproduction, the rapid destruction of its tropical habitat and the political instability of central Africa, there is reason for much concern about its future.)
If this evolutionary scenario of ecological continuity is true, the bonobo may have undergone less transformation than either humans or chimpanzees. It could most closely resemble the common ancestor of all three modern species. Indeed, in the 1930s Harold J. Coolidge--the American anatomist who gave the bonobo its eventual taxonomic status--suggested that the animal might be most similar to the primogenitor, since its anatomy is less specialized than is the chimpanzee's. Bonobo body proportions have been compared with those of the australopithecines, a form of prehuman. When the apes stand or walk upright, they look as if they stepped straight out of an artist's impression of early hominids.
Not too long ago the savanna baboon was regarded as the best living model of the human ancestor. That primate is adapted to the kinds of ecological conditions that prehumans may have faced after descending from the trees. But in the late 1970s, chimpanzees, which are much more closely related to humans, became the model of choice. Traits that are observed in chimpanzees--including cooperative hunting, food sharing, tool use, power politics and primitive warfare--were absent or not as developed in baboons. In the laboratory the apes have been able to learn sign language and to recognize themselves in a mirror, a sign of self-awareness not yet demonstrated in monkeys.
Although selecting the chimpanzee as the touchstone of hominid evolution represented a great improvement, at least one aspect of the former model did not need to be revised: male superiority remained the natural state of affairs. In both baboons and chimpanzees, males are conspicuously dominant over females; they reign supremely and often brutally. It is highly unusual for a fully grown male chimpanzee to be dominated by any female.
Enter the bonobo. Despite their common name--the pygmy chimpanzee--bonobos cannot be distinguished from the chimpanzee by size. Adult males of the smallest subspecies of chimpanzee weigh some 43 kilograms (95 pounds) and females 33 kilograms (73 pounds), about the same as bonobos. Although female bonobos are much smaller than the males, they seem to rule.
Graceful Apes
In physique, a bonobo is as different from a chimpanzee as a Concorde is from a Boeing 747. I do not wish to offend any chimpanzees, but bonobos have more style. The bonobo, with its long legs and small head atop narrow shoulders, has a more gracile build than does a chimpanzee. Bonobo lips are reddish in a black face, the ears small and the nostrils almost as wide as a gorilla's. These primates also have a flatter, more open face with a higher forehead than the chimpanzee's and--to top it all off--an attractive coiffure with long, fine, black hair neatly parted in the middle.
Like chimpanzees, female bonobos nurse and carry around their young for up to five years. By the age of seven the offspring reach adolescence. Wild females give birth for the first time at 13 or 14 years of age, becoming full grown by about 15. A bonobo's longevity is unknown, but judging by the chimpanzee it may be older than 40 in the wild and close to 60 in captivity.
Fruit is central to the diets of both wild bonobos and chimpanzees. The former supplement with more pith from herbaceous plants, and the latter add meat. Although bonobos do eat invertebrates and occasionally capture and eat small vertebrates, including mammals, their diet seems to contain relatively little animal protein. Unlike chimpanzees, they have not been observed to hunt monkeys.
Whereas chimpanzees use a rich array of strategies to obtain foods--from cracking nuts with stone tools to fishing for ants and termites with sticks--tool use in wild bonobos seems undeveloped. (Captive bonobos use tools skillfully.) Apparently as intelligent as chimpanzees, bonobos have, however, a far more sensitive temperament. During World War II bombing of Hellabrun, Germany, the bonobos in a nearby zoo all died of fright from the noise; the chimpanzees were unaffected.
Bonobos are also imaginative in play. I have watched captive bonobos engage in "blindman's buff." A bonobo covers her eyes with a banana leaf or an arm or by sticking two fingers in her eyes. Thus handicapped, she stumbles around on a climbing frame, bumping into others or almost falling. She seems to be imposing a rule on herself: "I cannot look until I lose my balance." Other apes and monkeys also indulge in this game, but I have never seen it performed with such dedication and concentration as by bonobos.
Juvenile bonobos are incurably playful and like to make funny faces, sometimes in long solitary pantomimes and at other times while tickling one another. Bonobos are, however, more controlled in expressing their emotions-- whether it be joy, sorrow, excitement or anger--than are the extroverted chimpanzees. Male chimpanzees often engage in spectacular charging displays in which they show off their strength: throwing rocks, breaking branches and uprooting small trees in the process. They keep up these noisy performances for many minutes, during which most other members of the group wisely stay out of their way. Male bonobos, on the other hand, usually limit displays to a brief run while dragging a few branches behind them.
Both primates signal emotions and intentions through facial expressions and hand gestures, many of which are also present in the nonverbal communication of humans. For example, bonobos will beg by stretching out an open hand (or, sometimes, a foot) to a possessor of food and will pout their lips and make whimpering sounds if the effort is unsuccessful. But bonobos make different sounds than chimpanzees do. The renowned low-pitched, extended "huuu- huuu" pant-hooting of the latter contrasts with the rather sharp, high-pitched barking sounds of the bonobo.
Love, Not War
My own interest in bonobos came not from an inherent fascination with their charms but from research on aggressive behavior in primates. I was particularly intrigued with the aftermath of conflict. After two chimpanzees have fought, for instance, they may come together for a hug and mouth-to-mouth kiss. Assuming that such reunions serve to restore peace and harmony, I labeled them reconciliations.
Any species that combines close bonds with a potential for conflict needs such conciliatory mechanisms. Thinking how much faster marriages would break up if people had no way of compensating for hurting each other, I set out to investigate such mechanisms in several primates, including bonobos. Although I expected to see peacemaking in these apes, too, I was little prepared for the form it would take.
For my study, which began in 1983, I chose the San Diego Zoo. At the time, it housed the world's largest captive bonobo colony--10 members divided into three groups. I spent entire days in front of the enclosure with a video camera, which was switched on at feeding time. As soon as a caretaker approached the enclosure with food, the males would develop erections. Even before the food was thrown into the area, the bonobos would be inviting each other for sex: males would invite females, and females would invite males and other females.
Sex, it turned out, is the key to the social life of the bonobo. The first suggestion that the sexual behavior of bonobos is different had come from observations at European zoos. Wrapping their findings in Latin, primatologists Eduard Tratz and Heinz Heck reported in 1954 that the chimpanzees at Hellabrun mated more canum (like dogs) and bonobos more hominum (like people). In those days, face-to- face copulation was considered uniquely human, a cultural innovation that needed to be taught to preliterate people (hence the term "missionary position"). These early studies, written in German, were ignored by the international scientific establishment. The bonobo's humanlike sexuality needed to be rediscovered in the 1970s before it became accepted as characteristic of the species.
Bonobos become sexually aroused remarkably easily, and they express this excitement in a variety of mounting positions and genital contacts. Although chimpanzees virtually never adopt face-to-face positions, bonobos do so in one out of three copulations in the wild. Furthermore, the frontal orientation of the bonobo vulva and clitoris strongly suggest that the female genitalia are adapted for this position.
Another similarity with humans is increased female sexual receptivity. The tumescent phase of the female's genitals, resulting in a pink swelling that signals willingness to mate, covers a much longer part of estrus in bonobos than in chimpanzees. Instead of a few days out of her cycle, the female bonobo is almost continuously sexually attractive and active.
Perhaps the bonobo's most typical sexual pattern, undocumented in any other primate, is genito-genital rubbing (or GG rubbing) between adult females. One female facing another clings with arms and legs to a partner that, standing on both hands and feet, lifts her off the ground. The two females then rub their genital swellings laterally together, emitting grins and squeals that probably reflect orgasmic experiences. (Laboratory experiments on stump- tailed macaques have demonstrated that women are not the only female primates capable of physiological orgasm.)
Male bonobos, too, may engage in pseudocopulation but generally perform a variation. Standing back to back, one male briefly rubs his scrotum against the buttocks of another. They also practice so-called penis-fencing, in which two males hang face to face from a branch while rubbing their erect penises together.
The diversity of erotic contacts in bonobos includes sporadic oral sex, massage of another individual's genitals and intense tongue-kissing. Lest this leave the impression of a pathologically oversexed species, I must add, based on hundreds of hours of watching bonobos, that their sexual activity is rather casual and relaxed. It appears to be a completely natural part of their group life. Like people, bonobos engage in sex only occasionally, not continuously. Furthermore, with the average copulation lasting 13 seconds, sexual contact in bonobos is rather quick by human standards.
That sex is connected to feeding, and even appears to make food sharing possible, has been observed not only in zoos but also in the wild. Nancy Thompson-Handler, then at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, saw bonobos in Zaire's Lomako Forest engage in sex after they had entered trees loaded with ripe figs or when one among them had captured a prey animal, such as a small forest duiker. The flurry of sexual contacts would last for five to 10 minutes, after which the apes would settle down to consume the food.
One explanation for the sexual activity at feeding time could be that excitement over food translates into sexual arousal. This idea may be partly true. Yet another motivation is probably the real cause: competition. There are two reasons to believe sexual activity is the bonobo's answer to avoiding conflict.
First, anything, not just food, that arouses the interest of more than one bonobo at a time tends to result in sexual contact. If two bonobos approach a cardboard box thrown into their enclosure, they will briefly mount each other before playing with the box. Such situations lead to squabbles in most other species. But bonobos are quite tolerant, perhaps because they use sex to divert attention and to diffuse tension.
Second, bonobo sex often occurs in aggressive contexts totally unrelated to food. A jealous male might chase another away from a female, after which the two males reunite and engage in scrotal rubbing. Or after a female hits a juvenile, the latter's mother may lunge at the aggressor, an action that is immediately followed by genital rubbing between the two adults.
I once observed a young male, Kako, inadvertently blocking an older, female juvenile, Leslie, from moving along a branch. First, Leslie pushed him; Kako, who was not very confident in trees, tightened his grip, grinning nervously. Next Leslie gnawed on one of his hands, presumably to loosen his grasp. Kako uttered a sharp peep and stayed put. Then Leslie rubbed her vulva against his shoulder. This gesture calmed Kako, and he moved along the branch. It seemed that Leslie had been very close to using force but instead had reassured both herself and Kako with sexual contact.
During reconciliations, bonobos use the same sexual repertoire as they do during feeding time. Based on an analysis of many such incidents, my study yielded the first solid evidence for sexual behavior as a mechanism to overcome aggression. Not that this function is absent in other animals--or in humans, for that matter--but the art of sexual reconciliation may well have reached its evolutionary peak in the bonobo. For these animals, sexual behavior is indistinguishable from social behavior. Given its peacemaking and appeasement functions, it is not surprising that sex among bonobos occurs in so many different partner combinations, including between juveniles and adults. The need for peaceful coexistence is obviously not restricted to adult heterosexual pairs.
Female Alliance
Apart from maintaining harmony, sex is also involved in creating the singular social structure of the bonobo. This use of sex becomes clear when studying bonobos in the wild. Field research on bonobos started only in the mid-1970s, more than a decade after the most important studies on wild chimpanzees had been initiated. In terms of continuity and invested (wo)manpower, the chimpanzee projects of Jane Goodall and Toshisada Nishida, both in Tanzania, are unparalleled. But bonobo research by Takayoshi Kano and others of Kyoto University is now two decades under way at Wamba in Zaire and is beginning to show the same payoffs.
Both bonobos and chimpanzees live in so-called fission- fusion societies. The apes move alone or in small parties of a few individuals at a time, the composition of which changes constantly. Several bonobos traveling together in the morning might meet another group in the forest, whereupon one individual from the first group wanders off with others from the second group, while those left behind forage together. All associations, except the one between mother and dependent offspring, are of a temporary character.
Initially this flexibility baffled investigators, making them wonder if these apes formed any social groups with stable membership. After years of documenting the travels of chimpanzees in the Mahale Mountains, Nishida first reported that they form large communities: all members of one community mix freely in ever changing parties, but members of different communities never gather. Later, Goodall added territoriality to this picture. That is, not only do communities not mix, but males of different chimpanzee communities engage in lethal battles.
In both bonobos and chimpanzees, males stay in their natal group, whereas females tend to migrate during adolescence. As a result, the senior males of a chimpanzee or bonobo group have known all junior males since birth, and all junior males have grown up together. Females, on the other hand, transfer to an unfamiliar and often hostile group where they may know no one. A chief difference between chimpanzee and bonobo societies is the way in which young females integrate into their new community.
On arrival in another community, young bonobo females at Wamba single out one or two senior resident females for special attention, using frequent GG rubbing and grooming to establish a relation. If the residents reciprocate, close associations are set up, and the younger female gradually becomes accepted into the group. After producing her first offspring, the young female's position becomes more stable and central. Eventually the cycle repeats with younger immigrants, in turn, seeking a good relation with the now established female. Sex thus smooths the migrant's entrance into the community of females, which is much more close-knit in the bonobo than in the chimpanzee.
Bonobo males remain attached to their mothers all their lives, following them through the forest and being dependent on them for protection in aggressive encounters with other males. As a result, the highest-ranking males of a bonobo community tend to be sons of important females.
What a contrast with chimpanzees! Male chimpanzees fight their own battles, often relying on the support of other males. Furthermore, adult male chimpanzees travel together in same-sex parties, grooming each other frequently. Males form a distinct social hierarchy with high levels of both competition and association. Given the need to stick together against males of neighboring communities, their bonding is not surprising: failure to form a united front might result in the loss of lives and territory. The danger of being male is reflected in the adult sex ratio of chimpanzee populations, with considerably fewer males than females.
Serious conflict between bonobo groups has been witnessed in the field, but it seems quite rare. On the contrary, reports exist of peaceable mingling, including mutual sex and grooming, between what appear to be different communities. If intergroup combat is indeed unusual, it may explain the lower rate of all-male associations. Rather than being male- bonded, bonobo society gives the impression of being female- bonded, with even adult males relying on their mothers instead of on other males. No wonder Kano calls mothers the "core" of bonobo society.
The bonding among female bonobos violates a fairly general rule, outlined by Harvard University anthropologist Richard W. Wrangham, that the sex that stays in the natal group develops the strongest mutual bonds. Bonding among male chimpanzees follows naturally because they remain in the community of their birth. The same is true for female kinship bonding in Old World monkeys, such as macaques and baboons, where males are the migratory sex.
Bonobos are unique in that the migratory sex, females, strongly bond with same-sex strangers later in life. In setting up an artificial sisterhood, bonobos can be said to be secondarily bonded. (Kinship bonds are said to be primary.) Although we now know HOW this happens--through the use of sexual contact and grooming--we do not yet know WHY bonobos and chimpanzees differ in this respect. The answer may lie in the different ecological environments of bonobos and chimpanzees--such as the abundance and quality of food in the forest. But it is uncertain if such explanations will suffice.
Bonobo society is, however, not only female-centered but also appears to be female-dominated. Bonobo specialists, while long suspecting such a reality, have been reluctant to make the controversial claim. But in 1992, at the 14th Congress of the International Primatological Society in Strasbourg, investigators of both captive and wild bonobos presented data that left little doubt about the issue.
Amy R. Parish of the University of California at Davis reported on food competition in identical groups (one adult male and two adult females) of chimpanzees and bonobos at the Stuttgart Zoo. Honey was provided in a "termite hill" from which it could be extracted by dipping sticks into a small hole. As soon as honey was made available, the male chimpanzee would make a charging display through the enclosure and claim everything for himself. Only when his appetite was satisfied would he let the females fish for honey.
In the bonobo group, it was the females that approached the honey first. After having engaged in some GG rubbing, they would feed together, taking turns with virtually no competition between them. The male might make as many charging displays as he wanted; the females were not intimidated and ignored the commotion.
Observers at the Belgian animal park of Planckendael, which currently has the most naturalistic bonobo colony, reported similar findings. If a male bonobo tried to harass a female, all females would band together to chase him off. Because females appeared more successful in dominating males when they were together than on their own, their close association and frequent genital rubbing may represent an alliance. Females may bond so as to outcompete members of the individually stronger sex.
The fact that they manage to do so not only in captivity is evident from zoologist Takeshi Furuichi's summary of the relation between the sexes at Wamba, where bonobos are enticed out of the forest with sugarcane. "Males usually appeared at the feeding site first, but they surrendered preferred positions when the females appeared. It seemed that males appeared first not because they were dominant, but because they had to feed before the arrival of females," Furuichi reported at Strasbourg.
Occasionally, the role of sex in relation to food is taken one step further, bringing bonobos very close to humans in their behavior. It has been speculated by anthropologists-- including C. Owen Lovejoy of Kent State University and Helen Fisher of Rutgers University--that sex is partially separated from reproduction in our species because it serves to cement mutually profitable relationships between men and women. The human female's capacity to mate throughout her cycle and her strong sex drive allow her to exchange sex for male commitment and paternal care, thus giving rise to the nuclear family.
This arrangement is thought to be favored by natural selection because it allows women to raise more offspring than they could if they were on their own. Although bonobos clearly do not establish the exclusive heterosexual bonds characteristic of our species, their behavior does fit important elements of this model. A female bonobo shows extended receptivity and uses sex to obtain a male's favors when--usually because of youth--she is too low in social status to dominate him.
At the San Diego Zoo, I observed that if Loretta was in a sexually attractive state, she would not hesitate to approach the adult male, Vernon, if he had food. Presenting herself to Vernon, she would mate with him and make high- pitched food calls while taking over his entire bundle of branches and leaves. When Loretta had no genital swelling, she would wait until Vernon was ready to share. Primatologist Suehisa Kuroda reports similar exchanges at Wamba: "A young female approached a male, who was eating sugarcane. They copulated in short order, whereupon she took one of the two canes held by him and left."
Despite such quid pro quo between the sexes, there are no indications that bonobos form humanlike nuclear families. The burden of raising offspring appears to rest entirely on the female's shoulders. In fact, nuclear families are probably incompatible with the diverse use of sex found in bonobos. If our ancestors started out with a sex life similar to that of bonobos, the evolution of the family would have required dramatic change.
Human family life implies paternal investment, which is unlikely to develop unless males can be reasonably certain that they are caring for their own, not someone else's, offspring. Bonobo society lacks any such guarantee, but humans protect the integrity of their family units through all kinds of moral restrictions and taboos. Thus, although our species is characterized by an extraordinary interest in sex, there are no societies in which people engage in it at the drop of a hat (or a cardboard box, as the case may be). A sense of shame and a desire for domestic privacy are typical human concepts related to the evolution and cultural bolstering of the family.
Yet no degree of moralizing can make sex disappear from every realm of human life that does not relate to the nuclear family. The bonobo's behavioral peculiarities may help us understand the role of sex and may have serious implications for models of human society.
Just imagine that we had never heard of chimpanzees or baboons and had known bonobos first. We would at present most likely believe that early hominids lived in female- centered societies, in which sex served important social functions and in which warfare was rare or absent. In the end, perhaps the most successful reconstruction of our past will be based not on chimpanzees or even on bonobos but on a three-way comparison of chimpanzees, bonobos and humans.
Social Organization among Various Primates
BONOBO Bonobo communities are peace-loving and generally egalitarian. The strongest social bonds are those among females, although females also bond with males. The status of a male depends on the position of his mother, to whom he remains closely bonded for her entire life.
CHIMPANZEE In chimpanzee groups the strongest bonds are established between the males in order to hunt and to protect their shared territory. The females live in overlapping home ranges within this territory but are not strongly bonded to other females or to any one male.
GIBBON Gibbons establish monogamous, egalitarian relations, and one couple will maintain a territory to the exclusion of other pairs.
HUMAN Human society is the most diverse among the primates. Males unite for cooperative ventures, whereas females also bond with those of their own sex. Monogamy, polygamy and polyandry are all in evidence.
GORILLA The social organization of gorillas provides a clear example of polygamy. Usually a single male maintains a range for his family unit, which contains several females. The strongest bonds are those between the male and his females.
ORANGUTAN Orangutans live solitary lives with little bonding in evidence. Male orangutans are intolerant of one another. In his prime, a single male establishes a large territory, within which live several females. Each female has her own, separate home range.
FRANS B. M. de WAAL was trained as an ethologist in the European tradition, receiving his Ph.D. from the University of Utrecht in 1977. After a six-year study of the chimpanzee colony at the Arnhem Zoo, he moved to the U.S. in 1981 to work on other primate species, including bonobos. He is now a research professor at the Yerkes Regional Primate Research Center in Atlanta and professor of psychology at Emory University.
FURTHER READING
Pain - made to order
I'm not the second coming, I'm the first wave
Better get an army, cuz the fire left me unscathed
You betcha bottom dollar I'm the top of the shit pile
So stick around cuz I'll get to you in just a few
Step off the achtung, get back or get stung
Idiotic sense of yourself, are you that dumb?
Entire legion of me, totalitarian
The one and only motherfucker, top of the world man
Cuz I can't stand it, planned it, gonna crash land it
In other words, consider me branded
Another version of me, another version of you
Both barrels, what you gonna do?
All I hear is human noise
You made your own fuckin' choice
I belong to only me
Silence for my revelry
I can only die over time
Filthy hands, stay away from mine
Every reason is a right to hate
Painful clutch - death is fine gimme mine
Only one of us walks away
Somebody explain this
I don't care cuz you don't exist
What the fuck is this another joke?
Rekoning!