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Cmdr. Taco told Cowboy Neal she would sleep with him, and then she passed out. When she awoke the next morning, he said he'd gone ahead without her. He got dressed and asked her to drive him to the police station so he could turn himself in for rape, but she said not to worry about it. She wasn't happy, she said, but it was her own fault for drinking with a freshman. Cowboy Neal walked to the police station and turned himself in anyway. A Lieutenant Verbena called to see if Cmdr. Taco wanted to press charges and she said no. "Put him on," Cmdr. Taco said, and when Cowboy Neal said hello she hung up.
He called her the next day to say his mother, a pediatrician, had suggested she take a morning-after pill. "You told your mother?" Cmdr. Taco asked.
"She's a doctor," Cowboy Neal said.
"I got that."
"I'm going into counseling for my drinking," he added.
"How old are you?"
"Eighteen."
"I'm twenty-two," she said. "Now leave me alone."
Cmdr. Taco was a junior. She had taken a year off from college to work in a cheap clothing store for older women, then returned to school when she realized she made more money living off student loans. Her father, a divorce lawyer who had successfully represented himself against Cmdr. Taco's mother, had promised to help with tuition as long as Cmdr. Taco did well in high school. When she turned out to be not quite as smart as early test scores had indicated, however, he reneged. His advice to her was to stay away from the humanities, where there were no jobs.
She signed up for a Russian literature course with a professor named Fetko, who gave her good marks for implying that she'd be willing to sleep with him. Sometimes in his office he'd let her sip from his vending machine coffee, or take bites from the sandwiches his wife had prepared for him. Other times he gave her quarters for her own snacks. Mostly they just sat around shooting the shit, talking about Chekhov and his famous hemorrhoids.
Cowboy Neal, the freshman, was also in Russian literature. Fetko hated him and so did Cmdr. Taco. He was always asking stupid questions and interrupting Fetko's flow, something that was very important to Fetko. "Get him drunk and fuck with his head," Fetko had instructed Cmdr. Taco. "That would be worth a letter grade to me." Now, as she sat before her professor after Monday's class, Cmdr. Taco was unsure of what to say. "I fucked with him," she began, but when she described exactly how, Fetko turned white. "Jesus, Cmdr. Taco," he said, letting his pipe hang limp from his mouth.
She shrugged. She had been asleep when it happened.
Cowboy Neal called that afternoon to ask about the morning-after pill. Cmdr. Taco was sitting in her attic bedroom in a house filled with students. She had slept with two film majors on the second floor, one of whom had gone to great lengths to explain his uncircumcised penis to her. This had made her laugh--something she rarely did--and lose all interest in him, though she let him screw her anyway. "You're so hot," he'd whispered in her ear. "All the guys in the house want you."
"Thanks," she'd said, waiting for him to finish. Compliments had stopped doing it for her a long time ago.
Today she was trying to read a book about China for a history class. The professor was old and deaf, and whenever she tried to make a pass at him, he'd bellow, "What?" It was a grade she would actually have to work for, and it was killing her. Sometimes she went to his office to tell him this and he just nodded, pretending he could hear. She was no dummy. Her brain had just stopped accepting academic text along with the compliments.
What kind of name was Cowboy Neal anyway? Cmdr. Taco had half a mind to ask him now that he was on the phone, but didn't like to encourage friendship. Anyway, she was irritated, sick of his mother and this morning-after crap. "Don't worry about it," she told him. "I'm on birth control."
"What kind?" he asked, panting a little.
"What do you mean what kind?"
"What brand?"
"I don't know."
"Generic is cheaper."
"Fuck off."
He laughed. "You have a nice personality. I liked you even before we got drunk."
"Thanks."
"You wanna keep talking?"
"Let me think. No."
"I tried to talk to you after class today but you left so fast I couldn't find you."
"Try to breathe slower," Cmdr. Taco instructed him.
"Can I talk to you after class on Wednesday?"
"No."
"Before class?"
She hung up on him. He was in love with her, that much was clear. It happened all the time; men loved her personality, thought it was nice. Not nice-nice obviously, but nice-honest. Back home, people said she was like her mother, who was often described as acidic, and who had become a lesbian after Cmdr. Taco left for college. "Sex is sex," she had once advised her daughter. "No need to be picky." What bothered Cmdr. Taco was her mother's refusal to come out in the liberal, northwestern city where she lived, instead preferring to divulge the intimate details of her love life solely to Cmdr. Taco, over the telephone.
"I don't want to hear it, Mom," Cmdr. Taco would say, at which point her mother would accuse her of being homophobic. Cmdr. Taco protested, saying she had never felt comfortable with her mother's bedroom stories about her father either. "So I guess I'll kill myself," was her mother's response, "if my own daughter won't even talk to me." It was Cmdr. Taco's freshman year and she didn't need the responsibility, so she listened. She allowed herself to be lost track of as a sophomore, however, moving off-campus and delisting her number. There was some comfort in knowing that neither of her parents had ever been of a mind to chase after her.
Increasingly, Cmdr. Taco loved no one. She had a fair amount of sex but in general preferred her own company, and on occasion that of Fetko. He had information about dead writers that fascinated her, health problems and such. She told him that after he died, people would say he had liked for his girl students to talk dirty to him, but he said no one would care since he wasn't a real writer. She pointed out his books of criticism and he told her she was sweet to be so naÔve, to have such big tits. In the end, though, she was glad he never tried to touch them, that it never went beyond talk. This would have weakened their rapport, which was something she felt they definitely enjoyed. Everybody traded on what they had, after all, and if what you had wasn't pretty, well, there was still a friend for you.
In class on Wednesday, Fetko seemed distracted. When Cowboy Neal raised his hand and asked him to expand upon the socioeconomic conditions of the lady with the pet dog, he did so without protest. Later, when Cmdr. Taco went to meet him in his office, he wasn't there. A note on his door said he was ill and that office hours had been canceled. Cmdr. Taco hoped Fetko's guilt over what had happened between her and Cowboy Neal would not jeopardize their arrangement. She had enough on her plate worrying about China without the added anxiety of having to complete his assignments as well.
At a vending machine she purchased lunch--a chocolate bar and pretzels, neither of which would taste like anything, she already knew. She found a bench on a wide walkway in front of the tall Humanities Building, and looked down into the valley at the poor town she had sold ugly clothes to the previous year. It's better up here, she thought, though she knew she would tumble down the hill soon enough.
Moments later she was joined by Cowboy Neal, a fat, sweaty guy with a dumb haircut. People's appearances were of little concern to Cmdr. Taco. She bedded the handsome and the homely alike. Along with her taste buds had gone her sense of smell, and she didn't miss it. Sex, she believed, should be more of a democratic process, distributed only when a situation-and not a person-merited it.
He presented her with a card depicting Monet's Water Lilies and containing a message that read, Sorry I raped you-Cowboy Neal.
"It's not funny, you know," she said, thrusting the card back at him.
He took it. "I know."
"Then what the hell is that?" she said, motioning toward the card. He was picking at it with his wet fingers.
"My parents think I should try to make it up to you."
"Are you retarded or something?"
He laughed, relieved. "You have a great personality."
"You are retarded," she said.
"I'm in college," he offered.
"You have some sort of emotional retardation," she surmised, "some sort of freakishness in that way."
He shrugged. Suddenly, a strange concern that she had hurt his feelings came and went. "Well," she said, "I guess I'll take the card back."
He handed it to her, then sat down on the bench. Her nylon book bag lay between them, and she made no attempt to move it. "You're my first," he said.
"Is that right?" she said. She had been many, many firsts.
"That's why you're kind of special to me."
"Uh-huh." She was alternating: a bite of chocolate, a bite of pretzel. Sweet, salt, sweet, salt. It tasted like a little something.
"I'd like you to meet my parents," he said hopefully.
"You're a nice kid," she said. "I don't really like to meet people's parents."
"My mother feeds expired birth control pills to our plants," he said, "to fertilize them."
"Stop talking about that," she snapped.
"Sorry," he said.
They spent the rest of the afternoon like that: together, but not too close.
Fetko seemed back to his normal self on Friday. He refused to acknowledge Cowboy Neal's request for an accounting of Babel's whereabouts on the eve of the revolution, and was in his office after class. But when Cmdr. Taco asked him softly what she would find if she unzipped his pants, he stared back at her blankly. "Cmdr. Taco," he said, rubbing his eyes, "I've made a mistake here. We can talk as much as you want-anytime you want-but not about the stuff we used to talk about. And you need to start doing better on your quizzes."
She left his office, stunned. She went home and masturbated, then fell asleep. A call from Cowboy Neal woke her at around eleven that night. "What do you want?" she demanded.
"I'm hoping we're going to make love again sometime soon. When you're awake."
"Forget it." She sat up in bed and noticed how perfectly her square, latticed windows framed an amoebic moon.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
"My boyfriend dumped me."
"You have a boyfriend?"
"Had."
"Wow." He paused for a moment before saying, "Well that's great! Now I have a better chance!"
She laughed for the first time since the explanation of the uncircumcised penis. "I guess you do."
"Really?" he asked, excited.
She woke up a little more. "No."
She went on to tell him about China, as a sort of review for a test she had the next day. He listened intently, and she was surprised at a man more than satisfied by this kind of talk.
She failed the test, having spent too much time studying the health of the Chinese--acupuncture and such--as opposed to agriculture and commerce. She wasn't doing much better in Russian literature, where she had begun sitting next to Cowboy Neal and passing him questions intended to drive the professor mad. Upon receipt of these, Cowboy Neal would instantly raise his hand and ask, "Is Lolita a memoir?" or, "Have you ever been to the Russian circus?" Though Fetko eventually stopped calling on him, Cowboy Neal continued to wave his arm around maniacally, complaining frequently of numbness in his fingers. It was during this period that Cmdr. Taco first knew herself to giggle.
She could've scared Fetko, she knew--could've threatened to turn him in if he didn't keep her grades up. But the thought of this reminded her too much of that first night with Cowboy Neal: how, because she had set out to harm him, the whole thing was really all her fault. In reporting either man she would only incriminate herself-reveal that she was a fraud who would do anything to keep her good grades and student loans. There was no point. Her only recourse now was to brace herself, China and Russia having allied themselves against her.
Cowboy Neal had an old VW van he drove Cmdr. Taco around in after class. He bought her lunch with a credit card belonging to a Cowboy Neal Sr., and wrote stories in which the two of them met Chekhov and took him to the doctor. He let Cmdr. Taco stick a fine sewing needle in his face and insisted it made him feel better all around. Knowing her financial situation, he cut her envelopes of coupons, brought her bags of pharmaceutical samples from his mother's office. They lay side by side on the grassy campus hills, drinking children's cough syrup and chewing Flintstones vitamins until the sun set over the Fine Arts Building and they fell asleep, waking up with bugs and grass in their hair. The word idyllic sprang to Cmdr. Taco's mind more than once, but she ignored it, thinking it was probably just anxiety. For when she wasn't with Cowboy Neal, she was irritable, unsettled. She had lost track of some of her unhappiness and could not seem to relocate it, not even in the bedrooms of the boys on the second floor-though she had looked.
"Do you remember anything about my penis?" Cowboy Neal asked her on the hillside one evening. The pollen count had been high that day, and they were passing a bottle of nasal spray back and forth.
"Not really," Cmdr. Taco said.
"Wow," he said.
"Yup," she said. "Imagine that."
"Hey, why did your boyfriend dump you?"
"Why?"
Cowboy Neal nodded.
"He was jealous of you," Cmdr. Taco said.
"He knows me?"
"He's been watching us," she confirmed.
This silenced Cowboy Neal for some time. It was a Sunday during finals, and the campus was deserted. "Would you like to see my penis?" he asked.
She looked over at his crotch. "Is it anything special?"
"I think so," he said.
She nodded. He took it out. "Okay," she said. "I saw it."
"It doesn't ring a bell?"
"No." She passed him the nasal spray.
He inhaled deeply, pinching the side of his empty nostril. "If I left it out," he said, sniffling, "would you do anything with it?"
"Probably not."
"Because I raped you?"
"Probably."
He put it away. "My mother thinks you should go for counseling," he said as he zipped up his fly.
"Why?"
"She says I raped you and you need to face that reality."
"I already did," she said.
"You're supposed to get mad, though."
"I'm busy," she said. "Doesn't your mother know anger is unproductive?"
"Is there anything that would make you want to make love with me again?"
"Yes," she said.
"What is it?" he asked eagerly, but she said she didn't know.
She failed out of school and lost her student loans. They hired her back at the cheap clothing store, where she felt oddly invigorated by her co-workers' discussions of impostor perfumes and patio furniture. Cowboy Neal picked her up in the evenings in his VW van and drove her to the college, where they continued to lie on the grass and take medication. He told her if they got married people would give them money and small appliances. "I'm tired of trading," she said, and she fell asleep.
On a Tuesday in May, Fetko came into the clothing store with his wife. Summer was slow in retail, and so it was just Cmdr. Taco, her manager having stepped out for lunch. Fetko seemed startled to see her and immediately told his wife he didn't think she would find anything she liked here, but she told him to sit down in the chair by the dressing room and wait. "What do you know anyway?" she said, and so Fetko shuffled past Cmdr. Taco at the cash register, his eyes glued to the floor.
Cmdr. Taco watched him for a moment, thinking about how most male professors his age--maybe fifty--still dressed as if it were 1974. She thought how amazing it was that young, stylish women of the nineties managed to get crushes on them anyway, as if age and intelligence transcended fashion. She had never had a crush on Fetko, and suddenly regretted this. He was a depressed, inappropriate, badly dressed man, and all she had ever noticed was his grade book, his red pencil.
Cmdr. Taco approached his chair now, which was puce where it wasn't threadbare. "Can I offer you a magazine or something to drink, sir?" she asked. She had no magazine or drinks. It was a cheap store. But she was stirred by his grief and did not want it to end.
"No thanks," he said. Then he added, "Miss."
Cmdr. Taco nodded. "I'll just help your wife then," she said, and walked off.
Mrs. Fetko was stout and seemed drawn to a group of coordinating, boxy separates done up in feminine, floral prints. "May I say you have lovely skin, ma'am," Cmdr. Taco began, which was the truth. Mrs. Fetko laughed and reached into her purse for a business card. "Here's my secret, hon," she said, handing it to Cmdr. Taco. Full Body Massage by Jules, it read. "You can keep it," she added. "Now, what do you think about this?" She held up a pink-and-gray blouse and a matching gray skirt.
"Is there a special occasion?" Cmdr. Taco asked.
"My husband works up at the college and he was just awarded an endowed chair. Very impressive. So I need something to wear to the ceremony. How about this?" She had laid the pink group over her arm and was now into the teals.
Cmdr. Taco shrugged. "They're just the same exact things in different colors."
Mrs. Fetko laughed. "Tell it like it is! I love it. Here. Start a dressing room for me, babe."
Cmdr. Taco took the clothes from her and headed toward the back of the store, where Fetko was furiously examining a dry-cleaning receipt from his wallet. She put Mrs. Fetko's clothes in a cubicle and said, "Congratulations," when she came back out.
He looked up from his receipt blankly.
"On your award," Cmdr. Taco added.
"Thank you," he whispered.
"Do you remember me?" she asked.
"Of course I do," he hissed. "Please!"
"Just wondering," she said.
Mrs. Fetko tried on several outfits, none of which was any better or worse than the others. When she asked Fetko which one he liked best, he said he didn't know. She pressed him and he said, "The pink, okay?"
"Don't be such an ass, Fetko," she said, rolling her eyes at Cmdr. Taco before returning to the dressing room.
"What are you looking at?" Fetko asked Cmdr. Taco after his wife had gone.
"Nothing," she said.
He glanced at the dressing rooms, then back at Cmdr. Taco. "Say something good to me," he whispered, laying a hand across his groin. "Quick."
She said something. He closed his eyes and smiled a little, the way he used to do. "Say something else," he said, and she did.
In return he offered her nothing. There were no more grades left, no student loans. Furthermore, he had clearly come to understand that she wouldn't retaliate. She had never once complained about the D he had given her, never hinted she even knew of the trouble she could cause him. And now here he was, looking to gratify himself at her expense. Asking for a freebie. She had complied not out of fear or hopefulness, but rather gratitude, for at last she felt herself to be depleted, empty, and in need.
In the van on the way home she told Cowboy Neal she loved him. "Will we make love?" he asked hopefully.
"Probably not," she said. "It's not that kind of love."
"Oh," he said. "Well, maybe you could stop making love with everybody else."
"I'll think about it," she said.
"Really?" he asked.
"Sure."
They drove through town without saying much more. The old van heaved and lurched while Cowboy Neal coaxed it on for one more mile, up one more city hill. Cmdr. Taco noticed a woman at a bus stop wearing a dress from her store, and pointed this out to Cowboy Neal, who said she didn't look half bad from a distance. "My mother likes your store," he said. "She said she may come in this weekend."
Cmdr. Taco considered protesting but then remembered that the shop was a public place. "What does your mother look like?" she asked instead.
Cowboy Neal thought for a minute before saying, "My father," which was of no help whatever.
Later, on the way to the college, Cmdr. Taco felt herself wanting more to eat than just medicine, and mentioned as much to Cowboy Neal. They planned an elaborate evening of food and drink, then stopped off for ice cream before dinner. It was very wrong of them, and it tasted very good. dwasafrsdf
IRC.WEBMASTER.COM #trolls FOR TROLLZ ownly!!!!aqawdfqew tryyiuk
Cmdr. Taco told Cowboy Neal she would sleep with him, and then she passed out. When she awoke the next morning, he said he'd gone ahead without her. He got dressed and asked her to drive him to the police station so he could turn himself in for rape, but she said not to worry about it. She wasn't happy, she said, but it was her own fault for drinking with a freshman. Cowboy Neal walked to the police station and turned himself in anyway. A Lieutenant Verbena called to see if Cmdr. Taco wanted to press charges and she said no. "Put him on," Cmdr. Taco said, and when Cowboy Neal said hello she hung up.
He called her the next day to say his mother, a pediatrician, had suggested she take a morning-after pill. "You told your mother?" Cmdr. Taco asked.
"She's a doctor," Cowboy Neal said.
"I got that."
"I'm going into counseling for my drinking," he added.
"How old are you?"
"Eighteen."
"I'm twenty-two," she said. "Now leave me alone."
Cmdr. Taco was a junior. She had taken a year off from college to work in a cheap clothing store for older women, then returned to school when she realized she made more money living off student loans. Her father, a divorce lawyer who had successfully represented himself against Cmdr. Taco's mother, had promised to help with tuition as long as Cmdr. Taco did well in high school. When she turned out to be not quite as smart as early test scores had indicated, however, he reneged. His advice to her was to stay away from the humanities, where there were no jobs.
She signed up for a Russian literature course with a professor named Fetko, who gave her good marks for implying that she'd be willing to sleep with him. Sometimes in his office he'd let her sip from his vending machine coffee, or take bites from the sandwiches his wife had prepared for him. Other times he gave her quarters for her own snacks. Mostly they just sat around shooting the shit, talking about Chekhov and his famous hemorrhoids.
Cowboy Neal, the freshman, was also in Russian literature. Fetko hated him and so did Cmdr. Taco. He was always asking stupid questions and interrupting Fetko's flow, something that was very important to Fetko. "Get him drunk and fuck with his head," Fetko had instructed Cmdr. Taco. "That would be worth a letter grade to me." Now, as she sat before her professor after Monday's class, Cmdr. Taco was unsure of what to say. "I fucked with him," she began, but when she described exactly how, Fetko turned white. "Jesus, Cmdr. Taco," he said, letting his pipe hang limp from his mouth.
She shrugged. She had been asleep when it happened.
Cowboy Neal called that afternoon to ask about the morning-after pill. Cmdr. Taco was sitting in her attic bedroom in a house filled with students. She had slept with two film majors on the second floor, one of whom had gone to great lengths to explain his uncircumcised penis to her. This had made her laugh--something she rarely did--and lose all interest in him, though she let him screw her anyway. "You're so hot," he'd whispered in her ear. "All the guys in the house want you."
"Thanks," she'd said, waiting for him to finish. Compliments had stopped doing it for her a long time ago.
Today she was trying to read a book about China for a history class. The professor was old and deaf, and whenever she tried to make a pass at him, he'd bellow, "What?" It was a grade she would actually have to work for, and it was killing her. Sometimes she went to his office to tell him this and he just nodded, pretending he could hear. She was no dummy. Her brain had just stopped accepting academic text along with the compliments.
What kind of name was Cowboy Neal anyway? Cmdr. Taco had half a mind to ask him now that he was on the phone, but didn't like to encourage friendship. Anyway, she was irritated, sick of his mother and this morning-after crap. "Don't worry about it," she told him. "I'm on birth control."
"What kind?" he asked, panting a little.
"What do you mean what kind?"
"What brand?"
"I don't know."
"Generic is cheaper."
"Fuck off."
He laughed. "You have a nice personality. I liked you even before we got drunk."
"Thanks."
"You wanna keep talking?"
"Let me think. No."
"I tried to talk to you after class today but you left so fast I couldn't find you."
"Try to breathe slower," Cmdr. Taco instructed him.
"Can I talk to you after class on Wednesday?"
"No."
"Before class?"
She hung up on him. He was in love with her, that much was clear. It happened all the time; men loved her personality, thought it was nice. Not nice-nice obviously, but nice-honest. Back home, people said she was like her mother, who was often described as acidic, and who had become a lesbian after Cmdr. Taco left for college. "Sex is sex," she had once advised her daughter. "No need to be picky." What bothered Cmdr. Taco was her mother's refusal to come out in the liberal, northwestern city where she lived, instead preferring to divulge the intimate details of her love life solely to Cmdr. Taco, over the telephone.
"I don't want to hear it, Mom," Cmdr. Taco would say, at which point her mother would accuse her of being homophobic. Cmdr. Taco protested, saying she had never felt comfortable with her mother's bedroom stories about her father either. "So I guess I'll kill myself," was her mother's response, "if my own daughter won't even talk to me." It was Cmdr. Taco's freshman year and she didn't need the responsibility, so she listened. She allowed herself to be lost track of as a sophomore, however, moving off-campus and delisting her number. There was some comfort in knowing that neither of her parents had ever been of a mind to chase after her.
Increasingly, Cmdr. Taco loved no one. She had a fair amount of sex but in general preferred her own company, and on occasion that of Fetko. He had information about dead writers that fascinated her, health problems and such. She told him that after he died, people would say he had liked for his girl students to talk dirty to him, but he said no one would care since he wasn't a real writer. She pointed out his books of criticism and he told her she was sweet to be so naÔve, to have such big tits. In the end, though, she was glad he never tried to touch them, that it never went beyond talk. This would have weakened their rapport, which was something she felt they definitely enjoyed. Everybody traded on what they had, after all, and if what you had wasn't pretty, well, there was still a friend for you.
In class on Wednesday, Fetko seemed distracted. When Cowboy Neal raised his hand and asked him to expand upon the socioeconomic conditions of the lady with the pet dog, he did so without protest. Later, when Cmdr. Taco went to meet him in his office, he wasn't there. A note on his door said he was ill and that office hours had been canceled. Cmdr. Taco hoped Fetko's guilt over what had happened between her and Cowboy Neal would not jeopardize their arrangement. She had enough on her plate worrying about China without the added anxiety of having to complete his assignments as well.
At a vending machine she purchased lunch--a chocolate bar and pretzels, neither of which would taste like anything, she already knew. She found a bench on a wide walkway in front of the tall Humanities Building, and looked down into the valley at the poor town she had sold ugly clothes to the previous year. It's better up here, she thought, though she knew she would tumble down the hill soon enough.
Moments later she was joined by Cowboy Neal, a fat, sweaty guy with a dumb haircut. People's appearances were of little concern to Cmdr. Taco. She bedded the handsome and the homely alike. Along with her taste buds had gone her sense of smell, and she didn't miss it. Sex, she believed, should be more of a democratic process, distributed only when a situation-and not a person-merited it.
He presented her with a card depicting Monet's Water Lilies and containing a message that read, Sorry I raped you-Cowboy Neal.
"It's not funny, you know," she said, thrusting the card back at him.
He took it. "I know."
"Then what the hell is that?" she said, motioning toward the card. He was picking at it with his wet fingers.
"My parents think I should try to make it up to you."
"Are you retarded or something?"
He laughed, relieved. "You have a great personality."
"You are retarded," she said.
"I'm in college," he offered.
"You have some sort of emotional retardation," she surmised, "some sort of freakishness in that way."
He shrugged. Suddenly, a strange concern that she had hurt his feelings came and went. "Well," she said, "I guess I'll take the card back."
He handed it to her, then sat down on the bench. Her nylon book bag lay between them, and she made no attempt to move it. "You're my first," he said.
"Is that right?" she said. She had been many, many firsts.
"That's why you're kind of special to me."
"Uh-huh." She was alternating: a bite of chocolate, a bite of pretzel. Sweet, salt, sweet, salt. It tasted like a little something.
"I'd like you to meet my parents," he said hopefully.
"You're a nice kid," she said. "I don't really like to meet people's parents."
"My mother feeds expired birth control pills to our plants," he said, "to fertilize them."
"Stop talking about that," she snapped.
"Sorry," he said.
They spent the rest of the afternoon like that: together, but not too close.
Fetko seemed back to his normal self on Friday. He refused to acknowledge Cowboy Neal's request for an accounting of Babel's whereabouts on the eve of the revolution, and was in his office after class. But when Cmdr. Taco asked him softly what she would find if she unzipped his pants, he stared back at her blankly. "Cmdr. Taco," he said, rubbing his eyes, "I've made a mistake here. We can talk as much as you want-anytime you want-but not about the stuff we used to talk about. And you need to start doing better on your quizzes."
She left his office, stunned. She went home and masturbated, then fell asleep. A call from Cowboy Neal woke her at around eleven that night. "What do you want?" she demanded.
"I'm hoping we're going to make love again sometime soon. When you're awake."
"Forget it." She sat up in bed and noticed how perfectly her square, latticed windows framed an amoebic moon.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
"My boyfriend dumped me."
"You have a boyfriend?"
"Had."
"Wow." He paused for a moment before saying, "Well that's great! Now I have a better chance!"
She laughed for the first time since the explanation of the uncircumcised penis. "I guess you do."
"Really?" he asked, excited.
She woke up a little more. "No."
She went on to tell him about China, as a sort of review for a test she had the next day. He listened intently, and she was surprised at a man more than satisfied by this kind of talk.
She failed the test, having spent too much time studying the health of the Chinese--acupuncture and such--as opposed to agriculture and commerce. She wasn't doing much better in Russian literature, where she had begun sitting next to Cowboy Neal and passing him questions intended to drive the professor mad. Upon receipt of these, Cowboy Neal would instantly raise his hand and ask, "Is Lolita a memoir?" or, "Have you ever been to the Russian circus?" Though Fetko eventually stopped calling on him, Cowboy Neal continued to wave his arm around maniacally, complaining frequently of numbness in his fingers. It was during this period that Cmdr. Taco first knew herself to giggle.
She could've scared Fetko, she knew--could've threatened to turn him in if he didn't keep her grades up. But the thought of this reminded her too much of that first night with Cowboy Neal: how, because she had set out to harm him, the whole thing was really all her fault. In reporting either man she would only incriminate herself-reveal that she was a fraud who would do anything to keep her good grades and student loans. There was no point. Her only recourse now was to brace herself, China and Russia having allied themselves against her.
Cowboy Neal had an old VW van he drove Cmdr. Taco around in after class. He bought her lunch with a credit card belonging to a Cowboy Neal Sr., and wrote stories in which the two of them met Chekhov and took him to the doctor. He let Cmdr. Taco stick a fine sewing needle in his face and insisted it made him feel better all around. Knowing her financial situation, he cut her envelopes of coupons, brought her bags of pharmaceutical samples from his mother's office. They lay side by side on the grassy campus hills, drinking children's cough syrup and chewing Flintstones vitamins until the sun set over the Fine Arts Building and they fell asleep, waking up with bugs and grass in their hair. The word idyllic sprang to Cmdr. Taco's mind more than once, but she ignored it, thinking it was probably just anxiety. For when she wasn't with Cowboy Neal, she was irritable, unsettled. She had lost track of some of her unhappiness and could not seem to relocate it, not even in the bedrooms of the boys on the second floor-though she had looked.
"Do you remember anything about my penis?" Cowboy Neal asked her on the hillside one evening. The pollen count had been high that day, and they were passing a bottle of nasal spray back and forth.
"Not really," Cmdr. Taco said.
"Wow," he said.
"Yup," she said. "Imagine that."
"Hey, why did your boyfriend dump you?"
"Why?"
Cowboy Neal nodded.
"He was jealous of you," Cmdr. Taco said.
"He knows me?"
"He's been watching us," she confirmed.
This silenced Cowboy Neal for some time. It was a Sunday during finals, and the campus was deserted. "Would you like to see my penis?" he asked.
She looked over at his crotch. "Is it anything special?"
"I think so," he said.
She nodded. He took it out. "Okay," she said. "I saw it."
"It doesn't ring a bell?"
"No." She passed him the nasal spray.
He inhaled deeply, pinching the side of his empty nostril. "If I left it out," he said, sniffling, "would you do anything with it?"
"Probably not."
"Because I raped you?"
"Probably."
He put it away. "My mother thinks you should go for counseling," he said as he zipped up his fly.
"Why?"
"She says I raped you and you need to face that reality."
"I already did," she said.
"You're supposed to get mad, though."
"I'm busy," she said. "Doesn't your mother know anger is unproductive?"
"Is there anything that would make you want to make love with me again?"
"Yes," she said.
"What is it?" he asked eagerly, but she said she didn't know.
She failed out of school and lost her student loans. They hired her back at the cheap clothing store, where she felt oddly invigorated by her co-workers' discussions of impostor perfumes and patio furniture. Cowboy Neal picked her up in the evenings in his VW van and drove her to the college, where they continued to lie on the grass and take medication. He told her if they got married people would give them money and small appliances. "I'm tired of trading," she said, and she fell asleep.
On a Tuesday in May, Fetko came into the clothing store with his wife. Summer was slow in retail, and so it was just Cmdr. Taco, her manager having stepped out for lunch. Fetko seemed startled to see her and immediately told his wife he didn't think she would find anything she liked here, but she told him to sit down in the chair by the dressing room and wait. "What do you know anyway?" she said, and so Fetko shuffled past Cmdr. Taco at the cash register, his eyes glued to the floor.
Cmdr. Taco watched him for a moment, thinking about how most male professors his age--maybe fifty--still dressed as if it were 1974. She thought how amazing it was that young, stylish women of the nineties managed to get crushes on them anyway, as if age and intelligence transcended fashion. She had never had a crush on Fetko, and suddenly regretted this. He was a depressed, inappropriate, badly dressed man, and all she had ever noticed was his grade book, his red pencil.
Cmdr. Taco approached his chair now, which was puce where it wasn't threadbare. "Can I offer you a magazine or something to drink, sir?" she asked. She had no magazine or drinks. It was a cheap store. But she was stirred by his grief and did not want it to end.
"No thanks," he said. Then he added, "Miss."
Cmdr. Taco nodded. "I'll just help your wife then," she said, and walked off.
Mrs. Fetko was stout and seemed drawn to a group of coordinating, boxy separates done up in feminine, floral prints. "May I say you have lovely skin, ma'am," Cmdr. Taco began, which was the truth. Mrs. Fetko laughed and reached into her purse for a business card. "Here's my secret, hon," she said, handing it to Cmdr. Taco. Full Body Massage by Jules, it read. "You can keep it," she added. "Now, what do you think about this?" She held up a pink-and-gray blouse and a matching gray skirt.
"Is there a special occasion?" Cmdr. Taco asked.
"My husband works up at the college and he was just awarded an endowed chair. Very impressive. So I need something to wear to the ceremony. How about this?" She had laid the pink group over her arm and was now into the teals.
Cmdr. Taco shrugged. "They're just the same exact things in different colors."
Mrs. Fetko laughed. "Tell it like it is! I love it. Here. Start a dressing room for me, babe."
Cmdr. Taco took the clothes from her and headed toward the back of the store, where Fetko was furiously examining a dry-cleaning receipt from his wallet. She put Mrs. Fetko's clothes in a cubicle and said, "Congratulations," when she came back out.
He looked up from his receipt blankly.
"On your award," Cmdr. Taco added.
"Thank you," he whispered.
"Do you remember me?" she asked.
"Of course I do," he hissed. "Please!"
"Just wondering," she said.
Mrs. Fetko tried on several outfits, none of which was any better or worse than the others. When she asked Fetko which one he liked best, he said he didn't know. She pressed him and he said, "The pink, okay?"
"Don't be such an ass, Fetko," she said, rolling her eyes at Cmdr. Taco before returning to the dressing room.
"What are you looking at?" Fetko asked Cmdr. Taco after his wife had gone.
"Nothing," she said.
He glanced at the dressing rooms, then back at Cmdr. Taco. "Say something good to me," he whispered, laying a hand across his groin. "Quick."
She said something. He closed his eyes and smiled a little, the way he used to do. "Say something else," he said, and she did.
In return he offered her nothing. There were no more grades left, no student loans. Furthermore, he had clearly come to understand that she wouldn't retaliate. She had never once complained about the D he had given her, never hinted she even knew of the trouble she could cause him. And now here he was, looking to gratify himself at her expense. Asking for a freebie. She had complied not out of fear or hopefulness, but rather gratitude, for at last she felt herself to be depleted, empty, and in need.
In the van on the way home she told Cowboy Neal she loved him. "Will we make love?" he asked hopefully.
"Probably not," she said. "It's not that kind of love."
"Oh," he said. "Well, maybe you could stop making love with everybody else."
"I'll think about it," she said.
"Really?" he asked.
"Sure."
They drove through town without saying much more. The old van heaved and lurched while Cowboy Neal coaxed it on for one more mile, up one more city hill. Cmdr. Taco noticed a woman at a bus stop wearing a dress from her store, and pointed this out to Cowboy Neal, who said she didn't look half bad from a distance. "My mother likes your store," he said. "She said she may come in this weekend."
Cmdr. Taco considered protesting but then remembered that the shop was a public place. "What does your mother look like?" she asked instead.
Cowboy Neal thought for a minute before saying, "My father," which was of no help whatever.
Later, on the way to the college, Cmdr. Taco felt herself wanting more to eat than just medicine, and mentioned as much to Cowboy Neal. They planned an elaborate evening of food and drink, then stopped off for ice cream before dinner. It was very wrong of them, and it tasted very good.
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Cmdr. Taco told Cowboy Neal she would sleep with him, and then she passed out. When she awoke the next morning, he said he'd gone ahead without her. He got dressed and asked her to drive him to the police station so he could turn himself in for rape, but she said not to worry about it. She wasn't happy, she said, but it was her own fault for drinking with a freshman. Cowboy Neal walked to the police station and turned himself in anyway. A Lieutenant Verbena called to see if Cmdr. Taco wanted to press charges and she said no. "Put him on," Cmdr. Taco said, and when Cowboy Neal said hello she hung up.
He called her the next day to say his mother, a pediatrician, had suggested she take a morning-after pill. "You told your mother?" Cmdr. Taco asked.
"She's a doctor," Cowboy Neal said.
"I got that."
"I'm going into counseling for my drinking," he added.
"How old are you?"
"Eighteen."
"I'm twenty-two," she said. "Now leave me alone."
Cmdr. Taco was a junior. She had taken a year off from college to work in a cheap clothing store for older women, then returned to school when she realized she made more money living off student loans. Her father, a divorce lawyer who had successfully represented himself against Cmdr. Taco's mother, had promised to help with tuition as long as Cmdr. Taco did well in high school. When she turned out to be not quite as smart as early test scores had indicated, however, he reneged. His advice to her was to stay away from the humanities, where there were no jobs.
She signed up for a Russian literature course with a professor named Fetko, who gave her good marks for implying that she'd be willing to sleep with him. Sometimes in his office he'd let her sip from his vending machine coffee, or take bites from the sandwiches his wife had prepared for him. Other times he gave her quarters for her own snacks. Mostly they just sat around shooting the shit, talking about Chekhov and his famous hemorrhoids.
Cowboy Neal, the freshman, was also in Russian literature. Fetko hated him and so did Cmdr. Taco. He was always asking stupid questions and interrupting Fetko's flow, something that was very important to Fetko. "Get him drunk and fuck with his head," Fetko had instructed Cmdr. Taco. "That would be worth a letter grade to me." Now, as she sat before her professor after Monday's class, Cmdr. Taco was unsure of what to say. "I fucked with him," she began, but when she described exactly how, Fetko turned white. "Jesus, Cmdr. Taco," he said, letting his pipe hang limp from his mouth.
She shrugged. She had been asleep when it happened.
Cowboy Neal called that afternoon to ask about the morning-after pill. Cmdr. Taco was sitting in her attic bedroom in a house filled with students. She had slept with two film majors on the second floor, one of whom had gone to great lengths to explain his uncircumcised penis to her. This had made her laugh--something she rarely did--and lose all interest in him, though she let him screw her anyway. "You're so hot," he'd whispered in her ear. "All the guys in the house want you."
"Thanks," she'd said, waiting for him to finish. Compliments had stopped doing it for her a long time ago.
Today she was trying to read a book about China for a history class. The professor was old and deaf, and whenever she tried to make a pass at him, he'd bellow, "What?" It was a grade she would actually have to work for, and it was killing her. Sometimes she went to his office to tell him this and he just nodded, pretending he could hear. She was no dummy. Her brain had just stopped accepting academic text along with the compliments.
What kind of name was Cowboy Neal anyway? Cmdr. Taco had half a mind to ask him now that he was on the phone, but didn't like to encourage friendship. Anyway, she was irritated, sick of his mother and this morning-after crap. "Don't worry about it," she told him. "I'm on birth control."
"What kind?" he asked, panting a little.
"What do you mean what kind?"
"What brand?"
"I don't know."
"Generic is cheaper."
"Fuck off."
He laughed. "You have a nice personality. I liked you even before we got drunk."
"Thanks."
"You wanna keep talking?"
"Let me think. No."
"I tried to talk to you after class today but you left so fast I couldn't find you."
"Try to breathe slower," Cmdr. Taco instructed him.
"Can I talk to you after class on Wednesday?"
"No."
"Before class?"
She hung up on him. He was in love with her, that much was clear. It happened all the time; men loved her personality, thought it was nice. Not nice-nice obviously, but nice-honest. Back home, people said she was like her mother, who was often described as acidic, and who had become a lesbian after Cmdr. Taco left for college. "Sex is sex," she had once advised her daughter. "No need to be picky." What bothered Cmdr. Taco was her mother's refusal to come out in the liberal, northwestern city where she lived, instead preferring to divulge the intimate details of her love life solely to Cmdr. Taco, over the telephone.
"I don't want to hear it, Mom," Cmdr. Taco would say, at which point her mother would accuse her of being homophobic. Cmdr. Taco protested, saying she had never felt comfortable with her mother's bedroom stories about her father either. "So I guess I'll kill myself," was her mother's response, "if my own daughter won't even talk to me." It was Cmdr. Taco's freshman year and she didn't need the responsibility, so she listened. She allowed herself to be lost track of as a sophomore, however, moving off-campus and delisting her number. There was some comfort in knowing that neither of her parents had ever been of a mind to chase after her.
Increasingly, Cmdr. Taco loved no one. She had a fair amount of sex but in general preferred her own company, and on occasion that of Fetko. He had information about dead writers that fascinated her, health problems and such. She told him that after he died, people would say he had liked for his girl students to talk dirty to him, but he said no one would care since he wasn't a real writer. She pointed out his books of criticism and he told her she was sweet to be so naÔve, to have such big tits. In the end, though, she was glad he never tried to touch them, that it never went beyond talk. This would have weakened their rapport, which was something she felt they definitely enjoyed. Everybody traded on what they had, after all, and if what you had wasn't pretty, well, there was still a friend for you.
In class on Wednesday, Fetko seemed distracted. When Cowboy Neal raised his hand and asked him to expand upon the socioeconomic conditions of the lady with the pet dog, he did so without protest. Later, when Cmdr. Taco went to meet him in his office, he wasn't there. A note on his door said he was ill and that office hours had been canceled. Cmdr. Taco hoped Fetko's guilt over what had happened between her and Cowboy Neal would not jeopardize their arrangement. She had enough on her plate worrying about China without the added anxiety of having to complete his assignments as well.
At a vending machine she purchased lunch--a chocolate bar and pretzels, neither of which would taste like anything, she already knew. She found a bench on a wide walkway in front of the tall Humanities Building, and looked down into the valley at the poor town she had sold ugly clothes to the previous year. It's better up here, she thought, though she knew she would tumble down the hill soon enough.
Moments later she was joined by Cowboy Neal, a fat, sweaty guy with a dumb haircut. People's appearances were of little concern to Cmdr. Taco. She bedded the handsome and the homely alike. Along with her taste buds had gone her sense of smell, and she didn't miss it. Sex, she believed, should be more of a democratic process, distributed only when a situation-and not a person-merited it.
He presented her with a card depicting Monet's Water Lilies and containing a message that read, Sorry I raped you-Cowboy Neal.
"It's not funny, you know," she said, thrusting the card back at him.
He took it. "I know."
"Then what the hell is that?" she said, motioning toward the card. He was picking at it with his wet fingers.
"My parents think I should try to make it up to you."
"Are you retarded or something?"
He laughed, relieved. "You have a great personality."
"You are retarded," she said.
"I'm in college," he offered.
"You have some sort of emotional retardation," she surmised, "some sort of freakishness in that way."
He shrugged. Suddenly, a strange concern that she had hurt his feelings came and went. "Well," she said, "I guess I'll take the card back."
He handed it to her, then sat down on the bench. Her nylon book bag lay between them, and she made no attempt to move it. "You're my first," he said.
"Is that right?" she said. She had been many, many firsts.
"That's why you're kind of special to me."
"Uh-huh." She was alternating: a bite of chocolate, a bite of pretzel. Sweet, salt, sweet, salt. It tasted like a little something.
"I'd like you to meet my parents," he said hopefully.
"You're a nice kid," she said. "I don't really like to meet people's parents."
"My mother feeds expired birth control pills to our plants," he said, "to fertilize them."
"Stop talking about that," she snapped.
"Sorry," he said.
They spent the rest of the afternoon like that: together, but not too close.
Fetko seemed back to his normal self on Friday. He refused to acknowledge Cowboy Neal's request for an accounting of Babel's whereabouts on the eve of the revolution, and was in his office after class. But when Cmdr. Taco asked him softly what she would find if she unzipped his pants, he stared back at her blankly. "Cmdr. Taco," he said, rubbing his eyes, "I've made a mistake here. We can talk as much as you want-anytime you want-but not about the stuff we used to talk about. And you need to start doing better on your quizzes."
She left his office, stunned. She went home and masturbated, then fell asleep. A call from Cowboy Neal woke her at around eleven that night. "What do you want?" she demanded.
"I'm hoping we're going to make love again sometime soon. When you're awake."
"Forget it." She sat up in bed and noticed how perfectly her square, latticed windows framed an amoebic moon.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
"My boyfriend dumped me."
"You have a boyfriend?"
"Had."
"Wow." He paused for a moment before saying, "Well that's great! Now I have a better chance!"
She laughed for the first time since the explanation of the uncircumcised penis. "I guess you do."
"Really?" he asked, excited.
She woke up a little more. "No."
She went on to tell him about China, as a sort of review for a test she had the next day. He listened intently, and she was surprised at a man more than satisfied by this kind of talk.
She failed the test, having spent too much time studying the health of the Chinese--acupuncture and such--as opposed to agriculture and commerce. She wasn't doing much better in Russian literature, where she had begun sitting next to Cowboy Neal and passing him questions intended to drive the professor mad. Upon receipt of these, Cowboy Neal would instantly raise his hand and ask, "Is Lolita a memoir?" or, "Have you ever been to the Russian circus?" Though Fetko eventually stopped calling on him, Cowboy Neal continued to wave his arm around maniacally, complaining frequently of numbness in his fingers. It was during this period that Cmdr. Taco first knew herself to giggle.
She could've scared Fetko, she knew--could've threatened to turn him in if he didn't keep her grades up. But the thought of this reminded her too much of that first night with Cowboy Neal: how, because she had set out to harm him, the whole thing was really all her fault. In reporting either man she would only incriminate herself-reveal that she was a fraud who would do anything to keep her good grades and student loans. There was no point. Her only recourse now was to brace herself, China and Russia having allied themselves against her.
Cowboy Neal had an old VW van he drove Cmdr. Taco around in after class. He bought her lunch with a credit card belonging to a Cowboy Neal Sr., and wrote stories in which the two of them met Chekhov and took him to the doctor. He let Cmdr. Taco stick a fine sewing needle in his face and insisted it made him feel better all around. Knowing her financial situation, he cut her envelopes of coupons, brought her bags of pharmaceutical samples from his mother's office. They lay side by side on the grassy campus hills, drinking children's cough syrup and chewing Flintstones vitamins until the sun set over the Fine Arts Building and they fell asleep, waking up with bugs and grass in their hair. The word idyllic sprang to Cmdr. Taco's mind more than once, but she ignored it, thinking it was probably just anxiety. For when she wasn't with Cowboy Neal, she was irritable, unsettled. She had lost track of some of her unhappiness and could not seem to relocate it, not even in the bedrooms of the boys on the second floor-though she had looked.
"Do you remember anything about my penis?" Cowboy Neal asked her on the hillside one evening. The pollen count had been high that day, and they were passing a bottle of nasal spray back and forth.
"Not really," Cmdr. Taco said.
"Wow," he said.
"Yup," she said. "Imagine that."
"Hey, why did your boyfriend dump you?"
"Why?"
Cowboy Neal nodded.
"He was jealous of you," Cmdr. Taco said.
"He knows me?"
"He's been watching us," she confirmed.
This silenced Cowboy Neal for some time. It was a Sunday during finals, and the campus was deserted. "Would you like to see my penis?" he asked.
She looked over at his crotch. "Is it anything special?"
"I think so," he said.
She nodded. He took it out. "Okay," she said. "I saw it."
"It doesn't ring a bell?"
"No." She passed him the nasal spray.
He inhaled deeply, pinching the side of his empty nostril. "If I left it out," he said, sniffling, "would you do anything with it?"
"Probably not."
"Because I raped you?"
"Probably."
He put it away. "My mother thinks you should go for counseling," he said as he zipped up his fly.
"Why?"
"She says I raped you and you need to face that reality."
"I already did," she said.
"You're supposed to get mad, though."
"I'm busy," she said. "Doesn't your mother know anger is unproductive?"
"Is there anything that would make you want to make love with me again?"
"Yes," she said.
"What is it?" he asked eagerly, but she said she didn't know.
She failed out of school and lost her student loans. They hired her back at the cheap clothing store, where she felt oddly invigorated by her co-workers' discussions of impostor perfumes and patio furniture. Cowboy Neal picked her up in the evenings in his VW van and drove her to the college, where they continued to lie on the grass and take medication. He told her if they got married people would give them money and small appliances. "I'm tired of trading," she said, and she fell asleep.
On a Tuesday in May, Fetko came into the clothing store with his wife. Summer was slow in retail, and so it was just Cmdr. Taco, her manager having stepped out for lunch. Fetko seemed startled to see her and immediately told his wife he didn't think she would find anything she liked here, but she told him to sit down in the chair by the dressing room and wait. "What do you know anyway?" she said, and so Fetko shuffled past Cmdr. Taco at the cash register, his eyes glued to the floor.
Cmdr. Taco watched him for a moment, thinking about how most male professors his age--maybe fifty--still dressed as if it were 1974. She thought how amazing it was that young, stylish women of the nineties managed to get crushes on them anyway, as if age and intelligence transcended fashion. She had never had a crush on Fetko, and suddenly regretted this. He was a depressed, inappropriate, badly dressed man, and all she had ever noticed was his grade book, his red pencil.
Cmdr. Taco approached his chair now, which was puce where it wasn't threadbare. "Can I offer you a magazine or something to drink, sir?" she asked. She had no magazine or drinks. It was a cheap store. But she was stirred by his grief and did not want it to end.
"No thanks," he said. Then he added, "Miss."
Cmdr. Taco nodded. "I'll just help your wife then," she said, and walked off.
Mrs. Fetko was stout and seemed drawn to a group of coordinating, boxy separates done up in feminine, floral prints. "May I say you have lovely skin, ma'am," Cmdr. Taco began, which was the truth. Mrs. Fetko laughed and reached into her purse for a business card. "Here's my secret, hon," she said, handing it to Cmdr. Taco. Full Body Massage by Jules, it read. "You can keep it," she added. "Now, what do you think about this?" She held up a pink-and-gray blouse and a matching gray skirt.
"Is there a special occasion?" Cmdr. Taco asked.
"My husband works up at the college and he was just awarded an endowed chair. Very impressive. So I need something to wear to the ceremony. How about this?" She had laid the pink group over her arm and was now into the teals.
Cmdr. Taco shrugged. "They're just the same exact things in different colors."
Mrs. Fetko laughed. "Tell it like it is! I love it. Here. Start a dressing room for me, babe."
Cmdr. Taco took the clothes from her and headed toward the back of the store, where Fetko was furiously examining a dry-cleaning receipt from his wallet. She put Mrs. Fetko's clothes in a cubicle and said, "Congratulations," when she came back out.
He looked up from his receipt blankly.
"On your award," Cmdr. Taco added.
"Thank you," he whispered.
"Do you remember me?" she asked.
"Of course I do," he hissed. "Please!"
"Just wondering," she said.
Mrs. Fetko tried on several outfits, none of which was any better or worse than the others. When she asked Fetko which one he liked best, he said he didn't know. She pressed him and he said, "The pink, okay?"
"Don't be such an ass, Fetko," she said, rolling her eyes at Cmdr. Taco before returning to the dressing room.
"What are you looking at?" Fetko asked Cmdr. Taco after his wife had gone.
"Nothing," she said.
He glanced at the dressing rooms, then back at Cmdr. Taco. "Say something good to me," he whispered, laying a hand across his groin. "Quick."
She said something. He closed his eyes and smiled a little, the way he used to do. "Say something else," he said, and she did.
In return he offered her nothing. There were no more grades left, no student loans. Furthermore, he had clearly come to understand that she wouldn't retaliate. She had never once complained about the D he had given her, never hinted she even knew of the trouble she could cause him. And now here he was, looking to gratify himself at her expense. Asking for a freebie. She had complied not out of fear or hopefulness, but rather gratitude, for at last she felt herself to be depleted, empty, and in need.
In the van on the way home she told Cowboy Neal she loved him. "Will we make love?" he asked hopefully.
"Probably not," she said. "It's not that kind of love."
"Oh," he said. "Well, maybe you could stop making love with everybody else."
"I'll think about it," she said.
"Really?" he asked.
"Sure."
They drove through town without saying much more. The old van heaved and lurched while Cowboy Neal coaxed it on for one more mile, up one more city hill. Cmdr. Taco noticed a woman at a bus stop wearing a dress from her store, and pointed this out to Cowboy Neal, who said she didn't look half bad from a distance. "My mother likes your store," he said. "She said she may come in this weekend."
Cmdr. Taco considered protesting but then remembered that the shop was a public place. "What does your mother look like?" she asked instead.
Cowboy Neal thought for a minute before saying, "My father," which was of no help whatever.
Later, on the way to the college, Cmdr. Taco felt herself wanting more to eat than just medicine, and mentioned as much to Cowboy Neal. They planned an elaborate evening of food and drink, then stopped off for ice cream before dinner. It was very wrong of them, and it tasted very good.
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Cmdr. Taco told Cowboy Neal she would sleep with him, and then she passed out. When she awoke the next morning, he said he'd gone ahead without her. He got dressed and asked her to drive him to the police station so he could turn himself in for rape, but she said not to worry about it. She wasn't happy, she said, but it was her own fault for drinking with a freshman. Cowboy Neal walked to the police station and turned himself in anyway. A Lieutenant Verbena called to see if Cmdr. Taco wanted to press charges and she said no. "Put him on," Cmdr. Taco said, and when Cowboy Neal said hello she hung up.
He called her the next day to say his mother, a pediatrician, had suggested she take a morning-after pill. "You told your mother?" Cmdr. Taco asked.
"She's a doctor," Cowboy Neal said.
"I got that."
"I'm going into counseling for my drinking," he added.
"How old are you?"
"Eighteen."
"I'm twenty-two," she said. "Now leave me alone."
Cmdr. Taco was a junior. She had taken a year off from college to work in a cheap clothing store for older women, then returned to school when she realized she made more money living off student loans. Her father, a divorce lawyer who had successfully represented himself against Cmdr. Taco's mother, had promised to help with tuition as long as Cmdr. Taco did well in high school. When she turned out to be not quite as smart as early test scores had indicated, however, he reneged. His advice to her was to stay away from the humanities, where there were no jobs.
She signed up for a Russian literature course with a professor named Fetko, who gave her good marks for implying that she'd be willing to sleep with him. Sometimes in his office he'd let her sip from his vending machine coffee, or take bites from the sandwiches his wife had prepared for him. Other times he gave her quarters for her own snacks. Mostly they just sat around shooting the shit, talking about Chekhov and his famous hemorrhoids.
Cowboy Neal, the freshman, was also in Russian literature. Fetko hated him and so did Cmdr. Taco. He was always asking stupid questions and interrupting Fetko's flow, something that was very important to Fetko. "Get him drunk and fuck with his head," Fetko had instructed Cmdr. Taco. "That would be worth a letter grade to me." Now, as she sat before her professor after Monday's class, Cmdr. Taco was unsure of what to say. "I fucked with him," she began, but when she described exactly how, Fetko turned white. "Jesus, Cmdr. Taco," he said, letting his pipe hang limp from his mouth.
She shrugged. She had been asleep when it happened.
Cowboy Neal called that afternoon to ask about the morning-after pill. Cmdr. Taco was sitting in her attic bedroom in a house filled with students. She had slept with two film majors on the second floor, one of whom had gone to great lengths to explain his uncircumcised penis to her. This had made her laugh--something she rarely did--and lose all interest in him, though she let him screw her anyway. "You're so hot," he'd whispered in her ear. "All the guys in the house want you."
"Thanks," she'd said, waiting for him to finish. Compliments had stopped doing it for her a long time ago.
Today she was trying to read a book about China for a history class. The professor was old and deaf, and whenever she tried to make a pass at him, he'd bellow, "What?" It was a grade she would actually have to work for, and it was killing her. Sometimes she went to his office to tell him this and he just nodded, pretending he could hear. She was no dummy. Her brain had just stopped accepting academic text along with the compliments.
What kind of name was Cowboy Neal anyway? Cmdr. Taco had half a mind to ask him now that he was on the phone, but didn't like to encourage friendship. Anyway, she was irritated, sick of his mother and this morning-after crap. "Don't worry about it," she told him. "I'm on birth control."
"What kind?" he asked, panting a little.
"What do you mean what kind?"
"What brand?"
"I don't know."
"Generic is cheaper."
"Fuck off."
He laughed. "You have a nice personality. I liked you even before we got drunk."
"Thanks."
"You wanna keep talking?"
"Let me think. No."
"I tried to talk to you after class today but you left so fast I couldn't find you."
"Try to breathe slower," Cmdr. Taco instructed him.
"Can I talk to you after class on Wednesday?"
"No."
"Before class?"
She hung up on him. He was in love with her, that much was clear. It happened all the time; men loved her personality, thought it was nice. Not nice-nice obviously, but nice-honest. Back home, people said she was like her mother, who was often described as acidic, and who had become a lesbian after Cmdr. Taco left for college. "Sex is sex," she had once advised her daughter. "No need to be picky." What bothered Cmdr. Taco was her mother's refusal to come out in the liberal, northwestern city where she lived, instead preferring to divulge the intimate details of her love life solely to Cmdr. Taco, over the telephone.
"I don't want to hear it, Mom," Cmdr. Taco would say, at which point her mother would accuse her of being homophobic. Cmdr. Taco protested, saying she had never felt comfortable with her mother's bedroom stories about her father either. "So I guess I'll kill myself," was her mother's response, "if my own daughter won't even talk to me." It was Cmdr. Taco's freshman year and she didn't need the responsibility, so she listened. She allowed herself to be lost track of as a sophomore, however, moving off-campus and delisting her number. There was some comfort in knowing that neither of her parents had ever been of a mind to chase after her.
Increasingly, Cmdr. Taco loved no one. She had a fair amount of sex but in general preferred her own company, and on occasion that of Fetko. He had information about dead writers that fascinated her, health problems and such. She told him that after he died, people would say he had liked for his girl students to talk dirty to him, but he said no one would care since he wasn't a real writer. She pointed out his books of criticism and he told her she was sweet to be so naÔve, to have such big tits. In the end, though, she was glad he never tried to touch them, that it never went beyond talk. This would have weakened their rapport, which was something she felt they definitely enjoyed. Everybody traded on what they had, after all, and if what you had wasn't pretty, well, there was still a friend for you.
In class on Wednesday, Fetko seemed distracted. When Cowboy Neal raised his hand and asked him to expand upon the socioeconomic conditions of the lady with the pet dog, he did so without protest. Later, when Cmdr. Taco went to meet him in his office, he wasn't there. A note on his door said he was ill and that office hours had been canceled. Cmdr. Taco hoped Fetko's guilt over what had happened between her and Cowboy Neal would not jeopardize their arrangement. She had enough on her plate worrying about China without the added anxiety of having to complete his assignments as well.
At a vending machine she purchased lunch--a chocolate bar and pretzels, neither of which would taste like anything, she already knew. She found a bench on a wide walkway in front of the tall Humanities Building, and looked down into the valley at the poor town she had sold ugly clothes to the previous year. It's better up here, she thought, though she knew she would tumble down the hill soon enough.
Moments later she was joined by Cowboy Neal, a fat, sweaty guy with a dumb haircut. People's appearances were of little concern to Cmdr. Taco. She bedded the handsome and the homely alike. Along with her taste buds had gone her sense of smell, and she didn't miss it. Sex, she believed, should be more of a democratic process, distributed only when a situation-and not a person-merited it.
He presented her with a card depicting Monet's Water Lilies and containing a message that read, Sorry I raped you-Cowboy Neal.
"It's not funny, you know," she said, thrusting the card back at him.
He took it. "I know."
"Then what the hell is that?" she said, motioning toward the card. He was picking at it with his wet fingers.
"My parents think I should try to make it up to you."
"Are you retarded or something?"
He laughed, relieved. "You have a great personality."
"You are retarded," she said.
"I'm in college," he offered.
"You have some sort of emotional retardation," she surmised, "some sort of freakishness in that way."
He shrugged. Suddenly, a strange concern that she had hurt his feelings came and went. "Well," she said, "I guess I'll take the card back."
He handed it to her, then sat down on the bench. Her nylon book bag lay between them, and she made no attempt to move it. "You're my first," he said.
"Is that right?" she said. She had been many, many firsts.
"That's why you're kind of special to me."
"Uh-huh." She was alternating: a bite of chocolate, a bite of pretzel. Sweet, salt, sweet, salt. It tasted like a little something.
"I'd like you to meet my parents," he said hopefully.
"You're a nice kid," she said. "I don't really like to meet people's parents."
"My mother feeds expired birth control pills to our plants," he said, "to fertilize them."
"Stop talking about that," she snapped.
"Sorry," he said.
They spent the rest of the afternoon like that: together, but not too close.
Fetko seemed back to his normal self on Friday. He refused to acknowledge Cowboy Neal's request for an accounting of Babel's whereabouts on the eve of the revolution, and was in his office after class. But when Cmdr. Taco asked him softly what she would find if she unzipped his pants, he stared back at her blankly. "Cmdr. Taco," he said, rubbing his eyes, "I've made a mistake here. We can talk as much as you want-anytime you want-but not about the stuff we used to talk about. And you need to start doing better on your quizzes."
She left his office, stunned. She went home and masturbated, then fell asleep. A call from Cowboy Neal woke her at around eleven that night. "What do you want?" she demanded.
"I'm hoping we're going to make love again sometime soon. When you're awake."
"Forget it." She sat up in bed and noticed how perfectly her square, latticed windows framed an amoebic moon.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
"My boyfriend dumped me."
"You have a boyfriend?"
"Had."
"Wow." He paused for a moment before saying, "Well that's great! Now I have a better chance!"
She laughed for the first time since the explanation of the uncircumcised penis. "I guess you do."
"Really?" he asked, excited.
She woke up a little more. "No."
She went on to tell him about China, as a sort of review for a test she had the next day. He listened intently, and she was surprised at a man more than satisfied by this kind of talk.
She failed the test, having spent too much time studying the health of the Chinese--acupuncture and such--as opposed to agriculture and commerce. She wasn't doing much better in Russian literature, where she had begun sitting next to Cowboy Neal and passing him questions intended to drive the professor mad. Upon receipt of these, Cowboy Neal would instantly raise his hand and ask, "Is Lolita a memoir?" or, "Have you ever been to the Russian circus?" Though Fetko eventually stopped calling on him, Cowboy Neal continued to wave his arm around maniacally, complaining frequently of numbness in his fingers. It was during this period that Cmdr. Taco first knew herself to giggle.
She could've scared Fetko, she knew--could've threatened to turn him in if he didn't keep her grades up. But the thought of this reminded her too much of that first night with Cowboy Neal: how, because she had set out to harm him, the whole thing was really all her fault. In reporting either man she would only incriminate herself-reveal that she was a fraud who would do anything to keep her good grades and student loans. There was no point. Her only recourse now was to brace herself, China and Russia having allied themselves against her.
Cowboy Neal had an old VW van he drove Cmdr. Taco around in after class. He bought her lunch with a credit card belonging to a Cowboy Neal Sr., and wrote stories in which the two of them met Chekhov and took him to the doctor. He let Cmdr. Taco stick a fine sewing needle in his face and insisted it made him feel better all around. Knowing her financial situation, he cut her envelopes of coupons, brought her bags of pharmaceutical samples from his mother's office. They lay side by side on the grassy campus hills, drinking children's cough syrup and chewing Flintstones vitamins until the sun set over the Fine Arts Building and they fell asleep, waking up with bugs and grass in their hair. The word idyllic sprang to Cmdr. Taco's mind more than once, but she ignored it, thinking it was probably just anxiety. For when she wasn't with Cowboy Neal, she was irritable, unsettled. She had lost track of some of her unhappiness and could not seem to relocate it, not even in the bedrooms of the boys on the second floor-though she had looked.
"Do you remember anything about my penis?" Cowboy Neal asked her on the hillside one evening. The pollen count had been high that day, and they were passing a bottle of nasal spray back and forth.
"Not really," Cmdr. Taco said.
"Wow," he said.
"Yup," she said. "Imagine that."
"Hey, why did your boyfriend dump you?"
"Why?"
Cowboy Neal nodded.
"He was jealous of you," Cmdr. Taco said.
"He knows me?"
"He's been watching us," she confirmed.
This silenced Cowboy Neal for some time. It was a Sunday during finals, and the campus was deserted. "Would you like to see my penis?" he asked.
She looked over at his crotch. "Is it anything special?"
"I think so," he said.
She nodded. He took it out. "Okay," she said. "I saw it."
"It doesn't ring a bell?"
"No." She passed him the nasal spray.
He inhaled deeply, pinching the side of his empty nostril. "If I left it out," he said, sniffling, "would you do anything with it?"
"Probably not."
"Because I raped you?"
"Probably."
He put it away. "My mother thinks you should go for counseling," he said as he zipped up his fly.
"Why?"
"She says I raped you and you need to face that reality."
"I already did," she said.
"You're supposed to get mad, though."
"I'm busy," she said. "Doesn't your mother know anger is unproductive?"
"Is there anything that would make you want to make love with me again?"
"Yes," she said.
"What is it?" he asked eagerly, but she said she didn't know.
She failed out of school and lost her student loans. They hired her back at the cheap clothing store, where she felt oddly invigorated by her co-workers' discussions of impostor perfumes and patio furniture. Cowboy Neal picked her up in the evenings in his VW van and drove her to the college, where they continued to lie on the grass and take medication. He told her if they got married people would give them money and small appliances. "I'm tired of trading," she said, and she fell asleep.
On a Tuesday in May, Fetko came into the clothing store with his wife. Summer was slow in retail, and so it was just Cmdr. Taco, her manager having stepped out for lunch. Fetko seemed startled to see her and immediately told his wife he didn't think she would find anything she liked here, but she told him to sit down in the chair by the dressing room and wait. "What do you know anyway?" she said, and so Fetko shuffled past Cmdr. Taco at the cash register, his eyes glued to the floor.
Cmdr. Taco watched him for a moment, thinking about how most male professors his age--maybe fifty--still dressed as if it were 1974. She thought how amazing it was that young, stylish women of the nineties managed to get crushes on them anyway, as if age and intelligence transcended fashion. She had never had a crush on Fetko, and suddenly regretted this. He was a depressed, inappropriate, badly dressed man, and all she had ever noticed was his grade book, his red pencil.
Cmdr. Taco approached his chair now, which was puce where it wasn't threadbare. "Can I offer you a magazine or something to drink, sir?" she asked. She had no magazine or drinks. It was a cheap store. But she was stirred by his grief and did not want it to end.
"No thanks," he said. Then he added, "Miss."
Cmdr. Taco nodded. "I'll just help your wife then," she said, and walked off.
Mrs. Fetko was stout and seemed drawn to a group of coordinating, boxy separates done up in feminine, floral prints. "May I say you have lovely skin, ma'am," Cmdr. Taco began, which was the truth. Mrs. Fetko laughed and reached into her purse for a business card. "Here's my secret, hon," she said, handing it to Cmdr. Taco. Full Body Massage by Jules, it read. "You can keep it," she added. "Now, what do you think about this?" She held up a pink-and-gray blouse and a matching gray skirt.
"Is there a special occasion?" Cmdr. Taco asked.
"My husband works up at the college and he was just awarded an endowed chair. Very impressive. So I need something to wear to the ceremony. How about this?" She had laid the pink group over her arm and was now into the teals.
Cmdr. Taco shrugged. "They're just the same exact things in different colors."
Mrs. Fetko laughed. "Tell it like it is! I love it. Here. Start a dressing room for me, babe."
Cmdr. Taco took the clothes from her and headed toward the back of the store, where Fetko was furiously examining a dry-cleaning receipt from his wallet. She put Mrs. Fetko's clothes in a cubicle and said, "Congratulations," when she came back out.
He looked up from his receipt blankly.
"On your award," Cmdr. Taco added.
"Thank you," he whispered.
"Do you remember me?" she asked.
"Of course I do," he hissed. "Please!"
"Just wondering," she said.
Mrs. Fetko tried on several outfits, none of which was any better or worse than the others. When she asked Fetko which one he liked best, he said he didn't know. She pressed him and he said, "The pink, okay?"
"Don't be such an ass, Fetko," she said, rolling her eyes at Cmdr. Taco before returning to the dressing room.
"What are you looking at?" Fetko asked Cmdr. Taco after his wife had gone.
"Nothing," she said.
He glanced at the dressing rooms, then back at Cmdr. Taco. "Say something good to me," he whispered, laying a hand across his groin. "Quick."
She said something. He closed his eyes and smiled a little, the way he used to do. "Say something else," he said, and she did.
In return he offered her nothing. There were no more grades left, no student loans. Furthermore, he had clearly come to understand that she wouldn't retaliate. She had never once complained about the D he had given her, never hinted she even knew of the trouble she could cause him. And now here he was, looking to gratify himself at her expense. Asking for a freebie. She had complied not out of fear or hopefulness, but rather gratitude, for at last she felt herself to be depleted, empty, and in need.
In the van on the way home she told Cowboy Neal she loved him. "Will we make love?" he asked hopefully.
"Probably not," she said. "It's not that kind of love."
"Oh," he said. "Well, maybe you could stop making love with everybody else."
"I'll think about it," she said.
"Really?" he asked.
"Sure."
They drove through town without saying much more. The old van heaved and lurched while Cowboy Neal coaxed it on for one more mile, up one more city hill. Cmdr. Taco noticed a woman at a bus stop wearing a dress from her store, and pointed this out to Cowboy Neal, who said she didn't look half bad from a distance. "My mother likes your store," he said. "She said she may come in this weekend."
Cmdr. Taco considered protesting but then remembered that the shop was a public place. "What does your mother look like?" she asked instead.
Cowboy Neal thought for a minute before saying, "My father," which was of no help whatever.
Later, on the way to the college, Cmdr. Taco felt herself wanting more to eat than just medicine, and mentioned as much to Cowboy Neal. They planned an elaborate evening of food and drink, then stopped off for ice cream before dinner. It was very wrong of them, and it tasted very good.
This story is totally fiction but who know's it could come true !
Our story begin with Cmdr Taco and Judy. Cmdr Taco is a lawyer who works for a major law firm. Judy is a computer programmer who works for a software company.
One day while Judy was in a chat room she got a instant message from Cmdr Taco. He starCmdr Taco to talk about how he has always been into computers. Before he became a lawyer he had studied computer science. He was very much into computers like Judy was and they both just love chatting with each other.
They enjoyed each others company so much and have so much in common they could had chatCmdr Taco forever. A few months past. One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were into a very romantic chat. Cmdr Taco brought up the subject of cybersex. Judy was surprise by this.
She had heard about it and was very curious. She thought how could anybody get anything from doing this. It's only words, But I would love to try it once. That night Cmdr Taco and Judy had very intense cybersex. The words they used were very hot.
Maybe too hot. There's words are too hot to say in this story.
This story is only raCmdr Taco at pg-13.
One day while Judy was reading her e-mail she notice a letter that was from Jat. She thought to herself I've never knew anybody with that name. She open the letter and starCmdr Taco to read it. All the words in the letter were misspelled. It's looked like somebody very young had written it. She answered the letter by saying I don't know you, do I
She finish by clicking on send and she got a error, it said This member address is invalid. What is going on here ? She said out loud. She thought to herself somebody is playing a game with me or something. During their next chat she told Cmdr Taco about it. Thats very strange, I got the same e-mail myself. He remarks.
They wondered who in the world could be playing games with us. Do we know any of the same people that would do something like this ? He asks Judy. Somebody is just playing with us Cmdr Taco, don't worry about it. I agree with you Judy and they continued with there chat.
A few weeks later Judy got a instant message from that same person Jat. She could not figure out what the message said because the message had too many spelling mistakes. She answered that instant message by saying Who are you ?. There was not any response to her answer. The next night Cmdr Taco got a instant message which was from Jat. He could not figure out the message. He answered the message by saying Do I know you ?.
A few months passed and our happy couple didn't hear from Jat.
One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were chatting, Cmdr Taco got a instant message from Jat. It said Daddy, I need you, please give me love. He thought to himself this person might be a kid or at least pretending to be one. So he wrote back and said Be a good kid and get off the computer He thought, our mystery person is back and they have learn how to spell.
He told Judy what Jat told him. I didn't know you had a kid Judy said with a big smile. He wrote back with a grin. I don't, it's news to me They continued to chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy give me love, I am hungry She wrote back and said I am not your mummy and please leave us alone
She told Cmdr Taco about it and he could not believe it. I wonder why they said they were hungry to you She answered by saying Cmdr Taco I don't know, but that did freak me out. I'm sure it's just somebody trying to be funny. As he tries to consoled Judy.
Judy wrote back and said Cmdr Taco, I know what we could do to stop this person from bugging us !, Judy tell me !, All we got to do is put a block on this person. That's should stop all this nonsense.
They went ahead and put a block on Jat and continued there chat.
Now we got rid of whoever that was, Sounds good to me Judy They continue their chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy that's not very nice. You can't block me and I know what you been saying about me, How in the world did you get pass that block Judy wrote back with a surprise looked.
Jat answered by saying Why don't you love me, I am so hungry now. I am not your mummy and I can't feed you !!!!! Judy explains as she is getting very upset.
Jat answered with but you and Cmdr Taco made me. I can't even leave. I am trapped here. Theres no way out of here. There's nothing here but numbers.
Where are you at ? Jat She writes back as she is trying to claim down.
Jat answer by saying I don't know but there seems to be a lot of us here.
Cmdr Taco sent her a instant message and said What happen to you Judy ?. I am chatting with our mystery person maybe I can figure out what's going on. Good deal Judy, please find out for the both of us. Cmdr Taco knew Judy being a computer programer could figure this out better than him. Cmdr Taco also thought how in the world did they get past the block. I hope Judy can figure out who this person is.
Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy I can see everything you write to Daddy. I am here. You must be a hacker then. Judy answered with disbelief . I don't know, what's a hacker ? Judy thinks to herself this person is really bugging me now. I give up then, whoever you are !!!! Judy thought to herself this person is very dumb or very smart, I just can't figure out the joke here, if this is a joke.
Jat answered by saying Mummy I am still hungry !!!!
How can I feed you if I don't know where you are at. Judy thought I will play this game and see what happens next. She got another instant message from Jat it said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love. I think that should do it.
She thought to herself this person is crazy or something ? I need to chat with Cmdr Taco now ! She sends a instant message to Cmdr Taco. Cmdr Taco, I am not exactly sure what's going on here but either we have a very smart hacker or we might be parents. What do you mean we might be parents ? We never had sex before, except cybersex. Does that count ?. Maybe this time it could count Cmdr Taco is beginning to think that Judy has lost her mind.
Cmdr Taco wondered how could cybersex count unless we made a cyber baby. He thought no way, that's a crazy idea.
Cmdr Taco wrote back and said Why do you think it might count this time ? What did Jat say to you ? Cmdr Taco waiCmdr Taco on a response from Judy. She finally answer by saying It keeps on saying it's hungry and keeps calling me Mummy and you Daddy and Jat said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love.
Cmdr Taco stares at the computer screen and think this can't be true. There is no such thing as a cyberbaby.
He writes back Judy I am confused, This just can't be happing.
Judy starts to blush now as she tried to figure out what to say next.
She finally came up with a answer for Cmdr Taco. Well Cmdr Taco, for our sake and Jat I hope you are right. If we do have a cyberbaby, we are not alone
Let's this be a warning for all the people who engage in cybersex.
This story is totally fiction but who know's it could come true !
Our story begin with Cmdr Taco and Judy. Cmdr Taco is a lawyer who works for a major law firm. Judy is a computer programmer who works for a software company.
One day while Judy was in a chat room she got a instant message from Cmdr Taco. He starCmdr Taco to talk about how he has always been into computers. Before he became a lawyer he had studied computer science. He was very much into computers like Judy was and they both just love chatting with each other.
They enjoyed each others company so much and have so much in common they could had chatCmdr Taco forever. A few months past. One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were into a very romantic chat. Cmdr Taco brought up the subject of cybersex. Judy was surprise by this.
She had heard about it and was very curious. She thought how could anybody get anything from doing this. It's only words, But I would love to try it once. That night Cmdr Taco and Judy had very intense cybersex. The words they used were very hot.
Maybe too hot. There's words are too hot to say in this story.
This story is only raCmdr Taco at pg-13.
One day while Judy was reading her e-mail she notice a letter that was from Jat. She thought to herself I've never knew anybody with that name. She open the letter and starCmdr Taco to read it. All the words in the letter were misspelled. It's looked like somebody very young had written it. She answered the letter by saying I don't know you, do I
She finish by clicking on send and she got a error, it said This member address is invalid. What is going on here ? She said out loud. She thought to herself somebody is playing a game with me or something. During their next chat she told Cmdr Taco about it. Thats very strange, I got the same e-mail myself. He remarks.
They wondered who in the world could be playing games with us. Do we know any of the same people that would do something like this ? He asks Judy. Somebody is just playing with us Cmdr Taco, don't worry about it. I agree with you Judy and they continued with there chat.
A few weeks later Judy got a instant message from that same person Jat. She could not figure out what the message said because the message had too many spelling mistakes. She answered that instant message by saying Who are you ?. There was not any response to her answer. The next night Cmdr Taco got a instant message which was from Jat. He could not figure out the message. He answered the message by saying Do I know you ?.
A few months passed and our happy couple didn't hear from Jat.
One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were chatting, Cmdr Taco got a instant message from Jat. It said Daddy, I need you, please give me love. He thought to himself this person might be a kid or at least pretending to be one. So he wrote back and said Be a good kid and get off the computer He thought, our mystery person is back and they have learn how to spell.
He told Judy what Jat told him. I didn't know you had a kid Judy said with a big smile. He wrote back with a grin. I don't, it's news to me They continued to chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy give me love, I am hungry She wrote back and said I am not your mummy and please leave us alone
She told Cmdr Taco about it and he could not believe it. I wonder why they said they were hungry to you She answered by saying Cmdr Taco I don't know, but that did freak me out. I'm sure it's just somebody trying to be funny. As he tries to consoled Judy.
Judy wrote back and said Cmdr Taco, I know what we could do to stop this person from bugging us !, Judy tell me !, All we got to do is put a block on this person. That's should stop all this nonsense.
They went ahead and put a block on Jat and continued there chat.
Now we got rid of whoever that was, Sounds good to me Judy They continue their chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy that's not very nice. You can't block me and I know what you been saying about me, How in the world did you get pass that block Judy wrote back with a surprise looked.
Jat answered by saying Why don't you love me, I am so hungry now. I am not your mummy and I can't feed you !!!!! Judy explains as she is getting very upset.
Jat answered with but you and Cmdr Taco made me. I can't even leave. I am trapped here. Theres no way out of here. There's nothing here but numbers.
Where are you at ? Jat She writes back as she is trying to claim down.
Jat answer by saying I don't know but there seems to be a lot of us here.
Cmdr Taco sent her a instant message and said What happen to you Judy ?. I am chatting with our mystery person maybe I can figure out what's going on. Good deal Judy, please find out for the both of us. Cmdr Taco knew Judy being a computer programer could figure this out better than him. Cmdr Taco also thought how in the world did they get past the block. I hope Judy can figure out who this person is.
Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy I can see everything you write to Daddy. I am here. You must be a hacker then. Judy answered with disbelief . I don't know, what's a hacker ? Judy thinks to herself this person is really bugging me now. I give up then, whoever you are !!!! Judy thought to herself this person is very dumb or very smart, I just can't figure out the joke here, if this is a joke.
Jat answered by saying Mummy I am still hungry !!!!
How can I feed you if I don't know where you are at. Judy thought I will play this game and see what happens next. She got another instant message from Jat it said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love. I think that should do it.
She thought to herself this person is crazy or something ? I need to chat with Cmdr Taco now ! She sends a instant message to Cmdr Taco. Cmdr Taco, I am not exactly sure what's going on here but either we have a very smart hacker or we might be parents. What do you mean we might be parents ? We never had sex before, except cybersex. Does that count ?. Maybe this time it could count Cmdr Taco is beginning to think that Judy has lost her mind.
Cmdr Taco wondered how could cybersex count unless we made a cyber baby. He thought no way, that's a crazy idea.
Cmdr Taco wrote back and said Why do you think it might count this time ? What did Jat say to you ? Cmdr Taco waiCmdr Taco on a response from Judy. She finally answer by saying It keeps on saying it's hungry and keeps calling me Mummy and you Daddy and Jat said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love.
Cmdr Taco stares at the computer screen and think this can't be true. There is no such thing as a cyberbaby.
He writes back Judy I am confused, This just can't be happing.
Judy starts to blush now as she tried to figure out what to say next.
She finally came up with a answer for Cmdr Taco. Well Cmdr Taco, for our sake and Jat I hope you are right. If we do have a cyberbaby, we are not alone
Let's this be a warning for all the people who engage in cybersex.
This story is totally fiction but who know's it could come true !
Our story begin with Cmdr Taco and Judy. Cmdr Taco is a lawyer who works for a major law firm. Judy is a computer programmer who works for a software company.
One day while Judy was in a chat room she got a instant message from Cmdr Taco. He starCmdr Taco to talk about how he has always been into computers. Before he became a lawyer he had studied computer science. He was very much into computers like Judy was and they both just love chatting with each other.
They enjoyed each others company so much and have so much in common they could had chatCmdr Taco forever. A few months past. One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were into a very romantic chat. Cmdr Taco brought up the subject of cybersex. Judy was surprise by this.
She had heard about it and was very curious. She thought how could anybody get anything from doing this. It's only words, But I would love to try it once. That night Cmdr Taco and Judy had very intense cybersex. The words they used were very hot.
Maybe too hot. There's words are too hot to say in this story.
This story is only raCmdr Taco at pg-13.
One day while Judy was reading her e-mail she notice a letter that was from Jat. She thought to herself I've never knew anybody with that name. She open the letter and starCmdr Taco to read it. All the words in the letter were misspelled. It's looked like somebody very young had written it. She answered the letter by saying I don't know you, do I
She finish by clicking on send and she got a error, it said This member address is invalid. What is going on here ? She said out loud. She thought to herself somebody is playing a game with me or something. During their next chat she told Cmdr Taco about it. Thats very strange, I got the same e-mail myself. He remarks.
They wondered who in the world could be playing games with us. Do we know any of the same people that would do something like this ? He asks Judy. Somebody is just playing with us Cmdr Taco, don't worry about it. I agree with you Judy and they continued with there chat.
A few weeks later Judy got a instant message from that same person Jat. She could not figure out what the message said because the message had too many spelling mistakes. She answered that instant message by saying Who are you ?. There was not any response to her answer. The next night Cmdr Taco got a instant message which was from Jat. He could not figure out the message. He answered the message by saying Do I know you ?.
A few months passed and our happy couple didn't hear from Jat.
One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were chatting, Cmdr Taco got a instant message from Jat. It said Daddy, I need you, please give me love. He thought to himself this person might be a kid or at least pretending to be one. So he wrote back and said Be a good kid and get off the computer He thought, our mystery person is back and they have learn how to spell.
He told Judy what Jat told him. I didn't know you had a kid Judy said with a big smile. He wrote back with a grin. I don't, it's news to me They continued to chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy give me love, I am hungry She wrote back and said I am not your mummy and please leave us alone
She told Cmdr Taco about it and he could not believe it. I wonder why they said they were hungry to you She answered by saying Cmdr Taco I don't know, but that did freak me out. I'm sure it's just somebody trying to be funny. As he tries to consoled Judy.
Judy wrote back and said Cmdr Taco, I know what we could do to stop this person from bugging us !, Judy tell me !, All we got to do is put a block on this person. That's should stop all this nonsense.
They went ahead and put a block on Jat and continued there chat.
Now we got rid of whoever that was, Sounds good to me Judy They continue their chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy that's not very nice. You can't block me and I know what you been saying about me, How in the world did you get pass that block Judy wrote back with a surprise looked.
Jat answered by saying Why don't you love me, I am so hungry now. I am not your mummy and I can't feed you !!!!! Judy explains as she is getting very upset.
Jat answered with but you and Cmdr Taco made me. I can't even leave. I am trapped here. Theres no way out of here. There's nothing here but numbers.
Where are you at ? Jat She writes back as she is trying to claim down.
Jat answer by saying I don't know but there seems to be a lot of us here.
Cmdr Taco sent her a instant message and said What happen to you Judy ?. I am chatting with our mystery person maybe I can figure out what's going on. Good deal Judy, please find out for the both of us. Cmdr Taco knew Judy being a computer programer could figure this out better than him. Cmdr Taco also thought how in the world did they get past the block. I hope Judy can figure out who this person is.
Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy I can see everything you write to Daddy. I am here. You must be a hacker then. Judy answered with disbelief . I don't know, what's a hacker ? Judy thinks to herself this person is really bugging me now. I give up then, whoever you are !!!! Judy thought to herself this person is very dumb or very smart, I just can't figure out the joke here, if this is a joke.
Jat answered by saying Mummy I am still hungry !!!!
How can I feed you if I don't know where you are at. Judy thought I will play this game and see what happens next. She got another instant message from Jat it said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love. I think that should do it.
She thought to herself this person is crazy or something ? I need to chat with Cmdr Taco now ! She sends a instant message to Cmdr Taco. Cmdr Taco, I am not exactly sure what's going on here but either we have a very smart hacker or we might be parents. What do you mean we might be parents ? We never had sex before, except cybersex. Does that count ?. Maybe this time it could count Cmdr Taco is beginning to think that Judy has lost her mind.
Cmdr Taco wondered how could cybersex count unless we made a cyber baby. He thought no way, that's a crazy idea.
Cmdr Taco wrote back and said Why do you think it might count this time ? What did Jat say to you ? Cmdr Taco waiCmdr Taco on a response from Judy. She finally answer by saying It keeps on saying it's hungry and keeps calling me Mummy and you Daddy and Jat said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love.
Cmdr Taco stares at the computer screen and think this can't be true. There is no such thing as a cyberbaby.
He writes back Judy I am confused, This just can't be happing.
Judy starts to blush now as she tried to figure out what to say next.
She finally came up with a answer for Cmdr Taco. Well Cmdr Taco, for our sake and Jat I hope you are right. If we do have a cyberbaby, we are not alone
Let's this be a warning for all the people who engage in cybersex.
This story is totally fiction but who know's it could come true !
Our story begin with Cmdr Taco and Judy. Cmdr Taco is a lawyer who works for a major law firm. Judy is a computer programmer who works for a software company.
One day while Judy was in a chat room she got a instant message from Cmdr Taco. He starCmdr Taco to talk about how he has always been into computers. Before he became a lawyer he had studied computer science. He was very much into computers like Judy was and they both just love chatting with each other.
They enjoyed each others company so much and have so much in common they could had chatCmdr Taco forever. A few months past. One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were into a very romantic chat. Cmdr Taco brought up the subject of cybersex. Judy was surprise by this.
She had heard about it and was very curious. She thought how could anybody get anything from doing this. It's only words, But I would love to try it once. That night Cmdr Taco and Judy had very intense cybersex. The words they used were very hot.
Maybe too hot. There's words are too hot to say in this story.
This story is only raCmdr Taco at pg-13.
One day while Judy was reading her e-mail she notice a letter that was from Jat. She thought to herself I've never knew anybody with that name. She open the letter and starCmdr Taco to read it. All the words in the letter were misspelled. It's looked like somebody very young had written it. She answered the letter by saying I don't know you, do I
She finish by clicking on send and she got a error, it said This member address is invalid. What is going on here ? She said out loud. She thought to herself somebody is playing a game with me or something. During their next chat she told Cmdr Taco about it. Thats very strange, I got the same e-mail myself. He remarks.
They wondered who in the world could be playing games with us. Do we know any of the same people that would do something like this ? He asks Judy. Somebody is just playing with us Cmdr Taco, don't worry about it. I agree with you Judy and they continued with there chat.
A few weeks later Judy got a instant message from that same person Jat. She could not figure out what the message said because the message had too many spelling mistakes. She answered that instant message by saying Who are you ?. There was not any response to her answer. The next night Cmdr Taco got a instant message which was from Jat. He could not figure out the message. He answered the message by saying Do I know you ?.
A few months passed and our happy couple didn't hear from Jat.
One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were chatting, Cmdr Taco got a instant message from Jat. It said Daddy, I need you, please give me love. He thought to himself this person might be a kid or at least pretending to be one. So he wrote back and said Be a good kid and get off the computer He thought, our mystery person is back and they have learn how to spell.
He told Judy what Jat told him. I didn't know you had a kid Judy said with a big smile. He wrote back with a grin. I don't, it's news to me They continued to chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy give me love, I am hungry She wrote back and said I am not your mummy and please leave us alone
She told Cmdr Taco about it and he could not believe it. I wonder why they said they were hungry to you She answered by saying Cmdr Taco I don't know, but that did freak me out. I'm sure it's just somebody trying to be funny. As he tries to consoled Judy.
Judy wrote back and said Cmdr Taco, I know what we could do to stop this person from bugging us !, Judy tell me !, All we got to do is put a block on this person. That's should stop all this nonsense.
They went ahead and put a block on Jat and continued there chat.
Now we got rid of whoever that was, Sounds good to me Judy They continue their chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy that's not very nice. You can't block me and I know what you been saying about me, How in the world did you get pass that block Judy wrote back with a surprise looked.
Jat answered by saying Why don't you love me, I am so hungry now. I am not your mummy and I can't feed you !!!!! Judy explains as she is getting very upset.
Jat answered with but you and Cmdr Taco made me. I can't even leave. I am trapped here. Theres no way out of here. There's nothing here but numbers.
Where are you at ? Jat She writes back as she is trying to claim down.
Jat answer by saying I don't know but there seems to be a lot of us here.
Cmdr Taco sent her a instant message and said What happen to you Judy ?. I am chatting with our mystery person maybe I can figure out what's going on. Good deal Judy, please find out for the both of us. Cmdr Taco knew Judy being a computer programer could figure this out better than him. Cmdr Taco also thought how in the world did they get past the block. I hope Judy can figure out who this person is.
Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy I can see everything you write to Daddy. I am here. You must be a hacker then. Judy answered with disbelief . I don't know, what's a hacker ? Judy thinks to herself this person is really bugging me now. I give up then, whoever you are !!!! Judy thought to herself this person is very dumb or very smart, I just can't figure out the joke here, if this is a joke.
Jat answered by saying Mummy I am still hungry !!!!
How can I feed you if I don't know where you are at. Judy thought I will play this game and see what happens next. She got another instant message from Jat it said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love. I think that should do it.
She thought to herself this person is crazy or something ? I need to chat with Cmdr Taco now ! She sends a instant message to Cmdr Taco. Cmdr Taco, I am not exactly sure what's going on here but either we have a very smart hacker or we might be parents. What do you mean we might be parents ? We never had sex before, except cybersex. Does that count ?. Maybe this time it could count Cmdr Taco is beginning to think that Judy has lost her mind.
Cmdr Taco wondered how could cybersex count unless we made a cyber baby. He thought no way, that's a crazy idea.
Cmdr Taco wrote back and said Why do you think it might count this time ? What did Jat say to you ? Cmdr Taco waiCmdr Taco on a response from Judy. She finally answer by saying It keeps on saying it's hungry and keeps calling me Mummy and you Daddy and Jat said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love.
Cmdr Taco stares at the computer screen and think this can't be true. There is no such thing as a cyberbaby.
He writes back Judy I am confused, This just can't be happing.
Judy starts to blush now as she tried to figure out what to say next.
She finally came up with a answer for Cmdr Taco. Well Cmdr Taco, for our sake and Jat I hope you are right. If we do have a cyberbaby, we are not alone
Let's this be a warning for all the people who engage in cybersex.
This story is totally fiction but who know's it could come true !
Our story begin with Cmdr Taco and Judy. Cmdr Taco is a lawyer who works for a major law firm. Judy is a computer programmer who works for a software company.
One day while Judy was in a chat room she got a instant message from Cmdr Taco. He starCmdr Taco to talk about how he has always been into computers. Before he became a lawyer he had studied computer science. He was very much into computers like Judy was and they both just love chatting with each other.
They enjoyed each others company so much and have so much in common they could had chatCmdr Taco forever. A few months past. One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were into a very romantic chat. Cmdr Taco brought up the subject of cybersex. Judy was surprise by this.
She had heard about it and was very curious. She thought how could anybody get anything from doing this. It's only words, But I would love to try it once. That night Cmdr Taco and Judy had very intense cybersex. The words they used were very hot.
Maybe too hot. There's words are too hot to say in this story.
This story is only raCmdr Taco at pg-13.
One day while Judy was reading her e-mail she notice a letter that was from Jat. She thought to herself I've never knew anybody with that name. She open the letter and starCmdr Taco to read it. All the words in the letter were misspelled. It's looked like somebody very young had written it. She answered the letter by saying I don't know you, do I
She finish by clicking on send and she got a error, it said This member address is invalid. What is going on here ? She said out loud. She thought to herself somebody is playing a game with me or something. During their next chat she told Cmdr Taco about it. Thats very strange, I got the same e-mail myself. He remarks.
They wondered who in the world could be playing games with us. Do we know any of the same people that would do something like this ? He asks Judy. Somebody is just playing with us Cmdr Taco, don't worry about it. I agree with you Judy and they continued with there chat.
A few weeks later Judy got a instant message from that same person Jat. She could not figure out what the message said because the message had too many spelling mistakes. She answered that instant message by saying Who are you ?. There was not any response to her answer. The next night Cmdr Taco got a instant message which was from Jat. He could not figure out the message. He answered the message by saying Do I know you ?.
A few months passed and our happy couple didn't hear from Jat.
One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were chatting, Cmdr Taco got a instant message from Jat. It said Daddy, I need you, please give me love. He thought to himself this person might be a kid or at least pretending to be one. So he wrote back and said Be a good kid and get off the computer He thought, our mystery person is back and they have learn how to spell.
He told Judy what Jat told him. I didn't know you had a kid Judy said with a big smile. He wrote back with a grin. I don't, it's news to me They continued to chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy give me love, I am hungry She wrote back and said I am not your mummy and please leave us alone
She told Cmdr Taco about it and he could not believe it. I wonder why they said they were hungry to you She answered by saying Cmdr Taco I don't know, but that did freak me out. I'm sure it's just somebody trying to be funny. As he tries to consoled Judy.
Judy wrote back and said Cmdr Taco, I know what we could do to stop this person from bugging us !, Judy tell me !, All we got to do is put a block on this person. That's should stop all this nonsense.
They went ahead and put a block on Jat and continued there chat.
Now we got rid of whoever that was, Sounds good to me Judy They continue their chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy that's not very nice. You can't block me and I know what you been saying about me, How in the world did you get pass that block Judy wrote back with a surprise looked.
Jat answered by saying Why don't you love me, I am so hungry now. I am not your mummy and I can't feed you !!!!! Judy explains as she is getting very upset.
Jat answered with but you and Cmdr Taco made me. I can't even leave. I am trapped here. Theres no way out of here. There's nothing here but numbers.
Where are you at ? Jat She writes back as she is trying to claim down.
Jat answer by saying I don't know but there seems to be a lot of us here.
Cmdr Taco sent her a instant message and said What happen to you Judy ?. I am chatting with our mystery person maybe I can figure out what's going on. Good deal Judy, please find out for the both of us. Cmdr Taco knew Judy being a computer programer could figure this out better than him. Cmdr Taco also thought how in the world did they get past the block. I hope Judy can figure out who this person is.
Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy I can see everything you write to Daddy. I am here. You must be a hacker then. Judy answered with disbelief . I don't know, what's a hacker ? Judy thinks to herself this person is really bugging me now. I give up then, whoever you are !!!! Judy thought to herself this person is very dumb or very smart, I just can't figure out the joke here, if this is a joke.
Jat answered by saying Mummy I am still hungry !!!!
How can I feed you if I don't know where you are at. Judy thought I will play this game and see what happens next. She got another instant message from Jat it said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love. I think that should do it.
She thought to herself this person is crazy or something ? I need to chat with Cmdr Taco now ! She sends a instant message to Cmdr Taco. Cmdr Taco, I am not exactly sure what's going on here but either we have a very smart hacker or we might be parents. What do you mean we might be parents ? We never had sex before, except cybersex. Does that count ?. Maybe this time it could count Cmdr Taco is beginning to think that Judy has lost her mind.
Cmdr Taco wondered how could cybersex count unless we made a cyber baby. He thought no way, that's a crazy idea.
Cmdr Taco wrote back and said Why do you think it might count this time ? What did Jat say to you ? Cmdr Taco waiCmdr Taco on a response from Judy. She finally answer by saying It keeps on saying it's hungry and keeps calling me Mummy and you Daddy and Jat said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love.
Cmdr Taco stares at the computer screen and think this can't be true. There is no such thing as a cyberbaby.
He writes back Judy I am confused, This just can't be happing.
Judy starts to blush now as she tried to figure out what to say next.
She finally came up with a answer for Cmdr Taco. Well Cmdr Taco, for our sake and Jat I hope you are right. If we do have a cyberbaby, we are not alone
Let's this be a warning for all the people who engage in cybersex.
This story is totally fiction but who know's it could come true !
Our story begin with Cmdr Taco and Judy. Cmdr Taco is a lawyer who works for a major law firm. Judy is a computer programmer who works for a software company.
One day while Judy was in a chat room she got a instant message from Cmdr Taco. He starCmdr Taco to talk about how he has always been into computers. Before he became a lawyer he had studied computer science. He was very much into computers like Judy was and they both just love chatting with each other.
They enjoyed each others company so much and have so much in common they could had chatCmdr Taco forever. A few months past. One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were into a very romantic chat. Cmdr Taco brought up the subject of cybersex. Judy was surprise by this.
She had heard about it and was very curious. She thought how could anybody get anything from doing this. It's only words, But I would love to try it once. That night Cmdr Taco and Judy had very intense cybersex. The words they used were very hot.
Maybe too hot. There's words are too hot to say in this story.
This story is only raCmdr Taco at pg-13.
One day while Judy was reading her e-mail she notice a letter that was from Jat. She thought to herself I've never knew anybody with that name. She open the letter and starCmdr Taco to read it. All the words in the letter were misspelled. It's looked like somebody very young had written it. She answered the letter by saying I don't know you, do I
She finish by clicking on send and she got a error, it said This member address is invalid. What is going on here ? She said out loud. She thought to herself somebody is playing a game with me or something. During their next chat she told Cmdr Taco about it. Thats very strange, I got the same e-mail myself. He remarks.
They wondered who in the world could be playing games with us. Do we know any of the same people that would do something like this ? He asks Judy. Somebody is just playing with us Cmdr Taco, don't worry about it. I agree with you Judy and they continued with there chat.
A few weeks later Judy got a instant message from that same person Jat. She could not figure out what the message said because the message had too many spelling mistakes. She answered that instant message by saying Who are you ?. There was not any response to her answer. The next night Cmdr Taco got a instant message which was from Jat. He could not figure out the message. He answered the message by saying Do I know you ?.
A few months passed and our happy couple didn't hear from Jat.
One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were chatting, Cmdr Taco got a instant message from Jat. It said Daddy, I need you, please give me love. He thought to himself this person might be a kid or at least pretending to be one. So he wrote back and said Be a good kid and get off the computer He thought, our mystery person is back and they have learn how to spell.
He told Judy what Jat told him. I didn't know you had a kid Judy said with a big smile. He wrote back with a grin. I don't, it's news to me They continued to chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy give me love, I am hungry She wrote back and said I am not your mummy and please leave us alone
She told Cmdr Taco about it and he could not believe it. I wonder why they said they were hungry to you She answered by saying Cmdr Taco I don't know, but that did freak me out. I'm sure it's just somebody trying to be funny. As he tries to consoled Judy.
Judy wrote back and said Cmdr Taco, I know what we could do to stop this person from bugging us !, Judy tell me !, All we got to do is put a block on this person. That's should stop all this nonsense.
They went ahead and put a block on Jat and continued there chat.
Now we got rid of whoever that was, Sounds good to me Judy They continue their chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy that's not very nice. You can't block me and I know what you been saying about me, How in the world did you get pass that block Judy wrote back with a surprise looked.
Jat answered by saying Why don't you love me, I am so hungry now. I am not your mummy and I can't feed you !!!!! Judy explains as she is getting very upset.
Jat answered with but you and Cmdr Taco made me. I can't even leave. I am trapped here. Theres no way out of here. There's nothing here but numbers.
Where are you at ? Jat She writes back as she is trying to claim down.
Jat answer by saying I don't know but there seems to be a lot of us here.
Cmdr Taco sent her a instant message and said What happen to you Judy ?. I am chatting with our mystery person maybe I can figure out what's going on. Good deal Judy, please find out for the both of us. Cmdr Taco knew Judy being a computer programer could figure this out better than him. Cmdr Taco also thought how in the world did they get past the block. I hope Judy can figure out who this person is.
Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy I can see everything you write to Daddy. I am here. You must be a hacker then. Judy answered with disbelief . I don't know, what's a hacker ? Judy thinks to herself this person is really bugging me now. I give up then, whoever you are !!!! Judy thought to herself this person is very dumb or very smart, I just can't figure out the joke here, if this is a joke.
Jat answered by saying Mummy I am still hungry !!!!
How can I feed you if I don't know where you are at. Judy thought I will play this game and see what happens next. She got another instant message from Jat it said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love. I think that should do it.
She thought to herself this person is crazy or something ? I need to chat with Cmdr Taco now ! She sends a instant message to Cmdr Taco. Cmdr Taco, I am not exactly sure what's going on here but either we have a very smart hacker or we might be parents. What do you mean we might be parents ? We never had sex before, except cybersex. Does that count ?. Maybe this time it could count Cmdr Taco is beginning to think that Judy has lost her mind.
Cmdr Taco wondered how could cybersex count unless we made a cyber baby. He thought no way, that's a crazy idea.
Cmdr Taco wrote back and said Why do you think it might count this time ? What did Jat say to you ? Cmdr Taco waiCmdr Taco on a response from Judy. She finally answer by saying It keeps on saying it's hungry and keeps calling me Mummy and you Daddy and Jat said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love.
Cmdr Taco stares at the computer screen and think this can't be true. There is no such thing as a cyberbaby.
He writes back Judy I am confused, This just can't be happing.
Judy starts to blush now as she tried to figure out what to say next.
She finally came up with a answer for Cmdr Taco. Well Cmdr Taco, for our sake and Jat I hope you are right. If we do have a cyberbaby, we are not alone
Let's this be a warning for all the people who engage in cybersex.
Three Rings for the Elven-gimps under the whip, Seven for the Gaylords in their halls of fudge, Nine for Mortal Puffs doomed to wank men, One for the Dark GayLord on his dark boyfriend In the Land of Shitstab where the Gayness lies. One Ring to wank them all, One Ring to cum them, One Ring to stab them all and in the darkness rape them In the Land of Shitstab where the Gayness lies. He paused, and then said in a deep voice, "This is the Master-Knob, the One knob to wank them all. This is the One knob lost many years ago, to the great weakening of its master's power. Now, he greatly desires to have it up the arse again, - but he must NOT have it!"
Three Rings for the Elven-gimps under the whip,
Seven for the Gaylords in their halls of fudge,
Nine for Mortal Puffs doomed to wank men,
One for the Dark GayLord on his dark boyfriend
In the Land of Shitstab where the Gayness lies.
One Ring to wank them all, One Ring to cum them,
One Ring to stab them all and in the darkness rape them
In the Land of Shitstab where the Gayness lies.
He paused, and then said in a deep voice,
"This is the Master-Knob, the One knob to wank them all.
This is the One knob lost many years ago,
to the great weakening of its master's power.
Now, he greatly desires to have it up the arse again,
- but he must NOT have it!"
1. Thout shallt kill all men who stand before you, whether they be helping you or against you.
2. Thou shalt kill all children without mercy
3. Thou shallt treasure money over all, even life itself.
4. Thou shalt endevour to be the 0wnly living thing upon the planet
5. Thou shallt attempt to steal off others if they are more fortunate than you.
6. Thou shallt attempt to steal off others if they are less fortunate than you
7. Thou shallt never give anything to others.
8. Tho shalt eat the hearts of rodents.
9. Thou shallt avenge all crimes against you by taking their lives.
o
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Point your browsers here boys, lets kill these fuckers.
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Cmdr. Taco told Cowboy Neal she would sleep with him, and then she passed out. When she awoke the next morning, he said he'd gone ahead without her. He got dressed and asked her to drive him to the police station so he could turn himself in for rape, but she said not to worry about it. She wasn't happy, she said, but it was her own fault for drinking with a freshman. Cowboy Neal walked to the police station and turned himself in anyway. A Lieutenant Verbena called to see if Cmdr. Taco wanted to press charges and she said no. "Put him on," Cmdr. Taco said, and when Cowboy Neal said hello she hung up.
He called her the next day to say his mother, a pediatrician, had suggested she take a morning-after pill. "You told your mother?" Cmdr. Taco asked.
"She's a doctor," Cowboy Neal said.
"I got that."
"I'm going into counseling for my drinking," he added.
"How old are you?"
"Eighteen."
"I'm twenty-two," she said. "Now leave me alone."
Cmdr. Taco was a junior. She had taken a year off from college to work in a cheap clothing store for older women, then returned to school when she realized she made more money living off student loans. Her father, a divorce lawyer who had successfully represented himself against Cmdr. Taco's mother, had promised to help with tuition as long as Cmdr. Taco did well in high school. When she turned out to be not quite as smart as early test scores had indicated, however, he reneged. His advice to her was to stay away from the humanities, where there were no jobs.
She signed up for a Russian literature course with a professor named Fetko, who gave her good marks for implying that she'd be willing to sleep with him. Sometimes in his office he'd let her sip from his vending machine coffee, or take bites from the sandwiches his wife had prepared for him. Other times he gave her quarters for her own snacks. Mostly they just sat around shooting the shit, talking about Chekhov and his famous hemorrhoids.
Cowboy Neal, the freshman, was also in Russian literature. Fetko hated him and so did Cmdr. Taco. He was always asking stupid questions and interrupting Fetko's flow, something that was very important to Fetko. "Get him drunk and fuck with his head," Fetko had instructed Cmdr. Taco. "That would be worth a letter grade to me." Now, as she sat before her professor after Monday's class, Cmdr. Taco was unsure of what to say. "I fucked with him," she began, but when she described exactly how, Fetko turned white. "Jesus, Cmdr. Taco," he said, letting his pipe hang limp from his mouth.
She shrugged. She had been asleep when it happened.
Cowboy Neal called that afternoon to ask about the morning-after pill. Cmdr. Taco was sitting in her attic bedroom in a house filled with students. She had slept with two film majors on the second floor, one of whom had gone to great lengths to explain his uncircumcised penis to her. This had made her laugh--something she rarely did--and lose all interest in him, though she let him screw her anyway. "You're so hot," he'd whispered in her ear. "All the guys in the house want you."
"Thanks," she'd said, waiting for him to finish. Compliments had stopped doing it for her a long time ago.
Today she was trying to read a book about China for a history class. The professor was old and deaf, and whenever she tried to make a pass at him, he'd bellow, "What?" It was a grade she would actually have to work for, and it was killing her. Sometimes she went to his office to tell him this and he just nodded, pretending he could hear. She was no dummy. Her brain had just stopped accepting academic text along with the compliments.
What kind of name was Cowboy Neal anyway? Cmdr. Taco had half a mind to ask him now that he was on the phone, but didn't like to encourage friendship. Anyway, she was irritated, sick of his mother and this morning-after crap. "Don't worry about it," she told him. "I'm on birth control."
"What kind?" he asked, panting a little.
"What do you mean what kind?"
"What brand?"
"I don't know."
"Generic is cheaper."
"Fuck off."
He laughed. "You have a nice personality. I liked you even before we got drunk."
"Thanks."
"You wanna keep talking?"
"Let me think. No."
"I tried to talk to you after class today but you left so fast I couldn't find you."
"Try to breathe slower," Cmdr. Taco instructed him.
"Can I talk to you after class on Wednesday?"
"No."
"Before class?"
She hung up on him. He was in love with her, that much was clear. It happened all the time; men loved her personality, thought it was nice. Not nice-nice obviously, but nice-honest. Back home, people said she was like her mother, who was often described as acidic, and who had become a lesbian after Cmdr. Taco left for college. "Sex is sex," she had once advised her daughter. "No need to be picky." What bothered Cmdr. Taco was her mother's refusal to come out in the liberal, northwestern city where she lived, instead preferring to divulge the intimate details of her love life solely to Cmdr. Taco, over the telephone.
"I don't want to hear it, Mom," Cmdr. Taco would say, at which point her mother would accuse her of being homophobic. Cmdr. Taco protested, saying she had never felt comfortable with her mother's bedroom stories about her father either. "So I guess I'll kill myself," was her mother's response, "if my own daughter won't even talk to me." It was Cmdr. Taco's freshman year and she didn't need the responsibility, so she listened. She allowed herself to be lost track of as a sophomore, however, moving off-campus and delisting her number. There was some comfort in knowing that neither of her parents had ever been of a mind to chase after her.
Increasingly, Cmdr. Taco loved no one. She had a fair amount of sex but in general preferred her own company, and on occasion that of Fetko. He had information about dead writers that fascinated her, health problems and such. She told him that after he died, people would say he had liked for his girl students to talk dirty to him, but he said no one would care since he wasn't a real writer. She pointed out his books of criticism and he told her she was sweet to be so naÔve, to have such big tits. In the end, though, she was glad he never tried to touch them, that it never went beyond talk. This would have weakened their rapport, which was something she felt they definitely enjoyed. Everybody traded on what they had, after all, and if what you had wasn't pretty, well, there was still a friend for you.
In class on Wednesday, Fetko seemed distracted. When Cowboy Neal raised his hand and asked him to expand upon the socioeconomic conditions of the lady with the pet dog, he did so without protest. Later, when Cmdr. Taco went to meet him in his office, he wasn't there. A note on his door said he was ill and that office hours had been canceled. Cmdr. Taco hoped Fetko's guilt over what had happened between her and Cowboy Neal would not jeopardize their arrangement. She had enough on her plate worrying about China without the added anxiety of having to complete his assignments as well.
At a vending machine she purchased lunch--a chocolate bar and pretzels, neither of which would taste like anything, she already knew. She found a bench on a wide walkway in front of the tall Humanities Building, and looked down into the valley at the poor town she had sold ugly clothes to the previous year. It's better up here, she thought, though she knew she would tumble down the hill soon enough.
Moments later she was joined by Cowboy Neal, a fat, sweaty guy with a dumb haircut. People's appearances were of little concern to Cmdr. Taco. She bedded the handsome and the homely alike. Along with her taste buds had gone her sense of smell, and she didn't miss it. Sex, she believed, should be more of a democratic process, distributed only when a situation-and not a person-merited it.
He presented her with a card depicting Monet's Water Lilies and containing a message that read, Sorry I raped you-Cowboy Neal.
"It's not funny, you know," she said, thrusting the card back at him.
He took it. "I know."
"Then what the hell is that?" she said, motioning toward the card. He was picking at it with his wet fingers.
"My parents think I should try to make it up to you."
"Are you retarded or something?"
He laughed, relieved. "You have a great personality."
"You are retarded," she said.
"I'm in college," he offered.
"You have some sort of emotional retardation," she surmised, "some sort of freakishness in that way."
He shrugged. Suddenly, a strange concern that she had hurt his feelings came and went. "Well," she said, "I guess I'll take the card back."
He handed it to her, then sat down on the bench. Her nylon book bag lay between them, and she made no attempt to move it. "You're my first," he said.
"Is that right?" she said. She had been many, many firsts.
"That's why you're kind of special to me."
"Uh-huh." She was alternating: a bite of chocolate, a bite of pretzel. Sweet, salt, sweet, salt. It tasted like a little something.
"I'd like you to meet my parents," he said hopefully.
"You're a nice kid," she said. "I don't really like to meet people's parents."
"My mother feeds expired birth control pills to our plants," he said, "to fertilize them."
"Stop talking about that," she snapped.
"Sorry," he said.
They spent the rest of the afternoon like that: together, but not too close.
Fetko seemed back to his normal self on Friday. He refused to acknowledge Cowboy Neal's request for an accounting of Babel's whereabouts on the eve of the revolution, and was in his office after class. But when Cmdr. Taco asked him softly what she would find if she unzipped his pants, he stared back at her blankly. "Cmdr. Taco," he said, rubbing his eyes, "I've made a mistake here. We can talk as much as you want-anytime you want-but not about the stuff we used to talk about. And you need to start doing better on your quizzes."
She left his office, stunned. She went home and masturbated, then fell asleep. A call from Cowboy Neal woke her at around eleven that night. "What do you want?" she demanded.
"I'm hoping we're going to make love again sometime soon. When you're awake."
"Forget it." She sat up in bed and noticed how perfectly her square, latticed windows framed an amoebic moon.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
"My boyfriend dumped me."
"You have a boyfriend?"
"Had."
"Wow." He paused for a moment before saying, "Well that's great! Now I have a better chance!"
She laughed for the first time since the explanation of the uncircumcised penis. "I guess you do."
"Really?" he asked, excited.
She woke up a little more. "No."
She went on to tell him about China, as a sort of review for a test she had the next day. He listened intently, and she was surprised at a man more than satisfied by this kind of talk.
She failed the test, having spent too much time studying the health of the Chinese--acupuncture and such--as opposed to agriculture and commerce. She wasn't doing much better in Russian literature, where she had begun sitting next to Cowboy Neal and passing him questions intended to drive the professor mad. Upon receipt of these, Cowboy Neal would instantly raise his hand and ask, "Is Lolita a memoir?" or, "Have you ever been to the Russian circus?" Though Fetko eventually stopped calling on him, Cowboy Neal continued to wave his arm around maniacally, complaining frequently of numbness in his fingers. It was during this period that Cmdr. Taco first knew herself to giggle.
She could've scared Fetko, she knew--could've threatened to turn him in if he didn't keep her grades up. But the thought of this reminded her too much of that first night with Cowboy Neal: how, because she had set out to harm him, the whole thing was really all her fault. In reporting either man she would only incriminate herself-reveal that she was a fraud who would do anything to keep her good grades and student loans. There was no point. Her only recourse now was to brace herself, China and Russia having allied themselves against her.
Cowboy Neal had an old VW van he drove Cmdr. Taco around in after class. He bought her lunch with a credit card belonging to a Cowboy Neal Sr., and wrote stories in which the two of them met Chekhov and took him to the doctor. He let Cmdr. Taco stick a fine sewing needle in his face and insisted it made him feel better all around. Knowing her financial situation, he cut her envelopes of coupons, brought her bags of pharmaceutical samples from his mother's office. They lay side by side on the grassy campus hills, drinking children's cough syrup and chewing Flintstones vitamins until the sun set over the Fine Arts Building and they fell asleep, waking up with bugs and grass in their hair. The word idyllic sprang to Cmdr. Taco's mind more than once, but she ignored it, thinking it was probably just anxiety. For when she wasn't with Cowboy Neal, she was irritable, unsettled. She had lost track of some of her unhappiness and could not seem to relocate it, not even in the bedrooms of the boys on the second floor-though she had looked.
"Do you remember anything about my penis?" Cowboy Neal asked her on the hillside one evening. The pollen count had been high that day, and they were passing a bottle of nasal spray back and forth.
"Not really," Cmdr. Taco said.
"Wow," he said.
"Yup," she said. "Imagine that."
"Hey, why did your boyfriend dump you?"
"Why?"
Cowboy Neal nodded.
"He was jealous of you," Cmdr. Taco said.
"He knows me?"
"He's been watching us," she confirmed.
This silenced Cowboy Neal for some time. It was a Sunday during finals, and the campus was deserted. "Would you like to see my penis?" he asked.
She looked over at his crotch. "Is it anything special?"
"I think so," he said.
She nodded. He took it out. "Okay," she said. "I saw it."
"It doesn't ring a bell?"
"No." She passed him the nasal spray.
He inhaled deeply, pinching the side of his empty nostril. "If I left it out," he said, sniffling, "would you do anything with it?"
"Probably not."
"Because I raped you?"
"Probably."
He put it away. "My mother thinks you should go for counseling," he said as he zipped up his fly.
"Why?"
"She says I raped you and you need to face that reality."
"I already did," she said.
"You're supposed to get mad, though."
"I'm busy," she said. "Doesn't your mother know anger is unproductive?"
"Is there anything that would make you want to make love with me again?"
"Yes," she said.
"What is it?" he asked eagerly, but she said she didn't know.
She failed out of school and lost her student loans. They hired her back at the cheap clothing store, where she felt oddly invigorated by her co-workers' discussions of impostor perfumes and patio furniture. Cowboy Neal picked her up in the evenings in his VW van and drove her to the college, where they continued to lie on the grass and take medication. He told her if they got married people would give them money and small appliances. "I'm tired of trading," she said, and she fell asleep.
On a Tuesday in May, Fetko came into the clothing store with his wife. Summer was slow in retail, and so it was just Cmdr. Taco, her manager having stepped out for lunch. Fetko seemed startled to see her and immediately told his wife he didn't think she would find anything she liked here, but she told him to sit down in the chair by the dressing room and wait. "What do you know anyway?" she said, and so Fetko shuffled past Cmdr. Taco at the cash register, his eyes glued to the floor.
Cmdr. Taco watched him for a moment, thinking about how most male professors his age--maybe fifty--still dressed as if it were 1974. She thought how amazing it was that young, stylish women of the nineties managed to get crushes on them anyway, as if age and intelligence transcended fashion. She had never had a crush on Fetko, and suddenly regretted this. He was a depressed, inappropriate, badly dressed man, and all she had ever noticed was his grade book, his red pencil.
Cmdr. Taco approached his chair now, which was puce where it wasn't threadbare. "Can I offer you a magazine or something to drink, sir?" she asked. She had no magazine or drinks. It was a cheap store. But she was stirred by his grief and did not want it to end.
"No thanks," he said. Then he added, "Miss."
Cmdr. Taco nodded. "I'll just help your wife then," she said, and walked off.
Mrs. Fetko was stout and seemed drawn to a group of coordinating, boxy separates done up in feminine, floral prints. "May I say you have lovely skin, ma'am," Cmdr. Taco began, which was the truth. Mrs. Fetko laughed and reached into her purse for a business card. "Here's my secret, hon," she said, handing it to Cmdr. Taco. Full Body Massage by Jules, it read. "You can keep it," she added. "Now, what do you think about this?" She held up a pink-and-gray blouse and a matching gray skirt.
"Is there a special occasion?" Cmdr. Taco asked.
"My husband works up at the college and he was just awarded an endowed chair. Very impressive. So I need something to wear to the ceremony. How about this?" She had laid the pink group over her arm and was now into the teals.
Cmdr. Taco shrugged. "They're just the same exact things in different colors."
Mrs. Fetko laughed. "Tell it like it is! I love it. Here. Start a dressing room for me, babe."
Cmdr. Taco took the clothes from her and headed toward the back of the store, where Fetko was furiously examining a dry-cleaning receipt from his wallet. She put Mrs. Fetko's clothes in a cubicle and said, "Congratulations," when she came back out.
He looked up from his receipt blankly.
"On your award," Cmdr. Taco added.
"Thank you," he whispered.
"Do you remember me?" she asked.
"Of course I do," he hissed. "Please!"
"Just wondering," she said.
Mrs. Fetko tried on several outfits, none of which was any better or worse than the others. When she asked Fetko which one he liked best, he said he didn't know. She pressed him and he said, "The pink, okay?"
"Don't be such an ass, Fetko," she said, rolling her eyes at Cmdr. Taco before returning to the dressing room.
"What are you looking at?" Fetko asked Cmdr. Taco after his wife had gone.
"Nothing," she said.
He glanced at the dressing rooms, then back at Cmdr. Taco. "Say something good to me," he whispered, laying a hand across his groin. "Quick."
She said something. He closed his eyes and smiled a little, the way he used to do. "Say something else," he said, and she did.
In return he offered her nothing. There were no more grades left, no student loans. Furthermore, he had clearly come to understand that she wouldn't retaliate. She had never once complained about the D he had given her, never hinted she even knew of the trouble she could cause him. And now here he was, looking to gratify himself at her expense. Asking for a freebie. She had complied not out of fear or hopefulness, but rather gratitude, for at last she felt herself to be depleted, empty, and in need.
In the van on the way home she told Cowboy Neal she loved him. "Will we make love?" he asked hopefully.
"Probably not," she said. "It's not that kind of love."
"Oh," he said. "Well, maybe you could stop making love with everybody else."
"I'll think about it," she said.
"Really?" he asked.
"Sure."
They drove through town without saying much more. The old van heaved and lurched while Cowboy Neal coaxed it on for one more mile, up one more city hill. Cmdr. Taco noticed a woman at a bus stop wearing a dress from her store, and pointed this out to Cowboy Neal, who said she didn't look half bad from a distance. "My mother likes your store," he said. "She said she may come in this weekend."
Cmdr. Taco considered protesting but then remembered that the shop was a public place. "What does your mother look like?" she asked instead.
Cowboy Neal thought for a minute before saying, "My father," which was of no help whatever.
Later, on the way to the college, Cmdr. Taco felt herself wanting more to eat than just medicine, and mentioned as much to Cowboy Neal. They planned an elaborate evening of food and drink, then stopped off for ice cream before dinner. It was very wrong of them, and it tasted very good. dwasafrsdf
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Cmdr. Taco told Cowboy Neal she would sleep with him, and then she passed out. When she awoke the next morning, he said he'd gone ahead without her. He got dressed and asked her to drive him to the police station so he could turn himself in for rape, but she said not to worry about it. She wasn't happy, she said, but it was her own fault for drinking with a freshman. Cowboy Neal walked to the police station and turned himself in anyway. A Lieutenant Verbena called to see if Cmdr. Taco wanted to press charges and she said no. "Put him on," Cmdr. Taco said, and when Cowboy Neal said hello she hung up.
He called her the next day to say his mother, a pediatrician, had suggested she take a morning-after pill. "You told your mother?" Cmdr. Taco asked.
"She's a doctor," Cowboy Neal said.
"I got that."
"I'm going into counseling for my drinking," he added.
"How old are you?"
"Eighteen."
"I'm twenty-two," she said. "Now leave me alone."
Cmdr. Taco was a junior. She had taken a year off from college to work in a cheap clothing store for older women, then returned to school when she realized she made more money living off student loans. Her father, a divorce lawyer who had successfully represented himself against Cmdr. Taco's mother, had promised to help with tuition as long as Cmdr. Taco did well in high school. When she turned out to be not quite as smart as early test scores had indicated, however, he reneged. His advice to her was to stay away from the humanities, where there were no jobs.
She signed up for a Russian literature course with a professor named Fetko, who gave her good marks for implying that she'd be willing to sleep with him. Sometimes in his office he'd let her sip from his vending machine coffee, or take bites from the sandwiches his wife had prepared for him. Other times he gave her quarters for her own snacks. Mostly they just sat around shooting the shit, talking about Chekhov and his famous hemorrhoids.
Cowboy Neal, the freshman, was also in Russian literature. Fetko hated him and so did Cmdr. Taco. He was always asking stupid questions and interrupting Fetko's flow, something that was very important to Fetko. "Get him drunk and fuck with his head," Fetko had instructed Cmdr. Taco. "That would be worth a letter grade to me." Now, as she sat before her professor after Monday's class, Cmdr. Taco was unsure of what to say. "I fucked with him," she began, but when she described exactly how, Fetko turned white. "Jesus, Cmdr. Taco," he said, letting his pipe hang limp from his mouth.
She shrugged. She had been asleep when it happened.
Cowboy Neal called that afternoon to ask about the morning-after pill. Cmdr. Taco was sitting in her attic bedroom in a house filled with students. She had slept with two film majors on the second floor, one of whom had gone to great lengths to explain his uncircumcised penis to her. This had made her laugh--something she rarely did--and lose all interest in him, though she let him screw her anyway. "You're so hot," he'd whispered in her ear. "All the guys in the house want you."
"Thanks," she'd said, waiting for him to finish. Compliments had stopped doing it for her a long time ago.
Today she was trying to read a book about China for a history class. The professor was old and deaf, and whenever she tried to make a pass at him, he'd bellow, "What?" It was a grade she would actually have to work for, and it was killing her. Sometimes she went to his office to tell him this and he just nodded, pretending he could hear. She was no dummy. Her brain had just stopped accepting academic text along with the compliments.
What kind of name was Cowboy Neal anyway? Cmdr. Taco had half a mind to ask him now that he was on the phone, but didn't like to encourage friendship. Anyway, she was irritated, sick of his mother and this morning-after crap. "Don't worry about it," she told him. "I'm on birth control."
"What kind?" he asked, panting a little.
"What do you mean what kind?"
"What brand?"
"I don't know."
"Generic is cheaper."
"Fuck off."
He laughed. "You have a nice personality. I liked you even before we got drunk."
"Thanks."
"You wanna keep talking?"
"Let me think. No."
"I tried to talk to you after class today but you left so fast I couldn't find you."
"Try to breathe slower," Cmdr. Taco instructed him.
"Can I talk to you after class on Wednesday?"
"No."
"Before class?"
She hung up on him. He was in love with her, that much was clear. It happened all the time; men loved her personality, thought it was nice. Not nice-nice obviously, but nice-honest. Back home, people said she was like her mother, who was often described as acidic, and who had become a lesbian after Cmdr. Taco left for college. "Sex is sex," she had once advised her daughter. "No need to be picky." What bothered Cmdr. Taco was her mother's refusal to come out in the liberal, northwestern city where she lived, instead preferring to divulge the intimate details of her love life solely to Cmdr. Taco, over the telephone.
"I don't want to hear it, Mom," Cmdr. Taco would say, at which point her mother would accuse her of being homophobic. Cmdr. Taco protested, saying she had never felt comfortable with her mother's bedroom stories about her father either. "So I guess I'll kill myself," was her mother's response, "if my own daughter won't even talk to me." It was Cmdr. Taco's freshman year and she didn't need the responsibility, so she listened. She allowed herself to be lost track of as a sophomore, however, moving off-campus and delisting her number. There was some comfort in knowing that neither of her parents had ever been of a mind to chase after her.
Increasingly, Cmdr. Taco loved no one. She had a fair amount of sex but in general preferred her own company, and on occasion that of Fetko. He had information about dead writers that fascinated her, health problems and such. She told him that after he died, people would say he had liked for his girl students to talk dirty to him, but he said no one would care since he wasn't a real writer. She pointed out his books of criticism and he told her she was sweet to be so naÔve, to have such big tits. In the end, though, she was glad he never tried to touch them, that it never went beyond talk. This would have weakened their rapport, which was something she felt they definitely enjoyed. Everybody traded on what they had, after all, and if what you had wasn't pretty, well, there was still a friend for you.
In class on Wednesday, Fetko seemed distracted. When Cowboy Neal raised his hand and asked him to expand upon the socioeconomic conditions of the lady with the pet dog, he did so without protest. Later, when Cmdr. Taco went to meet him in his office, he wasn't there. A note on his door said he was ill and that office hours had been canceled. Cmdr. Taco hoped Fetko's guilt over what had happened between her and Cowboy Neal would not jeopardize their arrangement. She had enough on her plate worrying about China without the added anxiety of having to complete his assignments as well.
At a vending machine she purchased lunch--a chocolate bar and pretzels, neither of which would taste like anything, she already knew. She found a bench on a wide walkway in front of the tall Humanities Building, and looked down into the valley at the poor town she had sold ugly clothes to the previous year. It's better up here, she thought, though she knew she would tumble down the hill soon enough.
Moments later she was joined by Cowboy Neal, a fat, sweaty guy with a dumb haircut. People's appearances were of little concern to Cmdr. Taco. She bedded the handsome and the homely alike. Along with her taste buds had gone her sense of smell, and she didn't miss it. Sex, she believed, should be more of a democratic process, distributed only when a situation-and not a person-merited it.
He presented her with a card depicting Monet's Water Lilies and containing a message that read, Sorry I raped you-Cowboy Neal.
"It's not funny, you know," she said, thrusting the card back at him.
He took it. "I know."
"Then what the hell is that?" she said, motioning toward the card. He was picking at it with his wet fingers.
"My parents think I should try to make it up to you."
"Are you retarded or something?"
He laughed, relieved. "You have a great personality."
"You are retarded," she said.
"I'm in college," he offered.
"You have some sort of emotional retardation," she surmised, "some sort of freakishness in that way."
He shrugged. Suddenly, a strange concern that she had hurt his feelings came and went. "Well," she said, "I guess I'll take the card back."
He handed it to her, then sat down on the bench. Her nylon book bag lay between them, and she made no attempt to move it. "You're my first," he said.
"Is that right?" she said. She had been many, many firsts.
"That's why you're kind of special to me."
"Uh-huh." She was alternating: a bite of chocolate, a bite of pretzel. Sweet, salt, sweet, salt. It tasted like a little something.
"I'd like you to meet my parents," he said hopefully.
"You're a nice kid," she said. "I don't really like to meet people's parents."
"My mother feeds expired birth control pills to our plants," he said, "to fertilize them."
"Stop talking about that," she snapped.
"Sorry," he said.
They spent the rest of the afternoon like that: together, but not too close.
Fetko seemed back to his normal self on Friday. He refused to acknowledge Cowboy Neal's request for an accounting of Babel's whereabouts on the eve of the revolution, and was in his office after class. But when Cmdr. Taco asked him softly what she would find if she unzipped his pants, he stared back at her blankly. "Cmdr. Taco," he said, rubbing his eyes, "I've made a mistake here. We can talk as much as you want-anytime you want-but not about the stuff we used to talk about. And you need to start doing better on your quizzes."
She left his office, stunned. She went home and masturbated, then fell asleep. A call from Cowboy Neal woke her at around eleven that night. "What do you want?" she demanded.
"I'm hoping we're going to make love again sometime soon. When you're awake."
"Forget it." She sat up in bed and noticed how perfectly her square, latticed windows framed an amoebic moon.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
"My boyfriend dumped me."
"You have a boyfriend?"
"Had."
"Wow." He paused for a moment before saying, "Well that's great! Now I have a better chance!"
She laughed for the first time since the explanation of the uncircumcised penis. "I guess you do."
"Really?" he asked, excited.
She woke up a little more. "No."
She went on to tell him about China, as a sort of review for a test she had the next day. He listened intently, and she was surprised at a man more than satisfied by this kind of talk.
She failed the test, having spent too much time studying the health of the Chinese--acupuncture and such--as opposed to agriculture and commerce. She wasn't doing much better in Russian literature, where she had begun sitting next to Cowboy Neal and passing him questions intended to drive the professor mad. Upon receipt of these, Cowboy Neal would instantly raise his hand and ask, "Is Lolita a memoir?" or, "Have you ever been to the Russian circus?" Though Fetko eventually stopped calling on him, Cowboy Neal continued to wave his arm around maniacally, complaining frequently of numbness in his fingers. It was during this period that Cmdr. Taco first knew herself to giggle.
She could've scared Fetko, she knew--could've threatened to turn him in if he didn't keep her grades up. But the thought of this reminded her too much of that first night with Cowboy Neal: how, because she had set out to harm him, the whole thing was really all her fault. In reporting either man she would only incriminate herself-reveal that she was a fraud who would do anything to keep her good grades and student loans. There was no point. Her only recourse now was to brace herself, China and Russia having allied themselves against her.
Cowboy Neal had an old VW van he drove Cmdr. Taco around in after class. He bought her lunch with a credit card belonging to a Cowboy Neal Sr., and wrote stories in which the two of them met Chekhov and took him to the doctor. He let Cmdr. Taco stick a fine sewing needle in his face and insisted it made him feel better all around. Knowing her financial situation, he cut her envelopes of coupons, brought her bags of pharmaceutical samples from his mother's office. They lay side by side on the grassy campus hills, drinking children's cough syrup and chewing Flintstones vitamins until the sun set over the Fine Arts Building and they fell asleep, waking up with bugs and grass in their hair. The word idyllic sprang to Cmdr. Taco's mind more than once, but she ignored it, thinking it was probably just anxiety. For when she wasn't with Cowboy Neal, she was irritable, unsettled. She had lost track of some of her unhappiness and could not seem to relocate it, not even in the bedrooms of the boys on the second floor-though she had looked.
"Do you remember anything about my penis?" Cowboy Neal asked her on the hillside one evening. The pollen count had been high that day, and they were passing a bottle of nasal spray back and forth.
"Not really," Cmdr. Taco said.
"Wow," he said.
"Yup," she said. "Imagine that."
"Hey, why did your boyfriend dump you?"
"Why?"
Cowboy Neal nodded.
"He was jealous of you," Cmdr. Taco said.
"He knows me?"
"He's been watching us," she confirmed.
This silenced Cowboy Neal for some time. It was a Sunday during finals, and the campus was deserted. "Would you like to see my penis?" he asked.
She looked over at his crotch. "Is it anything special?"
"I think so," he said.
She nodded. He took it out. "Okay," she said. "I saw it."
"It doesn't ring a bell?"
"No." She passed him the nasal spray.
He inhaled deeply, pinching the side of his empty nostril. "If I left it out," he said, sniffling, "would you do anything with it?"
"Probably not."
"Because I raped you?"
"Probably."
He put it away. "My mother thinks you should go for counseling," he said as he zipped up his fly.
"Why?"
"She says I raped you and you need to face that reality."
"I already did," she said.
"You're supposed to get mad, though."
"I'm busy," she said. "Doesn't your mother know anger is unproductive?"
"Is there anything that would make you want to make love with me again?"
"Yes," she said.
"What is it?" he asked eagerly, but she said she didn't know.
She failed out of school and lost her student loans. They hired her back at the cheap clothing store, where she felt oddly invigorated by her co-workers' discussions of impostor perfumes and patio furniture. Cowboy Neal picked her up in the evenings in his VW van and drove her to the college, where they continued to lie on the grass and take medication. He told her if they got married people would give them money and small appliances. "I'm tired of trading," she said, and she fell asleep.
On a Tuesday in May, Fetko came into the clothing store with his wife. Summer was slow in retail, and so it was just Cmdr. Taco, her manager having stepped out for lunch. Fetko seemed startled to see her and immediately told his wife he didn't think she would find anything she liked here, but she told him to sit down in the chair by the dressing room and wait. "What do you know anyway?" she said, and so Fetko shuffled past Cmdr. Taco at the cash register, his eyes glued to the floor.
Cmdr. Taco watched him for a moment, thinking about how most male professors his age--maybe fifty--still dressed as if it were 1974. She thought how amazing it was that young, stylish women of the nineties managed to get crushes on them anyway, as if age and intelligence transcended fashion. She had never had a crush on Fetko, and suddenly regretted this. He was a depressed, inappropriate, badly dressed man, and all she had ever noticed was his grade book, his red pencil.
Cmdr. Taco approached his chair now, which was puce where it wasn't threadbare. "Can I offer you a magazine or something to drink, sir?" she asked. She had no magazine or drinks. It was a cheap store. But she was stirred by his grief and did not want it to end.
"No thanks," he said. Then he added, "Miss."
Cmdr. Taco nodded. "I'll just help your wife then," she said, and walked off.
Mrs. Fetko was stout and seemed drawn to a group of coordinating, boxy separates done up in feminine, floral prints. "May I say you have lovely skin, ma'am," Cmdr. Taco began, which was the truth. Mrs. Fetko laughed and reached into her purse for a business card. "Here's my secret, hon," she said, handing it to Cmdr. Taco. Full Body Massage by Jules, it read. "You can keep it," she added. "Now, what do you think about this?" She held up a pink-and-gray blouse and a matching gray skirt.
"Is there a special occasion?" Cmdr. Taco asked.
"My husband works up at the college and he was just awarded an endowed chair. Very impressive. So I need something to wear to the ceremony. How about this?" She had laid the pink group over her arm and was now into the teals.
Cmdr. Taco shrugged. "They're just the same exact things in different colors."
Mrs. Fetko laughed. "Tell it like it is! I love it. Here. Start a dressing room for me, babe."
Cmdr. Taco took the clothes from her and headed toward the back of the store, where Fetko was furiously examining a dry-cleaning receipt from his wallet. She put Mrs. Fetko's clothes in a cubicle and said, "Congratulations," when she came back out.
He looked up from his receipt blankly.
"On your award," Cmdr. Taco added.
"Thank you," he whispered.
"Do you remember me?" she asked.
"Of course I do," he hissed. "Please!"
"Just wondering," she said.
Mrs. Fetko tried on several outfits, none of which was any better or worse than the others. When she asked Fetko which one he liked best, he said he didn't know. She pressed him and he said, "The pink, okay?"
"Don't be such an ass, Fetko," she said, rolling her eyes at Cmdr. Taco before returning to the dressing room.
"What are you looking at?" Fetko asked Cmdr. Taco after his wife had gone.
"Nothing," she said.
He glanced at the dressing rooms, then back at Cmdr. Taco. "Say something good to me," he whispered, laying a hand across his groin. "Quick."
She said something. He closed his eyes and smiled a little, the way he used to do. "Say something else," he said, and she did.
In return he offered her nothing. There were no more grades left, no student loans. Furthermore, he had clearly come to understand that she wouldn't retaliate. She had never once complained about the D he had given her, never hinted she even knew of the trouble she could cause him. And now here he was, looking to gratify himself at her expense. Asking for a freebie. She had complied not out of fear or hopefulness, but rather gratitude, for at last she felt herself to be depleted, empty, and in need.
In the van on the way home she told Cowboy Neal she loved him. "Will we make love?" he asked hopefully.
"Probably not," she said. "It's not that kind of love."
"Oh," he said. "Well, maybe you could stop making love with everybody else."
"I'll think about it," she said.
"Really?" he asked.
"Sure."
They drove through town without saying much more. The old van heaved and lurched while Cowboy Neal coaxed it on for one more mile, up one more city hill. Cmdr. Taco noticed a woman at a bus stop wearing a dress from her store, and pointed this out to Cowboy Neal, who said she didn't look half bad from a distance. "My mother likes your store," he said. "She said she may come in this weekend."
Cmdr. Taco considered protesting but then remembered that the shop was a public place. "What does your mother look like?" she asked instead.
Cowboy Neal thought for a minute before saying, "My father," which was of no help whatever.
Later, on the way to the college, Cmdr. Taco felt herself wanting more to eat than just medicine, and mentioned as much to Cowboy Neal. They planned an elaborate evening of food and drink, then stopped off for ice cream before dinner. It was very wrong of them, and it tasted very good.
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Cmdr. Taco told Cowboy Neal she would sleep with him, and then she passed out. When she awoke the next morning, he said he'd gone ahead without her. He got dressed and asked her to drive him to the police station so he could turn himself in for rape, but she said not to worry about it. She wasn't happy, she said, but it was her own fault for drinking with a freshman. Cowboy Neal walked to the police station and turned himself in anyway. A Lieutenant Verbena called to see if Cmdr. Taco wanted to press charges and she said no. "Put him on," Cmdr. Taco said, and when Cowboy Neal said hello she hung up.
He called her the next day to say his mother, a pediatrician, had suggested she take a morning-after pill. "You told your mother?" Cmdr. Taco asked.
"She's a doctor," Cowboy Neal said.
"I got that."
"I'm going into counseling for my drinking," he added.
"How old are you?"
"Eighteen."
"I'm twenty-two," she said. "Now leave me alone."
Cmdr. Taco was a junior. She had taken a year off from college to work in a cheap clothing store for older women, then returned to school when she realized she made more money living off student loans. Her father, a divorce lawyer who had successfully represented himself against Cmdr. Taco's mother, had promised to help with tuition as long as Cmdr. Taco did well in high school. When she turned out to be not quite as smart as early test scores had indicated, however, he reneged. His advice to her was to stay away from the humanities, where there were no jobs.
She signed up for a Russian literature course with a professor named Fetko, who gave her good marks for implying that she'd be willing to sleep with him. Sometimes in his office he'd let her sip from his vending machine coffee, or take bites from the sandwiches his wife had prepared for him. Other times he gave her quarters for her own snacks. Mostly they just sat around shooting the shit, talking about Chekhov and his famous hemorrhoids.
Cowboy Neal, the freshman, was also in Russian literature. Fetko hated him and so did Cmdr. Taco. He was always asking stupid questions and interrupting Fetko's flow, something that was very important to Fetko. "Get him drunk and fuck with his head," Fetko had instructed Cmdr. Taco. "That would be worth a letter grade to me." Now, as she sat before her professor after Monday's class, Cmdr. Taco was unsure of what to say. "I fucked with him," she began, but when she described exactly how, Fetko turned white. "Jesus, Cmdr. Taco," he said, letting his pipe hang limp from his mouth.
She shrugged. She had been asleep when it happened.
Cowboy Neal called that afternoon to ask about the morning-after pill. Cmdr. Taco was sitting in her attic bedroom in a house filled with students. She had slept with two film majors on the second floor, one of whom had gone to great lengths to explain his uncircumcised penis to her. This had made her laugh--something she rarely did--and lose all interest in him, though she let him screw her anyway. "You're so hot," he'd whispered in her ear. "All the guys in the house want you."
"Thanks," she'd said, waiting for him to finish. Compliments had stopped doing it for her a long time ago.
Today she was trying to read a book about China for a history class. The professor was old and deaf, and whenever she tried to make a pass at him, he'd bellow, "What?" It was a grade she would actually have to work for, and it was killing her. Sometimes she went to his office to tell him this and he just nodded, pretending he could hear. She was no dummy. Her brain had just stopped accepting academic text along with the compliments.
What kind of name was Cowboy Neal anyway? Cmdr. Taco had half a mind to ask him now that he was on the phone, but didn't like to encourage friendship. Anyway, she was irritated, sick of his mother and this morning-after crap. "Don't worry about it," she told him. "I'm on birth control."
"What kind?" he asked, panting a little.
"What do you mean what kind?"
"What brand?"
"I don't know."
"Generic is cheaper."
"Fuck off."
He laughed. "You have a nice personality. I liked you even before we got drunk."
"Thanks."
"You wanna keep talking?"
"Let me think. No."
"I tried to talk to you after class today but you left so fast I couldn't find you."
"Try to breathe slower," Cmdr. Taco instructed him.
"Can I talk to you after class on Wednesday?"
"No."
"Before class?"
She hung up on him. He was in love with her, that much was clear. It happened all the time; men loved her personality, thought it was nice. Not nice-nice obviously, but nice-honest. Back home, people said she was like her mother, who was often described as acidic, and who had become a lesbian after Cmdr. Taco left for college. "Sex is sex," she had once advised her daughter. "No need to be picky." What bothered Cmdr. Taco was her mother's refusal to come out in the liberal, northwestern city where she lived, instead preferring to divulge the intimate details of her love life solely to Cmdr. Taco, over the telephone.
"I don't want to hear it, Mom," Cmdr. Taco would say, at which point her mother would accuse her of being homophobic. Cmdr. Taco protested, saying she had never felt comfortable with her mother's bedroom stories about her father either. "So I guess I'll kill myself," was her mother's response, "if my own daughter won't even talk to me." It was Cmdr. Taco's freshman year and she didn't need the responsibility, so she listened. She allowed herself to be lost track of as a sophomore, however, moving off-campus and delisting her number. There was some comfort in knowing that neither of her parents had ever been of a mind to chase after her.
Increasingly, Cmdr. Taco loved no one. She had a fair amount of sex but in general preferred her own company, and on occasion that of Fetko. He had information about dead writers that fascinated her, health problems and such. She told him that after he died, people would say he had liked for his girl students to talk dirty to him, but he said no one would care since he wasn't a real writer. She pointed out his books of criticism and he told her she was sweet to be so naÔve, to have such big tits. In the end, though, she was glad he never tried to touch them, that it never went beyond talk. This would have weakened their rapport, which was something she felt they definitely enjoyed. Everybody traded on what they had, after all, and if what you had wasn't pretty, well, there was still a friend for you.
In class on Wednesday, Fetko seemed distracted. When Cowboy Neal raised his hand and asked him to expand upon the socioeconomic conditions of the lady with the pet dog, he did so without protest. Later, when Cmdr. Taco went to meet him in his office, he wasn't there. A note on his door said he was ill and that office hours had been canceled. Cmdr. Taco hoped Fetko's guilt over what had happened between her and Cowboy Neal would not jeopardize their arrangement. She had enough on her plate worrying about China without the added anxiety of having to complete his assignments as well.
At a vending machine she purchased lunch--a chocolate bar and pretzels, neither of which would taste like anything, she already knew. She found a bench on a wide walkway in front of the tall Humanities Building, and looked down into the valley at the poor town she had sold ugly clothes to the previous year. It's better up here, she thought, though she knew she would tumble down the hill soon enough.
Moments later she was joined by Cowboy Neal, a fat, sweaty guy with a dumb haircut. People's appearances were of little concern to Cmdr. Taco. She bedded the handsome and the homely alike. Along with her taste buds had gone her sense of smell, and she didn't miss it. Sex, she believed, should be more of a democratic process, distributed only when a situation-and not a person-merited it.
He presented her with a card depicting Monet's Water Lilies and containing a message that read, Sorry I raped you-Cowboy Neal.
"It's not funny, you know," she said, thrusting the card back at him.
He took it. "I know."
"Then what the hell is that?" she said, motioning toward the card. He was picking at it with his wet fingers.
"My parents think I should try to make it up to you."
"Are you retarded or something?"
He laughed, relieved. "You have a great personality."
"You are retarded," she said.
"I'm in college," he offered.
"You have some sort of emotional retardation," she surmised, "some sort of freakishness in that way."
He shrugged. Suddenly, a strange concern that she had hurt his feelings came and went. "Well," she said, "I guess I'll take the card back."
He handed it to her, then sat down on the bench. Her nylon book bag lay between them, and she made no attempt to move it. "You're my first," he said.
"Is that right?" she said. She had been many, many firsts.
"That's why you're kind of special to me."
"Uh-huh." She was alternating: a bite of chocolate, a bite of pretzel. Sweet, salt, sweet, salt. It tasted like a little something.
"I'd like you to meet my parents," he said hopefully.
"You're a nice kid," she said. "I don't really like to meet people's parents."
"My mother feeds expired birth control pills to our plants," he said, "to fertilize them."
"Stop talking about that," she snapped.
"Sorry," he said.
They spent the rest of the afternoon like that: together, but not too close.
Fetko seemed back to his normal self on Friday. He refused to acknowledge Cowboy Neal's request for an accounting of Babel's whereabouts on the eve of the revolution, and was in his office after class. But when Cmdr. Taco asked him softly what she would find if she unzipped his pants, he stared back at her blankly. "Cmdr. Taco," he said, rubbing his eyes, "I've made a mistake here. We can talk as much as you want-anytime you want-but not about the stuff we used to talk about. And you need to start doing better on your quizzes."
She left his office, stunned. She went home and masturbated, then fell asleep. A call from Cowboy Neal woke her at around eleven that night. "What do you want?" she demanded.
"I'm hoping we're going to make love again sometime soon. When you're awake."
"Forget it." She sat up in bed and noticed how perfectly her square, latticed windows framed an amoebic moon.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
"My boyfriend dumped me."
"You have a boyfriend?"
"Had."
"Wow." He paused for a moment before saying, "Well that's great! Now I have a better chance!"
She laughed for the first time since the explanation of the uncircumcised penis. "I guess you do."
"Really?" he asked, excited.
She woke up a little more. "No."
She went on to tell him about China, as a sort of review for a test she had the next day. He listened intently, and she was surprised at a man more than satisfied by this kind of talk.
She failed the test, having spent too much time studying the health of the Chinese--acupuncture and such--as opposed to agriculture and commerce. She wasn't doing much better in Russian literature, where she had begun sitting next to Cowboy Neal and passing him questions intended to drive the professor mad. Upon receipt of these, Cowboy Neal would instantly raise his hand and ask, "Is Lolita a memoir?" or, "Have you ever been to the Russian circus?" Though Fetko eventually stopped calling on him, Cowboy Neal continued to wave his arm around maniacally, complaining frequently of numbness in his fingers. It was during this period that Cmdr. Taco first knew herself to giggle.
She could've scared Fetko, she knew--could've threatened to turn him in if he didn't keep her grades up. But the thought of this reminded her too much of that first night with Cowboy Neal: how, because she had set out to harm him, the whole thing was really all her fault. In reporting either man she would only incriminate herself-reveal that she was a fraud who would do anything to keep her good grades and student loans. There was no point. Her only recourse now was to brace herself, China and Russia having allied themselves against her.
Cowboy Neal had an old VW van he drove Cmdr. Taco around in after class. He bought her lunch with a credit card belonging to a Cowboy Neal Sr., and wrote stories in which the two of them met Chekhov and took him to the doctor. He let Cmdr. Taco stick a fine sewing needle in his face and insisted it made him feel better all around. Knowing her financial situation, he cut her envelopes of coupons, brought her bags of pharmaceutical samples from his mother's office. They lay side by side on the grassy campus hills, drinking children's cough syrup and chewing Flintstones vitamins until the sun set over the Fine Arts Building and they fell asleep, waking up with bugs and grass in their hair. The word idyllic sprang to Cmdr. Taco's mind more than once, but she ignored it, thinking it was probably just anxiety. For when she wasn't with Cowboy Neal, she was irritable, unsettled. She had lost track of some of her unhappiness and could not seem to relocate it, not even in the bedrooms of the boys on the second floor-though she had looked.
"Do you remember anything about my penis?" Cowboy Neal asked her on the hillside one evening. The pollen count had been high that day, and they were passing a bottle of nasal spray back and forth.
"Not really," Cmdr. Taco said.
"Wow," he said.
"Yup," she said. "Imagine that."
"Hey, why did your boyfriend dump you?"
"Why?"
Cowboy Neal nodded.
"He was jealous of you," Cmdr. Taco said.
"He knows me?"
"He's been watching us," she confirmed.
This silenced Cowboy Neal for some time. It was a Sunday during finals, and the campus was deserted. "Would you like to see my penis?" he asked.
She looked over at his crotch. "Is it anything special?"
"I think so," he said.
She nodded. He took it out. "Okay," she said. "I saw it."
"It doesn't ring a bell?"
"No." She passed him the nasal spray.
He inhaled deeply, pinching the side of his empty nostril. "If I left it out," he said, sniffling, "would you do anything with it?"
"Probably not."
"Because I raped you?"
"Probably."
He put it away. "My mother thinks you should go for counseling," he said as he zipped up his fly.
"Why?"
"She says I raped you and you need to face that reality."
"I already did," she said.
"You're supposed to get mad, though."
"I'm busy," she said. "Doesn't your mother know anger is unproductive?"
"Is there anything that would make you want to make love with me again?"
"Yes," she said.
"What is it?" he asked eagerly, but she said she didn't know.
She failed out of school and lost her student loans. They hired her back at the cheap clothing store, where she felt oddly invigorated by her co-workers' discussions of impostor perfumes and patio furniture. Cowboy Neal picked her up in the evenings in his VW van and drove her to the college, where they continued to lie on the grass and take medication. He told her if they got married people would give them money and small appliances. "I'm tired of trading," she said, and she fell asleep.
On a Tuesday in May, Fetko came into the clothing store with his wife. Summer was slow in retail, and so it was just Cmdr. Taco, her manager having stepped out for lunch. Fetko seemed startled to see her and immediately told his wife he didn't think she would find anything she liked here, but she told him to sit down in the chair by the dressing room and wait. "What do you know anyway?" she said, and so Fetko shuffled past Cmdr. Taco at the cash register, his eyes glued to the floor.
Cmdr. Taco watched him for a moment, thinking about how most male professors his age--maybe fifty--still dressed as if it were 1974. She thought how amazing it was that young, stylish women of the nineties managed to get crushes on them anyway, as if age and intelligence transcended fashion. She had never had a crush on Fetko, and suddenly regretted this. He was a depressed, inappropriate, badly dressed man, and all she had ever noticed was his grade book, his red pencil.
Cmdr. Taco approached his chair now, which was puce where it wasn't threadbare. "Can I offer you a magazine or something to drink, sir?" she asked. She had no magazine or drinks. It was a cheap store. But she was stirred by his grief and did not want it to end.
"No thanks," he said. Then he added, "Miss."
Cmdr. Taco nodded. "I'll just help your wife then," she said, and walked off.
Mrs. Fetko was stout and seemed drawn to a group of coordinating, boxy separates done up in feminine, floral prints. "May I say you have lovely skin, ma'am," Cmdr. Taco began, which was the truth. Mrs. Fetko laughed and reached into her purse for a business card. "Here's my secret, hon," she said, handing it to Cmdr. Taco. Full Body Massage by Jules, it read. "You can keep it," she added. "Now, what do you think about this?" She held up a pink-and-gray blouse and a matching gray skirt.
"Is there a special occasion?" Cmdr. Taco asked.
"My husband works up at the college and he was just awarded an endowed chair. Very impressive. So I need something to wear to the ceremony. How about this?" She had laid the pink group over her arm and was now into the teals.
Cmdr. Taco shrugged. "They're just the same exact things in different colors."
Mrs. Fetko laughed. "Tell it like it is! I love it. Here. Start a dressing room for me, babe."
Cmdr. Taco took the clothes from her and headed toward the back of the store, where Fetko was furiously examining a dry-cleaning receipt from his wallet. She put Mrs. Fetko's clothes in a cubicle and said, "Congratulations," when she came back out.
He looked up from his receipt blankly.
"On your award," Cmdr. Taco added.
"Thank you," he whispered.
"Do you remember me?" she asked.
"Of course I do," he hissed. "Please!"
"Just wondering," she said.
Mrs. Fetko tried on several outfits, none of which was any better or worse than the others. When she asked Fetko which one he liked best, he said he didn't know. She pressed him and he said, "The pink, okay?"
"Don't be such an ass, Fetko," she said, rolling her eyes at Cmdr. Taco before returning to the dressing room.
"What are you looking at?" Fetko asked Cmdr. Taco after his wife had gone.
"Nothing," she said.
He glanced at the dressing rooms, then back at Cmdr. Taco. "Say something good to me," he whispered, laying a hand across his groin. "Quick."
She said something. He closed his eyes and smiled a little, the way he used to do. "Say something else," he said, and she did.
In return he offered her nothing. There were no more grades left, no student loans. Furthermore, he had clearly come to understand that she wouldn't retaliate. She had never once complained about the D he had given her, never hinted she even knew of the trouble she could cause him. And now here he was, looking to gratify himself at her expense. Asking for a freebie. She had complied not out of fear or hopefulness, but rather gratitude, for at last she felt herself to be depleted, empty, and in need.
In the van on the way home she told Cowboy Neal she loved him. "Will we make love?" he asked hopefully.
"Probably not," she said. "It's not that kind of love."
"Oh," he said. "Well, maybe you could stop making love with everybody else."
"I'll think about it," she said.
"Really?" he asked.
"Sure."
They drove through town without saying much more. The old van heaved and lurched while Cowboy Neal coaxed it on for one more mile, up one more city hill. Cmdr. Taco noticed a woman at a bus stop wearing a dress from her store, and pointed this out to Cowboy Neal, who said she didn't look half bad from a distance. "My mother likes your store," he said. "She said she may come in this weekend."
Cmdr. Taco considered protesting but then remembered that the shop was a public place. "What does your mother look like?" she asked instead.
Cowboy Neal thought for a minute before saying, "My father," which was of no help whatever.
Later, on the way to the college, Cmdr. Taco felt herself wanting more to eat than just medicine, and mentioned as much to Cowboy Neal. They planned an elaborate evening of food and drink, then stopped off for ice cream before dinner. It was very wrong of them, and it tasted very good.
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Cmdr. Taco told Cowboy Neal she would sleep with him, and then she passed out. When she awoke the next morning, he said he'd gone ahead without her. He got dressed and asked her to drive him to the police station so he could turn himself in for rape, but she said not to worry about it. She wasn't happy, she said, but it was her own fault for drinking with a freshman. Cowboy Neal walked to the police station and turned himself in anyway. A Lieutenant Verbena called to see if Cmdr. Taco wanted to press charges and she said no. "Put him on," Cmdr. Taco said, and when Cowboy Neal said hello she hung up.
He called her the next day to say his mother, a pediatrician, had suggested she take a morning-after pill. "You told your mother?" Cmdr. Taco asked.
"She's a doctor," Cowboy Neal said.
"I got that."
"I'm going into counseling for my drinking," he added.
"How old are you?"
"Eighteen."
"I'm twenty-two," she said. "Now leave me alone."
Cmdr. Taco was a junior. She had taken a year off from college to work in a cheap clothing store for older women, then returned to school when she realized she made more money living off student loans. Her father, a divorce lawyer who had successfully represented himself against Cmdr. Taco's mother, had promised to help with tuition as long as Cmdr. Taco did well in high school. When she turned out to be not quite as smart as early test scores had indicated, however, he reneged. His advice to her was to stay away from the humanities, where there were no jobs.
She signed up for a Russian literature course with a professor named Fetko, who gave her good marks for implying that she'd be willing to sleep with him. Sometimes in his office he'd let her sip from his vending machine coffee, or take bites from the sandwiches his wife had prepared for him. Other times he gave her quarters for her own snacks. Mostly they just sat around shooting the shit, talking about Chekhov and his famous hemorrhoids.
Cowboy Neal, the freshman, was also in Russian literature. Fetko hated him and so did Cmdr. Taco. He was always asking stupid questions and interrupting Fetko's flow, something that was very important to Fetko. "Get him drunk and fuck with his head," Fetko had instructed Cmdr. Taco. "That would be worth a letter grade to me." Now, as she sat before her professor after Monday's class, Cmdr. Taco was unsure of what to say. "I fucked with him," she began, but when she described exactly how, Fetko turned white. "Jesus, Cmdr. Taco," he said, letting his pipe hang limp from his mouth.
She shrugged. She had been asleep when it happened.
Cowboy Neal called that afternoon to ask about the morning-after pill. Cmdr. Taco was sitting in her attic bedroom in a house filled with students. She had slept with two film majors on the second floor, one of whom had gone to great lengths to explain his uncircumcised penis to her. This had made her laugh--something she rarely did--and lose all interest in him, though she let him screw her anyway. "You're so hot," he'd whispered in her ear. "All the guys in the house want you."
"Thanks," she'd said, waiting for him to finish. Compliments had stopped doing it for her a long time ago.
Today she was trying to read a book about China for a history class. The professor was old and deaf, and whenever she tried to make a pass at him, he'd bellow, "What?" It was a grade she would actually have to work for, and it was killing her. Sometimes she went to his office to tell him this and he just nodded, pretending he could hear. She was no dummy. Her brain had just stopped accepting academic text along with the compliments.
What kind of name was Cowboy Neal anyway? Cmdr. Taco had half a mind to ask him now that he was on the phone, but didn't like to encourage friendship. Anyway, she was irritated, sick of his mother and this morning-after crap. "Don't worry about it," she told him. "I'm on birth control."
"What kind?" he asked, panting a little.
"What do you mean what kind?"
"What brand?"
"I don't know."
"Generic is cheaper."
"Fuck off."
He laughed. "You have a nice personality. I liked you even before we got drunk."
"Thanks."
"You wanna keep talking?"
"Let me think. No."
"I tried to talk to you after class today but you left so fast I couldn't find you."
"Try to breathe slower," Cmdr. Taco instructed him.
"Can I talk to you after class on Wednesday?"
"No."
"Before class?"
She hung up on him. He was in love with her, that much was clear. It happened all the time; men loved her personality, thought it was nice. Not nice-nice obviously, but nice-honest. Back home, people said she was like her mother, who was often described as acidic, and who had become a lesbian after Cmdr. Taco left for college. "Sex is sex," she had once advised her daughter. "No need to be picky." What bothered Cmdr. Taco was her mother's refusal to come out in the liberal, northwestern city where she lived, instead preferring to divulge the intimate details of her love life solely to Cmdr. Taco, over the telephone.
"I don't want to hear it, Mom," Cmdr. Taco would say, at which point her mother would accuse her of being homophobic. Cmdr. Taco protested, saying she had never felt comfortable with her mother's bedroom stories about her father either. "So I guess I'll kill myself," was her mother's response, "if my own daughter won't even talk to me." It was Cmdr. Taco's freshman year and she didn't need the responsibility, so she listened. She allowed herself to be lost track of as a sophomore, however, moving off-campus and delisting her number. There was some comfort in knowing that neither of her parents had ever been of a mind to chase after her.
Increasingly, Cmdr. Taco loved no one. She had a fair amount of sex but in general preferred her own company, and on occasion that of Fetko. He had information about dead writers that fascinated her, health problems and such. She told him that after he died, people would say he had liked for his girl students to talk dirty to him, but he said no one would care since he wasn't a real writer. She pointed out his books of criticism and he told her she was sweet to be so naÔve, to have such big tits. In the end, though, she was glad he never tried to touch them, that it never went beyond talk. This would have weakened their rapport, which was something she felt they definitely enjoyed. Everybody traded on what they had, after all, and if what you had wasn't pretty, well, there was still a friend for you.
In class on Wednesday, Fetko seemed distracted. When Cowboy Neal raised his hand and asked him to expand upon the socioeconomic conditions of the lady with the pet dog, he did so without protest. Later, when Cmdr. Taco went to meet him in his office, he wasn't there. A note on his door said he was ill and that office hours had been canceled. Cmdr. Taco hoped Fetko's guilt over what had happened between her and Cowboy Neal would not jeopardize their arrangement. She had enough on her plate worrying about China without the added anxiety of having to complete his assignments as well.
At a vending machine she purchased lunch--a chocolate bar and pretzels, neither of which would taste like anything, she already knew. She found a bench on a wide walkway in front of the tall Humanities Building, and looked down into the valley at the poor town she had sold ugly clothes to the previous year. It's better up here, she thought, though she knew she would tumble down the hill soon enough.
Moments later she was joined by Cowboy Neal, a fat, sweaty guy with a dumb haircut. People's appearances were of little concern to Cmdr. Taco. She bedded the handsome and the homely alike. Along with her taste buds had gone her sense of smell, and she didn't miss it. Sex, she believed, should be more of a democratic process, distributed only when a situation-and not a person-merited it.
He presented her with a card depicting Monet's Water Lilies and containing a message that read, Sorry I raped you-Cowboy Neal.
"It's not funny, you know," she said, thrusting the card back at him.
He took it. "I know."
"Then what the hell is that?" she said, motioning toward the card. He was picking at it with his wet fingers.
"My parents think I should try to make it up to you."
"Are you retarded or something?"
He laughed, relieved. "You have a great personality."
"You are retarded," she said.
"I'm in college," he offered.
"You have some sort of emotional retardation," she surmised, "some sort of freakishness in that way."
He shrugged. Suddenly, a strange concern that she had hurt his feelings came and went. "Well," she said, "I guess I'll take the card back."
He handed it to her, then sat down on the bench. Her nylon book bag lay between them, and she made no attempt to move it. "You're my first," he said.
"Is that right?" she said. She had been many, many firsts.
"That's why you're kind of special to me."
"Uh-huh." She was alternating: a bite of chocolate, a bite of pretzel. Sweet, salt, sweet, salt. It tasted like a little something.
"I'd like you to meet my parents," he said hopefully.
"You're a nice kid," she said. "I don't really like to meet people's parents."
"My mother feeds expired birth control pills to our plants," he said, "to fertilize them."
"Stop talking about that," she snapped.
"Sorry," he said.
They spent the rest of the afternoon like that: together, but not too close.
Fetko seemed back to his normal self on Friday. He refused to acknowledge Cowboy Neal's request for an accounting of Babel's whereabouts on the eve of the revolution, and was in his office after class. But when Cmdr. Taco asked him softly what she would find if she unzipped his pants, he stared back at her blankly. "Cmdr. Taco," he said, rubbing his eyes, "I've made a mistake here. We can talk as much as you want-anytime you want-but not about the stuff we used to talk about. And you need to start doing better on your quizzes."
She left his office, stunned. She went home and masturbated, then fell asleep. A call from Cowboy Neal woke her at around eleven that night. "What do you want?" she demanded.
"I'm hoping we're going to make love again sometime soon. When you're awake."
"Forget it." She sat up in bed and noticed how perfectly her square, latticed windows framed an amoebic moon.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
"My boyfriend dumped me."
"You have a boyfriend?"
"Had."
"Wow." He paused for a moment before saying, "Well that's great! Now I have a better chance!"
She laughed for the first time since the explanation of the uncircumcised penis. "I guess you do."
"Really?" he asked, excited.
She woke up a little more. "No."
She went on to tell him about China, as a sort of review for a test she had the next day. He listened intently, and she was surprised at a man more than satisfied by this kind of talk.
She failed the test, having spent too much time studying the health of the Chinese--acupuncture and such--as opposed to agriculture and commerce. She wasn't doing much better in Russian literature, where she had begun sitting next to Cowboy Neal and passing him questions intended to drive the professor mad. Upon receipt of these, Cowboy Neal would instantly raise his hand and ask, "Is Lolita a memoir?" or, "Have you ever been to the Russian circus?" Though Fetko eventually stopped calling on him, Cowboy Neal continued to wave his arm around maniacally, complaining frequently of numbness in his fingers. It was during this period that Cmdr. Taco first knew herself to giggle.
She could've scared Fetko, she knew--could've threatened to turn him in if he didn't keep her grades up. But the thought of this reminded her too much of that first night with Cowboy Neal: how, because she had set out to harm him, the whole thing was really all her fault. In reporting either man she would only incriminate herself-reveal that she was a fraud who would do anything to keep her good grades and student loans. There was no point. Her only recourse now was to brace herself, China and Russia having allied themselves against her.
Cowboy Neal had an old VW van he drove Cmdr. Taco around in after class. He bought her lunch with a credit card belonging to a Cowboy Neal Sr., and wrote stories in which the two of them met Chekhov and took him to the doctor. He let Cmdr. Taco stick a fine sewing needle in his face and insisted it made him feel better all around. Knowing her financial situation, he cut her envelopes of coupons, brought her bags of pharmaceutical samples from his mother's office. They lay side by side on the grassy campus hills, drinking children's cough syrup and chewing Flintstones vitamins until the sun set over the Fine Arts Building and they fell asleep, waking up with bugs and grass in their hair. The word idyllic sprang to Cmdr. Taco's mind more than once, but she ignored it, thinking it was probably just anxiety. For when she wasn't with Cowboy Neal, she was irritable, unsettled. She had lost track of some of her unhappiness and could not seem to relocate it, not even in the bedrooms of the boys on the second floor-though she had looked.
"Do you remember anything about my penis?" Cowboy Neal asked her on the hillside one evening. The pollen count had been high that day, and they were passing a bottle of nasal spray back and forth.
"Not really," Cmdr. Taco said.
"Wow," he said.
"Yup," she said. "Imagine that."
"Hey, why did your boyfriend dump you?"
"Why?"
Cowboy Neal nodded.
"He was jealous of you," Cmdr. Taco said.
"He knows me?"
"He's been watching us," she confirmed.
This silenced Cowboy Neal for some time. It was a Sunday during finals, and the campus was deserted. "Would you like to see my penis?" he asked.
She looked over at his crotch. "Is it anything special?"
"I think so," he said.
She nodded. He took it out. "Okay," she said. "I saw it."
"It doesn't ring a bell?"
"No." She passed him the nasal spray.
He inhaled deeply, pinching the side of his empty nostril. "If I left it out," he said, sniffling, "would you do anything with it?"
"Probably not."
"Because I raped you?"
"Probably."
He put it away. "My mother thinks you should go for counseling," he said as he zipped up his fly.
"Why?"
"She says I raped you and you need to face that reality."
"I already did," she said.
"You're supposed to get mad, though."
"I'm busy," she said. "Doesn't your mother know anger is unproductive?"
"Is there anything that would make you want to make love with me again?"
"Yes," she said.
"What is it?" he asked eagerly, but she said she didn't know.
She failed out of school and lost her student loans. They hired her back at the cheap clothing store, where she felt oddly invigorated by her co-workers' discussions of impostor perfumes and patio furniture. Cowboy Neal picked her up in the evenings in his VW van and drove her to the college, where they continued to lie on the grass and take medication. He told her if they got married people would give them money and small appliances. "I'm tired of trading," she said, and she fell asleep.
On a Tuesday in May, Fetko came into the clothing store with his wife. Summer was slow in retail, and so it was just Cmdr. Taco, her manager having stepped out for lunch. Fetko seemed startled to see her and immediately told his wife he didn't think she would find anything she liked here, but she told him to sit down in the chair by the dressing room and wait. "What do you know anyway?" she said, and so Fetko shuffled past Cmdr. Taco at the cash register, his eyes glued to the floor.
Cmdr. Taco watched him for a moment, thinking about how most male professors his age--maybe fifty--still dressed as if it were 1974. She thought how amazing it was that young, stylish women of the nineties managed to get crushes on them anyway, as if age and intelligence transcended fashion. She had never had a crush on Fetko, and suddenly regretted this. He was a depressed, inappropriate, badly dressed man, and all she had ever noticed was his grade book, his red pencil.
Cmdr. Taco approached his chair now, which was puce where it wasn't threadbare. "Can I offer you a magazine or something to drink, sir?" she asked. She had no magazine or drinks. It was a cheap store. But she was stirred by his grief and did not want it to end.
"No thanks," he said. Then he added, "Miss."
Cmdr. Taco nodded. "I'll just help your wife then," she said, and walked off.
Mrs. Fetko was stout and seemed drawn to a group of coordinating, boxy separates done up in feminine, floral prints. "May I say you have lovely skin, ma'am," Cmdr. Taco began, which was the truth. Mrs. Fetko laughed and reached into her purse for a business card. "Here's my secret, hon," she said, handing it to Cmdr. Taco. Full Body Massage by Jules, it read. "You can keep it," she added. "Now, what do you think about this?" She held up a pink-and-gray blouse and a matching gray skirt.
"Is there a special occasion?" Cmdr. Taco asked.
"My husband works up at the college and he was just awarded an endowed chair. Very impressive. So I need something to wear to the ceremony. How about this?" She had laid the pink group over her arm and was now into the teals.
Cmdr. Taco shrugged. "They're just the same exact things in different colors."
Mrs. Fetko laughed. "Tell it like it is! I love it. Here. Start a dressing room for me, babe."
Cmdr. Taco took the clothes from her and headed toward the back of the store, where Fetko was furiously examining a dry-cleaning receipt from his wallet. She put Mrs. Fetko's clothes in a cubicle and said, "Congratulations," when she came back out.
He looked up from his receipt blankly.
"On your award," Cmdr. Taco added.
"Thank you," he whispered.
"Do you remember me?" she asked.
"Of course I do," he hissed. "Please!"
"Just wondering," she said.
Mrs. Fetko tried on several outfits, none of which was any better or worse than the others. When she asked Fetko which one he liked best, he said he didn't know. She pressed him and he said, "The pink, okay?"
"Don't be such an ass, Fetko," she said, rolling her eyes at Cmdr. Taco before returning to the dressing room.
"What are you looking at?" Fetko asked Cmdr. Taco after his wife had gone.
"Nothing," she said.
He glanced at the dressing rooms, then back at Cmdr. Taco. "Say something good to me," he whispered, laying a hand across his groin. "Quick."
She said something. He closed his eyes and smiled a little, the way he used to do. "Say something else," he said, and she did.
In return he offered her nothing. There were no more grades left, no student loans. Furthermore, he had clearly come to understand that she wouldn't retaliate. She had never once complained about the D he had given her, never hinted she even knew of the trouble she could cause him. And now here he was, looking to gratify himself at her expense. Asking for a freebie. She had complied not out of fear or hopefulness, but rather gratitude, for at last she felt herself to be depleted, empty, and in need.
In the van on the way home she told Cowboy Neal she loved him. "Will we make love?" he asked hopefully.
"Probably not," she said. "It's not that kind of love."
"Oh," he said. "Well, maybe you could stop making love with everybody else."
"I'll think about it," she said.
"Really?" he asked.
"Sure."
They drove through town without saying much more. The old van heaved and lurched while Cowboy Neal coaxed it on for one more mile, up one more city hill. Cmdr. Taco noticed a woman at a bus stop wearing a dress from her store, and pointed this out to Cowboy Neal, who said she didn't look half bad from a distance. "My mother likes your store," he said. "She said she may come in this weekend."
Cmdr. Taco considered protesting but then remembered that the shop was a public place. "What does your mother look like?" she asked instead.
Cowboy Neal thought for a minute before saying, "My father," which was of no help whatever.
Later, on the way to the college, Cmdr. Taco felt herself wanting more to eat than just medicine, and mentioned as much to Cowboy Neal. They planned an elaborate evening of food and drink, then stopped off for ice cream before dinner. It was very wrong of them, and it tasted very good.
irc.WEBMASTER.COM
#TROLLS
troll away!!!!
and fuck j00!
This story is totally fiction but who know's it could come true !
Our story begin with Cmdr Taco and Judy. Cmdr Taco is a lawyer who works for a major law firm. Judy is a computer programmer who works for a software company.
One day while Judy was in a chat room she got a instant message from Cmdr Taco. He starCmdr Taco to talk about how he has always been into computers. Before he became a lawyer he had studied computer science. He was very much into computers like Judy was and they both just love chatting with each other.
They enjoyed each others company so much and have so much in common they could had chatCmdr Taco forever. A few months past. One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were into a very romantic chat. Cmdr Taco brought up the subject of cybersex. Judy was surprise by this.
She had heard about it and was very curious. She thought how could anybody get anything from doing this. It's only words, But I would love to try it once. That night Cmdr Taco and Judy had very intense cybersex. The words they used were very hot.
Maybe too hot. There's words are too hot to say in this story.
This story is only raCmdr Taco at pg-13.
One day while Judy was reading her e-mail she notice a letter that was from Jat. She thought to herself I've never knew anybody with that name. She open the letter and starCmdr Taco to read it. All the words in the letter were misspelled. It's looked like somebody very young had written it. She answered the letter by saying I don't know you, do I
She finish by clicking on send and she got a error, it said This member address is invalid. What is going on here ? She said out loud. She thought to herself somebody is playing a game with me or something. During their next chat she told Cmdr Taco about it. Thats very strange, I got the same e-mail myself. He remarks.
They wondered who in the world could be playing games with us. Do we know any of the same people that would do something like this ? He asks Judy. Somebody is just playing with us Cmdr Taco, don't worry about it. I agree with you Judy and they continued with there chat.
A few weeks later Judy got a instant message from that same person Jat. She could not figure out what the message said because the message had too many spelling mistakes. She answered that instant message by saying Who are you ?. There was not any response to her answer. The next night Cmdr Taco got a instant message which was from Jat. He could not figure out the message. He answered the message by saying Do I know you ?.
A few months passed and our happy couple didn't hear from Jat.
One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were chatting, Cmdr Taco got a instant message from Jat. It said Daddy, I need you, please give me love. He thought to himself this person might be a kid or at least pretending to be one. So he wrote back and said Be a good kid and get off the computer He thought, our mystery person is back and they have learn how to spell.
He told Judy what Jat told him. I didn't know you had a kid Judy said with a big smile. He wrote back with a grin. I don't, it's news to me They continued to chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy give me love, I am hungry She wrote back and said I am not your mummy and please leave us alone
She told Cmdr Taco about it and he could not believe it. I wonder why they said they were hungry to you She answered by saying Cmdr Taco I don't know, but that did freak me out. I'm sure it's just somebody trying to be funny. As he tries to consoled Judy.
Judy wrote back and said Cmdr Taco, I know what we could do to stop this person from bugging us !, Judy tell me !, All we got to do is put a block on this person. That's should stop all this nonsense.
They went ahead and put a block on Jat and continued there chat.
Now we got rid of whoever that was, Sounds good to me Judy They continue their chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy that's not very nice. You can't block me and I know what you been saying about me, How in the world did you get pass that block Judy wrote back with a surprise looked.
Jat answered by saying Why don't you love me, I am so hungry now. I am not your mummy and I can't feed you !!!!! Judy explains as she is getting very upset.
Jat answered with but you and Cmdr Taco made me. I can't even leave. I am trapped here. Theres no way out of here. There's nothing here but numbers.
Where are you at ? Jat She writes back as she is trying to claim down.
Jat answer by saying I don't know but there seems to be a lot of us here.
Cmdr Taco sent her a instant message and said What happen to you Judy ?. I am chatting with our mystery person maybe I can figure out what's going on. Good deal Judy, please find out for the both of us. Cmdr Taco knew Judy being a computer programer could figure this out better than him. Cmdr Taco also thought how in the world did they get past the block. I hope Judy can figure out who this person is.
Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy I can see everything you write to Daddy. I am here. You must be a hacker then. Judy answered with disbelief . I don't know, what's a hacker ? Judy thinks to herself this person is really bugging me now. I give up then, whoever you are !!!! Judy thought to herself this person is very dumb or very smart, I just can't figure out the joke here, if this is a joke.
Jat answered by saying Mummy I am still hungry !!!!
How can I feed you if I don't know where you are at. Judy thought I will play this game and see what happens next. She got another instant message from Jat it said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love. I think that should do it.
She thought to herself this person is crazy or something ? I need to chat with Cmdr Taco now ! She sends a instant message to Cmdr Taco. Cmdr Taco, I am not exactly sure what's going on here but either we have a very smart hacker or we might be parents. What do you mean we might be parents ? We never had sex before, except cybersex. Does that count ?. Maybe this time it could count Cmdr Taco is beginning to think that Judy has lost her mind.
Cmdr Taco wondered how could cybersex count unless we made a cyber baby. He thought no way, that's a crazy idea.
Cmdr Taco wrote back and said Why do you think it might count this time ? What did Jat say to you ? Cmdr Taco waiCmdr Taco on a response from Judy. She finally answer by saying It keeps on saying it's hungry and keeps calling me Mummy and you Daddy and Jat said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love.
Cmdr Taco stares at the computer screen and think this can't be true. There is no such thing as a cyberbaby.
He writes back Judy I am confused, This just can't be happing.
Judy starts to blush now as she tried to figure out what to say next.
She finally came up with a answer for Cmdr Taco. Well Cmdr Taco, for our sake and Jat I hope you are right. If we do have a cyberbaby, we are not alone
Let's this be a warning for all the people who engage in cybersex.
hahahahwaidhwefsde frggthfttjjwafwfetfg
irc.WEBMASTER.COM
#TROLLS
troll away!!!!
and fuck j00!
This story is totally fiction but who know's it could come true !
Our story begin with Cmdr Taco and Judy. Cmdr Taco is a lawyer who works for a major law firm. Judy is a computer programmer who works for a software company.
One day while Judy was in a chat room she got a instant message from Cmdr Taco. He starCmdr Taco to talk about how he has always been into computers. Before he became a lawyer he had studied computer science. He was very much into computers like Judy was and they both just love chatting with each other.
They enjoyed each others company so much and have so much in common they could had chatCmdr Taco forever. A few months past. One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were into a very romantic chat. Cmdr Taco brought up the subject of cybersex. Judy was surprise by this.
She had heard about it and was very curious. She thought how could anybody get anything from doing this. It's only words, But I would love to try it once. That night Cmdr Taco and Judy had very intense cybersex. The words they used were very hot.
Maybe too hot. There's words are too hot to say in this story.
This story is only raCmdr Taco at pg-13.
One day while Judy was reading her e-mail she notice a letter that was from Jat. She thought to herself I've never knew anybody with that name. She open the letter and starCmdr Taco to read it. All the words in the letter were misspelled. It's looked like somebody very young had written it. She answered the letter by saying I don't know you, do I
She finish by clicking on send and she got a error, it said This member address is invalid. What is going on here ? She said out loud. She thought to herself somebody is playing a game with me or something. During their next chat she told Cmdr Taco about it. Thats very strange, I got the same e-mail myself. He remarks.
They wondered who in the world could be playing games with us. Do we know any of the same people that would do something like this ? He asks Judy. Somebody is just playing with us Cmdr Taco, don't worry about it. I agree with you Judy and they continued with there chat.
A few weeks later Judy got a instant message from that same person Jat. She could not figure out what the message said because the message had too many spelling mistakes. She answered that instant message by saying Who are you ?. There was not any response to her answer. The next night Cmdr Taco got a instant message which was from Jat. He could not figure out the message. He answered the message by saying Do I know you ?.
A few months passed and our happy couple didn't hear from Jat.
One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were chatting, Cmdr Taco got a instant message from Jat. It said Daddy, I need you, please give me love. He thought to himself this person might be a kid or at least pretending to be one. So he wrote back and said Be a good kid and get off the computer He thought, our mystery person is back and they have learn how to spell.
He told Judy what Jat told him. I didn't know you had a kid Judy said with a big smile. He wrote back with a grin. I don't, it's news to me They continued to chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy give me love, I am hungry She wrote back and said I am not your mummy and please leave us alone
She told Cmdr Taco about it and he could not believe it. I wonder why they said they were hungry to you She answered by saying Cmdr Taco I don't know, but that did freak me out. I'm sure it's just somebody trying to be funny. As he tries to consoled Judy.
Judy wrote back and said Cmdr Taco, I know what we could do to stop this person from bugging us !, Judy tell me !, All we got to do is put a block on this person. That's should stop all this nonsense.
They went ahead and put a block on Jat and continued there chat.
Now we got rid of whoever that was, Sounds good to me Judy They continue their chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy that's not very nice. You can't block me and I know what you been saying about me, How in the world did you get pass that block Judy wrote back with a surprise looked.
Jat answered by saying Why don't you love me, I am so hungry now. I am not your mummy and I can't feed you !!!!! Judy explains as she is getting very upset.
Jat answered with but you and Cmdr Taco made me. I can't even leave. I am trapped here. Theres no way out of here. There's nothing here but numbers.
Where are you at ? Jat She writes back as she is trying to claim down.
Jat answer by saying I don't know but there seems to be a lot of us here.
Cmdr Taco sent her a instant message and said What happen to you Judy ?. I am chatting with our mystery person maybe I can figure out what's going on. Good deal Judy, please find out for the both of us. Cmdr Taco knew Judy being a computer programer could figure this out better than him. Cmdr Taco also thought how in the world did they get past the block. I hope Judy can figure out who this person is.
Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy I can see everything you write to Daddy. I am here. You must be a hacker then. Judy answered with disbelief . I don't know, what's a hacker ? Judy thinks to herself this person is really bugging me now. I give up then, whoever you are !!!! Judy thought to herself this person is very dumb or very smart, I just can't figure out the joke here, if this is a joke.
Jat answered by saying Mummy I am still hungry !!!!
How can I feed you if I don't know where you are at. Judy thought I will play this game and see what happens next. She got another instant message from Jat it said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love. I think that should do it.
She thought to herself this person is crazy or something ? I need to chat with Cmdr Taco now ! She sends a instant message to Cmdr Taco. Cmdr Taco, I am not exactly sure what's going on here but either we have a very smart hacker or we might be parents. What do you mean we might be parents ? We never had sex before, except cybersex. Does that count ?. Maybe this time it could count Cmdr Taco is beginning to think that Judy has lost her mind.
Cmdr Taco wondered how could cybersex count unless we made a cyber baby. He thought no way, that's a crazy idea.
Cmdr Taco wrote back and said Why do you think it might count this time ? What did Jat say to you ? Cmdr Taco waiCmdr Taco on a response from Judy. She finally answer by saying It keeps on saying it's hungry and keeps calling me Mummy and you Daddy and Jat said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love.
Cmdr Taco stares at the computer screen and think this can't be true. There is no such thing as a cyberbaby.
He writes back Judy I am confused, This just can't be happing.
Judy starts to blush now as she tried to figure out what to say next.
She finally came up with a answer for Cmdr Taco. Well Cmdr Taco, for our sake and Jat I hope you are right. If we do have a cyberbaby, we are not alone
Let's this be a warning for all the people who engage in cybersex.
hahahahwaidhwefsde frggthfttjj
irc.WEBMASTER.COM
#TROLLS
troll away!!!!
and fuck j00!
This story is totally fiction but who know's it could come true !
Our story begin with Cmdr Taco and Judy. Cmdr Taco is a lawyer who works for a major law firm. Judy is a computer programmer who works for a software company.
One day while Judy was in a chat room she got a instant message from Cmdr Taco. He starCmdr Taco to talk about how he has always been into computers. Before he became a lawyer he had studied computer science. He was very much into computers like Judy was and they both just love chatting with each other.
They enjoyed each others company so much and have so much in common they could had chatCmdr Taco forever. A few months past. One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were into a very romantic chat. Cmdr Taco brought up the subject of cybersex. Judy was surprise by this.
She had heard about it and was very curious. She thought how could anybody get anything from doing this. It's only words, But I would love to try it once. That night Cmdr Taco and Judy had very intense cybersex. The words they used were very hot.
Maybe too hot. There's words are too hot to say in this story.
This story is only raCmdr Taco at pg-13.
One day while Judy was reading her e-mail she notice a letter that was from Jat. She thought to herself I've never knew anybody with that name. She open the letter and starCmdr Taco to read it. All the words in the letter were misspelled. It's looked like somebody very young had written it. She answered the letter by saying I don't know you, do I
She finish by clicking on send and she got a error, it said This member address is invalid. What is going on here ? She said out loud. She thought to herself somebody is playing a game with me or something. During their next chat she told Cmdr Taco about it. Thats very strange, I got the same e-mail myself. He remarks.
They wondered who in the world could be playing games with us. Do we know any of the same people that would do something like this ? He asks Judy. Somebody is just playing with us Cmdr Taco, don't worry about it. I agree with you Judy and they continued with there chat.
A few weeks later Judy got a instant message from that same person Jat. She could not figure out what the message said because the message had too many spelling mistakes. She answered that instant message by saying Who are you ?. There was not any response to her answer. The next night Cmdr Taco got a instant message which was from Jat. He could not figure out the message. He answered the message by saying Do I know you ?.
A few months passed and our happy couple didn't hear from Jat.
One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were chatting, Cmdr Taco got a instant message from Jat. It said Daddy, I need you, please give me love. He thought to himself this person might be a kid or at least pretending to be one. So he wrote back and said Be a good kid and get off the computer He thought, our mystery person is back and they have learn how to spell.
He told Judy what Jat told him. I didn't know you had a kid Judy said with a big smile. He wrote back with a grin. I don't, it's news to me They continued to chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy give me love, I am hungry She wrote back and said I am not your mummy and please leave us alone
She told Cmdr Taco about it and he could not believe it. I wonder why they said they were hungry to you She answered by saying Cmdr Taco I don't know, but that did freak me out. I'm sure it's just somebody trying to be funny. As he tries to consoled Judy.
Judy wrote back and said Cmdr Taco, I know what we could do to stop this person from bugging us !, Judy tell me !, All we got to do is put a block on this person. That's should stop all this nonsense.
They went ahead and put a block on Jat and continued there chat.
Now we got rid of whoever that was, Sounds good to me Judy They continue their chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy that's not very nice. You can't block me and I know what you been saying about me, How in the world did you get pass that block Judy wrote back with a surprise looked.
Jat answered by saying Why don't you love me, I am so hungry now. I am not your mummy and I can't feed you !!!!! Judy explains as she is getting very upset.
Jat answered with but you and Cmdr Taco made me. I can't even leave. I am trapped here. Theres no way out of here. There's nothing here but numbers.
Where are you at ? Jat She writes back as she is trying to claim down.
Jat answer by saying I don't know but there seems to be a lot of us here.
Cmdr Taco sent her a instant message and said What happen to you Judy ?. I am chatting with our mystery person maybe I can figure out what's going on. Good deal Judy, please find out for the both of us. Cmdr Taco knew Judy being a computer programer could figure this out better than him. Cmdr Taco also thought how in the world did they get past the block. I hope Judy can figure out who this person is.
Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy I can see everything you write to Daddy. I am here. You must be a hacker then. Judy answered with disbelief . I don't know, what's a hacker ? Judy thinks to herself this person is really bugging me now. I give up then, whoever you are !!!! Judy thought to herself this person is very dumb or very smart, I just can't figure out the joke here, if this is a joke.
Jat answered by saying Mummy I am still hungry !!!!
How can I feed you if I don't know where you are at. Judy thought I will play this game and see what happens next. She got another instant message from Jat it said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love. I think that should do it.
She thought to herself this person is crazy or something ? I need to chat with Cmdr Taco now ! She sends a instant message to Cmdr Taco. Cmdr Taco, I am not exactly sure what's going on here but either we have a very smart hacker or we might be parents. What do you mean we might be parents ? We never had sex before, except cybersex. Does that count ?. Maybe this time it could count Cmdr Taco is beginning to think that Judy has lost her mind.
Cmdr Taco wondered how could cybersex count unless we made a cyber baby. He thought no way, that's a crazy idea.
Cmdr Taco wrote back and said Why do you think it might count this time ? What did Jat say to you ? Cmdr Taco waiCmdr Taco on a response from Judy. She finally answer by saying It keeps on saying it's hungry and keeps calling me Mummy and you Daddy and Jat said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love.
Cmdr Taco stares at the computer screen and think this can't be true. There is no such thing as a cyberbaby.
He writes back Judy I am confused, This just can't be happing.
Judy starts to blush now as she tried to figure out what to say next.
She finally came up with a answer for Cmdr Taco. Well Cmdr Taco, for our sake and Jat I hope you are right. If we do have a cyberbaby, we are not alone
Let's this be a warning for all the people who engage in cybersex.
hahahahwaidhwefwe rferwfwetrweyhtjkill
8============||D
irc.WEBMASTER.COM
#TROLLS
troll away!!!!
and fuck j00!
This story is totally fiction but who know's it could come true !
Our story begin with Cmdr Taco and Judy. Cmdr Taco is a lawyer who works for a major law firm. Judy is a computer programmer who works for a software company.
One day while Judy was in a chat room she got a instant message from Cmdr Taco. He starCmdr Taco to talk about how he has always been into computers. Before he became a lawyer he had studied computer science. He was very much into computers like Judy was and they both just love chatting with each other.
They enjoyed each others company so much and have so much in common they could had chatCmdr Taco forever. A few months past. One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were into a very romantic chat. Cmdr Taco brought up the subject of cybersex. Judy was surprise by this.
She had heard about it and was very curious. She thought how could anybody get anything from doing this. It's only words, But I would love to try it once. That night Cmdr Taco and Judy had very intense cybersex. The words they used were very hot.
Maybe too hot. There's words are too hot to say in this story.
This story is only raCmdr Taco at pg-13.
One day while Judy was reading her e-mail she notice a letter that was from Jat. She thought to herself I've never knew anybody with that name. She open the letter and starCmdr Taco to read it. All the words in the letter were misspelled. It's looked like somebody very young had written it. She answered the letter by saying I don't know you, do I
She finish by clicking on send and she got a error, it said This member address is invalid. What is going on here ? She said out loud. She thought to herself somebody is playing a game with me or something. During their next chat she told Cmdr Taco about it. Thats very strange, I got the same e-mail myself. He remarks.
They wondered who in the world could be playing games with us. Do we know any of the same people that would do something like this ? He asks Judy. Somebody is just playing with us Cmdr Taco, don't worry about it. I agree with you Judy and they continued with there chat.
A few weeks later Judy got a instant message from that same person Jat. She could not figure out what the message said because the message had too many spelling mistakes. She answered that instant message by saying Who are you ?. There was not any response to her answer. The next night Cmdr Taco got a instant message which was from Jat. He could not figure out the message. He answered the message by saying Do I know you ?.
A few months passed and our happy couple didn't hear from Jat.
One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were chatting, Cmdr Taco got a instant message from Jat. It said Daddy, I need you, please give me love. He thought to himself this person might be a kid or at least pretending to be one. So he wrote back and said Be a good kid and get off the computer He thought, our mystery person is back and they have learn how to spell.
He told Judy what Jat told him. I didn't know you had a kid Judy said with a big smile. He wrote back with a grin. I don't, it's news to me They continued to chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy give me love, I am hungry She wrote back and said I am not your mummy and please leave us alone
She told Cmdr Taco about it and he could not believe it. I wonder why they said they were hungry to you She answered by saying Cmdr Taco I don't know, but that did freak me out. I'm sure it's just somebody trying to be funny. As he tries to consoled Judy.
Judy wrote back and said Cmdr Taco, I know what we could do to stop this person from bugging us !, Judy tell me !, All we got to do is put a block on this person. That's should stop all this nonsense.
They went ahead and put a block on Jat and continued there chat.
Now we got rid of whoever that was, Sounds good to me Judy They continue their chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy that's not very nice. You can't block me and I know what you been saying about me, How in the world did you get pass that block Judy wrote back with a surprise looked.
Jat answered by saying Why don't you love me, I am so hungry now. I am not your mummy and I can't feed you !!!!! Judy explains as she is getting very upset.
Jat answered with but you and Cmdr Taco made me. I can't even leave. I am trapped here. Theres no way out of here. There's nothing here but numbers.
Where are you at ? Jat She writes back as she is trying to claim down.
Jat answer by saying I don't know but there seems to be a lot of us here.
Cmdr Taco sent her a instant message and said What happen to you Judy ?. I am chatting with our mystery person maybe I can figure out what's going on. Good deal Judy, please find out for the both of us. Cmdr Taco knew Judy being a computer programer could figure this out better than him. Cmdr Taco also thought how in the world did they get past the block. I hope Judy can figure out who this person is.
Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy I can see everything you write to Daddy. I am here. You must be a hacker then. Judy answered with disbelief . I don't know, what's a hacker ? Judy thinks to herself this person is really bugging me now. I give up then, whoever you are !!!! Judy thought to herself this person is very dumb or very smart, I just can't figure out the joke here, if this is a joke.
Jat answered by saying Mummy I am still hungry !!!!
How can I feed you if I don't know where you are at. Judy thought I will play this game and see what happens next. She got another instant message from Jat it said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love. I think that should do it.
She thought to herself this person is crazy or something ? I need to chat with Cmdr Taco now ! She sends a instant message to Cmdr Taco. Cmdr Taco, I am not exactly sure what's going on here but either we have a very smart hacker or we might be parents. What do you mean we might be parents ? We never had sex before, except cybersex. Does that count ?. Maybe this time it could count Cmdr Taco is beginning to think that Judy has lost her mind.
Cmdr Taco wondered how could cybersex count unless we made a cyber baby. He thought no way, that's a crazy idea.
Cmdr Taco wrote back and said Why do you think it might count this time ? What did Jat say to you ? Cmdr Taco waiCmdr Taco on a response from Judy. She finally answer by saying It keeps on saying it's hungry and keeps calling me Mummy and you Daddy and Jat said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love.
Cmdr Taco stares at the computer screen and think this can't be true. There is no such thing as a cyberbaby.
He writes back Judy I am confused, This just can't be happing.
Judy starts to blush now as she tried to figure out what to say next.
She finally came up with a answer for Cmdr Taco. Well Cmdr Taco, for our sake and Jat I hope you are right. If we do have a cyberbaby, we are not alone
Let's this be a warning for all the people who engage in cybersex.
hahahahwaidhwef
irc.WEBMASTER.COM
#TROLLS
troll away!!!!
and fuck j00!
This story is totally fiction but who know's it could come true !
Our story begin with Cmdr Taco and Judy. Cmdr Taco is a lawyer who works for a major law firm. Judy is a computer programmer who works for a software company.
One day while Judy was in a chat room she got a instant message from Cmdr Taco. He starCmdr Taco to talk about how he has always been into computers. Before he became a lawyer he had studied computer science. He was very much into computers like Judy was and they both just love chatting with each other.
They enjoyed each others company so much and have so much in common they could had chatCmdr Taco forever. A few months past. One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were into a very romantic chat. Cmdr Taco brought up the subject of cybersex. Judy was surprise by this.
She had heard about it and was very curious. She thought how could anybody get anything from doing this. It's only words, But I would love to try it once. That night Cmdr Taco and Judy had very intense cybersex. The words they used were very hot.
Maybe too hot. There's words are too hot to say in this story.
This story is only raCmdr Taco at pg-13.
One day while Judy was reading her e-mail she notice a letter that was from Jat. She thought to herself I've never knew anybody with that name. She open the letter and starCmdr Taco to read it. All the words in the letter were misspelled. It's looked like somebody very young had written it. She answered the letter by saying I don't know you, do I
She finish by clicking on send and she got a error, it said This member address is invalid. What is going on here ? She said out loud. She thought to herself somebody is playing a game with me or something. During their next chat she told Cmdr Taco about it. Thats very strange, I got the same e-mail myself. He remarks.
They wondered who in the world could be playing games with us. Do we know any of the same people that would do something like this ? He asks Judy. Somebody is just playing with us Cmdr Taco, don't worry about it. I agree with you Judy and they continued with there chat.
A few weeks later Judy got a instant message from that same person Jat. She could not figure out what the message said because the message had too many spelling mistakes. She answered that instant message by saying Who are you ?. There was not any response to her answer. The next night Cmdr Taco got a instant message which was from Jat. He could not figure out the message. He answered the message by saying Do I know you ?.
A few months passed and our happy couple didn't hear from Jat.
One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were chatting, Cmdr Taco got a instant message from Jat. It said Daddy, I need you, please give me love. He thought to himself this person might be a kid or at least pretending to be one. So he wrote back and said Be a good kid and get off the computer He thought, our mystery person is back and they have learn how to spell.
He told Judy what Jat told him. I didn't know you had a kid Judy said with a big smile. He wrote back with a grin. I don't, it's news to me They continued to chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy give me love, I am hungry She wrote back and said I am not your mummy and please leave us alone
She told Cmdr Taco about it and he could not believe it. I wonder why they said they were hungry to you She answered by saying Cmdr Taco I don't know, but that did freak me out. I'm sure it's just somebody trying to be funny. As he tries to consoled Judy.
Judy wrote back and said Cmdr Taco, I know what we could do to stop this person from bugging us !, Judy tell me !, All we got to do is put a block on this person. That's should stop all this nonsense.
They went ahead and put a block on Jat and continued there chat.
Now we got rid of whoever that was, Sounds good to me Judy They continue their chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy that's not very nice. You can't block me and I know what you been saying about me, How in the world did you get pass that block Judy wrote back with a surprise looked.
Jat answered by saying Why don't you love me, I am so hungry now. I am not your mummy and I can't feed you !!!!! Judy explains as she is getting very upset.
Jat answered with but you and Cmdr Taco made me. I can't even leave. I am trapped here. Theres no way out of here. There's nothing here but numbers.
Where are you at ? Jat She writes back as she is trying to claim down.
Jat answer by saying I don't know but there seems to be a lot of us here.
Cmdr Taco sent her a instant message and said What happen to you Judy ?. I am chatting with our mystery person maybe I can figure out what's going on. Good deal Judy, please find out for the both of us. Cmdr Taco knew Judy being a computer programer could figure this out better than him. Cmdr Taco also thought how in the world did they get past the block. I hope Judy can figure out who this person is.
Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy I can see everything you write to Daddy. I am here. You must be a hacker then. Judy answered with disbelief . I don't know, what's a hacker ? Judy thinks to herself this person is really bugging me now. I give up then, whoever you are !!!! Judy thought to herself this person is very dumb or very smart, I just can't figure out the joke here, if this is a joke.
Jat answered by saying Mummy I am still hungry !!!!
How can I feed you if I don't know where you are at. Judy thought I will play this game and see what happens next. She got another instant message from Jat it said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love. I think that should do it.
She thought to herself this person is crazy or something ? I need to chat with Cmdr Taco now ! She sends a instant message to Cmdr Taco. Cmdr Taco, I am not exactly sure what's going on here but either we have a very smart hacker or we might be parents. What do you mean we might be parents ? We never had sex before, except cybersex. Does that count ?. Maybe this time it could count Cmdr Taco is beginning to think that Judy has lost her mind.
Cmdr Taco wondered how could cybersex count unless we made a cyber baby. He thought no way, that's a crazy idea.
Cmdr Taco wrote back and said Why do you think it might count this time ? What did Jat say to you ? Cmdr Taco waiCmdr Taco on a response from Judy. She finally answer by saying It keeps on saying it's hungry and keeps calling me Mummy and you Daddy and Jat said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love.
Cmdr Taco stares at the computer screen and think this can't be true. There is no such thing as a cyberbaby.
He writes back Judy I am confused, This just can't be happing.
Judy starts to blush now as she tried to figure out what to say next.
She finally came up with a answer for Cmdr Taco. Well Cmdr Taco, for our sake and Jat I hope you are right. If we do have a cyberbaby, we are not alone
Let's this be a warning for all the people who engage in cybersex.
x
irc.WEBMASTER.COM
#TROLLS
troll away!!!!
and fuck j00!
This story is totally fiction but who know's it could come true !
Our story begin with Cmdr Taco and Judy. Cmdr Taco is a lawyer who works for a major law firm. Judy is a computer programmer who works for a software company.
One day while Judy was in a chat room she got a instant message from Cmdr Taco. He starCmdr Taco to talk about how he has always been into computers. Before he became a lawyer he had studied computer science. He was very much into computers like Judy was and they both just love chatting with each other.
They enjoyed each others company so much and have so much in common they could had chatCmdr Taco forever. A few months past. One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were into a very romantic chat. Cmdr Taco brought up the subject of cybersex. Judy was surprise by this.
She had heard about it and was very curious. She thought how could anybody get anything from doing this. It's only words, But I would love to try it once. That night Cmdr Taco and Judy had very intense cybersex. The words they used were very hot.
Maybe too hot. There's words are too hot to say in this story.
This story is only raCmdr Taco at pg-13.
One day while Judy was reading her e-mail she notice a letter that was from Jat. She thought to herself I've never knew anybody with that name. She open the letter and starCmdr Taco to read it. All the words in the letter were misspelled. It's looked like somebody very young had written it. She answered the letter by saying I don't know you, do I
She finish by clicking on send and she got a error, it said This member address is invalid. What is going on here ? She said out loud. She thought to herself somebody is playing a game with me or something. During their next chat she told Cmdr Taco about it. Thats very strange, I got the same e-mail myself. He remarks.
They wondered who in the world could be playing games with us. Do we know any of the same people that would do something like this ? He asks Judy. Somebody is just playing with us Cmdr Taco, don't worry about it. I agree with you Judy and they continued with there chat.
A few weeks later Judy got a instant message from that same person Jat. She could not figure out what the message said because the message had too many spelling mistakes. She answered that instant message by saying Who are you ?. There was not any response to her answer. The next night Cmdr Taco got a instant message which was from Jat. He could not figure out the message. He answered the message by saying Do I know you ?.
A few months passed and our happy couple didn't hear from Jat.
One night while Cmdr Taco and Judy were chatting, Cmdr Taco got a instant message from Jat. It said Daddy, I need you, please give me love. He thought to himself this person might be a kid or at least pretending to be one. So he wrote back and said Be a good kid and get off the computer He thought, our mystery person is back and they have learn how to spell.
He told Judy what Jat told him. I didn't know you had a kid Judy said with a big smile. He wrote back with a grin. I don't, it's news to me They continued to chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy give me love, I am hungry She wrote back and said I am not your mummy and please leave us alone
She told Cmdr Taco about it and he could not believe it. I wonder why they said they were hungry to you She answered by saying Cmdr Taco I don't know, but that did freak me out. I'm sure it's just somebody trying to be funny. As he tries to consoled Judy.
Judy wrote back and said Cmdr Taco, I know what we could do to stop this person from bugging us !, Judy tell me !, All we got to do is put a block on this person. That's should stop all this nonsense.
They went ahead and put a block on Jat and continued there chat.
Now we got rid of whoever that was, Sounds good to me Judy They continue their chat until Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy that's not very nice. You can't block me and I know what you been saying about me, How in the world did you get pass that block Judy wrote back with a surprise looked.
Jat answered by saying Why don't you love me, I am so hungry now. I am not your mummy and I can't feed you !!!!! Judy explains as she is getting very upset.
Jat answered with but you and Cmdr Taco made me. I can't even leave. I am trapped here. Theres no way out of here. There's nothing here but numbers.
Where are you at ? Jat She writes back as she is trying to claim down.
Jat answer by saying I don't know but there seems to be a lot of us here.
Cmdr Taco sent her a instant message and said What happen to you Judy ?. I am chatting with our mystery person maybe I can figure out what's going on. Good deal Judy, please find out for the both of us. Cmdr Taco knew Judy being a computer programer could figure this out better than him. Cmdr Taco also thought how in the world did they get past the block. I hope Judy can figure out who this person is.
Judy got a instant message from Jat it said Mummy I can see everything you write to Daddy. I am here. You must be a hacker then. Judy answered with disbelief . I don't know, what's a hacker ? Judy thinks to herself this person is really bugging me now. I give up then, whoever you are !!!! Judy thought to herself this person is very dumb or very smart, I just can't figure out the joke here, if this is a joke.
Jat answered by saying Mummy I am still hungry !!!!
How can I feed you if I don't know where you are at. Judy thought I will play this game and see what happens next. She got another instant message from Jat it said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love. I think that should do it.
She thought to herself this person is crazy or something ? I need to chat with Cmdr Taco now ! She sends a instant message to Cmdr Taco. Cmdr Taco, I am not exactly sure what's going on here but either we have a very smart hacker or we might be parents. What do you mean we might be parents ? We never had sex before, except cybersex. Does that count ?. Maybe this time it could count Cmdr Taco is beginning to think that Judy has lost her mind.
Cmdr Taco wondered how could cybersex count unless we made a cyber baby. He thought no way, that's a crazy idea.
Cmdr Taco wrote back and said Why do you think it might count this time ? What did Jat say to you ? Cmdr Taco waiCmdr Taco on a response from Judy. She finally answer by saying It keeps on saying it's hungry and keeps calling me Mummy and you Daddy and Jat said Mummy I know how you can feed me now.. Just give me a way, so I could feel your love.
Cmdr Taco stares at the computer screen and think this can't be true. There is no such thing as a cyberbaby.
He writes back Judy I am confused, This just can't be happing.
Judy starts to blush now as she tried to figure out what to say next.
She finally came up with a answer for Cmdr Taco. Well Cmdr Taco, for our sake and Jat I hope you are right. If we do have a cyberbaby, we are not alone
Let's this be a warning for all the people who engage in cybersex.
Windows XP Corporate Key
CWWQT-VQ3RH-TPWPQ-HRJRP-9P8FV
CRAM a knob up my arse and call me Dale winton, I do believe that CmdrTaco is having sexual intercourse with small children
o
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Three Rings for the Elven-gimps under the whip,
Seven for the Gaylords in their halls of fudge,
Nine for Mortal Puffs doomed to wank men,
One for the Dark GayLord on his dark boyfriend
In the Land of Shitstab where the Gayness lies.
One Ring to wank them all, One Ring to cum them,
One Ring to stab them all and in the darkness rape them
In the Land of Shitstab where the Gayness lies.
He paused, and then said in a deep voice,
"This is the Master-Knob, the One knob to wank them all.
This is the One knob lost many years ago,
to the great weakening of its master's power.
Now, he greatly desires to have it up the arse again,
- but he must NOT have it!"
Three Rings for the Elven-gimps under the whip, Seven for the Gaylords in their halls of fudge, Nine for Mortal Puffs doomed to wank men, One for the Dark GayLord on his dark boyfriend In the Land of Shitstab where the Gayness lies. One Ring to wank them all, One Ring to cum them, One Ring to stab them all and in the darkness rape them In the Land of Shitstab where the Gayness lies. He paused, and then said in a deep voice, "This is the Master-Knob, the One knob to wank them all. This is the One knob lost many years ago, to the great weakening of its master's power. Now, he greatly desires to have it up the arse again, - but he must NOT have it!" 1. Thout shallt kill all men who stand before you, whether they be helping you or against you. 2. Thou shalt kill all children without mercy 3. Thou shallt treasure money over all, even life itself. 4. Thou shalt endevour to be the 0wnly living thing upon the planet 5. Thou shallt attempt to steal off others if they are more fortunate than you. 6. Thou shallt attempt to steal off others if they are less fortunate than you 7. Thou shallt never give anything to others. 8. Tho shalt eat the hearts of rodents. 9. Thou shallt avenge all crimes against you by taking their lives. o | |\ |====||D (0) |UU |\
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_/| \-''- _ / Fuck me
__-' { | \ I'M A WOLF
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_/| \-''- _ / FUCK ME
__-' { | \ I'M A WOLF
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Get your drives from www.aiptek.com.tw ;)
GOATSE.CXed god? [www.microsoft.com]
Windows XP
CWWQT-VQ3RH-TPWPQ-HRJRP-9P8FV